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Do you ever sometimes just want to be a bride for a day so you have the “excuse” to act like a batsh*t psycho, be mean to little kids, and tell everyone it’s YOUR SPECIAL DAY? Me too. I was already a bride, though, so my time has come and gone. So instead, I’ll have to stick to living vicariously through demanding internet brides, which is why we started a Crazy Wedding Story of the Week series. If you missed the inaugural Crazy Wedding Story, click here. If you’re caught up because you live for this stuff as much as I do, then get ready. The subject of today’s crazy bride story made little kids cry, which, #goals, and also, #respect. Let’s just dive right in, because I don’t have all day.
WTF Happened?
Posted in the AITA subreddit (Am I The Asshole, for those of you who don’t internet quite so hard as I do), a bride felt she had to “choose” between two flower girls and her methods for choosing were, in a word, shallow. Things spiraled from there.
She writes:
“Got married last weekend and had a lovely day, but had some commotion early on the wedding day.
For flower girl, we had a choice between my two nieces, Amber and Katie. They’re both eight and it was a tough decision. Unfortunately for my perfect day I felt shallow and since Amber has more of a typical angelic ”cute” appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) I picked her. Her parents also convinced me she deserved it because she got top marks in some assessment her school did.
During the wedding prep Katie and her dad (my brother) kept telling me that Amber had been bullying her about the fact she didn’t get the job. The girls have never liked each other for reasons I don’t know. I didn’t pay too much mind to it since I was too caught up in myself.”
Alright, this starts out tame enough. I mean, I’m not really grasping why this woman couldn’t just have two flower girls, but I guess we wouldn’t have a Reddit thread to make fun of then, would we? Also, I’m dying at the fact that the bride admits she was feeling shallow and that she actually pretended to give a f*ck about Amber getting good grades. We all know that didn’t even remotely affect your decision. Just say you were doing it for the pictures and keep it moving.
The Bully Battle
Because 8-year-old girls are some of the meanest creatures known to man, naturally, they start bullying each other and it takes a wild turn.
“On the wedding morning I got to witness the bullying myself and it was pretty cruel. Amber (and keep in mind this is an eight year old child) told Katie that she’d never get married because she’s too ugly. I could imagine how upsetting this would be for a child and I made Amber apologise and also took away the flower girl job and gave it to Katie. Amber was crying throughout the wedding day, and for the past days I haven’t heard anything from her dad my other brother.”
First off, jazz snaps for the classy Queen’s English spellings (I assume this epic Reddit thread was written from the UK, and like to imagine that Kate Middleton is actually the author). Secondly, LOL at switching flower girls ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. Like, could you not just say “hey, now we have two flower girls and you have to share because being an asshole gets you nowhere in life.”
Additionally, I have SO many questions related to hair, makeup, and dresses for these little monsters. Didn’t Amber already have a dress? Had she already rehearsed exactly how to walk down the aisle and use her cuteness to charm literally everyone? How would Katie know what to do? Did she have something acceptable to wear? Did she make Amber give her the dress? Are they even the same size??? *Takes deep, calming breaths* you’re right, I’m too deep into this story. But somebody has got to ask the important questions.
The Aftermath
Now everyone’s mad and nobody wins, except, I guess, the bride, who’s about to experience a super fun honeymoon without any (literal) middle school drama. OR SO WE THOUGHT:
“My husband and I are going away on our honeymoon on Thursday, and i was anxious to get in touch with my brother before we leave. He finally called me and was extremely angry at me for taking the job away from his daughter. He said Amber has been crying the past two days and felt really humiliated, and was really looking forward to the job.
As someone who was bullied myself growing up, it felt like the right thing to do after Amber’s behaviour towards Katie. I can’t imagine how upsetting those comments would be, and at that point Katie, who had never been anything other than well behaved deserved it more than Amber.”
OK, there’s a lot to unpack here. First of all, I get the brother being mad that his kid got shafted out of flower girl duties at the last minute. However, he needs to recognize that number one, this is not a big deal at all, but number two and more importantly, his kid was, without mincing words, a total asshole. I feel like this is a valuable parenting/teaching moment. I get the impulse to deflect responsibility, but your kid is not going to get anywhere in life if they never face consequences for sh*tty behavior.
Also, where are Katie’s parents in all this? I feel for this kid. Someone buy her a stuffed animal or some cotton candy!
The post author, our bride, has been voted an asshole, for those who are interested. I’m inclined to agree if ONLY for the fact that both girls should have been flower girls to begin with. (To her credit, and not to pile on her too much, the bride says that she just genuinely did not think to have two flower girls.) Also, she was kind of an asshole for picking a kid strictly based on cuteness instead of whether or not she was a mini Regina George. I do hope, though, that these third grade monsters and their parents don’t ruin this bride’s honeymoon. Nobody deserves that for a “job” that is just scattering some flower petals.
Images: Shutterstock.com / Unsplash; Giphy (2)
