2020, amirite? That’s it, that’s the article.
I’m kidding! But seriously, have all years just gotten progressively worse, or does it only feel this way because of the 24-hour news cycle and advent of social media making it impossible to escape or stop talking about the bad news? Or is this the inevitable byproduct of capitalism, racism, environmental injustice, and fascism going unchecked and reaching a boiling point? Too deep for this article? Too deep for this article. If you thought the “Trump is going to tweet us into WWIII” phase of 2020 felt like forever ago, allow me to send you off the deep end by taking it a step further and reminiscing on huge cultural events that seem like they happened in another lifetime, but in fact, only took place in 2019. Get ready to go off a proverbial cliff.
Jordyn Woods Went On Red Table Talk
I remember it like it was both yesterday and 17 years ago: we were all in the office (a physical office, can you imagine?), gathered around the flat-screen TV, watching Jordyn Woods go on Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith to discuss her alleged tryst with Tristan Thompson. It was the kiss heard ’round the world: Jordyn, BFF of Kylie Jenner, smooching the baby daddy and ex of Kylie’s sister? It was a wild time. The memes. The jokes. The memes again. I miss it more than I miss some of my actual friends whom I haven’t seen in months.
Colton Jumped The Fence
Back when Colton Underwood was merely boring and not f*cking scary, we all waited with bated breath for the night he would finally vault himself over a fence in order to chase down the love of his life, Cassie Randolph. In retrospect, perhaps that should have been a sign this man did not exactly have a healthy attachment style. Anyway! Back in March 2019, The Bachelor viewers finally saw that long-awaited fence jump that Chris Harrison had been teasing out all season. Can’t believe we were actually looking forward to this at one point in our lives. But if I could somehow fence jump myself out of this universe, I definitely would.
Area 51 Raid
What I wouldn’t give for aliens to come to abduct me right now and take me away from this hellscape, tbh. This time last year, thousands of people RSVP’d to a Facebook event expressing their intent to storm Area 51. Nobody really did, because the event was made as a joke—although a few people did show up. What happened to them? Has anyone followed up or were they just wiped away from existence by the government? Anyway, looking back on it, I think we should have just gone for it and raided Area 51. Honestly, it’s not too late! Whatever could happen surely can’t make things any worse, right?
Justin & Hailey’s Wedding
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1 year ago we had the best wedding. Wish I could live this day over and over 🤍🕊
It feels like these two have been married for decades, what with their constant Instagram PDA and general parent-like wardrobe aesthetic, but you would be wrong in thinking this marriage has been on the books for that long. That’s right, friends, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin only actually had their wedding in September 2019 (though they did have a courthouse wedding exactly one year before that, in 2018). When time is a complete social construct, it’s easy to forget that I have cans of black beans in my pantry that are older than this marriage.
College Admissions Scandal
Ah yes, remember a time when rich people would actually be punished for their crimes? It was not actually so long ago, merely the faraway time of 2019, when Lori Loughlin, Felicity Huffman, et. al. got busted for participating in an elaborate (and if you ask me, stupid) scheme to get their kids admitted to colleges under false pretenses. The charges were made public in March of 2019 and the sting was called Operation Varsity Blues. We got so much from this, including Olivia Jade’s fake rowing pictures, Lori Loughlin’s every attempt to justify her very much illegal actions, Felicity Huffman’s joke of a jail sentence, and probably the inevitable Netflix and Hulu documentaries. Do you think Olivia Jade will play herself in the fictionalized adaptation for HBO?
Bradley & Gaga’s Oscars Performance
Okay, to be fair, A Star Is Born was big in 2018 technically, since The Oscars take place in February. But still, who else can barely remember a time when you could have 100 people in a room, regardless of whether or not 99 of those people believe in you? I shudder at the thought now. As does the time Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga basically had sex on stage with their eyes while performing the breakout hit from the movie they starred in together. It feels like 5 years ago, but it was really more like one and a half.
Series Finale of ‘Game of Thrones’
Yeah, the series finale of Game of Thrones completely sucked, but you know what’s even worse? The series finale of American democracy. I really wish the biggest thing we had to complain about was investing years in a TV show that completely sh*t the bed on its ending. Even though Game of Thrones only ended in May 2019, I for one have enjoyed this extremely blissful period in which I stopped having to pretend like I cared at all. Honestly, I wish it had ended sooner.
Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth’s Divorce
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…And Miley’s subsequent Hot Girl Summer journey. We have yet to see anything like the utter messiness of Miley and Liam getting divorced after basically pulling a decade-long “will-they-won’t-they” on the general public, and then Miley gallivanting around Italy with Kaitlynn Carter, who had just divorced from her ex, Brody Jenner. It was a media circus that we were all living for. Ugh, those were fun times.
The U.S. Women’s Soccer Team Won The World Cup
Jesus f*cking Christ, look at how much can change in a year. In July 2019, the U.S. Women’s Soccer team won the 2019 FIFA World Cup, and we were all “girl power!” and “goals!” and “Megan Rapinoe is bae “. Now, we’re all “Make The Handmaid’s Tale fictional again” and “please don’t confirm a Supreme Court Justice who basically walked straight out of Gilead” and “should I get an IUD?”
Trump Was Impeached
Yeah, that only happened in December 2019. And thank goodness it taught him a much-needed lesson on not overstepping your power, denouncing white supremacists, and gracefully conceding should he lose the general election come November. Oh, wait.
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Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; Giphy; haileybieber, mileycyrus / Instagram; Ed Herrera / Getty Images
Well fam, it’s time to pour one out, because it’s been a whole year since Jordyn Woods sat on Tristan Thompson’s lap and screwed herself out of riding Kylie’s coattails for life. It was the betrayal heard ’round the world, and probably the biggest Kardashian scandal that wasn’t cooked up by Kris Jenner to boost KUWTK ratings. From the endless fire memes, to the Red Table Talk interview that was more important than the Super Bowl (not up for debate), Jordyn-gate was a big f*cking deal.
So where are we a year later? While Jordyn Woods’ choices lost her the chance to stay at Kylie’s guest house indefinitely, she also gained a ton of exposure, and as any Bachelor contestant can tell you, exposure is everything. Let’s take a look at what Jordyn has been up to in her year of Kardashian exile.
She Got Unfollowed
For several months after Jordyn’s falling out with Kylie, the ex-best friends still followed each other on Instagram. Amidst the many questionable rumors about the status of their friendship, this was the one concrete sign that they might not be done with each other for good. But that didn’t last, and Kylie finally unfollowed Jordyn in July, just days after she was spotted hanging out James Harden, another one of Khloé’s exes. Jordyn has since unfollowed Kylie as well, so they’re fully uncoupled at this point.
She Launched A Clothing Collab
In June, Jordyn announced a collab with fast fashion brand Boohoo, which is one of those sites where the clothes are already low-key falling apart by the time they’re shipped to you. In the teaser video, Jordyn got philosophical, saying that she’s inspired by “anyone who is waking up each day and willing to be better.” Wow, her mind. I’ll keep that in mind next time I wake up think about being worse, thanks girl!
She Launched A Hair Collab
You can never have too many collabs, and Jordyn followed up her foray into clothing with her very own line of hair extensions/wigs. Cute! I’d like to think that this is Jordy’s way of throwing shade at the many questionable wig choices Kylie has made in the past (I still have nightmares about the teal), but she probably just wanted the paycheck. I can’t blame her, and the hair looks nice!
She Launched A Fitness Collab
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I am SO excited to announce that I have my own line of resistance bands dropping October 29th in collaboration with @b_ndstore, one of the fastest growing fitness product companies out there, founded by a young female entrepreneur 💅🏼 while studying at university. Even better, we have an LA pop up store to celebrate 🥳 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This collaboration made perfect sense for me. I’ve been working on my transformation journey for some time now and I’ve always included these bands in my workouts at home and in the gym, so I can’t wait share them with you guys. I know for sure you’re going to love them! They absolutely changed the game for me 🍑 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My latest YouTube video is now live (link in bio), go check it out! I explain how the bands have helped me and how important it is for us women to stick together and empower each other. Go watch it and let me know what you think! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I cannot tell you how excited I am to finally have you come along this journey with me! I can’t wait to see you using them and feel the burn as much as I have. As always, thank you for the support ♥️ #JordynWoodsXB_ND
Are you sick of the word “collab” yet? Yeah, me too. Jordyn made her move into the fitness space in the fall, though a partnership with a company called B_ND. The collaboration, called FRSTPLACE, consists of two different resistance bands, along with workout guides that you can purchase. The guides also include nutrition guides, which I have some questions about. The website specifies that “the guides do not include a list of recipes or a nutrition plan tailored to your needs,” so I’m kind of wondering what they do include? Like, I don’t need to pay $25 for a PDF that’s going to tell me that carbs are bad.
She Launched A YouTube Channel
At this point, anyone with an ounce of internet fame has started a YouTube channel, and some of them are better than others. Jordyn launched hers in the fall, and quickly amassed almost 250k subscribers, and her content is fun! She did a video with her little sister and her mom, but the last time she uploaded a video was at the beginning of December. Jordy!! How are you supposed to cultivate an engaged following if you don’t post consistently?! Smh, her social media manager is really dropping the ball on this one.
She Found A New Girl Group
Of course, Jordyn and Kylie were super close, but it’s not like Jordyn doesn’t have other friends. Last month, she went on a trip to Jamaica with a killer crew including Normani and Lori Harvey, and I could not stop stalking their photos. I love a friend group where you have to have a million Instagram followers to be invited on the trip. This seems like the perfect kind of clique for Jordyn, because she’s not playing second fiddle like she was to Kylie. Nothing but respect for my number one girl in the group!!
Basically, it’s been a busy year for Jordyn, full of sponsored posts and selfies. She’s out here living her best life, and getting dumped by Kylie might just be the best thing that ever happened to her. Okay, maybe that’s a stretch, but still, it seems like she’s doing fine. Happy one-year anniversary to my favorite feud ever! To celebrate, I’m going to go watch the clip of Khloé Kardashian yelling “LIARRRRR” into the phone 100 times in a row.
Images: Kathy Hutchins/Shutterstock; kyliejenner, jordynwoods / Instagram; Boohoo, Easilocks, Jordyn Woods / YouTube
In news that I definitely thought happened already, TMZ reports Kylie Jenner finally unfollowed Jordyn Woods on Instagram. Kylie is only following 125 people to her 141 million followers, so when she unfollows someone, it’s not exactly hard to notice. Still, this one’s gotta hurt. For Jordyn, I mean.
The news comes two days after Jordyn Woods was spotted at a bar smoking hookah and dancing with James Harden. If that name sounds familiar to you, it should be for two reasons. One, he’s a basketball player, but two—and most importantly—he’s another one of Khloé Kardashian’s exes. Khloé and James dated for a hot second back in 2016, so homegirl clearly has a type. Say what you want about Jordyn, but at least she’s consistent. I have no choice but to respect it.
I guess for Kylie this was the last straw, and she finally unfollowed Jordyn on Instagram. Kind of crazy that she didn’t do it after Jordyn was spotted partying and kissing Tristan Thompson, Khloé’s actual baby daddy, but I guess you have to draw the line somewhere. Still, this seems like a random place to draw said line given that Khloé and James dated three years ago, it was not serious, Jordyn is not dating him now, and she claims she did not plan to meet up with him and just randomly ran into him. Then again, those KUWTK ratings aren’t going to spike themselves!
This unfollow comes about a month after Kylie’s people told Us Weekly that she would “always care about Jordyn and she wants only the best for her” and implied she might forgive her in the future. Welp. I guess the S.S. Forgiveness has officially sailed.
For now, Jordyn is still following Kylie and Kylie Cosmetics on Instagram, so maybe she’s holding out hope for a reconciliation, or maybe she’s just not super petty. She seems to be focusing on her debut fashion line, secndnture, and she was just in an episode of Grown-ish. So she seems to be doing just fine, with our without the Kardashians and their exes.
In the world of internet memes, some are funny, some are stupid, and some are unbelievably offensive. But every once in a while, one of these viral black holes is actually pretty awesome, which leads me to today’s topic: the Hot Girl Summer. It’s been everywhere on the internet over the past week, and while I love it, I wasn’t sure exactly where it came from. If you want to participate in Hot Girl Summer, but feel like you need a little more background, keep reading.
The Hot Girl Summer craze can be traced back to rapper Megan Thee Stallion, who recently released her debut mixtape, Fever. Megan is a badass, and all her music is great, but people got especially into the song “Cash Sh*t.” The song is an anthem about getting what you want and not taking sh*t from men, which is obviously a relatable sentiment. Megan says “real hot girl sh*t” at the beginning of the song, and the cover of Fever also says “she’s thee HOT GIRL and she’s bringing THEE HEAT.”
Even if you’re confused about why she says “thee” all the time, it’s hard not to feel inspired by Megan’s attitude. Anyone can be a hot girl—it’s all about confidence and knowing you’re a bad bitch. Megan’s fans took the inspiration from the song to social media, and from there, the Hot Girl Summer was born.
Hot Girl Summer is all about living your best life and acting up while it’s hot outside. Wear what makes you feel like a hot girl, send the text that makes you feel like that bitch, and generally just don’t take anyone’s sh*t. When Megan spoke to The Root about what Hot Girl Summer means to her, she said “It’s about women and men being unapologetically them, just having a good-ass time, hyping up their friends, doing you…You definitely have to be a person who can be the life of the party and just a bad bitch.” Yeah, I’m very on board with this.
Tons of women online have been getting into their Hot Girl Summer moods, including my absolute favorite Kardashian outcast, Jordyn Woods:
I love a queen posing on a hotel bed in a high fashion Star Trek outfit. People might remember Jordyn most for her tearful appearance on Red Table Talks, but she’s been looking amazing on Instagram recently, and she recently hit 10 million followers. You go Jordyn, enjoy your Hot Girl Summer.
Also partaking in Hot Girl Summer 2019 are sisters Chloe x Halle, who look hot af in their matching Ivy Park outfits (and also all the time). Halle was just announced as the star of Disney’s upcoming The Little Mermaid remake, and this post makes me very excited to see her bring the Hot Girl energy to Ariel. Haters, go away.
Of course, once the celebs and the average people of Instagram started participating, it wasn’t long before Hot Girl Summer became one of the biggest memes of the moments.
The newest season of Stranger Things came out last week, and people were quick to point out the similarities between Megan Thee Stallion and these awkward teenagers from Indiana. Okay, maybe there aren’t that many similarities, but I’m glad Millie Bobby Brown is living her best life with that ice cream cone.
max and eleven livin their hot girl summer yessssss #StrangerThings3 pic.twitter.com/bzQAxco8sq
— b r o o k l i n ✰ (@brooklinrichard) July 4, 2019
Also, I present to you my eternal mood:
My mind says hot girl summer but my heart says mozzarella sticks
— sarafcarter (@sarafcarter) July 8, 2019
BUT WHO SAYS YOU CAN’T HAVE BOTH??? This summer is officially dedicated to being a Hot Girl AND eating mozzarella sticks, because I said so.
And even though Hot Girl Summer is the best, you don’t have to have one if you don’t want to. We can’t all feel great all the time, so feel free to be a Hot Girl on your own schedule.
I missed summer but based on my schedule I’ll be having a Hot Girl Autumn
— RAVEN B. (@RAVIEB) July 9, 2019
So, to recap—literally anyone can (and should) participate in Hot Girl Summer. Even if that means staying in on Friday night and watching 14 episodes of Friends, do what makes you feel like a bad bitch at all times. Life is too short to not be on your bullsh*t.
And if you’re really about your Hot Girl Summer moment, now you can get your very own Hot Girl Summer Wine Bag. Hot Girls love cold wine, that’s just the rules.
Images: theestallion (2), jordynwoods, chloexhalle / Instagram; brooklinrichard, sarafcarter, ravieb / Twitter
Let’s be real—Khloé Kardashian has had kind of a rough year. Her baby daddy cheated on her many times, most notably with one of her best friends, she’s now raising a daughter on her own, and we’ve accused her of Photoshopping her photos many, many times. Okay, she deserves the last one, but whatever. Unlike most people, who deal with their feelings by overeating, seeing a therapist, or just having a good cry, Khloé likes to express herself through one of my favorite bygone forms of communication: subtweets and emo Instagram stories.
Khloé’s Instagram and Snapchat stories are a mix of adorable family photos, questionably edited thirst traps, and text posts screenshotted from god knows where. Thankfully, all of Khloé’s stories have been preserved by @khloesnapchats on Instagram, because someone has to do the Lord’s work. Today is Khloé’s 35th birthday (I feel old), so let’s raise a glass to some of her most iconically emo posts.
Let’s start, of course, with a classic that KoKo posted in the immediate aftermath of the Jordyn Woods scandal. Obviously, Khloé’s world, along with her relationship with Tristan, was crashing down, so it’s understandable that she was really upset. I might not have gone with the Taylor Swift snake tactic, but to each their own.
Idk if this is an ancient Chinese proverb or something, but the message is clear. Back in the day, my favorite subtweets were always the ones that were 100% obvious who they were directed at. Like, okay Shayna, we all know that your “cryptic” tweet about relationships is about the deadbeat father of your child, it’s not that hard to figure out.
Here’s another one of my obvious faves:
Hmmmm what could this one possibly be referring to? Silly me, it’s probably about Scott. Idk if Tristan Thompson is actually watching these stories or not, but Khloé knows exactly what she’s doing here. Also, I love that the background and formatting of this looks like something that my stepmom would have shared on Facebook in 2011. Great aesthetic choices all around.
But while I love an obvious subtweet moment, it’s also a pleasure when Khloé Kardashian gets a little deeper with her messaging. Take, for example, this little gem that KoKo posted earlier this month. Honestly, her Instagram story is a damn self help book.
I love the way the millennial pink pairs with the message that growth can only happen from intense emotional pain. So fun!! I can just imagine Khloé sitting in her mansion, searching “revenge quotes” on Pinterest. Seems like a healthy pastime.
Here’s another lovely bit of word salad, which I’m not positive I understand:
I’m not sure if Khloé is advocating staying in a shitty relationship just because the person likes you, but “real is rare” really has a nice ring to it. Khloé Kardashian is definitely the kind of person who posts something like this and then feels like she’s really shown the haters who’s boss. Which like, she’s way richer than me, so maybe that’s the truth.
There’s nothing KoKo likes better than a good zinger, like this one about the fragility of men’s egos:
She’s really not wrong.
At the beginning of this article, my intention was to break down what all of these posts could be about, but that seems a little less fun now, because I’m realizing that they’re all. About. Tristan. Like, I’m not saying that Khloé shouldn’t be upset about the disintegration of her relationship with the father of her child, but I feel like it would benefit her to move on a little bit. I’ve made my love of subtweets clear, but it can only make her feel so good to post sh*t like this:
But at the end of the day, it’s Khloé Kardashian’s birthday, and I’m not here to tell her how she should feel. We all deal with trauma in our own way, and Khloé’s preferred method is indirect clapbacks on social media. Cheers! Hopefully 35 for her is a year of finding happiness, whether that’s in a new relationship or just with her daughter and all her millions of dollars. HBD KoKo!
Images: Shutterstock; khloesnapchats (6) / Instagram
It’s been a few months since the height of the Kylie and Jordyn drama, and we’ve all pretty much moved on. Sadly, we have jobs, so we can’t just spend our entire days refreshing Instagram to see who has liked Kylie’s latest post. But while most of us civilians have accepted the fact that Tristan Thompson is garbage and moved on with our lives, we don’t really know where Kylie and Jordyn stand in the aftermath of all of this.
Of course, in the weeks following the initial chaos of Jordyngate, there were endless reports on Kylie and Jordyn texting, or meeting up, or sending smoke signals to each other across Calabasas, but all of it was pretty much based on nothing but rumors and anonymous sources, which are hard to trust.
But this weekend, we finally know for a fact that Kylie and Jordyn were in the same place at the same time. Thanks to the good people of TMZ, there is photographic evidence of both of them arriving at Bootsy Bellows in WeHo on Friday night for their friend Stassie Karanikolaou, better known as @stassiebaby on Instagram. I’ll get to more on her in a minute.
Sadly, I was not at the party, so I can’t attest to what happened once they were inside, but at the very least, Jordyn knew for a fact that Kylie would be at this party, and she still chose to go. Who knows if they had a long conversation, or even really interacted at all, but it’s hard to avoid someone in a club VIP. In my heart of hearts, I feel like Kylie and Jordyn can at least have a casual conversation without things getting weird. They left in separate cars (Kylie with Stassie, and Jordyn with Jaden Smith, because this friend group is insane), but I hope they at least had a chance to chat inside.
As if there wasn’t already enough to think about at this party, Tristan Thompson happened to be at the same club on Friday night. He most likely wasn’t invited to Stassie’s party (that would be messy af), so it’s fairly likely that he didn’t even cross paths with Kylie or Jordyn, but honestly I’m feeling inspired to write a screenplay about Friday night at Bootsy Bellows. There’s got to be a movie somewhere in all of this.
After the party on Friday, Kylie spent Saturday celebrating Stassie’s birthday again with a really questionable party themed around The Handmaid’s Tale. I’m not sure she knows what the show is actually about, but I’m glad she and her friends had fun running around the house in bonnets and calling their makeup artist/friend Ariel Tejada “Commander Ariel.” Sorry Kylie, but I really don’t think Gilead would take kindly to your thirst trap selfies.
The birthday weekend for Stassie continued on Sunday, with a pool day where everyone wore pink bikinis.
You can tell that Kylie and Stassie have been friends for along time, because they’ve clearly had all of the same surgeries. Love that! According to Instagram, the only other person at the pool day was Yris Palmer, who owns a lash extension company that the Kardashians endorse.
As for Stassie, here’s what you need to know. First, she is not the same person as Stassi Schroeder from Vanderpump Rules. They do look a little similar, and I’m sure Stassi Schroeder would die to be invited to Kylie Jenner’s pool, but this is a different Stassie. Stassie Karanikolaou (I memorized the spelling so I’m going to say it as many times as I can, okay) and Kylie have been friends for nearly a decade, so she’s not some new sidekick tagging along to get followers. She’s an old sidekick tagging along to get followers! In the months since Kylie and Jordyn hit their, um, rocky patch, Stassie has been seen with Kylie a lot, so she’s really making the most of this opening.
Stassie is a model, because basically anyone with four million Instagram followers can be a model. She also has a YouTube channel, and it’s not exactly premium content. Her most recent video is a haul from White Fox (obviously sponsored), and it’s honestly one of the lowest-energy videos I’ve ever seen. Being good at YouTube is a talent, and I’m not sure Stassie has it. Actually, I’m p sure she doesn’t. But what do I know, she’s the one with 200k subscribers.
In terms of where Kylie and Jordyn stand in their friendship now, it’s still tough to know. They still both follow each other on Instagram, so it seems like things haven’t gotten worse. Neither of them liked the other’s photos from the birthday festivities this weekend, but Jordyn did like a video of Stormi that Kylie posted the other day. Kylie hasn’t liked any of Jordyn’s recent posts, but she’s probably busy coming up with new and creative products that will destroy your skin.
So for now, you can all go about your important daily routines, but I’ll probably keep checking to see if Kylie throws a like Jordyn’s way. At this point, it’s just the humane thing to do, Kylie. And as for Tristan Thompson, I hope he had a terrible time at the club on Friday and no one wanted to go home with him.
Images: Getty Images; kyliejenner, jordynwoods, stassiebaby / Instagram; Anastasia Karanikolaou / YouTube
It’s been over a month since Jordyn Woods sat down with Jada Pinkett Smith on Red Table Talks, and it looks like Kylie and Jordyn are finally making some progress on repairing their friendship. If you asked me at the beginning of March, I would have bet my first born that these two would never reconcile, but no feud is too great to overcome when ratings and followers are on the line. So far, there hasn’t been any big public outing or declaration of friendship, so it’s tough to know exactly where things stand between the ex-ex-BFFs, but we can still use our powers of social media investigation to figure if Kylie and Jordyn are friends.
The most obvious moves on both sides so far have been about clearing the air and dispelling the notion that anyone here is an enemy. Last week, Kylie made her claims that she didn’t have anything to do with discounting Jordyn’s lip kits in the aftermath of the scandal. Now, I’m not 100% sold on this being true, but in this case, that’s really beside the point. Whether Kylie did it or not, she wants everyone (and especially Jordyn) to think that she didn’t. If Jordan was still Kylie’s public enemy #1, she would have no reason to clear the air about this kind of thing.
.@kyliecosmetics will be having a flash sale on the Kylie x Jordyn Collection. All products buy 1 get 10 free. Everything must go! Use the code “betrayal” for free shipping. pic.twitter.com/bF5d4plO30
— North West (@norisblackbook) February 20, 2019
Similarly to the lip kit un-drama, Jordyn Woods’ mom, Elizabeth Woods, took to Instagram yesterday to clear up some misconceptions on her daughter’s behalf. She called out people who have been selling Jordyn-themed merch, clarifying that the Woodses are neither authorizing nor profiting from any of it.
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We are well aware that many people have been selling merch. If you are aware of any companies selling merchandise and trying to benefit from our situation, please tag them below. We would like for the world to know that we have not authorized any of this and have not profited from any of these sales whatsoever. Thank you for all the support and love #teamigotthis
Honestly, the Woods family is probably kicking themselves right now, because I would absolutely spend $48 dollars on an “I don’t need your situation” throw pillow. But, just like with Kylie’s lip kit claims, the whole point of Elizabeth Woods speaking out is to show that there’s no bad blood on their part. Jordyn has basically been apologizing since the beginning, but her mom is reinforcing that they don’t have anything bad to say about the Kardashian-Jenners.
Now that we have all of these subtext-laden statements out of the way, let’s get to the more undercover sh*t. First of all, let’s note that Jordyn and Kylie never unfollowed each other on Instagram, even at the height of the #JordynGate scandal. That’s an important thing to remember, because once you unfollow a friend on Instagram, that’s pretty much the end of the road. Things have been pretty cold in terms of likes and comments between Kylie and Jordyn, but in the past week there have been a couple important developments.
First, we have to talk about Elizabeth Woods again. I’m having trouble deciding if Jordyn’s mom is merely supportive or thirsty AF, but it seems like she means well for the most part. Last week, Kylie posted an adorable photo of her daughter Stormi carrying an Hermès bag that I’m sure costs as much as my rent for a year. Not jealous, you guys, I promise. The photo got millions of likes, as Kylie’s posts usually do, but I’m really only focused on one comment: three heart emojis from none other than Elizabeth Woods. DUN DUN DUN.
What is the meaning of this? Is Elizabeth just loose with the heart emojis when she sees a cute kid on her feed? Or is this some kind of sign that things between her daughter and Kylie are getting better?? Truly, I was left with more questions than answers, but luckily Kylie’s next post provided us with another important piece of evidence. It’s a video of Stormi with her Hermès bag (still not jealous, why would I be jealous?), and it was liked by one…JORDYN WOODS. BUM BUM BUUUUUMMMMM.
So where does this leave us? I’ll be honest and say I really don’t know. On one hand, these social media interactions could be an indicator that Kylie and Jordyn are in a good place, and everyone is ready to move on. But on the other hand, aside from Kylie’s comments about the lip kit discount, things are still looking a little one-sided. Kylie has yet to like or comment on any of Jordyn’s recent posts, and until that starts happening again, it doesn’t really seem like things are fully back to normal.
More than likely, Kylie and Jordyn are going to make us wait six months for the next season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians to see what’s really going on with their friendship, and I’ll be here dutifully waiting until that day. I’ll just keep myself busy roasting POOSH and stalking Kanye’s Sunday Services on Instagram.
Images: Getty Images; @elizabethwoods, @kyliejenner (2) / Instagram; norisblackbook / Twitter
While we’re all waiting for the Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson scandal to play out on the new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, it’s also still happening in real life. Kylie Jenner is now saying she had nothing to do with one of the shadier moments of #Jordyngate, and personally, I’m calling bullsh*t.
Back in happier times, Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods did a collaboration for Kylie Cosmetics, and in the immediate aftermath of their fallout, the price of the Jordyn Lip Kit was slashed in half. The entire world noticed, and it seemed like one of the most savage things Kylie could have done to her ex-best friend. But now, over a month later, Kylie is coming forward to say that she wasn’t the one behind the discount. Sure, Jan.
When asked by the New York Times about the lip kit discount, Kylie had a lot to say. “That is just not my character. I would never do something like that and when I saw it, I was like, thrown back. Jordyn knows I didn’t actually put it on sale.” I have some thoughts about this. First, is “thrown back” something that people say? I think she’s looking for “taken aback,” or “thrown off,” or even “shook,” but I guess she still has some things to realize. Also, she did actually put it on sale. Even if she wasn’t the one calling the shots, it’s still her company, and the lip kit was obviously on sale.
Kylie’s explanation for the shady-looking discount seems like it could be legit at first glance. She says that her company was in the process of switching from white to black packaging, so all the older stock was getting discounted. If this is true, then why wasn’t, like, half of the website on sale? I’m pretty sure that Jordyn’s lip kit wasn’t magically the only product with white packaging that was left in stock. And if this sale was planned weeks in advance like Kylie claims, then it seems like they could’ve easily just changed the start date to make it less shady. But they clearly wanted to be shady!!
kylie cosmetics slashing the prices on the Jordyn lip kit is the only level of petty allowed
— ??♂️⭐️RAVE NYMPH⭐️??♂️ (@acaiprincess) February 23, 2019
Interestingly enough, Jordyn’s lip kit has now been restored to the full, original price. This is probably the clearest piece of evidence that Kylie Jenner wanted to be a messy bitch, but then felt bad. If Kylie Cosmetics was actually so desperate to get rid of all this white packaging, there’s no reason that they would be raising prices. If anything, this sh*t would be getting cheaper and cheaper. As someone who has worked retail, I know that if I want something that’s on sale, it’s almost always smart to wait a week or two for the price to drop even more. Either Kylie is really bad at running a store, or she’s really bad at lying about not being shady.
So now that Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods are reportedly working on repairing their friendship, you can buy a Jordyn Lip Kit for the original price of $27. I’m so happy that these two are mending their relationship, and making more money in the process!
Images: Shutterstock; BuzzFeed; @acaiprincess / Twitter