Do You Have ‘The Ick’ Or Do You Just Have Great Instincts?

I understand icks on a deeply personal level. Ick fluency, if you will. One time, I stopped seeing a man because he sang too much. Sure, he wanted to become a singer, but sir, why are you sending me voice notes of you narrating your day via song? Another time, I realized I could never love a man who mumbled. I was exhausted from saying “What?” five times in a row, only for him to repeat the same mush-mouthed sentence like I suddenly gained superhuman hearing. And don’t even get me started on the man who pronounced “salmon” with the “L.”

The ick is more than just mild annoyance — it’s visceral, immediate, and almost impossible to unsee. But why does it happen? And more importantly, should we fight against it, or is our subconscious doing us a favor?

Why Do People Get The Ick?

According to Leah Levi, psychologist and dating expert for sexploration dating app Flure, “the ick” is not a slow-burning realization — it’s a full-body shutdown that can happen instantly. “It’s an intense, almost physical feeling of repulsion that can turn attraction into resentment in an instant,” Levi tells Betches. Basically, one second, you’re into someone, and the next, they slurp their soup a little too loudly, and suddenly, your soul is trying to eject them from your life.

Levi explains that “the ick” isn’t always logical — it’s more instinctual. “Your brain registers something, maybe a tiny trait or unexpected mannerism, and immediately decides, ‘Nope.’” Sometimes, it’s your subconscious picking up on real incompatibility. But other times, it’s just proof that attraction is a delicate, fickle thing.

Interestingly, Levi says “the ick” can also be a defense mechanism. “It can be an instinctual rejection of a trait that clashes with your desires or long-term compatibility. But sometimes, it’s a reaction to emotional closeness — if you weren’t that into them to begin with, their quirks start feeling unbearable instead of endearing.” Translation: Your brain is either protecting you from a bad match or just being dramatic.

Should You Ever Look Past An Ick?

According to Levi, it depends. If “the ick” is just a fleeting discomfort, it might fade over time. “If it’s temporary awkwardness, you might be able to move past it,” she says. But if you’re still repulsed after a while, it’s probably a sign that something fundamental isn’t working. “While love is a choice, attraction isn’t. It’s part instinct, part chemistry, and if something in you is recoiling, it’s worth listening to.”

She also warns that trying to force past “the ick” can backfire. “It can lead to resentment. Sometimes, it’s just your intuition doing you a favor,” she says. So if you find yourself actively repulsed by the way your date chews gum or breathes too loud, maybe your gut is just screaming, “Abort mission!”

At the end of the day, “the ick” is deeply personal. “What gives you ‘the ick’ might not bother someone else at all, meaning it’s more about your internal wiring than the other person’s worth,” she says. So maybe it’s not entirely fair to judge a man for the way he holds a fork — but will that stop me? Absolutely not.