Dear Idiots,
Logging on to social media today consists of scrolling through pictures of dogs doing cute shit, engagement photos, weird fucking memes, racist posts from people in your Trump-supporting hometown, and an inexplicable showcase of really, fucking godawful grammar.
There are obvi more egregious offenses on social media than the occasional confusion of “your” and “you’re,” but it’s really just unbelievable that Americans are so incapable of fundamental English—especially when those same Americans accuse immigrants of not speaking English. But that’s for a different letter. I mean, really, have you ever checked out the comments on a celebrity’s Instagram?
“Your the worst.”
“They’re really aren’t any reasons you should have done that plastic surgery on you’re body”
“Chrissy Teigen, you can do whatever you want weather or not I like you.”
Two things.
1. I was really hoping 2017 would bring about a new generation of people commenting on celebrity social media platforms who don’t actually expecting a response.
2. HOW do you fucking idiots not know basic grammar?
There’s honestly nothing worse than hitting it off with a bro at a bar and getting a text the next morning that says something to the effect of “your something else lol.” Charlie from the University of Wisconsin, you are now dead to me.
Let’s assume that (unfortunately) most of the individuals in our great country posting these innocuous messages have some form of formal education. In the 2012-2013 school year, the United States had an 81 percent high school graduation rate, its highest ever. Inevitably, a portion of these graduates are receiving a diploma without a basic knowledge of English grammar.
Before you write me off as a huge raging bitch, I’ll concede there are certain rules that I am perfectly fine with my creepy uncle never mastering in his Facebook rants. The proper use of “who” and “whom,” for example. I don’t give a shit.
But the next person who tries to diss me with a “your the bitch comment”….I’ll realistically do nothing, but I’ll continue to be really fucking annoyed.
If Ross from Friends can sum up the difference between “your” and “you’re” in one fucking sentence, your ass should have figured it out in the two-plus decades you’ve been alive. Honestly, the fact that Rachel fucked it up in her 18-page letter should’ve been all the reason Ross needed to walk away from her and never look back, but we’re not here to critique the merits of one of the greatest shows of all time. But for all of you who are grammatically challenged:
Now get YOUR shit together.
Sincerely,
The Betches
