It’s officially fall (she says while sipping an iced coffee in 71 degree weather), and that means the season of lingerie as outerwear is coming to a close. In fact, if you’re
kind of flat-chested looking to keep your feud with HR alive and well, the oversized sweater rotation you wear for the next six months may even be a bra-optional situation. The good news here is that your lingerie no longer has to serve any kind of functional purpose (unlike in the summer, when the lacy bralette showing through your drop-armhole tank had to somehow also offer full support and not make you sweat uncontrollably). So, now is the time to stock up on all the lingerie pieces that can’t really be worn outside the house, but when’s the last time you really wanted to leave anyway? Stay in and stare at how amazing your boobs look Snapchat your latest Bumble date with one of these pieces peeking out; it’s basically guaranteed that he’ll help make sure you don’t have to leave bed.
If you’re feeling nostalgic for your Lara Croft Halloween costume, and you’re not quite ready to give up that level of dangerous/sexy, this is the lingerie for you. While I know this isn’t exactly a budget piece, I once bought an Agent Provocateur corset and
my parents rightfully froze my bank account it’s honestly the most joy I’ve ever gotten from a single clothing purchase. If you choose to buy this bodysuit, prepare to set aside the next six hours to saunter in front of a mirror, drink champagne, apply red lipstick, and masturbate furiously whatever else you do when you’re basking in the glow of your own hotness.
Warning: This is not for anyone with a cup size of over a B (sorry!). Given that it’s composed of about 12 inches of floral lace and some black silk ribbon, this is the G-string of bras (except a thousand times cuter than whatever you think of when you hear the term “G-string”). Throw on your softest cashmere cardigan, unbutton half the buttons, and add some over-the-knee socks for the perfect “fell out of study hall and into your librarian porno” fall look. Or, wear it under a silk robe at home for some disingenuous “casually unwinding with a bubble bath in the background” Snap stories.
If you’re looking to channel your inner Cheryl Blossom, I can’t think of a better way to go than this La Perla bodysuit. You might not have her red hair or perfect red lipstick, but you know this is what Cheryl would wear if her scheming ever required elaborate seduction (please let that happen, and please let her hold some kind of terrifying prop, like throwing stars or a musket). Where the Agent Provocateur bodysuit requires more of a Hadid level of body confidence, this bodysuit offers a little more support, coverage, and overall flattering fit. Plus, the fact that it’s November means everything you see is going to be Christmas themed by like, tomorrow, so this red is basically a seasonal necessity.
I couldn’t help myself, I had to include more than one Agent Provocateur piece on this list. The eyelash trim, the tulle “wings,” the satin bows—everything about this bra is so delightfully extra and such a necessary gift to yourself. I’m not even sure you could wear this bra under a shirt if you wanted to; it would be the up-top equivalent of the panty lines you’d get trying to wear these matching panties. So if you’re in any way trying to stock up on functional, versatile pieces, this is not the look for you. This set is designed to be worn with nothing else, and is a good surprise for someone you feel romantic enough about to go for a soft navy instead of classic black.
As temperatures continue to drop, there are going to be people who tell you it’s time to descend into sweatpants and fleece blankets and not come out until May. Those people are wearing cotton boyshorts from Old Navy, and you don’t need that kind of negativity. Stock up on a little lace and enjoy the fact that being this hot doesn’t stop on Labor Day.