I dream every single night. Sometimes, I have really weird dreams (I’ve dreamt my dad was Dracula before), and other times, I have really boring ones (me just eating cereal in my childhood home). Because I dream so much, it’s not uncommon for me to not remember what I was dreaming about. But you know what kind of dreams I rarely forget? Sex dreams.
It’s not that I have super sexy wet dreams all the time (though I have had a few that started my morning off hot and bothered), but whenever I have a sex dream, I’m always left wondering why the hell I was dreaming about it. Whether it’s the person I’m having sex with in the dream or something strange AF about the act itself, I’m always curious about if I just had a dream or if it means a little something more.
“In dreams, we speak the language of metaphor,” Layne Dalfen, aka “The Dream Analyst,” tells Betches. “They are very rarely literal, so the trick is in uncovering the current waking situation your dream is addressing.”
Sometimes, a sex dream just means you’re horny, Dalfen explains. “If it has been too long, your dream may be providing a kind of rehearsal and is there to encourage you to take care of business,” she says. But other times, there’s a lot more going on in your subconscious than an overactive libido. Here are a few common sex dreams and what they might mean.
Having sex with someone you’re not interested in
Don’t worry! Dreaming about having sex with someone does not necessarily mean you want to fuck them. “Since there’s a kind of joining or coming together in the dream, perhaps your dream wants you to access that potential you have and use it in today’s issue,” Dalfen says. For example, if you dream about having sex with someone you’re not into, but that person is assertive, the sex dream might be your desire to adopt that character trait. Is there something you’re not speaking up about? Your dream about fucking that person can just be that you want to be more assertive like them.
Having sex with a friend’s partner
If you’ve ever woken up in a guilty sweat because you dreamt about sleeping with your bestie’s boyfriend or girlfriend, take a breath. The same thinking applies here: You are not subconsciously plotting on them. It could just mean you want to emulate one of the aspects of their personality. “If you’ve been procrastinating big time about getting to work on a project, and your friend’s partner is someone you associate as being the eternal go-getter, the “coming together” you do in your dream is there to help you access a part of yourself you may be unaccustomed to using,” Dalfen says. Either way, I’d hold off on telling your bestie about it.
Having sex with an ex
Don’t you hate it when you’re over someone (or still in the process Don’t you hate it when you’re over someone (or still in the process of getting over them), and you dream about having sex with them? It can seem super frustrating, and you’re going backward, but that’s not necessarily the case. “Perhaps having sex with an ex that you’re trying to get over is the same as giving yourself a break from the daytime heartache you’ve been experiencing,” Dalfen says. “Don’t worry though! Every time you wake and realize again you are no longer together, you have succeeded in accepting a little by little more, and soon you’ve arrived.”
Having sex with a stranger
If you’re dreaming about fucking people you don’t even know, I wouldn’t start a search party to try and find the stranger just yet. For dreams like these, it has less to do with who you’re fucking and more about how you’re fucking them. “Try looking at the ‘action’ in your dream,” Dalfen says. “Are you engaging in something you don’t normally do in waking life?” It could be you realizing you want to try a new sex thing, or just you looking to find more excitement in your life — to try something new.
Having bad sex
I’m so sorry if, even in your dreams, you’re being subjected to bad sex. But this isn’t an omen of bad hookups to come. It could just be your brain’s way of coping with something going on in your everyday life. “If you’re upset because you say you “got screwed” in that business deal, don’t be surprised if you experience a sexually upsetting dream,” Dalfen says. “Even an upsetting dream has healthy benefits in how they help desensitize you.”
