Last night was the Primetime Emmy Awards, aka the biggest night in TV. Therefore, I marked the occasion by not watching the show and just scrolling the #emmys hashtag on Instagram for all the red carpet looks. I have my priorities in order, and three hours of pretending the last season of Game of Thrones was good is not high on my list. Sorry, not sorry! If you want to know what actually happened during the show, here are the main things you need to know, but I’m just here to talk about the clothes.

Luckily, Instagram had everything I needed, and so we worked together to bring you the best and worst looks from the 2019 Emmys. There was a lot of pink and red, some questionable sleeve choices, and one really big hat, so let’s dive in.

Best: Mandy Moore

Of all the women who came dressed in various iterations of Taylor Swift’s pink and orange crop top/skirt set, Mandy looked the best. With her 1960s hair, she looked like a Lana Del Rey wet dream come to life. She has seriously never looked so good, and I haven’t stopped thinking about this look.

Worst: Kerry Washington

Kerry always looks beautiful because of who she is as a person, but her outfit was more “fun aunt at the bat mitzvah” than it was “Emmys.” This kind of looks like something Jane Fonda would wear, which is great, except for the fact that Jane Fonda is 81, and Kerry Washington is 42.

Best: Billy Porter

Billy Porter has made a habit of putting everyone to shame on the red carpet whenever he shows up, and tonight was no different. His hat is delightfully strange, and he kind of looks like Lil Nas X’s fun uncle. He won the Emmy for his work in Pose, and he definitely won the red carpet in the men’s department.

Worst: Jenny McCarthy

Jenny McCarthy missed the memo that Halloween is next month, or so I gather from her Elsa costume that she poorly accessorized with a 2000s Hot Topic studded belt and combat boots. She also looks like if the Fairy Godmother from Shrek went to Warped Tour. Okay, one more: Cinderella, but make it sea witch.

Best: Zendaya

Good thing they already cast The Little Mermaid, because Halle Bailey would probably be out of a job if Disney had seen Zendaya in a green flowy corset gown and red hair. Nothing but respect for my Ariel.

Worst: Dascha Polanco

Now that Orange Is The New Black is over, it looks like Dascha is learning to swim! Idk who thought the water wings on the side of her dress were a good idea, but they need to be fired. And just when I was done complaining about the wings, I noticed that the tulle around the waist looks like it was just an extra scrap that they tied in the back. This dress brings the drama, but in the exact wrong way. Dascha, I want better for you!

Best: Kendall Jenner

I still have no idea why Kendall Jenner was at the Emmys, but she really served a whole look. With that black PVC shirt on under her gown, Kendall came dressed as an actual mannequin. Seriously, her body is insane. I love a dominatrix moment on the red carpet, and the floral gown over the long-sleeve top is the perfect couture balance.

Worst: Amy Adams

Morticia Addams, but make it ill-fitting and slutty. It did not work. I love Amy Adams so much, but this 1800s funeral nightgown just ain’t it. There’s also something weird going on with the collar—like, I can’t tell if it’s too stiff or not stiff enough. Idk, this whole look is just low-key a mess. 

Best: Gwendoline Christie

She looked like a literal goddess, and I say literally in its real definition and not the way millennials say it, because she was dressed as an actual deity. Jesus Christ, ever heard of him?

Worst: Gwyneth Paltrow

While Gwen looked amazing, Gwyn uh…didn’t. In her original Instagram, she accidentally cropped our her face, but even that couldn’t save her from this tragic dress that looked like something I wore to my cousin’s Sweet 16 in 2004. Seriously, wtf are those sleeves? The dress would have been boring without them, but adding a giant frilly mess doesn’t really help the situation. Nice try, Gwyn!

Who did we miss? Did you secretly love Dascha Polanco’s swim class couture? Let me know in the comments, but please don’t roast me for putting Kendall in the best-dressed category. I know you hate her, and I really don’t care.

Images: Getty Images (11)

Heads up, ladies, it’s Anna Wintour’s favorite time of the year! Set to take place on Monday, May 6th, the highly-anticipated 2019 Met Gala is fast approaching. This year’s theme is Camp: Notes on Fashion. We’re predicting over-exaggerated styles and over-the-top accessories. Hopefully, Pharell leaves his hat at home.

The Met Gala was established over 50 years ago, so needless to say there have been countless incredible fashion moments since then. Let’s take a walk down memory lane before we see the insane costumes from this year’s event and promptly forget all about the old ones. Read on as we review some of the most iconic Met Gala outfits and explore the designers behind the ~lewks~.

Rihanna and Guo Pei in 2015

Before Rihanna stepped onto the Met Gala red carpet wearing that iconic yellow omelet cape, Chinese designer Guo Pei had been creating couture for more than 30 years. In fact, this exact masterpiece had been designed for a 2012 show in China and it had been at in Guo’s studio until it was snapped up by Rihanna for the big event.

Weighing about 55lbs with a 16ft train, this look wasn’t an easy one to pull off—literally. In fact, when it was first presented in China, the model made it only halfway down the catwalk before the show had to be paused so she could remove the garment and head backstage. At least it probably counted as her cardio for the week?

Fitting for the China: Through The Looking Glass theme, the fur-trimmed cape featured over 50,000 hours’ worth of hand embroidery and took two whole years to make. Let me repeat. Two. Whole. Years. Describing her inspiration behind the design, Pei said, “When I had this design in mind, I a woman that can carry weight on her arms. It’s a dress she has to lift, like she can lift the whole world. I always have a woman like that in mind.” Sooooo… Rihanna? Rihanna.

Blake Lively and Atelier Versace in 2018

Blake Lively’s dress was so long that she literally had to take a party bus to the 2018 ball. First stop senior prom, next stop Met Gala?  Inspired by royalty and the renaissance to match the Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination theme, Lively and her gown captivated audiences. Her long train was carefully embroidered, and her jeweled corset reportedly took 600 hours to create. I did the math, and you could watch all seven seasons of Game of Thrones 12 times in the time it took to make this corset. The look was complete with sheer panels on either side of her legs and a custom halo that featured 100 carats of champagne diamonds.

In case you didn’t know that Blake Lively is better than you, this piece was custom made for her by Atelier Versace. In case you didn’t know that Blake Lively is better than you part two, she wore $2 million worth of Lorraine Schwartz jewelry to complement her look—this included the custom headpiece, bangles, earrings, and her Lorraine Schwartz engagement ring. Schwartz’s pieces are often worn by celebrities on the red carpet, and her jewels have been spotted on people like Beyoncé, Kim Kardashian, and Angelina Jolie. Very casual, no big deal or anything.

Kim Kardashian and Balmain in 2016

Manus X Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology was the theme for the 2016 Met Gala, and Kim Kardashian didn’t disappoint. Kim and Kanye rolled up to the red carpet in coordinating Balmain—Kim in a futuristic silver dress and Kanye sporting a silver jacket, icy blue contact lenses, and ripped jeans. The Balmain pieces were beautiful, but tbh I feel like the boldest fashion move might have been wearing jeans to the Met Gala.

Kim’s garment was created by Olivier Rousteing, a French designer who became the youngest Creative Director of Balmain in 2011 at age 25. Since his takeover, he’s brought a fresh eye (and some insane cheekbones) to the luxury brand.

As anyone who’s seen KUWTK might expect, this look wasn’t the only outfit that was considered. Speaking about the evening before the Gala, Kim said, “When I landed in New York at midnight, I immediately went to see Olivier for a 1am fitting, and we literally cut skirts in half, created tops from dresses, and stayed up until 4am to get the perfect option that we felt fit the theme.” Who knew Kim K was such a DIY queen? I would say that’s relatable, but I can barely turn a regular T-shirt into a crop top without f*cking up. Other potential looks included a gown with jeweled shoulders and sleeves and another that was embellished with pearls and a giant gem in the center of the bodice. In total, Kim received four custom-made dresses from Rousteing before the event.

Rihanna and Comme des Garçons in 2017

Rihanna is the queen of the Met Gala. This is a fact, and anyone who disagrees can fight me. The theme of the 2017 ball was Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons, and in true Rihanna fashion (ha), the singer stepped out onto the red carpet in an attention-grabbing piece. She wore a textured garment that was cut from jacquard florals which made her dress three-dimensional. The piece was designed with an asymmetric hemline and cut-outs, and was first featured in the Comme des Garçons Fall 2016 collection.

It reportedly took Rihanna an hour to get into the strappy Dsquared2 red heels she wore to the gala, and I can’t even imagine how long it took to get them off.  Her hair was styled into a top bun, and her makeup complemented the pink shades of the dress with rosy eyeshadow and blush that blended together. On anyone else, that makeup would’ve looked like a 5-year-old discovered their mom’s blush and went to town, but it worked on her.

The 2017 gala was quite the tribute to Rei Kawakubo, who rarely agrees to shows or interviews. Goals, pretty much. She established Commes des Garçons in Tokyo in 1973 and has developed the brand into what it is today—an inventive and stand-out establishment.

Stay tuned for a recap of all the iconic looks we’ll see this year! Until then, feel free to look at pictures of old Met Galas and feel poor.

Images: Karwai Tang/Getty Images; Shutterstock (3)

The Golden Globes is the first big show of the awards season so it’s always interesting to see the outfit choices. With both TV, movies, and a lot of champagne, it’s more of a “party” than any of the others (aka they all get crunk.) Anyway, idk if that whole “dgaf” mentality plays into the fashion choices of the attendees, but after last night’s red carpet, I’ve got to believe so. Like, Melissa McCarthy…c’mon! You’re a funny lady, but please tell me this dress was meant as a joke??? I can’t wrap my mind around the thought of you putting on this dress and looking in the mirror and going “Yes, this is the one. This purple, wizard-inspired number is exactly what I want to wear to the Golden Globes.” Well, of course she wasn’t the only one who made a questionable fashion choice last night. So let’s get into all the rest! Here are the best and worst dressed celebs of last night’s Golden Globes red carpet, in no particular order.

Best-Dressed

Lady Gaga

Breath. F*cking. Taking. Everyone with eyeballs can agree that Lady Gaga stole the show last night in this stunning, periwinkle Valentino dress, honoring Judy Garland. It was the perfect combo of drama and class, with its Lady Gaga-level-of-extra insane train and dramatic fabric. Paired with the gorgeous jewels and out-of-this-world shoes, let’s just say a star was definitely born on last night’s red carpet. (Corny, but I had to.) She looked like a modern-day Elsa, and I was completely here for it. My one complaint? The flaccid hotdog bun hair style. Down for the hair color, but hard pass on the sad, rolled-up bun plastered atop her head. Even so, she stole the entire show, so all hail to you Gaga. 

Julia Roberts

Gemma Chan

Ever since I saw Crazy Rich Asians, I’ve been obsessed with Gemma Chan. Like, epitome of girl crush. Her role in the movie as a boss b*tch, independent woman, and fashion icon already had me hooked. But now, that in combination with her stunning beauty and flawless off-screen style, I’m genuinely starting to think my heterosexual ways could be changed. This dress/romper situation was EVERYTHING. Like, I know we all thought we were over the infamous Angelina Jolie one-leg look, but after last night, Gemma Chan made us all believers once again. (*Cue “I’m A Believer” by Smash Mouth.*) Perfectly paired with the matching Louboutin shoes, red lip, and the rest of her perfectly polished look, Gemma Chan’s Valentino Couture ~lewk~ was my hands down winner of the night.

Kaley Cuoco

Okay, was anyone else getting major Jen Aniston vibes from Kaley last night??? She had the signature Jennifer Aniston just-got-f*cked-then-had-a-margartita effortless look, and I loved it. Not to mention, her gown had pockets. Like, what a freaking dream. I mean, just think of all the snacks and mini vodka bottles she was able to sneak in!!! Looks like the brilliance of those nerds on The Big Bang Theory rubbed off on her after all!

Regina King

Regina King will always have a special place in my heart as the bad*ss babe who pushed diner-girl-Sam (aka Hilary Duff) to pursue her own fairytale-moment in my fav childhood movie, A Cinderella Story. I couldn’t get enough of Princeton Girl’s secret online love affair with high school heartthrob Austin Ames, played by the one and only Chad Michael Murray. Like, this is an inspiring modern day fairytale! Like, this is also probs why I’m such a hopeless romantic for dating apps now!!! Smh, I’ll have to ask my therapist about this later. Anyways, back to Regina. The color was stunning on her and the dress perfectly showed off her incredible bod. Hard ten.

Nicole Kidman

I was super on board with Nicole Kidman’s elevated Britney Spears circa “Oops I did it Again” inspired gown. Not to mention, her dress was as tight and unforgiving as Britney’s own iconic latex onesie. And yet, there wasn’t one ounce of pudge ANYWHERE. I mean, to go ahead and just quote Britney herself, this look was truly “sent from above.”

Lili Reinhart

Betty Cooper was straight fire on the red carpet last night. Credit her recent undertaking as the role of Gargoyle Queen or what, but she looked so freaking good. Her dress made a statement, but not in a trying too hard way. Also, it wasn’t super obvious in all the pictures, but the tulle on the bottom half of the dress was actually sheer, making it perfectly low-key provocative. This look was the pure embodiment of innocent Betty Cooper, who also happens to be a Southside serpent, and is in love with bad boy, Jughead Jones. And truly, there was nothing better.

Worst-Dressed

Janelle Monae

WTF is happening??? Like, what am I looking at??? This outfit is so f*cking extra and I simply can’t figure out what look she was even going for here. My final conclusion of the look: Iron Man in Chanel attending a post apocalyptic award show. The gold hat looks like it came from a cheap Aladdin costume, while the neck gear looks like it came straight from the set of Game of Thrones. Not to mention, the tacky gold belt, which looks like one of those free ones that comes attached to an INC jumpsuit from the clearance rack of Macy’s. To really take this look to the grave, it appears that Tina Knowles even had the final touch on the look, and whipped out her sewing kit to throw on some unnecessary gold sequins. Yikes, man. 

Melissa McCarthy

Okay Miss Frizzle! Honestly, I had a hard time deciding which was worse – this look, or Janelle Monae’s. Both awful in their own respects. This dress looks like a cheap wizard costume someone’s mom made for the school play. If anyone has ever seen Fantasia, then you know she looks EXACTLY like Mickey Mouse dressed as a wizard. And tbh, I think Mickey wore it better. Sorry, Melissa, you’re still funnier though, Mickey could never.

Lucy Liu

This dress gave me a bad taste of nostalgia that my Sunday scaries simply weren’t prepared for. Remember in grade school when it was supes cool to have glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling and a tulle canopy over your bed? Toss in some neon Lisa Frank colors and prints, and there you have it, Lucy Liu’s dress. Maybe my prepubescent self would have liked this, but my judgy 20-something self hated it.

Judy Greer

There’s a right way to do menswear, and there’s a wrong way. This was the wrong way. There’s no way big-time magazine editor, Jenna Rink, would have tolerated Lucy’s conniving half-assed friendship if she had shown up to their all-important magazine party in this monstrosity. Maybe if she had lost the collared shirt and bow tie, I would have liked it. But as is, there’s no way Lucy (aka Tom-Tom) would have even been allowed in the “Six Chicks.” Just saying.

Constance Wu

This dress really threw me for a loop. In its essence, I actually do like the dress. But the nude color on Wu’s porcelain skin was not ideal. Nor was the unnecessary orange velvet bow, which cheapened the whole look. Like, if the undergarment style top half of the dress didn’t already make the look unfinished enough, the bow really had me questioning whether this dress was actually ready to be worn or not. It reminded me of when you panic and realize you don’t have anything to wrap your gift in, so you start taking apart your room to find a pathetic piece of ribbon in attempt to make it look like you tried. I mean, Vera Wang did make a few of the gowns for last night, so she was def a busy lady. Maybe Constance’s happened to be last, and really just wasn’t finished on time? If that was the case, then maybe she should have at least gone with a more glamorous and polished hairstyle to counteract the unfinished dress, but what do I know?

Amber Heard

This look legit just hurt my head. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand where her waist ended and her legs started. It actually reminded me of something from a scene in a movie where they’re giving the main character a makeover, and she tries on a bunch of different looks until she gets to the right one. And this look was obviously one of the examples of a wrong one. In particular, it reminded me of one of the outrageously hideous looks that Lizzie tried on during that fashion show scene in The Lizzie McGuire movie. The confusing proportions of the dress mixed with the Renaissance queen hairstyle was all too much for my poor eyes to bear. 

Jamie Lee Curtis

Okay, this look was a toughy because there was good and there was bad. Not going to lie, if “GILF” isn’t already in Urban Dictionary then it needs to be added in with this pic of Jamie Lee Curtis from the Golden Globes last night. With her glowing skin and bronzed spray tan, Jamie Lee Curtis looked liked she’s been living her best f*cking life. Unfortunately, the pure white hair with the pure white gown was not the way to go. She looked like a cross between Jack Frost from Santa Clause 3 and a Q-Tip on her way to prom. In summary, Jamie Lee Curtis you look great, but should probs fire your stylist.

The Golden Globes was the perfect storm of fashion high-highs and low-lows. There were plenty of other honorable mentions but tbh, I didn’t even know who half of them were, and therefore, did not feel I had the authority to respectively applaud or criticize their look. Jk, who am I kidding, I’m more than happy to judge them regardless. It just would have honestly taken me another two days to write about legit EVERYONE in attendance. However, I’m totally confident y’all will flood the comment sections with all the ones I left off, so go ahead, and let the trolling begin.

Images: Getty Images (15)

The red carpet at the E! People’s Choice Awards was a letdown, to say the least. But I mean, what else is there to expect from an award show for reality stars and influencers? Like, you already knew this wasn’t the Oscars when the cast of Vanderpump Rules and James Charles showed up (or started Snapchatting their glam routines like 30 hours before the event). No shade, I’m just saying.

To make matters worse, there seemed to be a subtle resurgence of trends that are still suffering through the last of their dying days on the heap of pleather that a Charlotte Russe in New Jersey calls a clearance table. If you look closely through the photos from last night, you’ll see some of the sh*t you wore as recently as 2014, but approximately 50 times more expensive. Don’t believe me? Take a gander.

1. Pleather Skater Skirts

 

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????????????Queen!! Traww!!???? . . . .#nickiminaj #tyga #peopleschoiceawards #naughty #dip

A post shared by Xttrawave Music (@xttrawave) on Nov 12, 2018 at 7:35am PST

Nicki Minaj wore a patent skater skirt that looks suspiciously like the one you borrowed from your sorority sister (and forgot to give back) four years ago. Except, you actually wish you had given it back because now it’s taking up valuable hanger space and you feel too guilty to get rid of it.

2. Black Mesh Bodysuits

 

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When He said let there be light????See if this pony lasts tonite on @enews at 7pm #peopleschoiceawards See IG story, my lil bro @mrdanielnguyen takeover ????

A post shared by Jeannie Mai (@thejeanniemai) on Nov 11, 2018 at 6:30pm PST

Remember when everyone who went to college at a campus in the middle of nowhere discovered Nasty Gal and Tobi? Then wore a black mesh bodysuit, or the bodycon dress version of it, to literally every party? With like, studded combat boots or weird black suede booties? I guarantee if you ask any betch between the ages of 24 and 28 to flip through her Facebook profile pictures from 2014, there’s at least one person rocking this exact look. It’s disturbing. 

3. Kardashian Balmain Dresses

 

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A bit of diamonds, a bit of a dress, a #bitofaday… @Balmain & @TiffanyandCo for @PeoplesChoice.

A post shared by Katherine McNamara (@kat.mcnamara) on Nov 12, 2018 at 8:28am PST

From 2014 to 2015, the Balmain Army ran supreme. Kim and Kylie wore long sleeve Balmain dresses (that probably had 100 pounds of beading) everywhere they went during this time. It’s kind of like how KKW wore a Herve Leger bandage dress every time she went outside back when she was transitioning from Paris Hilton’s closet organizer to the star of Keeping up with the Kardashians.

Balmain is obviously still a thing, but this particular style of dress is a little dated, seeing as we all ruined it by buying the Fashion Nova and Windsor Store knockoffs for New Year’s Eve a few short years ago. Katherine McNamara’s dress actually is Balmain but feels a little reminiscent of the phase we all went through when we discovered contour palettes for the first time.

4. Statement Necklaces

 

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No shortage of sparkle, feathers, and tulle on the @PeoplesChoice Awards red carpet tonight. Swipe to see some of the looks of the night. #PCAs

A post shared by instylemagazine (@instylemagazine) on Nov 11, 2018 at 6:16pm PST

Listen Busy, ILYSM, but this statement necklace belongs back in the depths of my Pinterest board… where J.Crew vests and Hunter boots still felt like an Instagram-worthy outfit.

5. Nude Clothing With A Black Lace Overlay

 

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I am insanely proud of my FRAMILY and everything we’ve experienced over the last 7 seasons of #pumprules I’m beyond grateful for our @evolutionusa & @bravotv fam. I’m also stoked to have a glam squad. We didn’t win but you can’t be sad when you look hot. ????

A post shared by kristendoute ???????????? (@kristendoute) on Nov 12, 2018 at 1:00am PST

Nude bodycon dresses with a black lace overlay are the uniform of the girl who is going to get way too drunk at a wedding or fraternity formal. It’s just a fact. Sure, Kristen’s pantsuit version of this makes it a little more 2018, but the nude mesh netting on the front brings back all the bad mems.

Images: Giphy (1); @xxtrawave/Instagram; @thejeanniemai/Instagram; @kat.mcnamara/Instagram; @instylemagazine/Instagram; @kristendoute/Instagram

Listen, I’m pretty disappointed with this year’s Oscars red carpet. Normally, the E! preshow is decent enough to make up for having to watch three hours of producers and directors get passive-aggressively rushed off stage with that annoying music while they desperately try to thank their moms, but this year was a shit show of epic proportions. If you’re out of the loop, you basically just need to know that nobody wanted to stop to talk to Ryan Seacrest because of the sexual assault allegations against him. At the culmination of an award show season that’s been all about holding shitty dudes accountable, I don’t really understand why E! couldn’t just like… let a woman do it. We all know chicks on their payroll don’t make as much as men so they probably could have saved a few dollars, but hey what do I know? I’m just here to talk shit about celebrity style, so let’s get to that. Here’s the best and worst dressed 2018 Oscars edition.

Best Dressed 2018 Oscars

Tiffany Haddish

Tiffany Haddish is hands down the best dressed at the Oscars this year because she’s openly like, “fuck it, this dress was expensive and I’m going to Febreeze it and wear it again.” This is the positive Hollywood influence I’m looking for. Except, when I do it, it’s less like a $4,000 Alexander McQueen gown and more like, a $60 pleather Topshop miniskirt. Whatever, the sentiment still stands. I’m also very down with Tiffany’s UGG slippers. I’m so glad we finally have a celebrity who’s actually relatable, and not just pretending to love pizza and fall down a lot because her publicist told her it could be a good gag. Her red carpet look was not the same dress, but it was equally memorable, and I hope served as her audition for Black Panther 2 because she looks regal. I’d give her the role, I’m just saying. 

Margot Robbie

I’m usually not one for random off-the-shoulder embellishments, but Margot Robbie’s white Chanel gown is actually changing my mind. I’m pretty sure she’d still look perfect in this even if she styled it with a fried, frizzy Tonya Harding ponytail and a Marlboro Light. Every wedding gown on the next season of Say Yes to the Dress will be a knock-off of this, I’m calling it now.

Lupita Nyong’o

Lupita absolutely stunned in this Versace gown that would probably look a little bit like most of the dresses worn to a Staten Island prom in the 1980s if she wasn’t like, the most flawless person in Hollywood right now. The asymmetrical neckline, the slit—it all works.

Taraji P. Henson

Taraji P. Henson is one of the few celebrities left in this godforsaken world who still knows how to look classy with a super high leg slit and a shit ton of cleavage. Oscar looks can get boring easily because it’s kind of the stuffiest award show, but Taraji’s Vera Wang look is perfect, and it looked even better paired with the shade she threw at Ryan Seacrest.

Jennifer Garner

I really hope Jennifer Garner’s former nanny who fucked Ben Affleck is crying into a tub of ice cream right now. I mean, I’m doing it, and I didn’t even break up a marriage.

Worst Dressed 2018 Oscars

Salma Hayek

I kind of feel like I’ve seen Salma Hayek’s dress before, but that might just be due to the fact that I spent my last hangover watching JonBenet Ramsey documentaries for seven hours, and this blinged-out Gucci gown looks like it previously belonged to a child pageant star. I may or may not be temporarily blind now.

Emma Stone

Emma Stone decided to completely ignore the “it’s the Oscars, wear a gown” memo, I guess because she won last year so she doesn’t need to try this time around. It’s kind of like when you get a boyfriend and you start going out to the bar in flats because you “don’t have anyone to impress.” How come when I showed up to work in this exact outfit it was “you can’t come to work in your pajamas” and when Emma Stone did it, it was fashion?

Saoirse Ronan

Saoirse usually totally slays, but this Calvin Klein gown is giving me a dull headache. It’s what I would imagine Regina George would have worn to the spring fling if she had a regular mom who was like, “aw honey, don’t try Sears, let’s have my tailor let this out so it fits you better.”

Andra Day

Listen, mad respect to Andra Day for saying fuck it and literally just laying down on the red carpet, but this Zac Posen gown is bad news. Every award show red carpet has at least one woman who is the butt of the guaranteed “this is made out of a fugly tablecloth from my grandma’s house” joke (we will have two), and not only does this look like an elderly woman’s tapestry, it also looks like its original purpose was for a Renaissance Fair.

St. Vincent

I saw a lot of tweets praising St. Vincent for whatever it is she’s trying to wear here, which has led me to the conclusion that it’s probably time for me to stop chasing retweets and put my efforts into selling flat tummy tea, because obviously everyone on Twitter is fucking insane. This look reminds me of something a sorority girl would craft out a trash bag for an Anything But Clothes mixer. Or like, maybe the aesthetic is slutty funeral? Much like this outfit, I can’t decide what I’m going for.

Zendaya

It physically pains me to put Zendaya on any kind of worst dressed list, but this flappy brown chiffon Giambattista Valli gown does not make her exempt from a good shit-talking. This list isn’t personal, it’s just that I hate your fashion choices and am now questioning your judgment and taste. Sure, I might just be biased on this dress because I spent 2005 wearing a lot of brown gauchos and Limited Too graphic tees with slogans like, “I’m adorable, DEAL WITH IT,” but chocolate brown is a color that will never work unless you are a hot UPS delivery guy who’s very receptive to the Bend and Snap.

Kelly Ripa

I just have two quick questions for Kelly Ripa. The first is, what are you on that made you think wearing a massive pink and neon green bow on your butt would be a good idea? This dress is the definition of a mullet. The second question is, can you hook me up with your plug?

Whoopi Goldberg

Whoopi’s dress was made for her by Project Runway winner Christian Siriano—apparently this week’s challenge was to make a dress out of your grandmother’s shower curtains.

Adam Rippon

Adam Rippon is 28, but he looks like a high schooler who found his parents’ stash of bondage gear. He definitely still gets carded at the leather bar. This is why they need to stop making 50 Shades movies.

Can’t get enough of our shit-talking? Read the full 2018 Oscars recap. We promise it’s wayyyy more entertaining (and shorter) than the actual show.

In case you haven’t noticed all the articles about the most iconic Met Gala looks, the biggest night in fashion is tonight. For those of us who are outside the elite fashion world, we mostly think of the Met Gala as that one weekend in spring where celebrities play rich person Halloween. Year after year, we’re all forced to sadly scroll through our Insta feeds and silently judge A-Listers in outfits that look straight out of The Hunger Games, but like, what if you wanted to go? As you can probably guess, getting a ticket to the Met Gala is about as easy as understanding a Kanye West speech—impossible unless you’re Kim Kardashian. But for those of us determined (read: desperate) enough to try and get an invite, here are some tactics you can use to become one of the privileged few who gets to show up the museum dressed as a big meatball and have everyone call you high fashion.

1. Kill Somebody For Anna Wintour

It goes without saying that in order to get into the Met Gala, you have to first get in with Anna Wintour. According to an anonymous socialite who has been “attending the event for years” (10 bucks says it’s Kris Jenner), “Anna is extremely restrictive on who can buy a ticket.” So restrictive, in fact, that even the 100 member Friends Of The Costume Institute (aka people who give Anna Wintour a shitload of money) often can’t get tickets because “Anna decides they can’t go. Period.” So if you thought maybe you could just wait for that direct deposit to hit and slide Anna a $20, you’re sorely mistaken. No, if you want to get into the Met Gala you’re going to have to do something big to prove to Anna that you are here for the right reasons. Might I suggest figuring out who Anna’s greatest enemy is and taking them out in a late night sting operation? Once you present Anna with the head of the girl who stole her boyfriend in 8th grade (we all have one), Anna will see that you are loyal and overlook your non-celeb status. Maybe she’ll even give you an important job like holding Rihanna’s flask or making sure Kendall Jenner doesn’t go rogue and start offering Pepsi to the security guards. Just don’t expect her to acknowledge you publicly or anything because that shit is not happening.

2. Become A Muse

Are you approximately 10 feet tall and weigh anywhere from 0-15 pounds? Then congratulations! You qualify to be the muse of a famous fashion house, which is one of the most legit ways to get into the Met Gala. Going as the invited guest of one of the major fashion houses comes with some major perks (aka you don’t have to pay for a ticket), but there’s also one major downside: you have to wear what they tell you. This means you could either show up slaying like Zendaya, or show up looking like Katy Perry, who has apparently been cast in The Handmaid’s Tale. Either way, there will be pictures. Lots and lots of pictures.

3. Own A Multimillion-Dollar Company

If all else fails, you could always pull a Corinne and own your own multi-million dollar company. Just make sure it’s profitable enough to shell out $500,000 per table, plus whatever it costs to sponsor the event. These coveted tickets usually go to companies like Apple, Warner Bros, and Yahoo, so you’d better put on your black turtleneck and start ignoring your biological child ASAP because you basically have to be Steve Jobs to get one of these seats. So yeah, your idea for an app that texts you whenever you’re near a good happy hour special probably won’t be good enough. You’ll have to think bigger. Once you do invent the New Internet or whatever, you’ll be allowed to select who sits at your table, just so long as they meet Anna Wintour’s approval. In the Met Gala documentary The First Monday In May (streaming on Netflix if you want to watch models for 90 minutes and feel really bad about yourself), you actually see a Vogue staffer rejecting Calvin Klein’s request to have Josh Hartnett at their table by saying “What has he done lately? Nothing.”

I mean, they ain’t wrong.

4. Be Rich And Desperate

Those who are wealthy enough to afford a ticket but not famous enough to merit an invite can still potentially get in by taking an A-Lister’s hand-me-downs. For example, Beyoncé didn’t go to the Met Gala this year because she’s pregnant with the twin messiahs, so her ticket was up for grabs. According to Cameron Silver, the Fashion Director of H by Halston, “I’ve known of society names who couldn’t get a ticket and are prepped to go if there’s a last-minute seat that becomes available. They have their look ready even if they aren’t certain whether or not they will actually have a seat days before the event.” And if you’re thinking it would require a Bachelor-contestant level of shamelessness to actually pull this off, you’re not wrong. After getting over the fact that you’re basically attending the social event of the season on a tourist visa, your shamelessness will be put to the test once again when you are forced to walk the red carpet despite the fact that nobody knows who tf you are. “Everyone walks the red carpet,” Silver told Page Six, “but less well known guests hear crickets because no one is paying attention. It is one of the most demeaning things to walk those stairs as a non-celebrity.” Honestly, that entire situation sounds like a Hot Cheeto-induced stress dream. I think I’d rather just stay home and judge famous people from the safety of my own couch than show up as a secondhand guest to an A-list event and walk a silent red carpet just so that I can eat the same hors d’oeuvres as Jaden Smith. But yeah, if you’re rich AF and have no problem spending thousands of dollars preparing for an event that you were not invited to, then you can totally spend the first Monday in May sitting by the phone hoping Anna Wintour will call and tell you Kerry Washington got a rash.

5. But Seriously Don’t Fuck With Anna Wintour

One of the most surefire ways to not get into the Met Gala (apart from being just like, a regular person) is to get on Anna Wintour’s bad side. Celebs who have been banned from the event include supermodel Coco Rocha (probably for accusing gala co-chair Katy Perry of stealing Rocha’s 2016 Met Gala look for the VMAs), Tim Gunn (for talking shit about Anna being carried down the stairs at a fashion show in 2006), and Rachel Zoe who made the huge mistake of saying she was “more influential than Wintour” in an interview. Bad move, Rachel. No amount of Bravo TV stardom will save you from the fact that Anna Wintour is petty AF and has a loooooong memory. I mean, the woman’s been editor of Vogue for what, 200 years? 300? Honestly, I heard a rumor she once banned Marie Antoinette from the Marc Jacobs after party because she was overheard shit talking the cake.