Sorry povos, if you don’t have, like, a supreme cable package, you won’t be able to get your Bachelor franchise fix between seasons. Much like the Bachelor spin-off Ben & Lauren: Happily Ever After?, twins Emily and Hailey Ferguson (from Ben Higgins’ season) have their own show now.
The show is on Freeform—which I guess is now officially the home of third-rate Bachelor spinoffs—so you could probably watch it online if you reallllly have to see this shit and have your mom’s cable login. The show is called—wait for it—The Twins: Happily Ever After? Really, Freeform? That was the best name you could come up with? There are so many twin puns you could make, and you went with the same exact title as Ben and Lauren’s spinoff? Actually, you know what, I’m glad you didn’t go with any twin puns. The world has enough of those as it is. But still. Are your producers that brain-dead that “Happily Ever After?” was the best they could come up with? If so, I’d like to apply for the role of executive producer.
You’d think that with a title that references fairy tales or some shit, this would be another dating show. But instead of the show focusing on something impossible for the girls i.e. finding love on TV, it follows Hailey and Emily as they attempt “adulting”. I mean, shit, they are 23 years old, you would think they would have some sort of a grip on things, but I guess the limit on their stupidity truly does not exist.
In the first episode, which aired last night, the twins move out of their mom’s house. Like, your mom just let you chill with her while you went on reality TV and had the occupation of “twin,” why would you even move out at all? You know these girls will never be able to so much as unclog a toilet or cook pasta (cheese or no cheese). Since the only job they can hold is that of “twin,” they’ll be testing random occupations out as part of the show. So like, think of it as the dumb poor man’s The Simple Life.
Sidenote: Can they really not even pretend they have jobs as Instagram models or some shit? Do they have to display that they’re twins everytime they appear on screen, as if we can’t see with our own eyes? Furthermore, does Freeform really think anyone watching believes being a twin is a full-time job? Or even a part-time job? Fuck it, that’s not even an unpaid internship.
And don’t worry, Bachelor fans, Ben and Lauren already made a cameo in the very first episode, because I guess they’ve got nothing else to do with their time than hang out with Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Don’t you guys have a wedding to plan? One that you’ve been putting off for like, over a year now? Also, Ben and Lauren, you guys seem smart. Ben is like, what, a transponster business analyst? What could these four possibly have in common, other than a hunger for C-list reality TV fame? I can’t imagine that when Ben and Lauren come through they do more than pretend to be friends with the twins for an hour shoot their scene and hightail it out of there and make fun of them the second they get home.
Anyway, I have to wonder, does this mean we can count the twins out of another Bachelor in Paradise stint? Meh, probably. They’re probably tired of getting hit on by douchebags and having to pick sand out of each other’s cracks. Can’t blame them there, though I would low-key live to see Chad insult them to their faces and have it go completely over their heads. Sigh. A girl can dream.
