“Gather ’round children, and hear the Good Word. It is time to worship at the Church of Weed. Grab your budbles and turn to page 420 for a reading from the book of Highsaiah. We’ll be passing around a donation bowl, please feel free to fill it with anything you can spare. Every nugget helps. Now, please stand for a word from Bishop Grand Daddy Purp who will begin our service by lighting the sacred incense and putting a towel under the door.”
As you probably know by now based on your stoner friend’s frequent Instas there, Colorado has long been a refuge for potheads everywhere, but now they’re really figuring out how to take this shit to the next level. Starting this Thursday (which, reminder is 4/20, so be sure to make any purchases you need now), there will be a new church in Denver that’s completely devoted to getting stoned out of your mind.
It’s called the International Church of Cannabis, and it sounds super legit. The people running it refer to themselves as “elevationists,” which is pretty brilliant because it sounds like something some old Pope dude would have come up with in the 1700s, but it also just means they’re blazed all the time. They believe that an “individual’s spiritual journey, and search for meaning, is one of self-discovery that can be accelerated and deepened with ritual cannabis use.” Sounds good to us. Also, I guess I’m like, pretty far along on my spiritual journey of self-discovery. I must be a shaman by now or some shit. This mission statement also leaves a lot of room for people with diverse interests to join. Like, maybe you’re not quite sure you need a journey of self-discovery (that’s what my therapist is for, thanks), but are absolutely in favor of ritual cannabis use. There’s something for everyone.
Their website refers to pot as “the sacred flower,” and is considered a sacrement, which is basically the same shit Catholics pulled back in the day so that they could have a little wine mid-mass. “No no, Jesus wants us to have some. It’s uh…his blood. Anyway, somebody got a wine key or should I go to the store during the homily?” But unlike Catholic Churches, The International Curch of Cannabis has foregone the whole “stained glass windows and guilt” aesthetic and painted their entire church like a rainbow kaleidoscope to help you really get in that…um…spiritual mood. They also have membership cards, which is probably the most badass souvenir you could get on your trip to Colorado, and you can actually bring it back home on the plane.
In a classic move, the founder of the church says they’re not just total stoners, and that they really want to help out the community, which is exactly what my dealer says whenever he offers me a deal on edibles. And sure, maybe this guy is some kind of spiritual guru, but he’s also clearly a total fucking stoner. It’s cool man, no judgment here. Just give us time to find our vape pen and we’ll be on the next flight to Denver to worship right along side you.
