For nearly two months now, most of us have been bored in the house, just doing our best to make it through the biggest global pandemic in more than a century. Needless to say, it’s been a stressful time, and we still don’t know when things will go back to normal. (Unless you’re one of those people who were day drinking at the park with your friends this weekend, because for you the pandemic is apparently over!) But our girl Mother Nature loves to keep us on our toes, and things with the pandemic were starting to get stale, so now we get to deal with… murder hornets! Sounds fun!
According to a new report in The New York Times, these giant things, technically known as Asian giant hornets, can reach up to two inches in length, and that’s not the scariest part. Their stingers are “long enough to puncture a beekeeping suit,” and getting stung by one reportedly feels like “hot metal driving into skin.” And as the name suggests, murder hornets are literally deadly! NYT reports that they cause around 50 deaths a year in Japan, and now they’ve spread to the US for the first time. Great, love to hear it.
So while the experts have been focused on tracking the spread of our deadly new friends, and trapping as many as possible, the internet did what it does best: made memes! Over the weekend, murder hornet tweets were blowing up left and right, so here are some of the best ones. Hey, it’s better to laugh than cry, right?
if the murder hornet comes in my home it’s his house now
— jake (@JakeWebber9) May 3, 2020
You know what? I’m not even going to try to fight it. If the murder hornets come for me, I should probably just take the hint and give up.
murder hornet fancam pic.twitter.com/AzqWLJNPCn
— matt gehring (@mattryanx) May 2, 2020
One thing that we know for sure about the murder hornet? She’s a savage, honey. These fancam videos are one of the most bizarre trends on Twitter, but for whatever reason, I can’t look away. Are hornets, like, kind of beautiful? Wow, the quarantine is really getting to me.
Global pandemic, murder hornets, what’s next? pic.twitter.com/YImmsUTsoz
— Rachel McRady (@rachelmcrady) May 4, 2020
Along with the exciting murder hornet news, we also found out that there will be a new Twilight book this summer! This would be super exciting if I was still in eighth grade, but right now, I need Stephenie Meyer to read the f*cking room.
They aren’t murder hornets unless they come from the murder region of France. Otherwise they’re just sparkling assault wasps.
— Dr. Nick Caruso (@PlethodoNick) May 3, 2020
We all have that one friend who takes the champagne vs. sparkling wine thing a little too seriously, and no doubt they’ll soon be correcting everyone in the group text about the facts on murder hornets. Don’t let them kill your vibe.
Could whoever is in charge of the simulation stop letting your little brother press all the buttons https://t.co/Hqp3ZyYcr7
— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) May 3, 2020
Seriously, who the f*ck is controlling this sh*t? Have we not been through enough?? Is this karma? I’m really sorry for that one time I stole a cookie from the grocery store back in like, 2003, but this punishment feels a little intense.
The murder hornets watching us get excited about going out in public this month. pic.twitter.com/9iAbuXj0jC
— Blackniss Everdeen™ (@RockyTopKeith) May 2, 2020
Bitch, you thought! Let’s be real, I wasn’t going out in public this month anyway, so I can only be moderately upset. But for all those people who were desperate to get to their hair salon once it reopens, they might just want to rethink that. Is it worth it to risk getting stung by a murder hornet to get your roots touched up? Actually, maybe…
Murder Hornets sounds like it should be a 6-part docuseries on Netflix not our reality for the month of May
— notanothertruecrimepod (@NATCpod) May 4, 2020
I look forward to the day when this is all over and Netflix and Hulu drop their competing documentaries about how killer bees came from Japan to ruin our lives. Can we just fast forward to that part? I’m kind of not in the mood to actually deal with said killer bees.
Maybe this has broken me but I honestly think the murder hornets are a refreshing change of pace!
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) May 2, 2020
You know what? Maybe the murder hornets are just what we need right now. COVID-19 is so played out, and I could only tweet about quarantine so many times. If nothing else, these cute little bugs have given us something new to talk about at our Zoom happy hours, so we should probably be thankful.
As a kid: Night night! Don’t let the bedbugs bite!
As an adult: There is no difference between night and day. Sleep when you can. Whether or not the murder hornets bite isn’t your call. It’s best not to resist. This is their world now.
— S M A R F (@ColeyMick) May 2, 2020
How silly were we to think the bugs would just stay away? We are just tiny specks in the giant universe, and these murder hornets are coming, whether we like it or not. Maybe I’ll actually start saying my prayers before I go to bed? Nah, that definitely won’t happen, but I will make sure my windows are shut.
Governments: please stay inside.
Universe: I’ll take it from here. MURDER HORNETS— Betches (@betchesluvthis) May 4, 2020
Yeah, if this doesn’t make people want to stay inside, nothing will. Like, if the literal deadly pandemic wasn’t a compelling reason to cancel your plans, you could get MURDERED BY A HORNET. As much as I joke about being ready to die, I’m not like, literally ready to die. I’m gonna stay my ass in the house until coronavirus and the murder hornets go wreak havoc on some other planet, and that’s that on that. See you guys in 2021, if we’re lucky.
Images: Elina Litovkina / Shutterstock; JakeWebber9, mattryanx, rachelmcrady, plethodonick, officialkat, rockytopkeith, NATCpod, bessbell, coleymick, betchesluvthis / Twitter
