One thing about my girl Sabrina Carpenter? She’s going to remind you that she’s horny. Oh, excuse me, I mean that she’s “so fuckin’ horny,” according to her song “Juno” (honestly, same Sabrina). And one way she loves to remind people of this isn’t just by her super horny lyrics, but also through cutesy little bits she does while on her Short n’ Sweet tour. Previously it was the “Nonsense” outro where she’d include some sort of innuendo that would make her crowd go wild, but now she’s upgraded to acting out sex positions on stage while performing “Juno.” We can’t help but stan.
People have been really pressed about her, saying how her shows are inappropriate and that acting out sex positions potentially in front of children was gross, but like… have you heard one of Sabrina’s songs before? If you’re taking your kids to one of her concerts, that’s on you. The song “Juno” is literally about being so horny that you want someone to impregnate you, so I’m truly unsure of why people think Sabrina is someone who caters to kids.
But because we’re all adults here, I decided to gather all of the different sex positions she’s done on tour so far and chronicle how to do them, just in case you want to show them to your partner and ask, “Have you ever tried this one?”
1. Reverse Cowgirl
Getting on top is a feat of its own but if you’re really trying to impress your partner, do a reverse cowgirl: straddle them while facing away from them so that while you’re riding they get a great view.
2. Standing Doggy
If you’ve ever fantasized about just being bent over and railed while you’re standing up, standing doggy is for you. Just have your partner bend you over and get to work. Extra points if you can touch your toes.
3. Tucked Missionary
This one is for all the pillow princess girlies out there: Regular missionary means just laying flat on your back with your legs spread out but tucked missionary means bending your knees and placing them at the sides of your partner.
4. Doggy
A fan favorite, this one needs no introduction. But if you’ve truly been living under a rock, doggy is done by getting on all fours and arching your back as your partner enters from behind.
5. Legs Up Missionary
It seems that Sabrina is a big fan of missionary and honestly, same. In this variation, you’re still laying on your back but your legs are straight up in the air. This one is best done at the edge of a bed or some sort of elevated surface so that your partner can stand and penetrate you at a comfortable angle.
6. Cowgirl
If you’ve got the stamina and you’re feeling generous, you can do the cowgirl position just by getting on top of your partner and placing your knees on both sides of their bodies, straddling them.
7. Spooning
Whether you’re having a lazy morning or just want to feel really intimate with your partner, the spooning sex position is a great choice. Literally just spoon… and put it in.
8. Ballet Dancer
If standing sex is your thing, the ballet dancer is a great move to bust out. Stand up straight and bend one of your legs, hooking it high on your partner’s thigh or butt. Then, just hold on and do your dirty dance.
9. Bridge
Get into tucked missionary and then (just like the name suggests) lift your hips up to form a bridge with your body. This way, you can control the speed and depth of the thrusts during sex — plus it’s a fun way to switch up a position you probably use all the time.
10. One-Leg Spoon
Take spooning to another level just by doing one super simple thing: Lift up the top leg and bend it over your partner’s hips. You’re opening up more and trust me, you’ll feel even better for it.
11. The Arch
People had different ideas of what this move was but because I’m a (self-proclaimed) sex expert I knew what it was right away: The arch. This one is similar to the bridge but instead of lifting your hips, you’re arching your back. Your partner, who is sitting with their knees tucked, then brings your hips to their crotch, places their hands at the small of your back, and controls the movement.
12. Strap-On
This position is for the queer girlies out there. It’s hard to tell exactly what sex position Sabrina was going for because she’s the penetrator in this scenario but let’s just assume it’s something with a strap-on — we can say it’s another doggy just to be safe. Now, that’s a good way to use your mic.
13. One-Leg-Up Missionary
The great thing about missionary is that there are so many delicious ways to switch them up. In this position, get into a tucked missionary and then simply lift one of your legs up and keep it straight, pushing it as close to your head as possible (your partner can help with this by pressing down on that leg). You’ll hit all the right spots, guaranteed. Just make sure you stretch beforehand because staying in this position too long can cause a leg cramp.
14. Squatting Cowgirl
Along with channeling Sabrina, you’re going to want to channel your inner Meg the Stallion for this one. This is a simple cowgirl position except instead of resting on your knees, you’ll be planted on your feet, using your quads to bounce up and down on your partner. If you know your stamina isn’t that great, try putting your hands on your partner’s chest or the headboard to help yourself go up and down.
15. Splits
This one is for all your flexible girlies out there. If you’ve ever wanted to do “splits on the dick,” now’s your time to shine. The great thing about this is that you don’t actually have to go into a split, it’s more of an illusion. Lay on your side next to your partner and raise your top leg straight in the air. Then, when you bring it down, stretch it over them so that it looks like you’re in a split. But if you’re really flexible, go ahead and just get into an actual split — if there’s any time to show off, it’s now.
16. Kneeling Blowjob
Of course, Sabrina had to end her performances with a bang… well, with some head I guess. She even holds her own hair back — iconic! This is a super simple position, just get on your knees and go to town. Your partner will thank you (and Sabrina) for it.
