Gwyneth Paltrow Ski Trial Musical *Leaked* Songs List

The hottest new musical is hitting London this December, and Lin-Manuel Miranda had nothing to do with it. Gwyneth Paltrow’s highly-publicized 2023 court battle is getting the musical treatment. The synopsis for the play, perfectly titled, “Gwyneth Goes Skiing,” reads, “She’s the Goop-founding, Door-Sliding, Shakespeare-In-Loving, consciously-uncoupling Hollywood superstar. He’s a retired Optometrist from Utah. In 2016, they went skiing. On the slopes of Deer Valley, their worlds collided, and so did they – literally. Ouch. Seven years later in 2023, they went to court. Double ouch. This is their story. Kind of. Not really. But also, it’s at Christmas.” Smells like a Tony to me.

To jog your memory. 76-year-old retired optometrist Terry Sanderson initially sued Gwyneth for $3 million for his injuries from the ski accident. That suit was dismissed, so he amended his claim to $300,000. He said GP caused a violent collision, while GP said he was overstating his injuries and trying to exploit her wealth. The whole thing was a circus, with the plaintiff’s lawyer Kristin Vanorman fan-girling over Gwyneth and Gwyneth not hiding her blasé attitude in the slightest.

While I was hoping to see this made into the perfect Ryan Murphy production starring Sara Paulson, a musical adaptation is fitting. Luckily, we got our hands on a “Gwyneth Goes Skiing” playbill and our minds are already filled with earworms about GP’s innocence.

See the *leaked* playbill below.

ACT I

“Welcome to Utah!”

Ensemble

“Ski You Later”

Gwyneth Paltrow and Terry Sanderson

“Oh Deer (Valley)”

Terry Sanderson

“1, 2, 3 Million”

Terry Sanderson, Lawrence Buhler, Kristin Vanorman

“Optimistic Optometrist”

Terry Sanderson