As one of the industry’s top board-certified Real Housewives anthropologists, I’ve learned it’s not all about the wives. I mean, obviously it’s nearly impossible to steal screen time from likes of a star like Nene Lenethia Leakes screaming her head off on Kim Zolciak’s tour bus but you can’t really quote “This ain’t Sweetie” without remembering Kim’s assistant/babysitter/house manager who basically was held hostage through Kim’s music career and multiple pregnancies. In light of Mauricio and Kyle’s shocking demise, every Bravo historian across the nation worth their salt simultaneously thought: I need Alison DuBois and a camera now. And who could forget construction Barbie, Barbara K? She was technically never a wife, but season 11 simply wouldn’t have been the same without her self-tanner lines all over it. What I’m trying to say is you don’t always have to officially hold the title of Real Housewife to be one of the show’s biggest stars. Which is why I can confidently say with my chest: Joe Gorga is the best Housewife New Jersey has ever seen, and it’s time we give him his flowers.
Tre-huggers drop your weapons, it’s indisputable that RHONJ is the house that Teresa Giudice built. Season 1’s table flip alone is enough to cement her spot in the reality TV history books. However, even Andy’s strongest soldiers can’t do it all by themselves. Caroline made us feel safe as the reigning mama bear and Jacqueline’s wacky antics were the perfect deescalation after a major fight. But when Danielle rode off into the sunset on Danny’s frightening chariot, and Dina’s departure shortly followed, the show needed something, or rather someone, to help it become the unscripted masterclass in Sopranos-level family drama that it evolved into. And that special sauce was a pint-sized Jersey boy named Joey Gorga.
Melissa’s biggest critics always lament the only reason she’s on the show is because of her sister-in-law. I’d like to counter that her “On Display” performance is justification enough for her presence tbh, but more importantly than that: Melissa is Joe’s plus-one, not Teresa’s.
Joe naturally has all the homemade ingredients to make an incredible Housewife. He’s smart-mouthed, unfiltered, and isn’t afraid to get raw in front of the cameras just as often as he cracks NSFW boomer jokes as the attention whore of the guys’ group. In fact, the Jersey wolf pack we know and love practically having their own spinoff with RHONJ B scenes kind of started because producers wanted to find more ways to give Joe airtime since he couldn’t always hang out with the women. Sure, Joe Giudice was pulling his weight too, but his most memorable moments aren’t exactly stan-worthy (like calling his wife expletive names from across a Napa vineyard or, idk, going to prison) though they were remarkable nonetheless. (I can’t help but say “Whaddaya gonna do” in Giudice’s voice whenever something I totally could’ve prevented goes wrong.)
The one and only Joey G brings us humor in the darkest moments, like when his head left black stains on the wall during the brawl with his brother-in-law because Joe had painted it to fill in his bald spots. Like many entertainment greats, Joe doesn’t shy away from slapstick comedy, like during the ski trip in season 7 when he basically tumbled down the entirety of Vermont because he didn’t know what he was doing or when he put on a black wig to cosplay as Melissa. He’s constantly ballbusting his bros, but he’s not afraid to show them love either, with a little kiss.
Joe is the only unofficial Housewife quick enough and tenacious enough to go bar for bar with Teresa (“I’m not stickin’ with scum like you” is a banger, pls.). Sure her hair was big at her wedding, but imagine how huge Teresa’s head would be without anyone to at least try to give her a run for her money? Though they’re in another era of turmoil, the siblings might stand a chance of reconciliation because of Joe’s not-so-secret bleeding heart. Whether you like Melissa or not, Joe has loved and supported his wife like few Bravo husbands have consistently done for so long. He adores his kids even if he’s overprotective of Antonia. And he’s not afraid to cry on TV, especially in relation to his beloved father Nono, which as an “old-school Italian from Jersey” is kind of a big deal.
If you still don’t believe me go back and watch the Jersey fight of all fights: Little Joey’s christening. There has not been and (hopefully) never again will be a showdown so epic. Joe was the one who put his foot down to let the (hard) truth come out in very dramatic fashion. Joe is a peacock, a family man, and if we’re being real he’s low-key hot too. Joe Gorga is the best all-around RHONJ housewife and if he had happened to come out as Teresa’s little sister, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.
