If The Weeknd Had A Hinge Profile

Have you heard The Weeknd’s new album? If not, take a break from Hinge-ing and Queer Eye and seclude yourself in a dimly lit padded room for a few days, because that’s the only appropriate place to listen to what might be the most depressing breakup album ever. It’s only six songs long, but damn, those six songs make you wonder if Selena had like, a magic vagina. I mean, she was a Wizard of Waverly Place, but holy shit.

To give you an idea of the level we’re talking here…if I were a guy, I would 100% be post-Selena The Weeknd. Case in point, this line from “Wasted Times”: “And I know right now that we’re not talkin’ / I hope you know this dick is still an option.” That’s basically me every time I don’t get a text back.

So, two things are pretty clear here…Abel (who even knew that was his real name?) is hurting. Two, the only way to get over a breakup is to get back on the horse. (Preferably not Bella Hadid’s horse.) Since he probably can’t even get out of bed, I’ve created a Hinge profile for him:
The Weeknd Hinge
Weeknd Hinge Profile
Weeknd Hinge Profile
Weeknd Hinge Profile
Weeknd Hinge Profile
Weeknd Hinge Profile
In partnership with Hinge

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