There are things that have happened in the past that seriously just need to stay in the fucking past, especially when it comes to fashion. I know it’s been said that fashion tends to repeat itself, but now that I’ve seen literally every staple that was in my closet pre-puberty, I feel nauseatingly ancient AF. Case in point: slide sandals. First, there were the OG Nike slides that basketball douchebags only wore with socks (and yet they still do, GROW UP). Flash forward a decade, everyone suddenly acted like they blacked out during their entire childhood because they all flipped the fuck out when Rihanna brought back the iconic jelly slides. Ya, okay, they were only cool because they were transparent and as a child, you get easily entertained. As a twentysomething adult? I’m going to go ahead and say you need to leave that shit in the past. But since we’re in the 21st century, everything old is new again (yeah, you can quote me on that) so if you desperately want to fit in, here are some chic slides you have to buy:
1. FENTY Puma x Rihanna Women’s Satin Bandana Pool Slide Sandals
People are not only going crazy over the jelly style of Rihanna’s FENTY Puma slides, but this pair has constantly been selling out too. In addition to pink, they also come in green and white (but pink is the best, obvi) with a satin bow. They’re comfortable and give off many Paris Hilton vibes. I guess these are tolerable.
2. Steve Madden Women’s Softey Pool Slides
Even though I’m totally shitting on slides rn, I tend to grow a little weaker every time I see someone rocking a furry style. Probably because they look comfier than anything I’ve ever owned and also because this means I can totally get away with wearing slippers out in public. I’m not going to admit whether I’ve actually done that because it’s currently not the right place or time, but let’s just say desperate times call for desperate measures. P.S. No animals or Cam’rons were harmed in the making of this shoe, so you can breathe now.
3. Kate Spade New York Brie Slides
These just barely make it over the line of acceptable to wear out to a winery or some other upscale event. With a polished chain and white fringe detail, make sure to choose your outfit wisely. Opt for a casual summer dress or your go-to everyday jeans for a clean, classy look that isn’t over the top.
4. Schutz Carmem Toe Ring Slides
The more I look at these, the more I convince myself to pull my card out because I have no self-control when it comes to shopping. These are v stylish and modern for your typical slides. The bright colors make a perfect addition to any outfit. You might have RBF, but whenever someone appreciates your shoe game, they’ll see you’re not so much of a bitch if you can wear a color other than black.
5. Sol Sana Twisted Slide
If you’re low-key the world’s biggest hypocrite because you think slides are kind of ridiculous and you’ve shat on them so many times to your friends but now you’re starting to think they look cute (aka me), then this pair might be the one to go for. Featuring only the most basic colors EVER, these aren’t obnoxious enough to draw a lot of attention so you’ll subtly still fit in, despite how much shit you talk.
6. Anthropologie Anisa Slide Sandals
Get a pair of slides that take your average outfit to the next level, literally, with a slip on style that features a 2 inch heel. You’ll dip it low all night long in these. The neutral colors allow you to wear them to work (lame) or for your next alcohol binge (yay).
7. FENTY Puma x Rihanna Jelly Slides
At first, I only added these as a joke, but I also know that you’re definitely a basic betch who just needs to get her hands on a pair of jellies—just for old times’ sake, you know? If you really just have to be that girl, only wear them near a body of water. Not to Trader Joe’s and don’t even think about going near a bar in them. Just don’t do it okay, promise?? Now, everybody take some rubbers jellies.
