A Brief History Of The Situation In Catalonia For People Who Didn't Know That Was A Place

Before you like, totally go ahead and plan that post-grad Euro-trip you need to complete your Instagram aesthetic, you should probably like, know what the fuck is going on over there. Besides the fact that you can just be “whelmed” there, there is like, crazy shit happening in one of the Betchiest countries to black out in in the world, Spain. If you’ve been keeping up with the news, you’ve probably heard words like “Catalonia” and “Independence” and “deposed leader” scattered throughout your daily Trump-related freakout, but you may not know why, or what any of that stuff even means. That’s where I come in. Here’s the deal: You can either learn about this shit from me, a snarky, well-researched internet commentator you don’t know, or your annoying sorority sister Becca who spent one semester in “Barthelona.” That’s what I thought. You gon’ learn today.

First off- Where is Catalonia?

Do I fuckin’ look like a Google Map? Whatever. Catalonia is on the northeast region of Spain, and has its own culture and language, kind of like New York and California do here. It’s home to 7.5 million people and its most famous city is Barcelona, which got its claim to fame from the time you puked on La Sagrada Fimilia The Cheetah Girls 2 OBVIOUSLY. 

So, Why Are They Trying To Dip Out Of Spain?

The way Catalonia sees it, Spain is like “the man” and is for sure holding them down. They have their own culture and they think that they give more to Spain than Spain gives to them. Like, what’s in this relationship for Catalonia? Catalans are evaluating their country like I screen my Tinder dates- “What’s in it for me? Will he take me out to dinner? Maybe a festive holiday activity?” Spain, on the other hand, thinks Catalonia needs to stop being so fucking ungrateful. Like, what? They sent an unwarranted dick pic and now you want dinner too? Needy bitch.

So, WTF happened?

On October 1st, Catalonia’s parliament voted for independence with about 90 percent of the 2.3 million voters saying let’s GTFO of here. But of course, less than half of the eligible voters actually voted. Taking a page out of America’s book, I see. Shit hit the fan after that and about 900 people were hospitalized after celebrations got wayyyy too lit. Where was Kendall Jenner in this time of protest? Quick, someone get us a Pepsi rapidamente!

Okay, So How Fucking Pissed Is Spain?

So fucking pissed. Catalonia, this is your tape. The Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy (aka “The Man”) said that this whole fuckery of “trying to be independent” is illegal and used powers under an ancient clause of the Spanish constitution, Article 155, to basically put Catalonia under Spanish government control. He’s also basically giving the giant FU to all Catalan leaders and refusing to talk to them. Now, Catalan president Charles Puigdemont is low-key chilling in Brussels to avoid a “political trial” the he says would most likely not end up great for him. I feel you, Charles. I too use European vacays as an excuse to hide from my problems at home. 

And, Article 155 is…..?

It’s basically an article in the Spanish Constitution that says that central authorities can take over control of any of the country’s 17 regions whenever they are getting a little cray. The clause hasn’t been used in the 40 years since democracy was restored in Spain (Casual reminder that Spain was under fascist rule from 1939-1975), so like, this is lowkey a big deal.

Actual Footage Of Spain Finding Article 155 To Fuck Over Catalonia:


Okay, So What’s Going On Rn?

Basically, Spain daddied up on Catalonia and exiled their president. The Spanish government shut his bid for independence down like the hand of God and then slapped on a few criminal charges for ole’ Carles including rebellion, sedition and embezzlement. Dude, government officials getting criminally charged, so hot right now. I didn’t realize the Mueller investigation was so…European. 

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