If you’ve been watching Bravo shows like Real Housewives and Vanderpump Rules for years, you’ve probably come to terms with the fact that not all the cast members are great people. But usually that’s in the context of the show. It’s entertaining to watch someone be a nightmare on a group trip, but when that same person starts spouting ignorant nonsense on social media, it’s no longer fun.
A lot of Bravolebrities usually keep their views on real world events pretty quiet, but in the last week, pretty much everyone has posted in support of the Justice For George Floyd campaign, at the very least. And while some Bravolebrities have had amazing, inspirational responses to the current situation, some have really f*cked it up. Here are some of the Bravolebrity responses to what’s going on in the world right now, from the uplifting to the problematic.
Porsha Williams is the granddaughter of civil rights leader Hosea Williams, and she’s done his legacy proud over the last week. Last week, she peacefully protested in Atlanta with RHOA costar Shamea Morton, and spoke to a local news network about the need for justice. In the powerful clip, Porsha said “I may be well-known, but I am here to be a voice for the voiceless,” and demanded justice for George Floyd and greater change in black communities. Porsha has come a long way since the days when she thought the Underground Railroad was an actual train.
I swear the media is doing THEE MOST race baiting! If it wasn’t for social media, we wouldn’t have seen the peaceful protestors at all! Watch the news and it’s all violence and looting by people who are clearly not a part of the cause! Am I the only one seeing this? Frustrating!
— Monique Samuels (@iammrssamuels) June 1, 2020
Monique has been very active on Twitter over the past week, sharing her own thoughts as well as retweeting a lot of information and insightful commentary. She also brought attention to the elections happening in many states on Tuesday, which is important, because state and local elections have a direct effect on a lot of the issues at hand here.
To put it simply, Kelly Bensimon has been a disaster on social media this week. Multiple times, she’s posted something offensive or inaccurate, gotten called out, deleted the post, made a confusing apology, and then put up another offensive or inaccurate post. We’re all learning, and it’s okay to make honest mistakes, but Kelly’s posts just feel reckless and tone-deaf.
In this tweet from Monday, she shared a photo of peaceful protestors blocking a highway, claiming that it was a scene from the Hamptons in real time. She called for an end to the protests and loitering (lol, she meant looting), ignoring the whole reason why the protests are occurring. On top of that, this isn’t the Hamptons, it’s Connecticut, and the photo was from Sunday, not Monday.
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Despite making some bizarre apologies, Kelly obviously still doesn’t get it. On Thursday morning, she tweeted this graphic attempting to explain white privilege. In the tweet, Kelly called herself a “victim of how white privilege sounds” (not a thing), and also used a Blue Lives Matter hashtag. Kelly says that she’s learning, but any white person who thinks now is the time to call themselves a victim clearly hasn’t learned enough.
— Kelly K. Bensimon (@kellybensimon) June 4, 2020
Kelly also doesn’t seem to understand the reasons Black Lives Matter exists and why it’s problematic to swap out “Black” with other words. Over the weekend, she posted an “All Lives Matter” tweet, which she later deleted. She’s apologized for the “verbiage mix up“, and has used #BlackLivesMatter in many subsequent posts. But then, today, she’s talking about Blue Lives all of a sudden? Yeah, no.
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The Real Housewives of Orange County is one of the more conservative casts on Bravo, so Braunwyn’s recent behavior has been a breath of fresh air compared to that of her costars. Braunwyn has joined peaceful protests multiple days this week, and even brought some of her children to a protest on Wednesday. She isn’t afraid to speak out, and her sign in this photo is really great: “There is a name for white people in OC who protest their ‘right to a haircut’ but stay silent when black lives are murdered: RACIST.” Damn.
Speaking of Braunwyn’s RHOC costars, this has been a trying time to follow Kelly Dodd on Instagram. She’s spent the last few months flying back and forth between New York and California, downplaying the danger of COVID-19, and even calling it “God’s way of thinning the herd.” Unsurprisingly, she’s been similarly problematic over the past week. In one Instagram story (which got deleted), she called protestors “animals” committing “terrorism on our land,” and opined that they don’t have problems like this in England (false, btw). Her words were completely disgusting, and though she’s pivoted to saying Black Lives Matter on social media, it’s hard to believe that’s anything more than a PR move.
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Eva has been one of the most active Housewives on Instagram this week, posting informational videos, voting PSAs, and inspirational messages daily. Her profile has become a valuable platform for updates, including multiple posts bringing awareness to fake protestors breaking windows and looting just to cause chaos. Eva isn’t taking any of this lightly, and her dedication to this cause has really been amazing to see.
More than most in the Bravo community, Katie seems to understand and accept the work that it takes to educate yourself and be a good ally. In addition to posting several times in support of Black Lives Matter, she’s also used her platform to spotlight black-owned businesses, anti-racist literature, and a Google Doc with hundreds of resources dedicated to dismantling systemic racism. Katie showed a hint of this understanding on this season of VPR when she called out the police prank as problematic, and she’s backing that up with action.
What is happening now has nothing to do with the tragic death of George Floyd – criminal looting is stealing – our businesses hurt by COVID don’t deserve this!!! You are blessed to live in the USA. Leave our small businesses alone!
— Taylor Armstrong (@TaylorArmstrong) June 3, 2020
Taylor Armstrong is the kind of person who makes me want to stay off of Twitter right now. While she’s repeatedly condemned the murder of George Floyd, she doesn’t seem to get the larger issue here. She’s tweeted many times about looting and the effect on small businesses, and yesterday she added that the protestors are “blessed to live in the USA.” Really? I’m sure I can think of plenty of people who don’t feel blessed to live in a country that has systematically oppressed them for centuries, and to even suggest that is incredibly tone-deaf.
In another tweet, Taylor suggested that, because she is part Native American, she understands “heritage issues.” I don’t really know what she means by that, but I’m going to stop thinking about it before I get any more angry.
Candiace Dillard Bassett
In a powerful Twitter thread from last week, RHOP’s Candiace Dillard challenged non-Black allies to do better, saying that “the oppressed cannot drive out oppression on our own.” She called out those she works with, saying, “I’m disappointed that amongst my white colleagues, who have no problem using their platforms to promote their businesses, their clothing lines, their restaurants and everything in between, there has been virtual silence.” In the week since Candiace posted this, many more people have shown their support and joined the conversation, but this is an important message to remember even when Black Lives Matter isn’t trending. Being an ally is a 24/7 job, not just when there’s a hashtag to share.
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My kids researched and found this peaceful protest that we attended today. It was organized by teenagers and was 2k-3k strong. My girls made our signs and wanted to be the 1st ones there. You have to talk to your children so that they understand because they too want their voices heard. #blmbethesda #justiceforgeorgefloyd
RHOP’s Gizelle Bryant has been outspoken on social media, and on Tuesday, she posted that she brought her daughters to a protest. She specified that her daughters did the research to find the protest, made their own signs, and wanted to be the first ones there, which makes my heart so warm. The children, they really are the future.
If you’ve watched even one episode of RHONY, you probably know that Ramona Singer is a piece of work, and her behavior this week has been… frustrating. After saying nothing over the weekend, her first comment on the current situation was in the form of an “all lives matter” comment. Oof. She was called out by many, including castmate Leah McSweeney, and deleted the comment. Since then, she’s posted a couple times, and said Black Lives Matter, but she’s been quiet since her Blackout Tuesday post. It seems like Ramona got the message about not saying All Lives Matter, but I’m not convinced she actually cares, or plans to do anything more meaningful. Not necessarily surprising, but it’s too bad.
The majority of the Bravolebrities haven’t been problematic this week, but he’s be honest, our expectations for them are pretty low. It’s good that only a handful have been out here spreading bullsh*t, but the vast majority of them could still do way more. These are just some of the best and worst examples, but if you want a more in-depth list of each Housewife’s posts, writer Tracie Morrissey has meticulously catalogued them in her Instagram Story highlights.
Images: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com; itstanyatime, bravobybetches, braunwynwindhamburke, musickillskate, candeegal09, ramonasinger, evamarcille, gizellebryant / Instagram; kellybensimon, taylorarmstrong, iammrssamuels / Twitter
Greetings, children of the quarn, and come join me for the latest Vanderpump Rules recap. Truthfully, the only thing I remember about last week was how unintentionally hilarious Charli was. Judging by her Instagram follower count and her typical allotted amount of screen time per episode, she is pitifully underrated. Like, not to brag (but kind of to brag) but how do I, a certified jackass who just subtweets my Hinge dates and posts screenshots of those tweets to Instagram, have more followers than a regulation hottie on a hit TV show? I will try to not let this go to my head.
Narrator: She would, in fact, immediately let it go to her head.
It’s only been like, three episodes since Jax and Brittany’s wedding, and we’re already back on the wedding train with Katie and Tom’s fake Vegas wedding. Stassi and Sandoval are officiating the wedding together, because I guess Katie and Schwartz really do not want to be legally married. Just kidding, I’m sure Sandoval, at least, will get all the proper licensing. Stassi will probably just find a way to not really do her job and make it about her.
Seeing Danica, Scheana, and Charli go to an outdoor bar and order Aperol spritzes is giving me physical pangs of grief. I too remember those days!! Scheana’s not going to Katie and Tom’s wedding because she’s getting her eggs retrieved, and not because she wasn’t invited. Phew, I honestly wasn’t sure.
Meanwhile, at TomTom, Brett is telling Max that he made out with Dayna but it was only because he downed three fruity drinks right in a row and he never has carbs or alcohol! He definitely doesn’t like Dayna at all. This is shady.
Charli is once again the underrated MVP of this entire show with this quote: “To men in LA, vaginas don’t have a face.” New York is the same, in case anyone was wondering. Or is the problem just… men? More on this at 8.
Gonna be honest with you guys, I like, scrolled through Instagram for five solid minutes of Lisa pretending to buy shoes and everyone arriving in Vegas. I just watched McMillions yesterday and now I’m triggered by any and all B-roll footage.
Unfortunately for Dayna, she has been left at SUR to polish glasses—as if she would have been invited to Vegas in the first place. Scheana comes up to Dayna to tell her, once again, that she’s freezing her eggs. The thing is, I could easily make a joke about how it’s like… Nobody: Scheana: I’m freezing my eggs, but the saddest part is that still nobody ever listens to her.
Over in Vegas, Lala and Randall are talking in bed, and wow, they look really good here.
As Schwartz is unpacking, he pulls out a bra that is definitely not Katie’s, that just “happened” to end up in his suitcase. It is… pretty dark to watch Schwartz try to jokingly-not-jokingly gaslight Katie that it is, in fact, her bra, only to slink away when that doesn’t work, muttering, “I’m so f*cked.” Ohhh boy. This is not gonna be good.
Also in Vegas, not at all prompted by producers, Beau calls Stassi’s dad to ask his permission to marry her. Beau is sweating like a whore in church and stammering like… a whore confessing in church? I don’t know, I don’t go to church!
Things I did not need to know: Raquel is turned on by James’s sobriety. Yea, I’m not surprised that James is better at sex when he doesn’t have constant whiskey dick. Let’s move on.
Scheana’s doppelgänger waitress is crazy, but what’s even crazier is Stassi trying to flex like she doesn’t remember the name of Scheana’s song. She calls it “Sweet as Silver,” and like, bitch, we all know you know it’s “Good as Gold.” First of all, you heard it nonstop in the Pride parade. 44 donkey kicks to the ear, remember? Also, it is a bop, so put some goddamn respect on Scheana’s name.
It’s pretty wild that Schwartz is going to insist that he has nothing to hide vis-à-vis the bra situation, when we all saw him black out in Mexico and end up in a totally different resort. Just saying, it’s completely within the realm of possibility. But then we learn that Lisa put her underwear in there accidentally but also as a prank? I am confused, but honestly not upset with this turn of events.
Ariana’s reaction to the giant bottle of Casamigos is everything.
Bootleg Scheana continues to trip even Max and Lisa out, and predictably, she’s flirting with Max too. Is this a glitch in the Matrix, or do they just go to the same botox doctor? Where is Charli for a hilarious yet true quote about all the women in LA?
I’m also going to go out on a limb here and say that Max doesn’t get to dump Dayna/refuse to take her back and then try to forbid Brett from seeing her under the guise that he “has feelings” for her. Max is like, “if I can’t use Dayna for my storyline, no one can!”
Dayna and Danica are hanging out and she’s wearing some crazy sweatshirt with a chain situation. I love that they’re talking about the “magical website” where Danica shops that is definitely like, Fashion Nova.
I also love Danica trying to explain why Dayna and Brett aren’t a good match, in earnest, because Dayna is a Leo and Brett is a Pisces and “those two just don’t mix.” And then she makes an off-the-cuff remark about how two of her exes have restraining orders against her? Okay, one, who let her on this show? But also, like, who is only letting her have a minimal part in this show? This is a huge missed opportunity. We need more Danica content.
Katie and Schwartz’s fake wedding is pretty fun, and this is the best Katie has never looked. But um, super yikes that Stassi used her friend’s second wedding to sh*t on Beau for not proposing. I need to say it again because I’m not over it: yikes. Girl, get a grip.
Brett, Dayna, James, and Raquel are on the weirdest double date ever. Brett stumbles through a half-assed garden metaphor and then talks about how he….. has a fetish to drink his mom’s breast milk? Sorry, but that’s what I heard, guys.
Dayna remarks that Lisa “has a phat pussy”, and can we not with the Lala energy? I’m going to crawl into my own belly button like Stimpy in that one harrowing episode of Ren & Stimpy.
The next morning, Stassi calls room service in a fake British accent. I would knock it, but I’m about to be doing that with telemarketers in about a week just to get my kicks.
Unsurprisingly, Max f*cked Bootleg Scheana. You know what we call that? Brand loyalty.
The next day, the Bubbas are extremely hungover, and it’s the moment of truth to see if Tom was able to hang onto his marriage certificate…. Again. He did lose it, and I gotta say, this is on Katie this time for trusting him with it again.
Schwartz: Even without the piece of paper, we’re still legally married.
Katie: Actually that paper is like, the only thing that guarantees we are legally married.
Honestly guys, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Look at it this way: if you never get legally married, then you don’t have to deal with (or pay for) a divorce!
If you want more Vanderpump Rules content, check out our video with Kristen Doute from the Betches Instathon:
Images: runningdreamz / Twitter; Bravo
As a self-confessed Bravoholic, I revel in the happenings on our favorite Bravo shows, whether it’s the idiocy of Puppygate in last season’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or the garbage men that run rampant on every season of Southern Charm. And while I know a mother isn’t supposed to reveal her favorite child, I must confess that Vanderpump Rules is my personal jewel in the crown. From the moment it premiered seven years ago, the show has given us more drama than any scripted series ever could and a cast of beautiful surgically-enhanced train wrecks you can’t tear your eyes away from. In honor of the premiere of Vanderpump Rules season 8, I’ve rounded up the most under-appreciated moments of the series.
8. Scheana’s Crop Top Wedding Dress
Ms. Scheana Marie Jancan Shay is known for her many misguided choices. These usually involve men who are unavailable, either because they’re married or vying for camera time simply not that into her. However, the most embarrassing thing she’s ever done on the show was wear a crop top wedding gown in season 3. I’d describe it for you, but I’ll leave it to Stassi, who summed it up better than I ever could:
7. Story Time With Lala
Lala Kent is nothing if not an enigma. One minute, she’s masquerading as the show’s feminist hero, and the next she is completely unaware of what cis privilege means. In a scene from season 4 that is not discussed nearly enough, she beautifully showcases this when talking about the book she’s currently reading: “I was given a book called Fountainhead, which is by Ayn Rand. It’s a philosophical book and it’s about architecture and architects.” Sounds like the book report of a 9-year-old who didn’t read the book and put the movie on in the background while texting, but sure. I’ll leave it at that, because I don’t want to “get popped.”
6. Ariana, Feminist Hero
Season 7 was a breakout season for Ariana, not only because she showed us she’s more intelligent than her fellow SURvers by leaps and bounds, but also because she’s been open and honest about her sexuality and stood up for her trans castmate, Billie Lee. I especially appreciated her candor on being reluctant to get married and have children despite constant questions and pressure from the other cast members, including her own boyfriend: “Before I would even be comfortable considering the idea of having kids, I would need to check off all the places I wanna go in the world, which is kind of all of them. And I would also just like, I don’t know, want to?” Sorry Lala, but this is actually what a feminist looks like.
5. The Number One Guy In This Group
There’s never been anyone on television quite like Jason Michael Cauchi Jax Taylor. In season 4 he proved that his words could be just as unpredictable as his behavior during a conversation with Schwartz and Sandoval about Schwartz and Katie’s dysfunctional relationship. Schwartz gets up to take a break from the drama, and Jax utters the following to Sandoval in a glorious coke-induced rage: “Dude, stop acting like you’re the number one f*cking guy in this group, man. I’m the number one guy in this group!” The seriousness with which he delivers this absurd proclamation, with not even an iota of irony, is nothing short of magical.
4. James Kennedy’s Impersonations
Love him or hate him, James has delivered some of the best lines on this show (“PUMP-TINI!” “It’s not about the pasta!”). But less acknowledged and equally hysterical are his impressions of his fellow castmates. His impersonation of Stassi on the ground, literally “crawling back from New York” on the season 5 reunion was so hilarious that even Stassi couldn’t help but laugh. My personal favorite, however, is his reenactments of both Brittany and Jax reacting to the revelation of the infamous Jax-Faith recording. His “WHHHYYY?!?” is enough to convince me that he should star in the next reboot of A Streetcar Named Desire. Don’t @ me.
3. Sandoval’s Dramatic Drag Show
Joint bachelor/bachelorette parties are rarely a good idea, especially when the couple in question transforms into the worst versions of themselves after a couple shots of tequila. That said, we’re forever indebted to Katie and Schwartz for giving us what is perhaps Sandoval’s most melodramatic moment on this show, which is saying something. The image of him dressed in drag like a bootleg Sia and referring to his best friend as a “battered wife!” will forever be etched in the darkest recesses of my brain. The juxtaposition of his insane getup and the earnestness of his message is more than any of us deserve. We really are living in the golden age of television.
2. Jax and Faith’s Captive Audience
When it came out that Jax cheated on Brittany with Faith, the rest of the cast was downright shocked. Maybe it was because they collectively bought into the storyline genuinely believed that Jax was a changed man (LOL). However, not one person brought up the most horrifying detail of the encounter: that this all went down while Faith was inexplicably charged with the live-in care for a 95-year-old woman. Umm, WTF?! I can’t even begin to fathom how Faith was approved for this gig in the first place. We can only hope the poor woman was hopped up on one of her prescriptions and slept through this heinous encounter.
Actual footage of me watching this episode:
1. The Montages
The Vanderpump Rules editors (and Bravo editors in general) are the true unsung heroes of the show. They’re our Greek chorus, always ready to point out the cast’s lack of self-awareness, whether it’s a montage of every moment Sandoval got emotional during the entire run of the series, Kristen’s seasonal psychotic breaks, or the 48 tequila shots Schwartz took in Mexico leading him to wander off to a completely different hotel. Editors, we thank you for your service.
Of course, there are far too many gems that could’ve been included, but I have a day job and some semblance of a life. What underrated Vanderpump Rules moments did I miss (other than “Suck a dick,” “I am the devil, and don’t you forget it” and “I don’t know what I’ve done to you, but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio”—none of those are underrated). Let me know in the comments!
Images: Tommy Garcia/Bravo; Giphy (4); Tenor (2); Adderall and Compliments (2); badgalriri / Instagram
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Somebody tell Santa that he can cancel Christmas, because I’ve already gotten the perfect gift. Bravo just announced that Vanderpump Rules season 8 is scheduled to premiere on January 7, 2020 and I can’t imagine a better way to ring in a new decade than with an extra 10 pounds on my waistline and a middle-aged wait staff struggling to remember if they cheated on each other on my TV screen. And Bravo dropped the trailer on Friday! Andy Cohen, you’re too good to me. Based on what we know, it looks like this is going to be (to borrow a phrase from real life angel, Chris Harrison) the most dramatic season EVER. And I’m not basing this solely on the trailer—oh no, there has been sh*t going down during this off-season. We’re talking social media unfollows, vaguely negative comments, and people not showing up at parties. This is LEGIT. So, I’m going to gather up all this evidence, call myself Veronica Mars, and piece this season together for you.
The Witches Of WeHo Break Up
Rumors have been brewing (get it, because they’re witches? Sorry, I hate myself too) that Katie, Kristen, and Stassi have been having problems lately. Back in October, Stassi confirmed those rumors on her podcast by saying, “If taking a break from someone is a b*tch move and makes me nasty, then I don’t give a f*ck.” Wow. Way to sound like a passive-aggressive ex-girlfriend airing her grievances on Facebook, Stassi. Kristen also confirmed that they had a falling out, saying she doesn’t really know why it happened (classic Kristen, she was probably blacked out during the fight). Whatever happened, Kristen, I bet a hundred bucks you were chain smoking and calling someone the c-word when it went down!
In the trailer, we see a very brief snippet of a fight between the women. In it, Katie says that Kristen is being obnoxious. Fair. Kristen says Katie is being a b*tch. Also fair. To be honest, with personalities like that, it’s a miracle any of these people ever have friends.
It looks like some of the cast could be patching things up, though, because Brittany just posted an Insta story of a bunch of them on their way to the People’s Choice Awards, and Kristen was there.
It seems like Stassi may be the last holdout, because she wasn’t with them last night (she was in New York), and she hasn’t posted a picture with Kristen since July.
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And is it just me or does that picture appear coerced for the sake of their wine business? Which leads me to my most important question, WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE WINE? I need answers, Andy. Mediocre Pinot Grigio is at stake!
Jax And Sandoval Are Also Feuding
Back in August, E! News reported that Jax unfollowed a number of his co-stars, including Sandoval, Ariana, Kristen, and Scheana. This must have happened after his wedding to Brittany, because the Toms were co-best men at the event. So what is up between the old (very old, Jax is 40! Don’t think I’d forget to bring that up) friends?
In the trailer, we see a fight between the two men, with Sandoval screaming, asking if Jax even knows him at all. He’s near tears, with nary a dog in sight to dry them. It’s rough.
According to, once again, E! News, the fight was over Lance Bass (!!!!) officiating Jax and Brittany’s wedding. Apparently Tom and Ariana claimed Jax only picked Lance because he is a celebrity, and for some reason are taking issue with that. Well, first of all, who wouldn’t want a celebrity officiating their wedding? Second of all, it’s 2019, not 2001, so I think that the word “celebrity” is a little generous for Lance Bass. And third of all, let’s not act like you all aren’t after fame, mmkay. I say they rip off their chunky cardigans, fight it out in a parking lot, and move on.
The New People Bring The Cheating Drama
Since a lot of our OGs are pretty solidly coupled up (except Kristen *insert evil laugh*), it’s up to the new cast members to bring the cheating drama. Based on the preview, it looks like Dayna has drama with Max. He says he’s interested in her, but she seems to think he is exclusively dating someone else. Later in the preview, Max accuses Brett of having feelings for Dayna. Am I getting these people right? If I’m mixing them up, my apologies, but also can Bravo apologize for casting two dudes that look identical? It makes me thankful for the days of Sandoval’s Flock of Seagulls hairdo, because at least he couldn’t be confused with anyone except a time traveler from 1982.
I attempted to do some Instagram digging for you all and get some answers, but Brett exclusively posts pictures of himself in varying states of undress, and Dayna and Max appear to have kept their love lives off the platform. Gotta stay tight-lipped about those storylines to get a contract renewal, I guess!
^^Max and Brett together, so I guess they’re not actually the same person
Scheana Continues To Try To Be The Bachelorette
People write in asking Reality Steve if Scheana is going to be the Bachelorette as often as I tell myself “the diet starts tomorrow.” His answer is always a variation on “Hell no, I just snorted Sprite out of my nostrils in response,” but that’s not for lack of trying. Last season we saw Scheana attempt to recreate her Bachelorette fantasy with human Ken doll Robbie Hayes, which had about as much chemistry as a dog on a date with a lamp. And back in September, Bustle reported that she was getting cozy with DeMario Jackson, although they are both claiming they’re just friends.
Stop trying to make The Bachelorette happen, Scheana, it’s never going to happen! What I don’t understand is that she’s on a reality show now that she gets to be on EVERY season. Why does she desperately want to be on a show with an expiration date? Although, she was basically non-existent in this trailer, so perhaps it is time for her to look for another job…
There Are Way Too Many People On This Show
Okay, so this is less of a prediction and more of a fact, but I feel like Vanderpump Rules season 8 is truly a challenge to the show’s video editors, to see how many people they can squeeze into one credit sequence. So many cast members and yet still no Peter. When will he get his due? Justice for Peter!!
And that’s what’s going to happen on Season 8 based on the trailer, social media, and gossip! You’re welcome for my hard work, and I think we can all agree that if there’s one thing we know for SURE about this upcoming season, it’s that Brittany is my spirit animal.
Can’t wait for January!
Images: Giphy (2); issamaximillian, scheana/Instagram; Bravo
Between the drink throwing, the cheating, and the verbal lashings these people dish out and take each week, the Vanderpump Rules cast has turned reality television into an art form. It almost makes us forget that they first flocked to Los Angeles to, ya know, follow their dreams of acting and modeling. These people have so, so, SO much to be ashamed of based off their show alone, but there’s even more shameful stuff in their past. Let’s take a look at the highlights of their slightly less embarrassing, hilariously underwhelming iMDb pages and lackluster portfolios before they became reality show riot-makers.
Kristen Doute Was In An Award-Winning Movie
Every struggling actress dreams of being in a movie that has received acclaim from the Michigan Film Awards or the Honolulu Film Awards. Turns out our very own Kristen Doute starred in a movie that got awards from both esteemed festivals, plus the highly coveted Golden Ace Award at the Las Vegas Film Festival! Why, oh why did she let her reality television show and T-shirt line get in the way of becoming the next Meryl Streep?
I honestly have no idea what’s going on in this trailer, so I really feel compelled to watch it in full to understand what the hell is going on. Plus, the lawyer in it seems like the kind of guy that would buy me a vodka soda at a Lower East Side bar and invite me back to “The Ski Lodge,” which is code for his Upper East Side apartment where he does tons of cocaine. This so happens to be my type, which means I am all in on this movie. The plot says that the movie is about a young artist and her lawyer’s lives intersecting, but all I see is a hot mess.
Stassi’s Embarrassing Makeup Commercial
After watching this commercial, I’ve decided that Stassi is never allowed to make fun of Scheana’s showcases or makeup ever again. In fact, I don’t think Stassi is allowed to make fun of anyone else ever again because this commercial is a travesty. It consists of Stassi preening while wearing a makeover that I can only assume was given to her by someone who has a personal vendetta against her.
I thought her costume jewelry phase was her worst look ever, but then I saw Stassi wearing this sarong that was probably purchased at a Sandal’s Resort gift shop. And can we talk about that other white corset and underwear paired with black stockings? I don’t know about you, but when I think of beach apparel, I TOTALLY think of wearing something from the clearance rack from Frederick’s of Hollywood.
But to Stassi’s credit, you can tell she is totally over this commercial because she’s grooving to the music with the enthusiasm of someone waiting at the DMV. Can you blame her, though? This music is probably what they play while they put you on hold when you call a Hawaiian Holiday Inn Express. Based off the hair color she has in this commercial, I think this is around the time she was dating Jax and paying for all his bills. (Again, I know way too much about these people.)
Beau Was In A Lifehouse Music Video
The only reason I remember this song from the VH1 Top 20 Music Video Countdown is because the beginning chords were the reason I would switch the channel until this song was over. So no, I have not seen in in full and that’s why I never made the connection that Beau was in this video. He’s so adorable here, even if his #OOTD was a PacSun T-shirt over a long sleeved T-shirt. Hey, that was the “style” at the time! We could’ve gone without the attempt at Pete Wentz hair gone wrong, though. However, Beau’s not adorable enough for me to make me endure a song by a band that’s like Maroon 5, only not fueled by Monster Energy Drinks and a secondhand high from fumes of too much hair products.
Lisa Vanderpump Was In An Episode Of ‘Baywatch Nights’
We honestly though Lisa could do no wrong until we saw that episode of her in Baywatch Nights. Not Baywatch. Baywatch Nights, the knock-off version of Baywatch that starred David Hasselhoff (because it’s not like he has anything better to do) and the chick from Agent Cody Banks (I’m sure she’s done other stuff but that’s all I remember her for). Lisa played a manager of a posh beach club that is constantly clad in pink. So essentially, she was playing herself. Surprisingly enough, however, she played the villain for once because she couldn’t persuade the producers to give her a good edit like she usually does. And I forced myself to watch the episode until I finally caught a glimpse of the HBIC herself. And TBH, I continued to watch the show because for some reason I just couldn’t stop. It was an over the top train wreck starring ridiculously good-looking people with a SoCal backdrop. Does this sound like a familiar formula for trashy television to you?
Lala’s Low-Rent Modeling Career
In her older Instagram stories, Lala was pretty open about how she used to model for um…lower end lines back in the day. I mean, check out these prom dresses:
I wish I were trashy-hot enough to pull this off, but I guess that’s just not my journey. Also, I wish I were hot enough to even have a prom date, but that wasn’t my journey either.
Lala also dabbled in modeling for tops they sell on Groupon, but you can only see the bottom half of her face. I say this as someone who judges almost everyone for almost everything: I’m not hating on her for modeling for lower end clothing lines. I can’t hate on her for shilling an inexpensive top that would be perfect for any woman trying to cover up the fact that they’ve given up on their diet for the past couple of days. I understand having to pinch pennies, because just last week I had to spread buying a bottle of water over two credit cards. However, I am side-eying her for throwing shade at flying coach and having 50 different names for “private jet” when she modeled clothes that aren’t exactly Fendi.
Also, I’m judging her for modeling in this sex pill ad too. It’s not the sex pill ad I’m hating on, it’s the guy she’s pretending to be attracted to. If this low-rent Dan Bilzerian unbuttoned one more button, he’d look like J.Lo at the Grammy’s in 2000.
Katie Was In ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’
I kind of remember seeing He’s Just Not That Into You because it was 2009 and I was doing whatever I could to support Jennifer Aniston’s rocky transition from television to film. Turns out, Katie had a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo as a girl who nodded a few times and looked vaguely sympathetic while rocking a serious “I’d like to speak to your manager” haircut. Katie should really teach a seminar on method acting.
Dear, sweet Raquel Leviss. When James Kennedy’s pageant girlfriend officially joined the Vanderpump Rules cast this year, no one was sure what to expect. We knew her as soft-spoken, college-aged, and possibly delusional about James’ alleged cheating. This season, as the rest of the cast turns against James, Raquel has decided to show her personality. This is happening both on-camera and off, as Raquel has decided to talk sh*t online about James’ former friends. This is the kind of drama I live for.
Exhibit A: Today, Raquel posted this tweet sharing an article discussing the feud between Lala and Billie Lee. Her caption? “Lala Kent Joins The Mean Girls Club And Never Looks Back.”
Lala Kent Joins the Mean Girls Club and Never Looks Back https://t.co/FOZaoOtenQ
— Raquel Leviss (@RaquelLeviss) January 22, 2019
Okay Raquel! Given your interactions with Lala last year, in which you asked her to please stop sitting on your boyfriend’s lap quite so much, I guess it’s not totally shocking that you’re going after her now. But if you’re hating on her for hanging out less with your boyfriend, that does seem a little counter-intuitive to me! (Yeah, I will not for a second pretend Raquel’s real stake in this is somehow about Billie Lee.)
In Exhibit B of Raquel’s (admittedly pretty tame) shade, we have her comment on this Instagram from Tom Sandoval. He’s announcing a “Spicy Tequila Tuesday” that he’s hosting at SUR (guess Girl’s Night In was not a huge success after all).
Raquel responds to this news (screenshotted below) with the following comment: “You’ve got me thinking about what I would call my Tuesday night.” Innocent enough, but in my opinion, this is a dig that pretty much anyone can have their own Tuesday night now that James’ super-successful event is out of the mix.
Lest you think that Raquel Leviss is taking over James Kennedy’s title as Queen of Internet Shade, James was quick to get in on the action here too. On Tom’s Tuesday night post, he responded to a comment saying, “We Want C YOU NEXT TUESDAY!” by tagging Lisa Vanderpump herself and Guillermo Zapata, the other owner of SUR whose last name you probably never knew. (Did anyone else read that comment in a “Pump-ti-ni!!” voice btw?)
Honestly, James and Lisa better be on good enough terms that this reads as something of a joke. Otherwise he is literally just sad at home tagging his ex-boss on Instagram to say “SEE YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE FIRED ME!” If possible, it is even sadder than drunk-tagging an ex.
Honestly, I’m always up for a new girl stirring the pot. Raquel, I may find your home decor Instagram stories insufferable, bur I am here for any and all petty fights you’d like to start.
Images: Twitter; Instagram
While I’ve absolutely loved this season of Vanderpump Rules so far,I’ve loved the off-camera drama even more. AKA James Kennedy’s multiple meltdowns between aired episodes, as his life slowly unravels on screen. The latest in this series? An Instagram statement from James Kennedy’s mother, Jacqueline Georgiou. Before I tear this woman to shreds begin, I’d like to acknowledge her struggle with alcoholism, and put forth my sympathies for how it has affected both her life and the lives of her children. THAT BEING SAID: James Kennedy’s mother has had more than enough time to thoughtfully respond to his behavior, and the fact that this is what she comes up with is halfway between hysterically funny and rage blackout-inducing. Let’s dive in, shall we?
In case you haven’t been avidly watching, here’s a quick recap of James Kennedy this season. He rapped about Jax sleeping with Faith while Brittany was working at SUR, then got drunk and body-shamed Katie at Pride. Lisa promptly fired him from SUR for both his alcohol problem and his treatment of the women who work there. (If you’re on board with the logic of that sentence, congratulations. You’re already miles beyond Kennedy’s mother’s understanding.) In last week’s episode, Lisa Vanderpump met with James’ mother, Jacqueline. We learned that Jacqueline is nine months sober (very sincere congrats!), and struggling to justify her past failures as a mother (also congrats, important step).
On the not-so-great side, she also said James was entitled to his behavior because he was “provoked.” She also told Lisa she “can’t give up on James” because he considers Lisa a “mother figure.” To which Lisa responded, as gently as possible for such an obvious burn: “no, you are his mother figure.”
Next, James doubled down on all his crazy by talking sh*t about the recent deaths of Lala and Jax’s fathers. (A risky move! Do not recommend!) Lala, not to be outdone, screenshotted the VPR scene with James’ mom and posted an Instagram story, captioned like this. “Is this for real? Did this woman actually raise someone?” It’s unclear whether this was the final straw for Jacqueline, but we now have her response.
I’m too lazy to re-type the whole thing You’ve waited long enough, so I’ll put the statement in full here for you to peruse.
Done? Still breathing? Excellent. Many, many comments off the bat from me! In a baffling first move, she begins with the phrase “to whom it may concern.” I understand this is (to an extent) celebrity Notes app protocol, but it’s also a phrase that feels overly formal when used in a cover letter, let alone an Instagrammed picture of a note handwritten on a piece of looseleaf. Also, someone should inform Jacqueline that Notes app exists, because the handwritten aspect makes it that much more upsetting.
Next! It is shocking to me how little anyone even peripherally involved with VPR understands what “feminism” means. And they use the word all the god*mn time! In this instance, Jacqueline accuses Katie of “claim to be a feminist then play victim.” While “playing victim” is generally a bad move, I kind of fail to see what it has to do with “claiming” to be a feminist. Maybe Jacqueline is one of those feminists who believes women showing any kind of weakness detracts from the whole movement, but I think more likely she doesn’t care about feminism or anything really other than continuing her moment of fame. Which will very, very swiftly end if James is not reinstated at SUR.
On this particular incident, she also defends James by saying he “never used the word ‘fat’” (low bar there, Jackie), “nor did he speak to Katie first.” Ok but Jackie!!! Inappropriate comments do not have to come out of a void to be inappropriate. And the fact that you can’t condone, even a little bit, what he did say to Katie makes it impossible to take anything else you might say seriously. Sorry!
On the Kristen/Hope situation, she has a similar take (TL;DR James is blameless, hire him back). Yes, Kristen has a serious problem when it comes to finding people’s past hookups and bringing them to their workplace, but Jacqueline manages to void her criticism on this point too. She refers to it as “harassment (single white female style),” at which point I became incapable of thinking about anything Kristen has done wrong and could only focus on how truly insane this woman is. Also, if all else fails I hope James releases a single titled “harassment (single white female style)”.
The note wraps up with a few more baffling moments, like the mention that “Ms. Doute repeatedly beat the shit out of my son on previous episodes.” (Was it repeatedly? Not that once is okay—just trying to gauge how mentally sound this letter writer is). There’s also “Mother figure…anyone with ½ a brain should know what I meant.” (Lisa did know what you meant! She just wasn’t down for you to offload your maternal responsibility!) She finishes off with a note to “all you judges and jurors,” who she warns “before you speak and give your opinion,” “unless you are living your best ‘Oprah Life’ then SYMFM.” I cannot find backup for this on the internet, strangely, but I can only assume that stands for “shut your mother f*cking mouth.” What “your best ‘Oprah Life’” means, I can’t begin to guess at.
Finally, Jacqueline signs the note like this: “Jacqueline Georgiou/Mother.” Because honestly, after reading through that, you may have been tempted to forget that she’s an adult woman, let alone a mother. I can’t f*cking wait to see James’ response to this, and I can only hope it’s half as savage as me tearing my mother apart in middle school for calling my teacher when I got in trouble. Until the next tweet storm, have a great weekend!
Images: Giphy (3); @jacquelinegeorgiou / Instagram
New year, new me, am I right? Not if you’re DJ James Kennedy (AKA the white Kanye West). In a turn of events that may shock you for someone with this nickname, James Kennedy kicked the new year off with a series of questionable tweets. If you’ve been watching Vanderpump Rules, you’ll know that James has been getting heat from fellow cast members after body-shaming costar Katie Maloney. Oh, and rapping about Jax cheating on Brittany while she was working. And also kind of for cheating on his girlfriend two years ago? How many episodes are we in again? What year is it? Anyway, James had a bad week, which in the VPR universe means he was uninvited from a birthday party and lost his job. Here’s the rundown of the first James Kennedy Twitter meltdown of 2019.
Let’s start with a screenshotted January 2nd tweet uploaded by Brittany:
The disgust continues. @itsjameskennedy I pray YOU will find peace some day. pic.twitter.com/OywfbyoRgC
— Brittany Cartwright (@BNCartwright) January 2, 2019
In case you’re too lazy to click on her tweet and read the quoted text, here’s what he says. “And Jax?! He is just a sad man after his daddy died. Coming for me cause I’m the only man he don’t like- brother make peace with your dead father please so you can be set free that’s goes for Lala also. Btw he made fun of George when he left.” As a side note, I cannot figure out who George is and it’s driving me wild. Fan theories in the comments please.
In other good news, James was apparently still
drunk mad when he read Brittany’s tweet, because he responded with the following:
Wow…. just wow. pic.twitter.com/qOOKYquerR
— Jax (@mrjaxtaylor) January 3, 2019
Yes James. In case your drunkenness isn’t evident from the content of what you’re posting, please add random periods to drive the point home. Brilliant. Eventually, James—because he has publicists who require him to keep making money—deleted his tweets and tried two very different tactics to get out of this. First, the “I got hacked,” with a side of blatant lying about how he is perceived by the public. (James Kennedy? Positive? I think not.)
@mrjaxtaylor I don’t buy this pic.twitter.com/TV0YWuY6fR
— Lisa (@txldallas) January 2, 2019
Then, the sincere apology with a side of “but it wasn’t my fault because I was provoked.” Quick note to any celebs in need of PR guidance out there—you should do ONE or THE OTHER of these. Both is the worst look imaginable.
Hey I’m sorry for what I said about Jax and Lala and I apologize deeply to them and anyone I offended. I hope you guys also stop provoking me, thank you and I wish everyone a happy new year.
— James Kennedy (@itsjameskennedy) January 3, 2019
Jax and Brittany continued offering up swift rejections of this apology, with Jax
doing the lord’s work posting new screenshotted evidence from James’ drunken Twitter spree as well.
There is a difference between someone who notices his wrongs and changes everything about his life for the better and someone who just doesn’t care who he hurts no matter what and has no intention of admitting his wrongs or changing. We know what’s real. Y’all see 30 mins
— Brittany Cartwright (@BNCartwright) January 3, 2019
Wow.. again with insulting women. After he just apologized. You are a joke my friend. You must seriously hate who are as a person. https://t.co/vDzOlC8Ba9
— Jax (@mrjaxtaylor) January 3, 2019
My favorite part of this whole drama is from an hour ago, in which Jax Taylor continues to rain hell down on James in whatever way he can. This time, it’s by tearing down a tweet Raquel posted from the Vanderpump dog show. According to Jax, Raquel “attempted to bid” on a puppy, “looked for money from James,” (who “has none so he bolted”), and then was ultimately rejected as a dog owner out of hand by Lisa—who “told the auctioneer “no way” and gave to the next bidder. Is any of this related to the rest of James’ tweets? Nope! But you’re out of your mind if you think I’m missing the opportunity to include some dog show drama.
You did not get out bid, we sat 10 feet from you when you attempted to bid on the puppy, you looked for money from James, he has none so he bolted and then Lisa saw it was you and told the auctioneer “no way” and gave to the next bidder. How can you lie when 300 people saw this. pic.twitter.com/tJvLFy5unN
— Jax (@mrjaxtaylor) January 3, 2019
And there you have it! Only three days into 2019, and if the James Kennedy Twitter meltdown is any indication, his resolutions are off to a great start. (I can only assume they were “drink less” and “win my friends back,” both of which are going exceedingly poorly right now.) If Jax’s resolutions, on the other hand, were “be more petty” and “continue to use Twitter as a catalog of personal vendettas,” then I’d say he’s doing great. I don’t usually like to support anything Jax does (gtfo with Mamaw’s Beer Cheese), but I’m really enjoying these twitter clap backs.
Images: Shutterstock; Twitter; Twitter; Twitter