5 Things You Didn’t Know About Hair Extensions

Hair extensions—much like microblading, eyelash extensions, and fillers—have been making people hotter for years without you knowing. Now, in the age of Instagram, celebs and influencers alike are finally opening up about how they achieve their high-glam looks (not to mention their flawless no-makeup looks). The rise in hair extensions is particularly near and dear to me: six months ago, I cut off eight inches of hair in a moment of sleep-deprived lob-fever delirium. Since then, I’ve been trying everything short of Sugar Bear gummies to get my length back, a routine my friends finally got sick of hearing about and cut off with a simple question: why don’t you just get extensions?

Hah! I thought at first. Extensions were for photo shoots and reality stars—not me. But after doing some research on what extensions look like today, and how broadly they’re used, I realized that extensions weren’t simply a viable option: they could be exactly what I’m looking for. To learn more, I chatted with Lisa Richards, founder of RPZL. RPZL is the first blowout bar to also offer hair extensions, and they’re a huge part of the reason why extensions have become more accessible. So, set aside your preconceived notions about hair extensions and listen up: here are the five most surprising things I learned.

1. There Are So Many Different Types

Like I said, I’m new to the idea of hair extensions, so bear with me if you’ve heard this before. But I assumed that hair extensions were always a full, glued-on experience—not so. At RPZL, they offer clip-in extensions and clip-in ponytail extensions, both of which can be removed nightly. According to Lisa Richards, those extensions can last for years “if you care for them.” So knowing me, I’d ruin them within six months—but good to know!

The other offerings at RPZL are premium tape and keratin bond extensions, which last 8 weeks and 3 months, respectively. Traditional extensions, Richards explains, “rely on heat,” using a “mini flatiron to melt the keratin glue on an extension and bond it to a small section of hair.” For the keratin option (which is unique to RPZL), the extensions are bonded using “cold fusion:” using a glue that “reacts to ultrasound when used with an applicator.” Basically, we all know about the damage heating tools do to our hair; the keratin option eliminates that step, and is actually faster, too. (Per Richards: “no waiting for an extension to cool” makes the process 3x faster.)

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? C H L O E F L O W E R for @cosmopolitan / #hair by @patrickkyle_ using @rpzlrpzl extensions on the gorgeous @clarissalunanyc

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2. You Can Treat Your Extensions Like Regular Hair

Another ill-informed thought I had about extensions was that they consisted of a singular swath of synthetic material, to be kept as pristine as possible for preservation. Nope! While synthetic hair extensions do exist, there are also ones made of real hair (I’ll give you a guess as to which look better). With the real hair extensions, you can style your extensions along with the rest of your hair—Richards specifically says you can “color it, use a curling iron, flat iron it.” This explains a lot of questions I had about how celebs make their hair blend so seamlessly with extensions. It’s also something I feel very dumb for not knowing, so please don’t roast me (too hard) in the comments.

3. Hair Extensions Can Add More Than Length

When I asked Richards what the number one reason for getting extensions was, she summed it up nicely: “inchessss.” And while inches are obviously my #1 concern right now too (*glares at shoulder-length hair in mirror*), the other reason she gave blew my mind. According to Richards, people will also get extensions to add more color to their hair—”without the commitment or damage.” Fun fact: two years ago, I did a very aggressive balayage with a very unskilled stylist who left me with more gray streaks than blond. The idea that I could have just clipped in some blond extensions and gotten subtle highlights instead leaves me shaking with rage. But also, it’s definitely what I’ll do next time I have the urge to lighten up (so, three weeks from now).

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Oh heyyyy! Look at this hottie here @rpzlrpzl ?? My beauties here I did a full set of extensions for my beautiful client. I love to see all my girls so happy with their amazing hair style. #bueaties #rpzl #fabulous #welovehair #salon #nyc #extensions #perfection

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4. Not Everyone Can Get Extensions

Of course, not everyone can get extensions for a bunch of reasons (money is the first one that comes to mind, but I bet there are others). What I mean specifically is that not every hair length and style lends itself to extensions. As Richards put it, “people who can’t put their hair in a pony tail” (e.g. people rocking pixie cuts) shouldn’t try to get extensions. “It just doesn’t blend well.”  So, sorry to anyone out there who made even more of a dramatic chop than I did, but you’ll need to wait a few months to be extension-eligible.

5. Hair Extensions Are Used In The Royal Family

This is my favorite fact of all time! (Well, other than the fact that Anna Delvey wore a velvet choker to court. I digress.) When I demanded to know what celebs have been secretly using extensions for years, Richards offered up an extensive (hah) list, including none other than the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton. (I know you were hoping I’d say Queen Elizabeth II, and I’m sorry. Please continue picturing the monarch with a clip-in ponytail for however long you need to mourn this loss.) Richards estimates that 97% of “all female stars” wear extensions for work or their private lives, but other “surprise” extension-wearers included Tina Fey, Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon, Lauren Conrad, and Chrissy Teigen.


All in all, my conversation with Lisa Richards had me more ready than ever to book an appointment, and ride out these last few months of growing my hair back in style. After drooling with envy over everyone’s waist-length curls at Coachella, I think I deserve this.

Images: @rpzlrpzl; @mercedes2429; Giphy

Which Cast Member Of ‘The Hills’ Has The Best Life Now?

It has officially been eight years since the series finale of The Hills. That means it’s probably been about 10 years since you’ve actually cared about The Hills, because I think most of us can agree that’s right about when we became a Kardashian nation. Although we were all obsessed with the cast of The Hills at one point, I’m willing to bet the entire collection of LC-inspired headbands collecting dust in a drawer at my parents’ house that you aren’t keeping up with their lives now. Here’s an analysis on each of the stars, and how well they’ve stayed relevant since the finale. In other words, which cast member of The Hills has the best life now?

Kristin Cavallari

I may be a bit biased because I’ve admired HBIC Kristin Cavallari since like, middle school, but I think she’s the clear winner when determining which cast member from The Hills has the best life now. She may not have the most Instagram followers, but she does now have her own reality show on E! with her name in the title, and honestly, what more is there to strive for in this lifetime? Plus, her collection is sold at Nordstrom, which is pretty impressive for a reality star. I mean, even the Kardashians had to start out at Sears.

Press day for @verycavallari !! Airing Sunday night ahhhh who is ready?! @eentertainment

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Lauren Conrad

Present-day LC turned out to be almost exactly what you’d expect from the girl who didn’t go to Paris. She now has a mom haircut and a beige Instagram aesthetic consisting of images that look like the photos that come inside frames at Kohl’s. Oh, and yes, she’s still selling floral chiffon wrap dresses there. Like I said, Lauren’s life is exactly what we all predicted it would be: overwhelmingly average. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t take your staged Teen Vogue internship more seriously; if she played her cards right, she could have founded Glossier or something.

Celebrating 1 year with our little guy???? Happy Birthday Liam!!

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Spencer Pratt

Analyzing Spencer Pratt’s life in 2018 is tricky business. I mean, it’s been a whirlwind. He definitely gets talked about more than most of the cast members, but that’s because he’s actively working on a campaign to Make Speidi Famous Again. It used to be exciting to get a retweet or a Snapchat from Spencer, until you realized that he retweets and Snapchats literally everyone and then retweets all of their “Oh my god, Spencer Pratt just tweeted at me” tweets. (Say tweet again. Tweet.) Sure, his crystal business, hummingbird obsession, and dedication to wearing the same tie dye shirt everyday is amusing, but he has got to step it up if he wants to remain relevant for much longer. Ultimately, I’m really hoping it’s soon revealed that he and Heidi are cult leaders of like, a Taylor Swift fan club or something. Anything else would be a disappointment, tbh.

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Audrina Patridge

Audrina has definitely stayed the most consistent with her personal brand over the years, which you have to give her credit for. Even her sponsored posts are pretty on-brand; they’re all like, açai snacks and sh*t. Audrina has a really trendy baby and a line of swimwear that nobody’s really ever heard of because it’s designed exclusively for people who are always on vacation and “just can’t seem to gain weight!” She has also rekindled her romance with Ryan Cabrera. I know that the first time they dated, it was probably arranged by MTV, but this time seems like the real deal. The most they’ve gotten out of it so far is like, a PEOPLE feature. I wish them a joyful lifetime of well-intended Instagram captions riddled with spelling and grammatical errors.

‘Merica …couldn’t of spent it with a more beautiful human!!! @audrinapatridge

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Justin Bobby Brescia

Justin Bobby has a private Instagram at the moment, which is either the definition of “doing well in life” or “serial killer”. I would do anything for one more scene of him and Audrina at the beach (wearing combat boots, of course), while he mutters some actually kind of legit stuff about how Instagram should be a means to express oneself and not sell superficial sh*t. Last I heard, he was touring with his band and before that, he was a hairdresser. Obviously, he’d be higher up on this list if he was doing something more public, but that would totally ruin the magic of Justin Bobby.

Awesome Tour .. thank you to everyone who came out and worked on these shows , booking agent Seth Conner and the Ladies for their continuous Smiles and support ???? Last Show Tonight! @thecirclebar 9pm #NewOrleans #NoLa #Louisiana #BobbyrocK #Alternative #Punk #Rock #Live✌???? – Next Tour #Australia Aug 22-Sept 3 #Melbourne #Sydney #ByronBay

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Brody Jenner

Although he’s only like, the fourth most relevant Jenner, Brody is actually pretty high up on the f*ckboy totem pole, because he gets to DJ at Martin Garrix’s Vegas residency. He recently married a social media influencer, but Caitlyn Jenner did not attend, which is pretty messed up. Although Brody’s not really doing anything that any of us care about right now, I’m still hopeful that he’ll leak all the details of the Avril Lavigne Conspiracy Theory in the near future.

Happy wife happy life ???? @mitchpohl

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Heidi Pratt

Heidi is definitely The Hills alum that has made the most typical foray into former reality star social media territory. Her #sponcon includes FabFitFun boxes and cleanse shakes, so she’s basically on the same level as someone who gets eliminated on the second night of The Bachelor. Right now, she’s spending the majority of her time wearing weird sun hats and retweeting fan-made petitions to stop Warner Music from removing her songs from iTunes and other streaming services. That is so profoundly depressing on many levels.

@310nutrition has more than the #310Shake, they have the best Cleanse ever and the New Year’s Resolution sale happening right now! You can also get ✨FREE✨ shipping using “gameon310” at checkout! ✌ #NewYearsResolution #CleanEating #Ad

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Jason Wahler

Jason surprisingly might be one of the most inspirational people to come out of The Hills. He’s publicly made his struggle with addiction a way to inspire others to become sober. You may have seen him on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. He’s definitely not really famous anymore, but he had a kid and got married. You win some, you lose some.

Checking in!! Moving forward, I’m changing gears on how I’m raising awareness! Let me know your thoughts…!! #nohangovers #gratitude #keepitsimple

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Stephanie Pratt

I honestly have no idea what Stephanie Pratt is really up to these days. A light lurk through her Instagram didn’t provide the answers, and I don’t think that this necessarily deserves a full Google search, so I’ll leave you guys with this. It seems like she’s living in London or something, and she’s had a pretty successful glow-up. It’s always refreshing to see a supporting cast member of a reality show actually get flawless plastic surgery, because they usually end up on an episode of Botched.

So just looked at this & immediately thought- omg I have so many split ends and the fake lashes r way too long & completely wrong and I have chapped lips. Going to start practicing more self-care/love ASAP. It’s crazy how we can become conditioned to be sooooo critical of ourselves ????????????????

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Lo Bosworth

Lo is the founder of a women’s health company and has a blog called TheLoDown.com. I personally don’t believe that using your own first name as a play on words for vaginal health is the best way to ride the limited success you’ve received from a reality show, but to each her own.

just cuz

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Whitney Port

To be totally transparent, I just had to Google Whitney Port to see what she’s up to these days, and that is never a good sign. She’s currently maintaining the social media presence of a travel blogger, but without the carefully curated aesthetic. IDK, I don’t really have much to say here, sorry.

My first time to Italy. Couldn’t be happier.

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Kristin Cavallari Is Disgracing The Good Name Of ‘The Hills’

In case you thought Botched was the most cringeworthy show on E! right now, Kristin Cavallari’s new show, Very Cavallari, is premiering this summer, and it literally makes Lauren Conrad’s Teen Vogue internship look real. Let’s discuss. 

Look, don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of those people who turns on Real Housewives on a JetBlue flight and pretends to suffer through an episode of reality TV. I love reality TV. I can explain the Kardashian family tree better than my own, and I still hesitate before making plans on Monday nights even after Bachelor season is over. I just genuinely think Very Cavallari is gonna suck.

I mean, let’s talk about the promo. We see a few shots of Kristin being a *regular person* who lives a normal married life in Nashville, and we’re supposed to be impressed that she’s building her own “lifestyle brand” while being a cool mom. Yawn. That just described the daily goings-on of pretty much every mom on Instagram with more than 300 followers.

Kristin starts the trailer by saying, “It has been SEVEN YEARS since I’ve stopped shooting The Hills.”

Umm, yeah, and there’s a reason it stopped airing. We were team Lauren back then, and we don’t give a shit about your fake drama anymore. Like, Kristin heroically returning to reality TV is the equivalent to me going back to the nail salon after I screwed up my manicure because it wasn’t dry yet. No one asked for this revisit. Also, there’s a reason shows like The Hills don’t exist anymore. The characters are dated. Like, I used to think Lauren was the most relatable person on the show, but nowadays I relate much closer to Spencer’s batshit breakdowns and financially irresponsible crystal collection. Just saying.

Then Kristin starts spewing random shit about her “business team”, like, “I have the craziest staff. Of course there’s gonna be drama. Of course there’s gonna be hookups…. It’s gonna be a wild ride.”

First of all, “of course there’s gonna be hookups”? What kind of workplace environment are you in? It sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. And I’m sorry, what is this show even about?! So far it sounds like one of those shows where a secret HR rep is watching a corporate disaster from some hidden camera in a nearby van and has to step in when Kristin hooks up with an intern or shows up to Casual Friday in a bikini. I actually think I’d watch that, though.

The drama on this show makes the plot lines on Laguna Beach seem plausible. Unless you give Brody Jenner at least one guest appearance, I’m sticking with the Jersey Shore reboot for now. But like, on the bright side, I guess we’ve finally solved the debate over how Cavallari is pronounced. VERY helpful, Kristin.

Images: E! News (1), Giphy (4)

Kristin Cavallari’s Best Moments From ‘Laguna Beach’ In Honor Of Her 31st Birthday

Kristin Cavallari turns 31 today, which is absolutely mind-blowing when you consider the fact that she was getting shitfaced on reality television 13 years ago. Actually, I guess I had no idea how old I thought KCav was before Googling it. Publicly documented underage drinking and access to the best beauty resources in Orange County make for confusing age calculations. Anyway, Kristin has always been the HBIC we’ve feared and admired. She’s a reality TV icon. Here are some of her best moments from Laguna Beach

When She Wore A White Dress At The Black And White Party

Kristin established her position as HBIC early on in the series. If you remember all the way back to the very first episode, everyone goes to a black and white party that was prob more lit than any party you’ve ever been to. LC thinks it’s “so ironic” that everyone is in a black dress and Kristin is in a white one, but Kristin totally doesn’t give a shit, which was actually iconic and not ironic.

When Her Car Was Dunzo

Maybe Kristin’s most famous line in Laguna Beach history was when her SUV shit the bed and she threw a total fit. She starts yelling “my car is dunzo!” Although this reaction is infamous for being ridiculous, I’m kind of surprised it wasn’t more extreme, TBH.

When She Danced On The Bar In Cabo

Another one of Kristin’s famous one-liners was “what happens in Cabo stays in Cabo.” I mean, obviously this isn’t anything Kristin invented, but that just proves how obsessed everyone is with her. Like, she can literally take a cliché and turn it into one of her own famous one-liners. Anyway, she danced on bars and fought with exes and we’re still talking about it a million years later. So obviously, nothing scripted stays in Cabo.

Her Feud With LC

If you don’t know about Kristin and LC’s eternal rivalry, why are you this far into this list? Please educate yourself. As a middle school girl agonizing between Team LC and Team Kristin graphic tees at Hollister, I’d be willing to bet that most of us made poor decisions and supported Lauren. In hindsight, LC was boring AF and Kristin was the fun one. She wins the entire feud by default, byeee.

When She Was The Most For-The-Girls Betch Ever 

This prob doesn’t count as an official “moment,” but Kristin Cavallari was for the girls before frat bros were shotgunning Bud Light for the boys. Kristin was always brutally honest, whether that meant telling someone her boyfriend was cheating on her (sorryyyyy Jessica), or that her hair looked like shit. Thanks for keeping it real since 2004.

Audrina Patridge Is Getting A Divorce And A Restraining Order Against Her Husband

Today is a strange day for fans of The HillsTMZ just reported that Audrina Patridge filed for divorce from her husband Corey Bohan. The two just had their first daughter and have only been married for 10 months. That’s not quite 72-day marriage level, but not very good, either.

Sources are also reporting that Audrina is filing a restraining order against Corey for “a series of incidents,” which does not sound very good. For now, that’s all the information we have, but we will update you all if and when more information becomes available.

I don’t want to kick a girl when she’s down, but damn, Audrina has some questionable taste in men. She went from combat-boots-to-the-beach-wearing Justin Bobby to… a guy who looks exactly fucking like Justin Bobby. No, seriously. Look at this dude.

Corey Bohan Audrina Patridge

I mean, fam. COME ON. Tell me this isn’t Justin Bobby in a different hat! You can’t, can you? Now I can’t help but wonder what Audrina’s dad looks like. Thankfully, Instagram has my back on this one too…

Audrina Patridge And Dad

Wow, that was easy. Well now that I’ve successfully discovered the reason for Audrina’s relationship woes, all I can do now is send her my well wishes. Seriously, Audrina, I hope you and your daughter are doing okay. In times like these, just remember the infamous words of LC: “He’s a sucky person!”

The Definitive Ranking Of Celebrity Baby Names

Unless you’re a homeschooled jungle freak with no access to the Internet, you know that last week Beyonce announced the names of our new saviors her newborn twins as Sir & Rumi Carter respectively. Tbh I’m not that impressed. I know she’s a queen and a visionary and blah, blah, blah, but I just expected more from the woman who made an entire fucking album roasting THE HUSBAND SHE’S STILL MARRIED TO. I, mean, Rumi? What’s next, Yahtzee? Trouble? Wait, I’m actually on board with that last one. Trouble Carter. Iconic. Are there any take-backs with birth certificates? Because if so, Bey, have your people call my people 3-4 loyal readers and we can work on trademarking that shit. That said, I do love a good celebrity baby name. And what better way to celebrate the birth of the Beybies than by ranking other celebrity babies based on the names their parents gave them when they were 100 percent hopped up on Xanax? I’ll leave Sir and Rumi off the list… for now. Because I have to draw a line somewhere so I guess I’ll draw it at skewering newborns barely out of the womb. But get ready kids, because one day soon when it’s socially acceptable to make fun of infants, I’ll be coming for ya. As for the rest of you, good fucking luck. Now onto the betchiest baby names in Hollywood:

10. Dusty Rose (Behati Prinsloo & Adam Levine)

I shouldn’t have expected much from the child of a Victoria’s Secret model and a former-boy-band-star-turned-desperate-reality-TV-vocal-coach, but I one hundred percent did not expect that they’d name their firstborn child after Behati’s right nipple (I assume). And this is why I have trust issues right here. Behati, let’s blame this one on the language barrier, shall we? Perhaps you didn’t realize that “dusty” and “rose” are two descriptors usually used to describe shitty bridesmaid dresses or, as I demonstrated earlier, a woman’s nipple. Adam, you get no such fucking excuses. I have a feeling childhood won’t be fun for this one, you know, aside from the model good looks and millions of dollars she’ll inherit. I’m not bitter, you’re bitter. Last place for you, Areola Dusty Rose.

9. Boomer Phelps (Michael Phelps & Nicole Johnson)

I don’t know what’s worse, naming your child after the shade of your wife’s right nipple or naming your child after the family dog that died when you were 12. When I first heard that the son of the world’s greatest athlete was named Boomer I thought it was a literal joke. Like that one time someone started a rumor that Michael’s girlfriend had a penis. Btw that was v creative, Ryan Lochte, v creative. But apparently, the name Boomer is not a joke but rather a well-thought out decision made by two adults one adult and someone who’s clearly been poisoned by chlorine.

^ How I imagine Boomer’s going to feel when he gets to middle school and realizes that daddy did indeed name him after a household pet.

8. Kal-El Cage (Nicolas Cage & Alice Kim)

Wait. I know what’s worse now, naming your child after fucking Superman. Seriously, Nicolas Cage? Seriously? I saw every shitty spinoff of National Treasure and this is how you repay me? BYE. I’m giving little Kal-El here eighth place because I have a feeling he’s going to have a hard enough time in life dealing with all the Internet trolls (hi) and Nicolas Cage memes out there, so I’ll give him a pass here. That said:

7. Dream Kardashian (Blac Chyna & Rob Kardashian)

Rumor has it that Rob Kardashian came up with the idea for Dream’s name based off of—get this—a dream he’s always had of having a child. God damn, we have a visionary on our hands here people. Real talk though, how pissed do we think Kris is that she has to not only spin revenge porn but also the name “Dream” into some sort of dynamic branding plan?

6. North West (Kim Kardashian & Kanye West)

We get it, it’s a direction and a play on the last name West. You’re so fucking creative, Kim. But little Northie is barely mid-list for me. I can’t give my exact reasoning for the placement of North West’s name on this highly esteemed list, but I have a feeling it’s the same reasoning that went into my decision not to follow Kim on Instagram (even though I check her feed 5-7 times a day)—I just don’t want to give her the satisfaction, ya know?

5. Saylor James Cutler (Jay Cutler & Kristin Cavallari)

SaYlor Cutler (not Sailor because Kristin is still extra AF) is the daughter of Jay Cutler, a football player (?), and Kristin Cavallari, aka the star Laguna Beach and reason I rocked a short, chunky haircut from the age 18 through 20. It’s also the reason every photo from those years has been untagged on Facebook. Once again, Kristin must insist on taking normal words and names and butchering their pronunciation. Is this why we never saw her at actual school on Laguna Beach? I’m worried that perhaps she never went and now her daughter is paying the price. MTV, can we please confirm? Whatever. Saylor is one of the better, more creative names I’ve heard this year so I guess congrats, Kristin, like my haircut, I’ll keep this name on my Pinterest board for the next 2-5 years.

4. Wyatt Kutcher (Mila Kunis & Ashton Kutcher)

As someone whose mother also wanted to punish her by giving her a boy’s name to walk around life with, I’d just like to say to little Wyatt: good fucking luck with it. And spoiler: my real name is not actually It’s Britney, Betch—shocking, I know. My actual, legal given name is loads of fun because it’s a traditional boy’s name and it’s spelled weird and watching my Bumble dates try and process that information is more of a train wreck than watching them process the words “what are we?” Thanks for that, mom! But back to Wyatt, she’s number four on my list because I feel a sense of camaraderie with the kid. Like, we’re both in this together, except she’s a toddler that hit the genetic jackpot of good looks, personality, and money, and I’m just a girl with an Internet pseudonym and savage jokes. You know, similar but different.

3. Liam James Tell (Lauren Conrad & William Tell)

A normal name, imagine fucking that. Once again, LC wins at life by giving her child a classic fuckboy name and we’re into it. This kid is going to be a player, I can already see it. Picture the year 2034, the location is Cabo, and little Liam James is calling Saylor a slut for dancing on the bar. MTV, if you’re reading this, I can’t wait for Laguna Beach: The Next Generation.

2. Penelope Disick (Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick)

Leave it to Kourtney to come up with a name I’d be obsessed with. I was skeptical when she named Mason (it sounded too similar to a fuckboy I dated in college, in the sense that it is same name as the fuckboy I dated in college) and I can’t even with the name Reign. Clearly, Scott was blackout when he got to name that one. But I’m obsessed with Penelope. It’s unique but still adorably normal. It’s nice that she has a good, strong name to get her through life because reading about how daddy fucked a washed up Disney star Bella Thorne while she was home with Khloe is going to be a tough pill to swallow in middle school. Good luck, girl!

1. Jack Pratt (Anna Faris & Chris Pratt)

I know what you’re thinking, “Jack? But it’s so basic, so common, and it’s not even, like, spelled with an X.” And thank fucking god for that. I’m so over celebrities and their batshit baby names. Just think about it: there’s going to be an entire generation of children named Apple and Bear. APPLE AND BEAR. Seriously, during my research for this article the 3-5 hours I spend a night googling useless information, I discovered that in the past few years there have been FOUR celebrity children named Bear. And in my opinion, that’s four too many. I, mean, what’s next? Offred? Ofglen? Wait, nvm, I don’t like playing this game anymore.

Yep, I stand by my decision with Jack. Plus, any offspring of Andy Dwyer’s is someone I’ll stalk on social media a winner in my book. And if you don’t believe me, go check out Chris Pratt’s Instagram account–but only if you want your ovaries to melt from the cuteness.

Chris Pratt: *casually mentions son on social media*


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Lauren Conrad Named Her Baby Something Normal And We’re Impressed

In news of the world that isn’t horrible and depressing, Lauren Conrad has given birth to her first child. She and husband William Tell welcomed a baby boy, Liam James, on July 5th, and he probably already has better style than any of us. They definitely don’t get any bonus points for a creative name, but originality is overrated. Honestly, the fact that this baby has just a regular bro name (I feel like I met 15 Liams on Bumble in the past week alone) is more interesting than if they’d followed in other celebs’ footsteps and named him “Ichabod” or “Appletini”. If Lauren taught us anything, it’s that you’ve always got to be subverting expectations. She did it when her career lasted past the early 2000s, and she’s doing so now by naming her baby something so normal that he’ll have to add like, a thousand numbers to all of his social media handles. Congrats, LC. You passed your first test as a mother. 

In the years post-Hills, LC has mastered the art of being famous and still leading a classy, drama-free life, and her baby announcement was no different. She Instagrammed a picture of a needlepoint design with the whole family (dogs included), with a simple caption about how happy they are. So cute! So normal! So not cringeworthy! Rob and Chyna, take note.

LC joins Kristin and Audrina in the moms club, with Whitney and Heidi also expecting their first babies sometime later this year. So yeah, I guess we’re all old now. If you had asked us 10 years ago, we honestly would’ve expected more of them to become messes, but they’ve come a long way since fucking around with Brody Jenner and co. Good job ladies, keep it up.

Congrats to William and Lauren on their new arrival, but they probably shouldn’t let him be on a reality show while he’s in high school.

The Definitive Ranking Of ‘Laguna Beach’ Cast Members

In honor of the TBT, we need to take it back to the Godfather of MTV reality dramas. Without Laguna Beach we would have never been blessed with The Hills or even The City. In case you needed reminded that you’re old AF now, the first episode of Laguna Beach aired in 2004. That was so long ago Kim Kardashian’s claim to fame was still that she was “Paris Hilton’s assistant.” Seriously. That was the year that America thought that maybe John Kerry could be president. Let that shit sink in for a minute. While you’re mulling that over, we’ve ranked the top 10 cast members on the show for your reading pleasure.

10. Morgan Smith

I low-key loved Morgan on the show for being just the right dose of sweet and salty. Morgan was the Mormon of the group and her big drama came when she went to dramatically open her admissions letter to BYU on the beach and ended up getting rejected. Ouch. She eventually reapplied and got in later so things didn’t actually turn out to badly for her. She eventually got married to another Mormon dude and now has a children’s clothing company or something extremely lame. Good for sweet, little Morgan.

9. Trey Phillips

Aw, we loved Trey. While all the other guys on the show just seemed to be out to get their dicks wet, Trey was volunteering and shit. He seemed particularly woke for a high school kid from the real Orange County. Remember when he did that odd hat fashion show for Active Young America and had all his friends model his stuff? That’s a classic episode of Laguna Beach right there. He seems to have turned out pretty normal. He still volunteers and is an Associate Designer for Vera Wang.

8. Jessica Smith

Jessica was probably best known for who she dated more than what she did on the show. Sure, she and Kristin were pretty good friends, but she was kind of a hot mess. She wasn’t as put together as Lo and LC and she wasn’t as much of a man-eater as Kristin. She kind of just dated and broke up with people as part of her character arc. She started as Dieter’s girlfriend and then quickly moved on to Jason. So, yeah, technically Lauren got her sloppy seconds, so I guess that’s something. She’s chosen not to pursue a career in the limelight. That’s probably for the best.

7. Dieter Schmitz

Dieter was to Stephen as Lo was to Lauren. He wasn’t what people paid to see, but he was a solid cast member. We’ve just established that Dieter and Jessica dated before she moved on to Jason. I don’t mean to slut shame, but this girl really made her way around the men on this show. Anyway, Dieter wasn’t just Stephen’s bestie, he was also pretty great friends with LC and by friends with we mean friend-zoned by. That situation kind of turned Dieter into a go-between with Lauren and Stephen. Also, I can’t be the only one who feels disturbed that someone thought Dieter Schmitz was a good name for a baby human.

6. Jason Whaler

You probably remember Jason more from The Hills than from Laguna Beach, but he was totally there too. In fact, his dating drama didn’t start with LC, it started with Jessica. They were the couple no one wanted to be around because they fought all the fucking time. It was probably a relief for the entire friend group when they broke up. Except, as soon as they broke up, Jessica went skiing at Mammoth and he immediately asked Alex out. That’s cold, bro and high school drama at its finest. We loved it. It was actually kind of a surprise that Lauren eventually went for him, but we all know how that turned out.

5. Talan Torriero

As far as dudes of Laguna Beach go, Talan was a safe second choice. Sure, he wasn’t the total star of the show, but he was always a great sounding board for Stephen’s lady drama. Not that Stephen was the only one that could pull girls, Talan was the show’s resident player. Did you like how I used the word player to keep with the times of the show? I mean, I guess, nowadays we’d probably call him a fuckboy. When Kristin and Stephen were in a fight, which was basically always, she’d hit up Talan. That’s a back burner bro if we’ve ever seen one.

4. Lo Bosworth

Lo is best friend goals personified. Even when she appeared on The Hills, she was the best wing woman LC—or anyone else for that matter—could have. Lo was super cute and laid back. While everyone else was causing drama, Lo was just chilling on the couch, ready to offer super hilarious commentary. She also kept it real, like when Lauren’s parents grounded her for bad grades so she couldn’t go to Catalina and Lo was like, ha well yeah, you should have gotten better grades. Even your best friends throw you under the bus sometimes and you love them even more for it.

3. Stephen Colletti

STE-Phen was the Orange County surfer boy of your dreams. What makes a person more desirable than having the two hottest girls in high school fight over him on TV? Stephen was always the most chill, even when playing Kristin and LC like the fiddles they were. He was also just a standup dude in the friend group, except for that time he called Kristin a slut for dancing on the bar in Cabo. Relax dude, what happens in Cabo stays in Cabo, remember?  He was always invited to everything and, much like Ke$ha in 2009, the party didn’t start until he walked in. Add in a puka shell necklace and and his dark hair and he was a gift to every girl the early aughts. He later went on to start in One Tree Hill, but it was, like, after Chad Michael Murray left so no one cared anymore. 

2. Kristin Cavallari

Guys, we know Kristin was ahead of her time because she’s wearing a choker in like every episode on the first season of Laguna Beach. She was the spunky junior that hung out with all the seniors and dated the heartthrob of the group: STE-Phen! She hated LC for her nice girl ways and was always the first one to dance on the table, errr, bar in Cabo. Even though she was painted as the villain on this show, she kind of turned things around by the time she got on The Hills. Now, she has like 19 kids and is married to Jay Cutler, so she seems to be doing all right for herself. Also, she tried to make removable bangs happen. Let us not forget.

1. Lauren Conrad

We give Lauren the top spot even though she was kind of the nice girl juxtaposition to Kristen’s bad betch. Lauren was the girl you actually wanted to be friends with when she was on Laguna and then again when she took the star spot on The Hills. Whether she was driving Kristen crazy by going on dates with her boyfriend or having a weird, mascara-laced cry over a sex tape rumor or some shit, Lauren was captivating to watch. Thank god for this show because Lauren staying in the limelight has #blessed us with a couple pretty decent clothing lines and probably one of our favorite Insta follows. Now she’s running some sort of lifestyle empire, married to a lawyer, and expecting a baby. We’re glad things turned out so well for LC. 

Lauren Conrad Tear

Read: A Definitive Ranking Of The Teen Dramas That Defined Our Youth