It’s the most wonderful time of the year – after Christmas, Hanukkah, my birthday, and any holiday in-between where I get gifts – the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale! Fuck any other semi-annual sale, the only one that matters is Nordstorm’s. Duh. So, get your dad’s card ready, loser, because we’re going shopping. The insanely good sale discounts boujee fashion and beauty items, up to like, 70 percent off. Trust me, I know. I’m having an anxiety attack just thinking about it. Fashion designers include favorites like Good American and Stuart Weitzman, with makeup brand obsessions that of MAC Cosmetics and NARS. Some of you, lucky bitches, aka Nordstrom card members, have been shopping the exclusive preview since July 13. Well, now the rest of us get to take part in the fun of maxing out our cards up until August 6. Since there are literally too many things to look through, almost as overwhelming as walking into Forever21, I’ve picked out what’s worthy to treat yo’self with for now and even for the upcoming PSL season. This is like, Christmas in July– Only better because you’re buying shit for yourself and no one else.
The Best Clothing & Accessories
I go through leggings like I go through bobby pins. IDK if that analogy actually makes sense in this scenario but, same concept. I’m always needing to buy more that don’t cost a million dollars or make a hole in my crotch. These make my ass look like I actually do squats (LOL) and they’re barely over $30. I don’t think there is a question for this one.
Give me a chic leather jacket or give me death. I’m not wearing my big-ass winter coat or a grandma-looking cardigan out to the nightclub once temperatures drop below 50 degrees. A thick black (faux, because like, animals) leather jacket is a necessity for the cooler times of the year. So since you def lost yours in a frat basement, coat check, or wherever your drunk ego found fitting, don’t be an idiot and miss out on the opportunity to get this badass jacket.
If you don’t wear riding boots once September hits, do you even really do fall? I have an unhealthy obsession with riding boots of all shades so if I can get a black Tory Burch pair at almost 50 percent off, you best believe I ordered two. Just in case I fuck them up (I usually do). These are must-haves with our beloved over the knee socks and extra long sweaters.
You can never own too many oversized sweaters to hide your hibernation weight as soon as summer is over. This cute AF pale pink, off-the-shoulder style comes in 3 shades with v modern lace up sleeve. Of course, black is also an option. Go up a size, and wear with high socks with over the knee boots.
wanting needing a huge bag to hold all of my shit. I mean, I’m not going to ride the subway with a briefcase, it’s not that serious. However, I need a big enough bag to hold my entire room laptop, phone, 50 pairs of sunglasses, and makeup but, still have it look like a fashionable purse. This studded bag comes in 3 of the best neutrals: black, brown, and white.
The Best Beauty Essentials
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve eyed these life-changing things in Sephora because I have wanted one for like, ever. But, since I’m a broke bitch it’s kind of expensive, I never bought one. Now, here’s my god-given chance. For less than $100, this thing is a waterproof gadget that gives you perfect skin and keeps you looking barely over 21 so, obviously get one ASAP before they sell out.
You get two fab beauty essentials made by a makeup goddess for the price of one. Uh, yeah, I’m getting 12. You’ll receive a black (waterproof!!) liquid eyeliner to make fierce wings with on the nights you’re getting shitty, and a pink nude (because you don’t have enough as it is) that provides full-coverage without needing like, lip injections.
If your brushes are looking ratchet, you either need to wash them (ya, that’s something you have to actually do) or just buy some new ones. So, when the worshiped MAC has a set to make your contour look that much better for like, 70 percent off, you fucking take advantage of that shit. The kit comes with 6 different brushes and a limited-edition makeup bag. Add it to the cart like, now.
Another contour palette? No, you def don’t need it but, it’s Charlotte Tilbury and it’s on sale so, are you going to get it? Uh, fuck yeah. The set features a natural-looking bronzer, crushed pearls for a perfect summery blush, and a mini brush to apply it all. You’ll seriously fall in love.
Ugh, okay, I don’t even know where to begin with this amazing invention. This is as close as you’ll get to owning a LuMee Phone Case or one of those selfie mirrors the Kardashian’s use. The perfect addition to your vanity is controlled just by tapping a power sensor (how effing cool) and adjusting its brightness. It can do a complete 360 and comes with a removable zoom-in mirror that will probs highlight every flaw but, it comes in pretty clutch for a personal selfie station. It’s already flying off the shelves (or, is it site??) so you better make sure to choose next-day shipping.
This could be you so, start payin’: