I don’t mean to sound like the Grinch, but office holiday parties are the absolute worst. You have to work all day with these people, have three mental breakdowns in the bathroom (that may or may not be caused by these same coworkers), and then have to socialize with them? You have literally nothing in common with Karen from HR and you know she won’t shut up about her kids. Throw alcohol into the mix, and you’re playing a dangerous game. How do you drink just enough to tolerate Karen, but not so much that you’ll end up blurting out that nobody cares about little Jimmy’s baseball game? Not to mention, your invitation says “dress festively.” What the f*ck does that even mean? More importantly, how can you slut it up to catch the eye of the office hottie without getting reprimanded by your higher-ups? Not to worry, I have plenty of office holiday party outfits for you so that once when Karen stops yapping about how smart her 2-year-old is (doubt it) you can add in how inexpensive your dress is and how you plan on sleeping with Brett in accounting. Just kidding, maybe don’t mention that last part out loud to anyone except Brett in accounting.