Last week, the first look stills from Kim Kardashian’s upcoming season of American Horror Story dropped, reigniting our curiosity for how in the world she booked this gig. The season stars Emma Roberts as a young woman who believes an unknown entity is preventing her from getting pregnant, with Kim featured in a “terrifying” role written specifically for her.
Lucky for us, we stumbled upon the leaked phone transcripts and email exchanges between Kris Jenner and AHS show-runner Ryan Murphy, detailing how the surprising partnership came to be.
April 3, 2023, 11:09AM PST:
Mobile Call Between Kris Jenner & Ryan Murphy
KRIS: Ryan! Darling! I haven’t seen you since I spilled strawberry mousse on your suit jacket at the Baby2Baby gala.
RYAN: Kris! Yes. That jacket was Tom Ford and my assistant spent the next seven hours in a broom closet spot cleaning it with a bottle of Poland Spring and a cocktail toothpick.
KRIS: Sounds like he should have had some Safely on hand, am I right?! I’ll have Matthew send you some. MATTHEW!!
Listen, Ryan, I’m calling because I hear you’re casting your next season of American Horror Story. And let me tell you, Corey and I are diehard fans.
[Kris winks at the Hulu camera crew].
RYAN: Really! That’s great news. Celebrities are my most valued viewers. Which season is your favorite?
KRIS: Oh, it’s so hard to choose.
[Kris makes the Chrishell Stause grimace face].
Probably the one with the problematic depiction of a person with a disability. . .?
RYAN: Ah, so you love all of my work equally! Delightful. What can I do for you?
KRIS: I think it’s time we merge the AHS universe with the Kardashian canon. My team put together a spreadsheet, and after a combined 79 seasons, the relevance of both our franchises is dangerously low. So the best way to revitalize them? A collab.
RYAN: I hear what you’re saying. And if I keep casting Sarah Paulson in everything, pretty soon everyone will find out that she’s the real motor behind my success, and I’m just a bald guy with a clipboard and a loud voice.
I’m guessing you’re thinking of incorporating Kourtney into my franchise? You know, since she’s the Scary Spice of the fam these days?
KRIS: Dear God, no. Kourtney is like, my nineteenth priority. I care more about booking gigs for Dream if I’m being honest.
RYAN: Are you sure? The woman practically lives in that skeleton onesie. Very on brand for AHS.
KRIS: Sure, but you know who is even spookier? Kim.
RYAN: Her? I don’t see it.
KRIS: Hang on. I just texted you a photo of Kim dressed as a mummy at her 9th grade Halloween costume contest. She got dress-coded that day — I had the principal relocated to a school for juvenile delinquents in Moscow.
RYAN: Wow! You’ve changed my mind. I’m already getting inspired to have my AI writer’s room brainstorm some ideas for Kim.
I’ve gotta go, my Nobu Postmate is here. I need to stay silent so he thinks there’s no one home to get a tip from. Talk soon!
[Click].
+++
SUBJ: KIM X AHS
From: Ryan Murphy ([email protected])
To: Kris Jenner ([email protected])
Kris,
Thanks for the connect yesterday. My unpaid interns came up with some pitches I think you’re really gonna love.
- American Horror Story: The Ranch Malibu We take viewers inside the infamous celeb bootcamp retreat, but in our version, only the strong make it out alive! Kim plays the enigmatic founder (think Tedros meets Jillian Michaels) who’ll have her guests burning more calories than they bargained for when their 5:00 am mountain hike ends up being a race against Kim’s katana-wielding henchmen.
- American Horror Story: Harvard Law What’s more cutthroat than a bunch of Type A first children with a God complex running around Cambridge? A vampire who will literally take a bite out of your neck flesh with her diamond-encrusted fangs. Kim plays a glamorous criminal law professor who moonlights as a vicious vampire, sucking her top students into her twisted web of murder, Manolos, and legalese.
- American Horror Story: Monastery This one was made for Kim, we’ve all seen her monk-tastic mansion. What is up with those sinks, anyway?? In AHS Monastery, Jennifer Coolidge plays the ruthless and all-powerful Mother Superior, and Kim plays the rogue novice nun who must find out if their brutal ritualistic sacrifices are really for Jesus, as they’ve always been told, or something more sinister. .
- American Horror Story: Krampus I’m going meta here. Krampus the goat demon crashes the famous Kardashian Christmas party, and he’s there for more than just the cranberry crostini and witty repartee — he’s after souls, both spiritual and red-bottomed. Kim and her A-list friends (pls tell FoodGod he’s not on the list) must commune with the supernatural world to banish the demon and save Christmas.
Looking forward to your thoughts and praise!
Stay golden,
Ryan
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SUBJ: RE: KIM X AHS
From: Kris Jenner ([email protected])
To: Ryan Murphy ([email protected])
Ryan,
We are in.
We can pay you $XXX,XXX,XXX to cast Kim, since she famously can’t sing, dance, or act. Also, she’ll need all her lines written out on massive cue cards, like the size of the poster board you use for a middle school history presentation.
But let’s keep all that between us. I told her that I’ll make sure she makes at least double what Jessica Lange gets, because apparently that was an important deal point for her. I’ll just deposit a couple milly in her account and she’ll be none the wiser.
Excited to kick off this fruitful partnership,
KJ
P.S. Thoughts on American Horror Story: Momager for Season 13? LMK!
