Is The Hottest New Bisexual Accessory… Men?

At first, it was cuffed jeans. Now it’s oat milk iced coffees, stained tote bags, and carabiners. These are the calling cards of a modern-day bisexual. Well, at least, according to TikTok, which, since the days of quarantine scrolling, applies trendy aesthetics to an identity of some sort; in this case, bisexuality. If you happen to have a lactose intolerance and carry a New Yorker tote with you, you may also happen to be attracted to multiple genders. And, if you’re a queer woman, you may even have a cute little straight boyfriend. Preferably handsy, alternative, or sensitive — but most definitely a man. It is widely understood by many, including comedian Caleb Hearon, that a bisexual girl’s boyfriend is usually her best-kept secret — and according to lesbian TikTok, it should remain that way. Lock him up, for shame! But, thanks to a few celebrity endorsements, a bisexual girl’s boyfriend is this summer’s most chic accessory.

Fletcher, a musician known for her queer fanbase and for kick-starting the lesbian breakup apocalypse of 2022, just wrote an album about, of all things: a man. Then, we have Clairo, another artist snatched up by the girls and the gays, spotted at a concert cozying up with a crusty, older, and definitely — a man. And now we have Billie Eilish K-I-S-S-I-N-G her longtime friend Nat Wolff. As adopted daughters of gay TikTok, the news of their newfound boys and straight behaviors sent shockwaves through the internet. But, these celebrities aren’t self-proclaimed lesbians or bisexuals but identify publicly under the (aptly vague) umbrella of queerness. If their sexuality really is fluid and evolving, then they’re entitled to slip a man into their dating roster every so often.

But they’re hardly the first lesbian celebrities to (gasp) date a man — even this year! Right before Pride Month, JoJo Siwa hard-launched her relationship with Chris Hughes. This was the very worst kind of betrayal for a celebrity who made lesbianism or loving only women so synonymous with their brand. We simply did not ask JoJo Siwa to arrive on a red carpet with a pride flag bedazzled to the side of her head. But she did. And we went along with it because, at the very least, she was making the LGBTQIA+ community more visible.

Image Credit: Getty Images

Perhaps that’s why the cultural whiplash of her announcing she was ditching her nonbinary partner for a man she met on television was so discombobulating. But every person, Dance Mom survivor or not, deserves to figure out their sexuality. I can imagine, it absolutely sucks to live out your baby gay cringe years so publicly. And yet, to proudly wear lesbianism (and I mean literally) and then tear it off like it’s a little slutty top suggests that sexuality is disposable instead of ever-evolving. Do I blame a 21-year-old celebrity for being a little messy? No. Still, I do know that a lot of young lesbian fans watching her cuddle up to her new man’s bosom like a Renaissance baby are rightfully confused.

JoJo Siwa was the first domino to fall, then Fletcher, now seemingly Clairo and Billie, and it seems a trend emerges. Who’s to say who’s next? (Please not Chappell Roan). We can look at the papp’d boyfriend pics of these icons and cry betrayal. Or, we can choose to acknowledge a queer girl’s boyfriend for what they are: an accessory. You can style them, take them to concerts, and even write songs about them. You can take them anywhere, even to a gay bar, like a Lululemon belt bag! And, if you don’t feel like it, you can leave them at home. They’re boys, so they can play video games or whatever.

Somewhere between the spectrum of “let them” theory and cultural calls to de-center men, there is a third better option: accessorize them. As we’ve seen, it’s trendy to be straight on TikTok. Boys’ apartments are fodder for home makeover videos, and they may even show up in a video to peel your orange or get covertly recorded as you threaten to eat their middle school baseball coach. Their affable, indifferent man-ness is cutesy and oddly comforting. Especially as the world gets politically less safe for women, it’s nice to have a male face card in your back pocket when yours declines, like when you need an oil change. Date them, move in with them, love them….but also infantalize them. Because why take men seriously when our male leaders don’t take the economy seriously? They’ve fumbled the bag on human rights for so long that we shouldn’t have to listen to them anymore, at least pop-culturally. We banish you to pretty little arm candy, status, men! Maybe in the process of making them baby girls, we diminish their power.

Of course, the it-boyfriend trend feels a little too timely, as anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation is on the rise. It’s somewhat convenient for celebrity bisexual women to privatize their queerness in a straight relationship. As pride turns into less of a party and more of a protest, will they turn up with their boyfriends? Or, will all their queer feelings get shoved into a dark corner of their FYPs, simply a bug in the algorithm?

Despite bisexual stereotypes, I don’t have a boyfriend to accessorize. As a bisexual woman in a queer relationship, I can only carry the mantle of being a part-time lesbian. This doesn’t make me a “better” representative for bisexuality but it does give me a unique perspective in the sea of think pieces we’re sure to endure. I visit queer spaces to feel the affirmation of a community that, in embracing their sexuality, has become politically obvious, tantalizing right-wing bait. And I’m the first to acknowledge as a femme woman, I can easily blend in with the straights. I’m also the first to acknowledge that a part of being a swatch of color in the rainbow flag is advocating for the safety of all LGTBQIA+ people.

So, when I see a bisexual girl at the bar with her straight boyfriend, I don’t feel angry. She is entitled to the space as much as I am…and hopefully more so than an all-straight bachelorette party. I feel suspicious, not of her sexuality, but I wonder why she needed to bring him here in the first place. Does she have no queer friends? Does her liking women turn him on? Is he actually a big sweetie, and she feels more comfortable with him there, like an emotional support micro poodle? If the most diabolical option of all of these is true, that instead of just being in a queer space, she feels more comfortable defying it with her straightness, I wish her and her human Labubu peace. I know TikTok won’t give it to her.