If there’s anything the Super Bowl is good for, it’s getting fucked up on a random Sunday in February. And while we pretend to give a shit about football strictly for the hot guys in tight pants, this Super Bowl between the New England Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons offers a pretty good alternative to get moderately excited about football.
As with all Betch-approved drinking games, this game wasn’t designed to give you a light buzz. You’re going to get fucked up, and you’re going to likely call out of work sick the next day (which some of our fellow Americans—including John Kasich—actually believe should be a federal holiday, but I digress).
So let’s get started.
Football-Related Rules:
Pick a team, either the Tom Brady’s Patriots or the Falcons. Whenever this team scores, you will drink the number of seconds for how many points are scored. So, like, touchdowns will be super exciting (that’s six points, so six seconds of chugging). Sip when your team scores any of the following:
- Extra point: 1 second
- 2-point conversion: 2 seconds
- Safety: 2 seconds
- Field goals: 3 seconds
- Touchdown: 6 points
If you have no idea wtf any of those things are, ask the nearest male.
And that’s enough football talk for the year. Bye.
Hot Guy Rules:
Whenever the following happens, take one sip:
- Patriots quarterback Tom Brady looks incredible
- Danny Amendola, Julian Edelman, Rob Gronkowski or really any hot member of the Patriots is shown without their helmet
- You begin to drool over Falcons wide receiver Julio Jones’s arms
- Luke Bryan looks patriotic AF singing the national anthem
Take a shot if:
- You begin to drunkenly develop a crush on Patriots head coach Bill Belichick
- Tom Brady’s hot backup Jimmy Garoppolo comes in to play
- You start DM-ing Jimmy Garoppolo—no, wait, two shots
Miscellaneous Drinking:
Take a sip whenever:
- Someone at the party double-dips into the guacamole
- Anyone does a ridiculous dance after a touchdown (whether on your television or in-person)
- A drunk asshole yells at the television. It’s just a fucking game, Todd.
- There’s a puppy during a commercial
- A Bud Light commercial comes on (take an extra sip if, in the beginning, you thought it was going to be a commercial for something else)
- Someone mentions Deflategate
- Anyone at the party steals your drink
- Lady Gaga fucks up the halftime performance
- You wish Beyoncé were doing the halftime show instead—no wait, scratch that. Don’t want anybody to get alcohol poisoning on our watch.
- You start to think you might actually like footballl
Take a shot whenever:
You realize you have to go to work tomorrow. And then don’t stop drinking.
