I really am not one to fangirl over reboots of my favorite 90s TV shows and movies simply because of the nostalgia factor. Time and time again, the reboot proves to not even come close to the original (and that’s why I don’t talk to my exes). BH90210 was a meta-clusterf*ck. Baywatch was a total disaster that even The Rock and Zac Efron couldn’t save. We don’t even talk about Mean Girls 2. And yet history does nothing to stop Hollywood from insisting on making reboot after reboot, demanding us millennials to get excited and watch it, even though we can still watch the original on repeat on Netflix. And what do we do? We play right into the narrative, with our “OMG A ‘GREASE’ REBOOT IS COMING” articles and our Twitter hype, never stopping to question if we should do something just because we technically can. And so today’s reboot that probably some people asked for, but I was definitely not one of them is Clueless. And, while we don’t know a whole lot about the Clueless reboot, what we do know is… concerning.
Entertainment Weekly reports that Clueless is in talks to be remade into a TV series by CBS Television Studios, and it apparently already has multiple bidders. Deadline reports that multiple streaming services as well as the CW are interested. (My personal vote would be the CW since, as you’ll see in the description, this new Clueless would fit right in with the likes of Riverdale.) Again, we do not know much about what this Clueless reboot will entail, but we do know that it’s going to be executive produced by Corinne Brinkerhoff, who created American Gothic and No Tomorrow, and it’s going to be written by Jordan Reddout and Gus Hickey, who wrote Will and Grace. These are some interesting choices, but not nearly as interesting as the description of the TV show Entertainment Weekly provided.
This Clueless reboot TV show is actually going to be centered around Dionne, and I sincerely hope that they are not even considering bringing Stacey Dash into this—not even as the new Dionne’s mom—because her problematic behavior does not need to be brought back into the public consciousness. In any case, Dionne is the main character, as Cher Horowitz disappears, and Dionne is forced to step into her role as Queen Bee. Or, as the unofficial description puts it, “a baby pink and bisexual blue-tinted, tiny sunglasses-wearing, oat milk latté, and Adderall-fueled look at what happens when the high school Queen Bee (Cher) disappears and her life-long No. 2 (Dionne) steps into Cher’s vacant Air Jordans. How does Dionne deal with the pressures of being the new most popular girl in school, while also unraveling the mystery of what happened to her best friend, all in a setting that is uniquely 2020 L.A.?”
First, in what world does Cher Horowitz wear Air Jordans? I don’t know about you guys, but I just took an Adderall, and that description still gave me a headache. (Just kidding mom, it was only a Sudafed!) This kind of reminds me of Euphoria, and I’m bregrudgingly into the idea that the creators are making their Clueless reboot grittier and darker. However, this whole description reads like these writers Googled “millennial buzzwords” and threw them all together in a word salad. Or, if you’re looking for a visual description:
If this all sounds familiar, that’s because Clueless was already adapted into a TV show. It aired from 1996-1999 and starred Amy Heckerling as Cher (since Alicia Silverstone wasn’t available) and Stacey Dash as Dionne. However, while the ’90s TV show was not much of a departure from the original movie, this 2020 adaptation is going to be markedly different. For all my complaining, I actually think that if you’re going to revive a 90s classic, you need to go in a totally different direction with it. So that I support. The thing is, though, this could have been a totally new TV show and it would have still been compelling. There was no real reason to bring Cher and Dionne into this. That said, I did watch and enjoy Riverdale season one, so if the Clueless TV series is in the same vein, it might actually be good… until it jumps the shark in season 2.
Images: Giphy (2)
It’s been almost 25 years since Clueless came out, which makes me feel like the oldest person on the planet. Lucky for us, the cast still gets along, and they reunited over the weekend at the Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo. Paul Rudd, Alicia Silverstone, Donald Faison, and Breckin Meyer sat down for a panel discussion together, and obviously everyone freaked out over it.
At the panel, they reminisced about their days making Clueless, and Paul Rudd was also asked about his secret for literally never looking older. He said that it’s all due to “total darkness. And a little moisturizer,” while Breckin Meyer joked that he sucks the life out of babies. Honestly, I would try anything at this point to get skin like Paul’s, so they really shouldn’t joke about that. There was no discussion of a Clueless reboot or sequel, but maybe that’s for the best. Basically everything else from the ’90s has already been brought back, so we should probably ease off the reboots for a while.
First, I have to address the most hilarious part of this post. Paul Rudd doesn’t have Instagram (I would follow him in a second), so Breckin Meyer instead tagged him as Chris Hemsworth. Lmao, classic mix-up! This is definitely an Avengers joke, but it also feeds into my theory that all white men basically look the same. A quick scroll through Breckin’s Instagram shows that he loves to troll people (especially his famous friends), so I’m loving this.
Obviously, there was one important person missing from the reunion (I don’t consider Stacey Dash important, and you’ll soon see why). We can’t talk about Clueless without bringing up Brittany Murphy. She tragically passed away in 2009, cutting short a career that included classics like Uptown Girls and 8 Mile. At the C2E2 panel, her costars remembered her fondly, with Alicia remembering how she was in awe watching Brittany’s audition for Clueless, and she told the director that they needed to hire her.
Let’s take a look at what all of the other stars of Clueless have been up to lately:
we talk about the miracle of Paul Rudd's aging like he didn't already look like a 36 years old in Clueless (1995) that's just what he looks like people, he's a handsome dude.
— Andee (@andee404) March 25, 2019
Out of everyone in Clueless, Paul Rudd has obviously risen to the top in the last two decades. These days, he’s making major money playing Ant-Man in all of the Marvel movies, which is basically a Hollywood golden ticket. I don’t need to go through his whole resume, because you already know. I will add that I randomly saw Paul in NYC last year, and he looked like a damn snack in person. Paul Rudd, you’re doing amazing sweetie.
I will always have a soft spot for Alicia Silverstone, but Cher Horowitz in Clueless is definitely still her most iconic role. She obviously isn’t an A-list star like Paul Rudd, but she still works consistently these days. Last year, she starred in Kyle Richards’ show American Woman, which no one actually watched, but I feel like I did from sitting through all the drama around it on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The show sadly got canceled after one season, so Alicia has plenty of time to focus on her activism. By that, I mean that she’s a vegan and an anti-vaxxer. SMH.
It’s unclear why Stacey Dash wasn’t at the reunion, but I still love her as Dionne. After starring in the movie, Stacey Dash spent three years playing Dionne in the TV spin-off of Clueless, but her career has been, um, interesting since then. She was in a Kanye West video, she broke a rib on the reality show Celebrity Circus, and she’s gotten involved in politics as a Republican. She supported Trump in 2016, and briefly ran for Congress last year, saying she wanted to “free people from the shackles of a plantation mentality.” Yikes. Stacey has also been married four times, and she got married to her current husband just 10 days after meeting him. Bleak.
First, I need to point out that Donald Faison’s Instagram photos look like they were taken on a selfie camera in 2011. It’s been so long since I’ve seen this filter, I almost forgot what people used to look like before FaceTune. As you probably know, by far the biggest role of Donald’s career was Christopher Turk on Scrubs, which ran from 2001-2010. He also starred in a sitcom called The Exes from 2011-2015, which I heard of for the first time approximately 30 seconds ago. In the past few years, he’s mostly just done guest roles on TV shows, including Ray Donovan, House of Lies, and Drunk History. Oh, and how could I forget, he also had a voice role in the critically acclaimed Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode II. Sounds awesome.
Let’s be honest, this Clueless reunion is the most attention Breckin Meyer has gotten, like, maybe ever. Good for him. He usually keeps it pretty low-key, but as I mentioned before, his Instagram is pretty funny. Breckin ALSO voiced a role in Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode II, and has been in several other Robot Chicken specials. Am I the only one who hasn’t heard of these? Currently, Breckin has a main role on a new ABC show called The Fix, that just premiered last week. This is obviously a big time for him, so congrats to him on going viral with these Clueless photos.
So it’s pretty obvious that Paul Rudd is doing the best out of all the Clueless cast, but it’s interesting to see what they’ve all done with their careers in the past 24 years. I still can’t believe it was that long ago. If you’re old enough to have seen Clueless in theaters, it’s time for a massage and a face cream right now.
Images: Shutterstock; @breckinmeyer (2), @aliciasilverstone, @Donald_aison / Instagram; @andee404 / Twitter; Giphy
A celebrity running for Congress? As if! Just kidding of course. That is the modern hell we live in and to bring us to a deeper level of it, Stacey Dash has thrown her fashion-forward Beverly Hills hat in the ring. The former Clueless star who took a disappointing turn from fierce to Fox News correspondent, has filed papers to run for Congress in California’s 44th district. The district, by the way voted overwhelmingly for Hillary Clinton so, uhm good luck Stace!
For those of you who’ve been too busy living your life to follow the has-been actress, Stacey Dash has been on the wrong side of many issues for awhile now. She’s been vocal about disbanding Black History Month and has said that transgender rights infringe upon her own. These banner opinions got her a gig as a Fox News personality, but even they didn’t keep her around for very long. Her contract wasn’t renewed. Sad!
In a pathetic attempt to remain relevant, she’s now running for Congress. She’s also claims that lots of people on and off line are telling her to. In all likelihood, they’re probably just like, “please keep busy doing something that isn’t just talking to be all the time.” Though she has yet to make an official statement about her candidacy, she did tweet about her interest to run earlier in the year with a way-tacky button.
A number of people online and off have suggested I run for political office. I wanted to see what my online community thinks of this idea as I mull the possibilities. Thoughts? pic.twitter.com/L71fF0NnXR
— Stacey Dash (@REALStaceyDash) February 9, 2018
C’mon, Stacey, this would clash with any outfit. You should know this. Being a bigot is a bad look. And Stacey, if you’re reading this I only have one thing to say. You’re a virgin who can’t win the 44th district.
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Remember Cher’s closet from Clueless? As if you could forget. It was literally the dream closet for most of our childhood, and honestly looking back on it they were pretty advanced for their time. Like, that closet let you swipe left on clothes you didn’t like, and it would tell you if something didn’t match. Whoa, was Tinder based off of Cher Horowitz’s closet? She really was a pioneer. Anyway, speaking of pioneers, Brooklyn Decker has created the real life version of that closet and we have to say, we’re kind of impressed.
The platform she created is called FINERY, and it’s so much more than just a website. They describe it as an operating system, like the robot in Iron Man if he knew what shoes to pair with the green pants you love. Finery isn’t just a database for your clothes, it’s a live system that constantly updates your purchases and advises you on what trends are in and what’s so yesterday. If you agree, you think you’re really stylish, enter our contest and create an outfit on FINERY for a chance to win a free shirt from Shop Betches and a personal shout-out from Brooklyn Decker (details below).
Okay, we all read Marie Kondo and we know you’re supposed to throw out everything except for clothes you really love, but what if you really love a lot of things? Your closet is an ever expanding universe of shirts, dresses, purses, chokers, and stuff that reminds you of ex-boyfriends that you don’t want to throw out. How do you organize it all? FINERY actually sorts through all your purchases and updates itself with everything you own, so you can manage how many times a month you wear your favorite shirt. You can even plan outfits on your calendar, so if you have a pair of amazing vintage boots you keep forgetting to wear, you can schedule a dope outfit for the next fall brunch date and have those boots to look forward to.
FINERY is literally a godsend for us because we know we have good style, but sometimes our closets are just overwhelming. Making choices is hard—that’s why we like open bars so much. Like, you don’t have to choose what you want to drink at them because you just drink everything. FINERY helps you decide what items go well with others, so you can spend that time at the open bar instead of being late because you were figuring out what to wear.
You know how you usually text your friends or ask your roommate to check your outfit before a date? Well, FINERY helps you dress hotter for a date, because let’s face it, sometimes your friends give bad advice. Plus, if your roommate is home on a Friday night while you’re about to go on a date, it’s like, is she really the person you should trust for dating advice? Probs not. Rest assured, FINERY will never lie to you and tell you that skirt is flattering to try and sabotage your date because they secretly have been harboring a crush on Chad for years.
We’re like, pretty sure the site can’t transport your body into the clothes the way Cher’s computer does, but just consider getting dressed part of your daily workout. With FINERY, you’ll always have a dope outfit even if you’re batshit lazy.
We know you’re literally dying to try out FINERY, so we’re sweetening the deal. Between now and Sunday at 11pm EST, if you make an outfit on Brooklyn’s closet using our Batshit Lazy tee (pictured above), you’ll be entered in our contest to win the shirt for free from Shop Betches! And if your outfit is chosen as the winner, Brooklyn Decker herself will give you a shout-out on her Instagram wearing the outfit you picked out. Here’s how it works:
1. Go into Brooklyn’s closet and click the “Create a Look” button
2. Make a look using the Shop Betches Batshit Lazy tee
3. Hit save and add “Brooklyn” where it says “Add Note”.
That’s it! Brooklyn will choose the winner and it will be announced on Monday! Good luck, betches!
Any betch knows that while Mean Girls is our soul, Clueless is our bible. Cher is the ultimate betch for many reasons. Her wardrobe was on point—her commitment to dressing like a slut in high school and nearly giving her dad an aneurysm was admirable. Her friend group ruled Beverly Hills high school and set the standard for our future friend circles. She was also deeply committed to philanthropy: she tried to donate her skis to the Pismo Beach disaster relief efforts, she set up Mr. Hall and Miss Geist and helped all their students get higher grades, and she gave Tai a much-needed makeover. But probably the best thing about Cher and everyone in Clueless in general was her lexicon. Clueless may not have invented the phrase “as if,” but it might as well have. The same goes for “Oops, my bad.” Now that I think about it, there is no shortage of amazing, now-famous lines from this masterpiece that many of us still use today. If you want to expand your Clueless vocabulary beyond “That was way harsh, Tai” but aren’t sure how to incorporate these quotes into your modern vocabulary, we present a guide to the best Clueless quotes to use in everyday life here.
1. “Is that in the Valley?”
When you’re discussing plans for the night with your friends but are feeling lazy and don’t want to take part in an event that would be farther than a ten block radius from your apartment. Fuck that.
Used in a sentence: Friend: What are your thoughts on going to that bar we’ve been to in Brooklyn? Me: Is that in the Valley?
2. “She’s a full-on Monet”
To describe any girl that your crush, or your friend’s crush, is currently dating. I’m sure she sucks.
Used in a sentence: Don’t worry, he’ll dump her soon enough. It’s only a matter of time before he turns the lights on and realizes she’s a full-on Monet.
3. “I thought they declared peace in the Middle East?”
Any time someone brings up politics at a party.
Used in a sentence: Rando at party: Will you be attending any of the 5,000 protests going on tomorrow? Me: I thought they declared peace in the Middle East?
4. “Hymenally challenged”
To refer to you or your friend going through a dry spell.
Used in a sentence: (at Sunday brunch) I cannot personally add to this conversation of “who I did last night” because I am currently hymeneally challenged.
5. “I was surfing the crimson wave”
To justify something bitchy you did or said (while on your period, or not. Who cares.)
Used in a sentence: I’m sorry I spilled a drink on you and then got mad at you for being mad at me. I was surfing the crimson wave.”
(Adding “I had to haul ass to the ladies” is optional)
6. “Most capable looking outfit”
To describe the perfect outfit you need for a job interview, a hot date, the gym…
Used in a sentence: I need to wear my most capable looking outfit tonight so this guy understands that while I may have introduced myself by making out with him, I am a very serious woman with standards.
7. “No shit. You guys got coke here?”
When you walk into a pregame where you barely know anyone and need to break the ice. You’ll probably have to already be drunk enough to say this.
Used in a sentence: That’s literally how you’re gonna say it.
(Bonus points if someone responds “Yeah, this is America”. Now you’re making friends!)
8. “You know I don’t speak Mexican!”
When you pretend not to know what the other person is saying/talking about because it’s just not the kind of shit you want to hear at the time.
Used in a sentence: Friend: How many shots did you just take? I think you need to stop and maybe have some water. Me: Sara, you know I don’t speak Mexican!
New month, new ways to waste your life away on Netflix while you recover from an inadvisable number of tequila shots. Or when you’re bored AF at work. Or if your bestie dares to make plans without you, the traitor. The point is, it’s there for a betch no matter the situation, and unlike your last SO, Netflix is willing to make changes.
In fact, they just announced the lineup for February. To celebrate, here are the 10 betchiest shows and movies coming to Netflix next month.
1. Magic Mike
Magic Mike is the clear frontrunner for betchiest movie of all time. Mostly naked men! Binge drinking! ‘90s hits! So of course it was going to top this list. Gird your loins now.
2. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 2
Musicals aren’t every betch’s cup of tea, mostly because conveying emotion—especially through song and dance—is the definition of trying too hard, but we know a thing or two about the subject matter. Start bingeing Crazy Ex-Girlfriend now so you’ll have time to watch the new season when it hits Netflix on Feb. 1.
3. American Crime Story: The People v. OJ Simpson
Any SVU-loving betch has got a weak spot for true crime, and this is like your fave “Ripped From The Headlines” SVU episode on crack (say crack again). Plus it it’s got Ross from Friends playing Kim Kardashian’s dad. I would seriously contemplate paying to watch this, but fortunately, I don’t have to.
4. Paris Is Burning
The documentary looks kinda depressing, but we gotta support our sisters in drag.
5. Santa Clarita Diet
Drew Barrymore playing a California real estate agent-turned-zombie? It sounds like Flip or Flop meets Night of the Living Dead and I never knew that was something I needed.
6. Chef’s Table, Season 3
For when you want to feel sophisticated without actually having to do any of the work, season 3 of Chef’s Table comes out on Feb. 17. Warning: after watching this there is a 100% chance you’ll start referring to your PB&J sandwiches as “peanut purée and grape chutney on a brioche bun.”
7. Abstract: The Art of Design
Ditto, but with design instead of expensive food.
8. Sausage Party
NGL, this looked like the kind of idiotic material my little brother would spend hours memorizing in painstaking detail, but it also seems like something every stoner betch needs to watch. Plus, Seth Rogen as a hot dog. It’s probably only funny if you’re high out of your mind—not like that’s really a problem.
9. Girlfriend’s Day
Murder? Check. Cynicism? Check. (Why is this starting to sound like my memoir?) That dude from Breaking Bad? Check. My bottle of wine and I are so there.
10. Ultimate Beastmaster
Maybe an obstacle course reality show isn’t your thing. Maybe you have no joy in your life. It’s none of my business, but I’ll be binge-watching Ultimate Beastmaster as soon as it comes out.
I’ll leave you with a PSA: Clueless is leaving Netflix on Feb. 28, so start committing it to memory now.