As the season turns from summer to fall, it’s still very unclear what’s happening with the future of Vanderpump Rules. In a normal year, the Vanderpump crew would already be finished with filming, but the pandemic has created a major delay, due to the flimsy premise that the show is about waiters at a restaurant. But a lack of cameras doesn’t mean it’s been a chill summer for our favorite group of degenerates—far from it.
As you probably know if you’re reading this article, Stassi, Lala, and Brittany are all currently pregnant, which is exciting for them, I guess. Personally, I have no interest in seeing any of these people have babies on my television screen, but whatever. I don’t make the decisions over at Bravo, despite making many demands via DM. I’m sure the ladies are all heartbroken that their pregnancy journeys aren’t being documented by Bravo, but they’re still having all the usual events, and they’re causing plenty of drama.
Lala and Randall held their gender reveal a couple weeks ago (it’s a girl), and Jax and Brittany did their reveal last weekend (it’s a boy). I’d like to use this platform to say once again that gender reveals are unnecessary and outdated, but that’s not why we’re here today, so I’ll keep it moving. While much of the VPR cast was present at both of the gender reveals, including Stassi and Kristen, who were both fired from the show back in June, there were a few important absences, and they didn’t go unnoticed.
First of all, Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix were conspicuously missing from both of the gender reveals, and Ariana addressed the situation this week on Twitter. In response to a question from a fan, Ariana stated that “we have not nor would we expect to be invited to any of those things.” LOL. It might seem shady that they weren’t invited, but judging from Ariana’s tone, she has no interest in having anything to do with “those things.”
we have not been nor would we expect to be invited to any of those things.
— Ariana Fancy As F*ck Madix (@ariana2525) September 28, 2020
Last season on VPR, we witnessed the lengthy demise of Tom’s friendship with Jax, and throughout the season, he and Ariana were the only ones who really seemed committed to holding Jax accountable for his many f*ck-ups. They certainly weren’t in a good place at the reunion in May, and Ariana’s tweet makes it clear that things haven’t improved over the summer. Honestly, without production forcing them to do things, I’m not sure why Tom would even want to be in the same room as Jax.
I am, however, a little surprised at the implication that Tom and Ariana were also not invited to Lala and Randall’s gender reveal. They’ve never been like, best friends or anything, but it seems like the kind of thing where you would just expect the whole group to be invited. Clearly, that’s not the case, and I would personally like to know more about WTF happened between these two couples. Ugh, every time I’m ready for this stupid show to be canceled, these people reel me back in with some drama that has absolutely nothing to do with me.
The other recent Vanderpump Rules drama revolves around Scheana, because of course it does. Scheana was present at Jax and Brittany’s reveal over the weekend, but didn’t make the guest list for Lala’s reveal. In a recent episode of her podcast, Scheana revealed that she wasn’t invited to the event after she and Lala had a falling out a few months ago. According to Scheana, the issue stemmed from when she had a miscarriage earlier this summer, saying, “I needed and she wasn’t there because she had dinner with celebrities.” The celebrities in question are Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox, who just finished shooting a movie with Lala’s fiancé, Randall. Scheana also added that her boyfriend Brock was out playing golf during this difficult time, so she was at home alone.
Lala, who has never taken kindly to having her name thrown around, responded to Scheana’s comments in a heated Instagram story. She said of Scheana’s story, “In her mind that’s how it happened,” but suggested that she focus on “the fact her man said he was working, turned his phone off and went golfing that day.” Yikes. But despite saying that she was “not trippin too hard” about Scheana’s comments, Lala did not stop there.
In regards to the idea that she chose celebrities over Scheana, Lala accused her co-star of “capitalizing off banging John Mayer 100 years ago,” which I have to say is an epic read. In case you forgot, Scheana recently told a story about how she used to be in a throuple with John Mayer and Stacie Adams (Stacie the bartender from The Hills). Lala also said that Scheana “has a way of making everything about her,” and said that she never actually asked her to come over during the miscarriage situation.” Whatever the exact truth of that day may be, it’s clear that there are some major issues between these two, so it makes sense that Scheana says they “haven’t really talked” in the last few months.
I hate to say it, but it’s a shame that cameras haven’t been rolling to capture any of this drama. I don’t need to see anyone’s babies, but I do need to see Lala yelling at Scheana about banging John Mayer for clout. What can I say? I love mess.
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Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; ariana2525 / Twitter
Coming off of season eight of Vanderpump Rules, it’s fair to say that the future of the show is more than a little uncertain. The show has almost always filmed during the summer months, but with the ongoing pandemic shuttering the restaurants at the center of the show, that timeline obviously wasn’t going to work. We still don’t know when filming for a ninth season will commence, but more than that, we don’t even know who will be on the ninth season, or how the show will move forward after the extreme controversy of the past few months. (Or if it should move forward, depending on who you ask.)
As we all know by now, season nine, if it goes forward, won’t feature Max, Brett, Stassi, or Kristen, who were all dropped from the show in June following renewed attention on their past problematic behavior. That controversy feels like it was a year ago, but there’s never a dull moment with the Vanderpump crew, and now there’s fresh controversy surrounding another one of last season’s newbies, Danica Dow. On the show, Danica, an assistant manager, was dating SUR bartender Brett Willis (different Brett), and throughout the season, there were numerous references to the couple getting in major fights and arguments. At one point, Danica was even suspended from SUR for fighting with Brett at the restaurant.
They’ve since broken up, and their tumultuous relationship is now playing out in the legal system. Earlier this month, Danica received a restraining order against Brett, after she claimed that he “broke into her home and cut up her clothes.” But Brett quickly filed his own restraining order against Danica, and his version of the events are drastically different than Danica’s. In his filing, obtained by TMZ, he says that Danica “was pissed he wouldn’t clean his dish until after a 90 Day Fiancé episode ended,” and she ultimately grabbed his neck, “digging her nails deep and pulling hard enough to scratch off some skin.” He also alleged that another similar attack happened several months prior, and she also bit his arm, drawing blood. Brett’s restraining order was granted, and they’re now required to stay 10 feet away from each other when they’re working together at Pump (which is open for outdoor dining), and 100 yards otherwise. Yup, they still work together, which doesn’t sound unsafe at all.
Perez Hilton recently published a photo of the alleged bite mark that Danica left on Brett’s arm, and it looks f*cking serious. Obviously, these two should not be around each other, but Danica’s abusive behavior could, and should, cost her a spot on Vanderpump Rules. We’ve already seen flashes of Danica’s aggressive tendencies on the show, like at the TomTom anniversary party, where Lisa kicked her out after she got into a fight with Vegas Scheana Karrah. According to Perez’s source, given the recent developments, many of the VPR cast members “do not feel comfortable around Danica,” saying that she has “anger issues.” On a show like this, there’s a fine line between being messy in a fun way and being a toxic liability, and it seems likely that Danica falls into the latter category. Vanderpump Rules already has a complicated history of giving a platform to abusers and all-around problematic people, so hopefully the decision-makers avoid going down that path this time.
Okay, so Danica’s future on the show is uncertain, but is season nine even happening? Pump and TomTom are now open for outdoor dining, but SUR is still closed completely, and it’s unclear when that will change. But Lisa Vanderpump recently spoke to Entertainment Tonight, and though she said timing is up in the air, another season is definitely happening. She confirmed that “there are new cast members,” and that we can expect more diversity in the cast. According to her, the main reason the cast has been almost exclusively white is because her BIPOC employees just aren’t interested in being on camera. She said that “our companies are like the United Nations” but that “it’s really up to people that want to be front and center.” Uh… okay, sure.
Lisa also told ET that if it were up to her, Stassi and Kristen would still be on the show. She said that she is “not into just kind of getting rid of people, because they get it wrong,” and that she wishes they had a second chance on the show to “have a better understanding of where they went wrong.” Well, sadly for them, they won’t have the reality TV paycheck, but hopefully they’re still just as committed to owning their sh*t.
Moving down the list, Scheana Shay has been making big moves this summer. Last month, she announced on Twitter that she was moving to San Diego with her boyfriend Brock, which naturally raised a lot of questions about her future on Vanderpump Rules. Thankfully, she quickly cleared up our concerns, clarifying that the move makes sense now because she doesn’t have a reason to be paying rent in LA, but she’ll definitely come back once “work opens”, which is obviously code for “once I’m getting paid to pretend to work on camera.”
Y’all just bc I’m moving now, does NOT mean I’m quitting the show. I love my job!! We aren’t filming right now. SUR/LA is closed. I’m wasting so much $ on rent and I’m lonely all the way out in PS. It just makes sense. Once work opens/picks back up, I will too have an apt in LA!
— 🏳️🌈Scheana (@scheana) July 21, 2020
Honestly, good for Scheana. She seems happier in San Diego anyway, and at this point, she has enough money that she can just get an apartment in LA for the four months out of the year that she actually needs to be in LA for filming. (I just Googled condos in San Diego, and sadly, I am not rich enough to do this. Maybe by next pandemic!)
As for Jax Taylor, for a minute there, it really seemed like he was going to be fired along with Stassi and Kristen, but somehow it appears he weathered the storm. Last month, an “insider” told Us Weekly that Jax “definitely plans to return” for the upcoming ninth season. Great. Who wants this? Jax has spent his summer between LA and Kentucky, where he and Brittany hung out with Kristen and Summer House alum Stephen McGee. Sounds fun. Jax also recently posted his negative COVID results on Twitter, sharing that he has “piece” of mind now.
Piece of mind. pic.twitter.com/CBSsz2uyVn
— Jax (@mrjaxtaylor) August 14, 2020
So, where does all of this information leave us when it comes to a ninth season of Vanderpump Rules? We’ll definitely be seeing Scheana and Jax, and we’ll hopefully be seeing more of this diversity that Lisa is bragging about. We definitely won’t be seeing Stassi, Kristen, Max, or Brett, and it seems pretty unlikely that they’ll risk having Danica around for another season. And of course, we have no f*cking clue when any of this will actually be happening. Isn’t 2020 fun?!
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Images:Chris Haston/Bravo; scheana, mrjaxtaylor / Twitter
Well, fam, it’s been the best of times, it’s been the worst of times. And I mean that with respect to this past season of Vanderpump Rules, and not even the current state of the world. Jax and Brittany got married (worst). Stassi and Beau got engaged (fine). Max and Brett…existed (worst). Charli graced our screens (best). Scheana’s music video happened (worst and best). Sandoval decided to be a petty bitch (best). This must have been how Dickens felt. Yes I do consider myself a literary Great, thanks for asking.
We open with what better be the last I hear of this, Dayna and Brett continuing to force this showmance in our face. Brett clarifies that he’s definitely interested in Dayna though he doesn’t have feelings for her per se. Dayna, who is taking whatever scrap of affection she can get at this point, clarifies that “he was just being attacked and it didn’t come out right.” Really? Because to me it sounded like honesty. But sure, I guess it’s easier to band together against Scheana as a common enemy than admit the guy you’re making out with doesn’t like you.
Ok guys, so remember in the midst of the music video episode where Brett made a comment about Scheana offering to suck his d*ck? And me saying that it was probably one of Scheana’s “jokes” that’s not really a joke bcause it’s just a thinly veiled truth? So that’s coming back full circle, and here’s what really happened: Scheana “offered” to pay Brett for the music video with a blow job “as a joke.” Who needs sex when you can just be right all the time?
So again, still not really sure how I shake out on the whole Brett vs. Scheana fiasco, but I’ll just say that, again, if a male employer said this to a woman, this would be sooooo bad.
However, I will say Dayna is right that Max’s whole “woe is me” shtick is completely ludicrous considering he rejected Dayna straight-up and has banged a bunch of other girls since then. I’m sure he’ll find another girl to pretend to have feelings for, since I get the sense that women are disposable to him. Like, I get that you need to make up fake storylines to stay on this show, but pick another lane.
Speaking of Max, he is on another f*cking planet telling Lisa, “Dayna told me she has feelings for me, and the next day she’s making out with Brett.” Dude, you buried the fucking lede which is that after Dayna said she had feelings for you, you TOLD HER YOU DIDN’T HAVE FEELINGS BACK AND SENT HER ON HER MERRY WAY! And then you’ve f*cked like, five other girls. Why do men…
Honestly I get why Ariana is annoyed about people talking sh*t about her house, but also, if she wants people to “shut the f*ck up about things that have nothing to do with them” then she should really get off a reality show. That’s the entire point.
Apparently Kristen rage-texted Stassi to tell her they’re not friends, which feels a lot like when conservatives “boycotted” Hamilton. She also tells her to “thrive”, which feels very Kristen, and is probably the name of her newest line for James Mae. Or maybe she just joined an MLM… I could see either one happening. Or both, at the same time.
What f*cking universe am I in that I am siding with Katie and being like, “Yes girl, block Jax and tell it right to his wife’s face”?! This may be the most surprising twist of 2020 so far.
In other “what universe am I in” news, James’s mom is back, and she is sober but found out she had cancer and had a double mastectomy. Holy sh*t, this is dark. But, I will say, James’s mom looks a lot better and is not incoherently rambling about James taking his first steps at a Tiffany’s. Is this show, like, a covert PSA for sobriety? I may be onto something.
Stassi and Beau’s house hunting bit literally feels like an episode of House Hunters because one of them doesn’t seem to have a job but yet their budget is somehow $2 million.
I’m a fake casting director. And I wrote a book that actively made people dumber. Our budget is $2.5 million.
The Toms are meeting with Lisa and Ken in some half-abandoned building to talk about if they’re going to invest in this new restaurant. This is giving me the most annoying sense of déjà vu, and I really do not want to sit through another season of Lisa sh*t talking Tom and Tom and then simultaneously pretending to ask for their input. Please do not do this to me. I already suffered through the TomTom origin story. I won’t do it again!
So it’s the day of the Hollywood Reporter shoot and Max has to contend with Bootleg Scheana and Real Scheana. Oh wow, am I glad she’s back. I haven’t felt this excited about a surprise appearance since Miami Girl. I’ve gotta say, the guise for this photoshoot is a little shaky: “oh, we’re just going to invite a bunch of people from a few restaurants for this Hollywood Reporter photoshoot”. Just say you’re inviting the whole VPR cast, we all know what this is. It actually concerns me that there are people out there who just take the producers at their word. But also, please give me their names because I’ve got a bridge to sell them.
Ariana pulls Jax aside, and I’m honestly concerned that she is only just now realizing that Jax doesn’t make mistakes, this is just who he is. Girl, we’ve only been saying this for the past… which season are we on? 8 seasons.
However, I do stan a queen for being like “you don’t know what the f*ck you’re talking about so keep my name out your mouth.” Jax just rolls his coke eyes, and Ariana walks away. We don’t deserve her.
Okay, so Max pulls Brett aside to basically try to have it both ways. He is both over her and f*cking other girls and also not over it. Dude, grow up.
The poor girls at SUR were done really dirty for this shoot, having to wear their tacky 2009 shirt dresses while everyone else gets full wardrobe glam.
Jax is such a jackass, claiming he doesn’t have a SUR shirt, and not even owning a single black shirt for the photoshoot. This is f*cking Los Angeles!! I KNOW you own at least one black shirt. I’m glad that Sandoval is f*cking over him, because so am I.
Also LOL at Jax’s full coke glower during the shoot. My new hobby is dismissing all of Jax’s feelings and chalking them up to cocaine.
Poor Brittany tries to tell Jax he looks hot, and he goes, “You think I care? I don’t give a sh*t.” Oookay. Whether she walked into this marriage eyes wide open or not, I do feel bad for Brittany. This relationship is exhausting and I’m not even in it.
Lisa pulls Jax aside to be like, “what the hell is going on with you?” Surprisingly, Jax still isn’t happy despite having a wife and a house and his health. It’s almost like putting a ring on it can’t solve your deep-seated issues! Huh. Imagine that!
Anybody else notice how Jax manages to be smug even while asking for help? He goes from, “nothing’s wrong with my marriage, my marriage is great” to “I know something’s wrong and that’s why I’m trying to fix it” in the blink of an eye. But what is he actually doing to fix it besides running away from his marriage by going to the gym three times a day? I don’t really think this is what Elle Woods meant when she said endorphins make you happy.
It’s time for the TomTom party, and Kristen is bringing Carter, whom she’s exclusively dating again.
Meanwhile, Karrah found Max and is refusing to let him escape. Actual footage of her not letting him ghost her after their Vegas hookup:
Jesus, she and Scheana really are the same person. It would be funny if it weren’t so terrifying.
Ariana and Stassi bond for a second about boob tape before Ariana is like, “well this is awkward that we’re kind of getting along rn because you talked sh*t about my house to Scheana?” And Stassi pulls a total f*cking power move and calls Scheana over like she’s a misbehaving child getting called to the principal’s office. Oof, this is gonna be awkward when Scheana watches the tape back and realizes that she quoted the wrong person word for word. Can’t wait for the reunion!
Meanwhile, Karrah comes over to crash and everyone is like, “not now, Karrah!” This is SO SCHEANA. I’m cackling. Get this girl some chunky glasses and a pair of crutches, and we are set.
Danica, for no reason, decides to insert herself into the conversation to tell Karrah to chill. And Karrah I guess watched one too many bad movies right before she blacked out (or she just watched Bethenny and Kelly’s meeting at Brass Monkey) because she says to Danica, “I’m happy to know that you’re sitting down watching me, because that’s where you should be.”
Girl, what?
Karrah then follows Danica to mumble some other incoherent fake-villain nonsense, and instead of being like “this bitch is drunk and not making sense,” Danica decides to go FULL Kristen circa “suck a d*ck.” Danica, this isn’t your Bad Girls Club audition. Tone it down, now you’re coming off looking like the crazy one. This behavior ends up getting Danica sent home from the party, with the implication that it may cost her her job.
White Kanye manages to do his whole set without drunkenly slurring anything, and I’m proud of him. He also goes up to Randall to apologize. Randall totally forgives James and provisionally invites him to the wedding. Why the f*ck am I crying in the club right now? Do I like Randall? He seems less-terrible than a lot of the other dudes on this show. Okay, maybe not a lot… just Jax. But still! Help.
Call Brian Moylan because the Toms kiss under their portrait of them kissing! The fanfic just writes itself.
Ugh, for the love of god, Dayna pulls Max aside to talk to him yet again. Literally, WHY?? What could possibly be said at this point that either of your pea-sized brains have not conceived of already?
And before you come at me for saying that their brains are pea-sized, here is a direct transcription of their conversation:
Dayna: You’re trying to make me the bad guy
Max: No you’re trying to make me the bad guy, you’re on your high horse
Dayna: Are you kidding me? You’re on the jankiest high horse of all time
Max: I’m good off you
Dayna: I’m good off you bro
Max: Bro, no what’s mine say?
Dayna: Sweet! Bro, what’s mine say?
Dayna says “between Max and Brett, I choose me”. What should be a feminist, self-empowering moment is just… not, because Dayna is still actively choosing Brett. You can’t say you’re choosing yourself when you’re still choosing some lame dude with poodle hair who doesn’t even like you enough to sleep with you. I just… can’t.
As his one last attempted shot, Max reminds Dayna that he hired her. I think it’s pretty clear that the casting directors hired her, but whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night, bro.
Lisa cheers to new beginnings, and that should be the end of the episode, except that what happens next is truly masterful. In one corner, we have Jax and Sandoval mutually agreeing that their friendship is basically a charade at this point. In the other corner, Kristen, Stassi, and Katie are rehashing their sh*t show of a summer and concluding that they are also no longer friends.
Jax tells Tom, “something’s wrong with me. I was in Home Depot buying flowers and I start breaking down crying in aisle 8.” Is it bad that I was not like “wow something’s wrong, he’s crying in public”, but rather, “wow, something’s wrong, he’s buying flowers at Home Depot”?
And in that same corner, Jax claims he feels like he’s handicapped by his mental health issues, when Sandoval says that’s basically a cop-out. What the f*ck is with these people and only thinking mental health issues are legitimate when they personally are affected by them? Then again, I too struggle to muster anything resembling sympathy towards Jax because of *gestures broadly to the past 8 seasons of this show, and his Twitter feed, and who he is as a person*
Over in Kristen’s corner, Stassi calls out Kristen’s victim mentality. Kristen fails to understand why Stassi and Katie don’t want to be her friend anymore, even though they spell it out in plain English for her right then, and also multiple times over the course of the whole season.
For all the sh*t we’ve talked about this season, this is excellent television. Two dynasties are falling concurrently. The Witches of Weho are no more. Sandoval and Jax are “on a break”. THIS is what we want to see. The real sh*t. The messiness. Not Dayna and her two racist fake-boyfriends.
And as a montage of Tom and Tom and Jax plays to the tune of a slowed-down version of the Vanderpump Rules theme song, and Jax, in full (you know what I’m about to say) COKE RAGE tells Lisa, “these are my real friends. This is what makes my show so successful”, I truly feel like we’ve done it. We’ve returned to the glory days. Jax has reached peak narcissism, and as those words slip out of his mouth, he knows he’s f*cked up—even before Lisa tells him to not get it twisted, this is her show.
This is precisely why Jax needs to be off the show. His narcissism has reached such a point that he truly believes he is the show, and that is why he acts like a petulant child whenever anyone does anything other than build shrines to his ego and kiss the ground he walks on. But in reality, at least the people I speak to (I can’t speak for the middle-America mom constituency) are tired of seeing the same sh*t from him, and we are over it. We are over Jax’s “woe is me” act and predictable pattern of self-sabotage. We are over him throwing fits when he is called out on his sh*t. Frankly, we are over watching a 40-year-old man continue to act incredulous that his toxic behaviors do not yield the same results as they did in his 30s. Truthfully, the only thing Jax is good for are his coke rages, and even that would wear thin after a while. And the fact that his and Brittany’s spin-off only lasted six episodes before getting the axe should be all the proof Bravo needs that viewers do not want him on our televisions.
So this is where the episode ends. The Witches of Weho are dead. Jax and Sandoval’s friendship is teetering on the edge of destruction. The friendships that brought us this show have buckled under the pressure of seven hit seasons and latent personality disorders. And honestly? If Vanderpump Rules can’t film season 9 because of the pandemic, then I think this was a perfect send-off.
Images: Bravo; Giphy
This season of Vanderpump Rules has been a frustratingly mixed bag. For every hilarious one-liner or moment of genuine drama, we’ve spent an hour watching Jax be an asshole or Dayna pretend to care about Max and/or Brett. It’s safe to say this has been one of the weaker seasons of the show, but there have still been a few bright spots. Of course, we got to see pure coke rage Jax make his return, but I’ve mostly been enjoying the energy of the new women on the show—especially Danica Dow.
Danica isn’t a full-time cast member, which means we haven’t gotten a lot of details about her life, but we know that she’s an assistant manager at SUR, she’s gotten suspended for fighting at work, and she has at least two ex-boyfriends with restraining orders against her. I’m intrigued. Last month, Danica clapped back at Stassi for a tone-deaf tweet about working at SUR during the pandemic, and this week, she went on the Not Skinny But Not Fat podcast, hosted by Amanda Hirsch, where she shared her thoughts on some of the other VPR OGs.
First up, who’s number one on Danica’s sh*t list? Ding ding ding! It’s Jax! Danica said, “I was blocked right when he found out that I was gonna be on the show. He’s disgusting. He is gross. He and I had never even talked before them.”
What a clown. I totally get if some of the OGs aren’t excited to pretend to be friends with half a dozen new people, but Jax and his block button need to calm the f*ck down. Bravo still made half the season about his dumb wedding, so he really has no reason to be so angry about the new people on the show.
And in case you’ve been skeptical of everyone on the show acting like Jax still works as a bartender, Danica said that Jax works at SUR “a total of like, five times a month.” Yeah, okay. I’m sure that’s just during filming, and he’s drunk the whole time. Sounds like a hard job.
Danica also talked about her friendship with Scheana, but she threw a little shade in the process. She said that she’s “close” with Scheana, but that they’ve “struggled a little bit lately” as Danica has gotten closer with Dayna. Danica added that Scheana and Dayna are fine with each other now, but that Scheana is “a little possessive over her friends,” so she doesn’t want Danica to be too close with Dayna. Ah yes, classic Scheana. Honestly, when people call her boy crazy, they’re conveniently forgetting that she’s the exact same way with her female friends. I love Scheana, but she’s always been like this.
And of course, Danica also talked about calling Stassi out on Twitter. She said that Stassi’s tweet about SUR “triggered” her, and that many of the other SURvers who aren’t on the show were also upset by the tweet. And of course, she got plenty of backlash from Stassi stans, including some death threats. Ah, Vanderpump Rules fans, the most sane people in the world. Danica teased that they talked about the tweet on the VPR reunion, so I’m definitely intrigued to see if we’ll get some kind of apology out of Stassi.
Danica hasn’t been given too many chances to get in on the drama this season, but if coronavirus ever f*cks off and lets them film a season 9, I have a feeling that might change. They have to cut some people from this bloated cast, and I feel like Danica actually has potential to bring some exciting new storylines. Sorry, but I don’t want to watch Jax and Brittany bicker forever!
Images: Casey Durkin/Bravo
This season on Vanderpump Rules, there’s been a lot going on. With a whopping 16 full-time cast members, there are a lot of storylines to follow, and we’ve seen main players like Jax and Kristen cut out of entire episodes. But even with so many balls to juggle, many of us have noticed that the editors always find time to make Scheana look like a clown. From driving home her boy crazy tendencies, to making a punchline out of her egg freezing process, even to implying that she likes teenage boys, it’s all felt a little unfair.
But no matter how much it seemed like the editors had some kind of problem with Scheana, I never thought that my suspicions would actually be confirmed. But recently, Vanderpump Rules editor Bri Dellinger appeared on the Twisted Plot Podcast, and she offered a shocking look behind the curtain of the show we all love to hate. Long story short, our suspicions about Scheana’s edit couldn’t have been more correct.
When asked about Scheana’s edit on the podcast, Dellinger said “If Scheana knows what’s good for her, she’d befriend me because my favorite game is finding all the embarrassing things that Scheana does and putting them all in.” Yeah, we’ve noticed. While I’ve never been an editor on a TV show before, this feels deeply unprofessional. Editing these shows is a complex job—the editors work behind the scenes to structure storylines and cut down hours and hours of footage into neat, 42-minute episodes—but basing your editing decisions on which cast members have kissed your ass more? Nah, that’s not right.
Based on Dellinger’s comments, this seems like more of a personal game than a basic editing decision. She joked on the podcast that the title of Scheana’s memoir should be Death By A Million Embarrassments, because of all her cringeworthy moments that have been shown on the show. It’s one thing to make her look a certain way on the show, but that’s just rude. Let’s be honest, Scheana can make herself look silly and desperate all on her own (she’s admitted that some of her behavior is cringey), and the relentless montages of her worst moments just feel like overkill at this point.
But aside from Dellinger’s whole vibe toward Scheana seeming petty, she spoke about one situation that I actually find quite disturbing. At Stassi and Beau’s engagement party a few episodes ago, we saw Scheana chatting with Stassi’s teenage brother Nikolai. Scheana was teasing him about his love life, and then we saw an interview clip of Scheana talking about how young she would date. The clear intention was to make it look like Scheana was flirting with Nikolai, who is a literal child. I immediately felt uncomfortable, and like this was somehow manipulated.
Noooooo. Last summer there was a 21 year old (and looked way older) who i met at a bar and we went hung a few times. That’s why I said that. Had ZERO to do w Nikolai. That kid is like a little bro to me. https://t.co/jQdOMaNdQe
— 🏳️🌈Scheana (@scheana) May 4, 2020
Scheana felt the same way, and voiced her frustration on Twitter. Whether you like Scheana or not, it’s pretty sh*tty for your employer to joke that you’re a pedophile, don’t you think? Scheana clarified that the interview was taken completely out of context, and she was never even talking about Nikolai. She said that he’s “like a little bro” to her, and Stassi also clarified that she never thought anything inappropriate was going on.
Girl, you were harmless. And watching that scene had me rolling. Whoever’s saying it’s inappropriate is a weirdo. @scheana https://t.co/EFzbU4bmC3
— Stassi Schroeder (@stassi) May 4, 2020
So who was responsible for this uncomfortable joke at Scheana’s expense? Yeah, you guessed it. Dellinger called the moment “so funny,” saying that “We were watching the scene and were like, ‘Okay, this is over the top, I realize that, but how can we resist?’ … Yes, I set it to funny music and I added a funny bite, but she did that.” I’m sorry, she did what? Made playful small talk with a kid she’s known for half his life? Without the (out of context) sound bite, that moment probably wouldn’t have even made the final cut, so it’s weird for Dellinger to act like she didn’t do anything here.
It probably seems like I’m a ride or die for Scheana, but honestly, I don’t really care one way or the other. All of these people are flawed, and seeing their negative traits is a big part of what makes the show so watchable. But it’s less fun when you know that the whole show has been manufactured to make one person look bad—it’s unnecessary, and the show would probably feel more authentic if the entire cast was given an equal opportunity to look bad.
Of course, I’m not naive enough to think that any of these shows are being shown without any kind of guiding hand from the producers and editors. In her interview, Dellinger also shared that this season, Bravo decided that Stassi and Beau are the “special heroes” of the show, which explains why their relationship has been heavily featured, and mostly shown in a positive light this season. This kind of storyline decision is to be expected, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of someone else who’s equally earned respect on this show.
Clearly, the powers that be at Bravo aren’t thrilled with us having this information. The second I heard about the details of this interview, I assumed there was some breach of confidentiality on Dellinger’s part, and it didn’t take long for the hammer to come down. The podcast episode containing the interview was deleted, along with Scheana’s tweet at Andy Cohen claiming that she had tea. As for Bri Dellinger, it wouldn’t surprise me if she’s no longer an editor next season, because this is definitely not the kind of tea that’s ever supposed to become public.
And while I have a deep love for reality TV (listen to my Bravo podcast LOL), even I would honestly prefer not to see how the sausage is made. It’s fun hearing about what production pays for, or who’s a pain in the ass to work with—I don’t need to know about the minutiae of the editing process. But when we can all tell the editing is biased against one person, that’s a problem. #JusticeForScheana!
Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; Scheana, stassi / Twitter
Before we get into this week’s Vandperump Rules recap, I just need to talk about Scheana’s newly released music video. Guys, it is so bad. I would have dedicated an entire article to breaking down its awfulness, but I know nobody would read it because nobody cares about anything Vanderpump Rules related, except the elite few of you who read this recap. The song itself is the worst Normani reject I’ve ever heard, Scheana’s backup dancers have no idea what they’re doing, Scheana herself is barely doing what can be legally considered singing, and to top it all off, there’s a part where she earnestly tries to sexily gnaw off a hunk of Bretty’s arm.
I present to the court, Exhibit A:
WHO thinks this is sexy??? WHO???
Speaking of, Scheana tells Dayna that she and Brett went to Palm Springs to film her music video, which she describes as “baby-making music”. Having watched the entire music video, let me just say that any baby made to this song is going to end up in jail. Anyway. Scheana is absolutely reveling in showing Dayna frame-by-frame the soft-core porn film music video she made with Brett. Like, okay, I agree that Scheana has gotten a bad edit this season, but in certain instances, she deserves it. Showing the girl who’s hooking up with the guy you like the soft-core porn you nearly coerced him into doing with you is just catty. And if you were to look up try-hard in the dictionary, it would autodirect you to Scheana’s biography.
Elsewhere, Sandoval and Jax are bringing sneakers to a “top-secret” sneaker cleaning place with some kind of super secret cleaning formula. Ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli.
Apparently for all of Kristen’s “woe is me” act, she’s also been seeing other people? If I were Stassi I would just murder her on the spot. Does Kristen know there are other ways to get attention besides crying to your friends? I mean, the girl does have over 750k Instagram followers. You would think she would figure out some other way. Sheesh.
And for absolutely no reason, Jax tries to pick a fight with Sandoval. He’s like, “you really never call your girlfriend a bitch? Because I think she acts like one sometimes, and also I totally call my wife a bitch every time she doesn’t want to suck my dick on the spot.” I mayyyy have added that last part, but either way, what a f*cking prince he is.
Stassi and Brittany are talking, and Stassi, for some reason, thought she was going to be a chill bride. The idea is laughable. Has she even looked in a mirror? This is the girl who acts like her birthday is a national holiday; get ready for the irises-completely-black crazy eyes and “It’s MY f*cking wedding!” shrieks. I’m bracing my eardrums in preparation.
Scheana’s music video is the new egg freezing, in that she’s constantly bringing it up and nobody can even be bothered to pretend like they give a shit. Case in point, Jax, who doesn’t want to watch the video because he’s… annoyed that everyone else lies about their relationships? Because he thinks Ariana uses her depression for sympathy, or something? I have whiplash, and I’m not sure what the hell he’s talking about. The coke eyes are strong, the logic is not there, the mouth is moving faster than the speed of light, the rage is out in full force. Ugh, I forgot how nice last episode was without Jax. Jax is such an insensitive ass that Scheana appears to be a f*cking mental health advocate in comparison.
Now Jax’s coke rage has another focus, which is, the environment? He doesn’t want to go to a beach cleanup because everyone has to drive there? I’m not trying to end all of my sentences with a question mark, I’m just really confused? Can’t wait for Jax to blame this all on editing!
Actual footage of Jax explaining why he doesn’t want to go to the beach cleanup:
Has he lost it or have I? At least I have quarantine as an excuse. His is just coke use and old age. This is what we call winning!
Me to me, despite crying because there was nowhere that would deliver me a margarita last night: 
At the beach cleanup, Kristen immediately gloms onto Stassi to kiss the side of her face. Stassi looks like me every time I let a creepy guy buy me a drink. It is awkward. Kristen and Scheana are really fulfilling the try-hard quota this season. I feel personally victimized watching this group of people who are not living together frolick and hang out in close proximity on a beach. Simpler times.
Dayna immediately accosts Brett about the music video. Apparently Scheana asked Brett while filming if he wanted a blowjob? Did that come before or after she tried to literally bite a chunk out of his forearm?
I will say, honestly, the BJ comment was probably one of Scheana’s things that she thinks is a joke but everyone else recognizes as an admission of her deepest desires, just like basically everything else she says.
Meanwhile, Jax has taken more coke and taken to rage-texting Max over how dumb his beach cleaning idea was. Okay, is it better or worse than having Hooters girls at your wedding? Live and let live, ya asshole.
Jax is, in fact, so hard for the environment that he uninvited Max from his pool party. What grade are we in? Even Brittany is at this beach cleanup. If Jax didn’t want to drive four hours, why didn’t he just carpool? What’s the real reason he’s absent?
Stassi and Dayna, rocking the exact same hairstyle and nearly identical outfits, talk about the weird Brett/Max love triangle. What a weird glitch in the matrix.
I would say, what is wrong with this entire group that so many of them have a rage texting problem? And then I remember: the cocaine. Or, as Jax puts it: Mercury’s Gatorade. Honestly, just take a drink for every time I talk about coke this episode, you’ll be almost as f*cked up as Jax. But I’m kind of glad he had too much pasta, or else we wouldn’t have a shot this week. This episode is brought to you by: drugs!
Sandoval and Ariana still live in an empty house, where she is putting on a dinner party. What is it, BYO chair?
Honestly, Jax should have spaced out his wedding and his 40th birthday so he could have milked the entire year, instead of having both of his life events over in the span of two weeks. I firmly believe the source of his anger is due to the fact that he was too stupid to space out his two milestones, and now has to resort to outbursts in order to get attention. He and Kristen should like… date.
Max tries to steal Dayna for a sec by weirdly whispering in her ear. Oooook, chill out Pilot Pete. Max says he feels weird about seeing her and Brett and he still has feelings for her. Sorry dude, but you had your chance and you blew it! It’s a tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, f*ckboy rejects you when you put yourself out there, and then the second you move on, tries to claim that he got scared of how much he liked you.
Dayna, even though Reddit may tear you apart for not having a personality, please be a better person than me and DO NOT FALL FOR THIS SH*T.
Everyone is at Kristen’s pop-up shop aside from Stassi and Katie. I get why that stings, but also, Kristen is just standing around at a bar with a few racks of clothing. It is not like, or a major professional accomplishment that they’re missing out on.
OMG Scheana works with Sean 2, Lala’s former producer. Why the f*ck do I remember this and not the names or faces of anyone I went to high school with? Lord help me.
Anyway, Scheana’s telling Brett that she needs him to film one more scene for the video. Why do I feel like this “one more scene” is going to be conducted completely in the nude, and also with no camera crew in sight?
I’m truly not sure how to feel about this exchange between Brett and Scheana where he’s like “the whole video made me uncomfortable” and she’s like “it’s not that serious, Brett.” I’ll just say this: if the genders were reversed, this would be SO BAD.
You know what’s even worse? Scheana pronouncing F-Y-I like “fwhy” and also claiming that she was so convincingly trying to f*ck Brett in the video becasue she’s “such a good actress” and not because she…. wants to f*ck Brett. Scheana, I’m sorry, but you can’t even convincingly act like you have platonic guy friends.
Jax shows up to the pop-up thing in a cloud of coke (drink) to immediately apologize to Max. Brittany, I don’t know what you said off-camera, but well done, girl. He says he’s been having “mental issues” (ironic that just a few scenes ago he all but called Ariana’s depression fake) and says he’s angry all the time. Yea no, we got that! He calls it an “episode”, I call it a “bad comedown”. We all have our things I guess.
Charli calls Brett over so that Scheana can hash this “uncomfortable” thing out again, and I am truly lost. It’s like, “I don’t wanna be uncomfortable if you’re uncomfortable” “No I’m comfortable I just thought you weren’t—” and I really do not have any idea what is going on here at all. Somebody DM me and explain it. If I missed something, I’ll update this recap accordingly.
Hold up, did anybody else notice that Jax apologized to Max in a black shirt, and is now talking to Kristen in a white shirt? Fire the continuity people.
Wait wait wait wait. Kristen hooked up with Carter again (whatever), and Kristen hooked up with someone else also. And there’s a video?? And Carter saw it?? But the video is from four years ago?? Or is it two weeks ago!? Holy sh*t, what season is it? Why are we still making sex tapes, knowing the potential consequences? And why does Jax want Kristen to swear on her whole life and all her friendships? I thought he hated Carter.
Kristen is 100% lying, and admits in her talking head that she’s lying. SEASON 2 KRISTEN IS BACK. Wow. Wowowow. Guys? Guys. What’s next? A rehearsed texting tree? The possibilities are endless. It’s finally happening!
All of us when VPR returns to its glory days after seasons of us begging for it to return to its glory days:
Kristen obviously does not want this information to get out, which is precisely why Jax runs right over to the group of newbies to break down exactly what’s happening, at the exact same time Brittany says something like, “well nobody else is going to hear about this.” On camera.
Kristen tries to get Jax to not do this in front of her merch table (basically, that’s what this so-called event is), and Jax loses it. This is SO reminiscent of his last you-know-what rage at SUR where he started cursing up a storm and flipping everybody off. It’s uncanny. You know what? Maybe we DO need Jax on this show.
I can’t believe I saved the screenshot all these months.
I’ve got to say, who the f*ck cares if Kristen gave someone else a BJ? She’s not dating Carter. Why is Jax of all f*cking people on this Earth playing fidelity police?
Me: *thinks about it for one millisecond* He’s hiding something.
Ok so after the break they rudely cut from this sh*tstorm to go back to SUR, where Lisa is meeting James and literally tastes his Coke (the soda!) to make sure it’s not spiked. Surprise, James tries to beg for his job back once again. Honestly, like, why has he not set his sights just a little bit higher than this tacky Sexy Unique Restaurant restaurant in West Hollywood?
Oh, and what do you know, that very night they magically don’t have a DJ, so James can take the 1s and 2s. I’m actually happy for him, but I really just hope he doesn’t immediately f*ck it up, because if he does he’ll be finished in this town.
Now Jax is back home with Brittany in his black V-neck, arguing over the difference between that BJ video having been taken 2 vs. 4 weeks ago. Brittany starts to break down and ask why Jax is getting so worked up about something that he has literally no personal involvement in (bingo), and the look he gives her is one of pure animosity. I actually got chills.
Holy sh*t at Jax admitting he abuses Adderall on camera and the producers not cutting it out. This is the closest thing we will get to an admission of illicit drug usage on camera, and I will f*cking take it. It is the wild west, people! Are we back in the golden days?
Jax’s views on marriage are seriously yikes: we’re gonna fight, we’re gonna have brawls, we’re gonna have nights when you tell me to get the f*ck out of the house, I’m gonna hire a hot nanny and then f*ck her…
Oh sorry, did I make that last part up? Or did I just predict the future.
Hahahaha Brittany says she just doesn’t want Jax to revert into being mean and he says “well, not to you.” Should we start taking bets on the divorce? I give them three years and one baby before Brittany just can’t do it anymore. You heard it here first!
Images: Scheana Shay / Youtube; Courtesy of Bravo; Giphy (5)
Living in quarantine during coronavirus has us doing things we never thought we would: justifying our cleanest pair of joggers as formalwear, going without showering for days on end, and, god help us, confronting the horror that is our front-facing camera for the sake of human interaction. It’s hard not to feel like we’re living in the Upside Down. Watching this season of Vanderpump Rules is no exception. After years of happily laughing at Scheana’s scheananigans (sorry, had to), something shifted this season. Once hilarious, the constant jabs at her now just feel cruel. I never thought this would happen, but Scheana needs a champion, and I volunteer as tribute.
The Show Wouldn’t Exist Without Her
I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge our herstory. Had Scheana not had an ill-advised affair with Brandi Glanville’s ex-husband, we’d lack the crucial link that allowed Vanderpump Rules to spin off seamlessly from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Most people would be reluctant to openly own their role as mistress in an extramarital affair on national television. Scheana not only did this, but she took the heat (being called a “homewrecker” by Stassi seemingly every episode of season 1) and humiliation (never forget her gray tooth) with grace. She’s been carrying the show on her back ever since and has given us some of the most memorable storylines. Who can forget her quinceañera wedding featuring the iconic crop top wedding dress? Or her proclamation that Rob can hang a TV on the wall in under seven minutes? She’s also the only main cast member regularly interacting with the new sentient globs of hair gel cast members. She does all of this without complaint and laughs right along with us at her cringiest moments.
She’s Getting A Misogynistic Edit
Speaking of cringe, the editors have been portraying Scheana as f*ckboy man-hungry for several seasons since her divorce. And for a while it was pretty on point and funny, mostly because the editors were using Scheana’s own words to troll her. This season, new cast members like Max and Brett are piling on, and it’s no longer fun. It’s one thing to string together a masterful, symphonic compilation of the 97 times Scheana uttered the word “Rob” in season 6. But to allow two indistinguishable greaseballs who just arrived on the scene and have zero credibility to openly disrespect her on camera and call her “boy crazy” and “middle-aged” is a bridge too far. Off camera, Lisa has joined in and called her “desperate”, and an episode of Watch What Happens Live featured a “Desperate-O-Meter” to measure this alongside various clips of Scheana interacting with men. Meanwhile, Max goes from banging Scheana to Dayna to Vegas Baby Scheana in a matter of weeks and is now being inexplicably included in scenes with main cast members. It be ya own editors, which brings me to my next point.
She’s Being Portrayed As One-Dimensional
No one is denying that Scheana enjoys male attention and is clearly looking for a serious relationship, despite her claims otherwise. But that’s just one part of her and, unfortunately, it’s the only side of her the editors are allowing us to see. Throughout this season she’s brought up her egg freezing process and subsequent surgery, yet it’s constantly being minimized and reduced to a punchline. Her fellow castmates either barely acknowledge or ignore the subject when she brings it up. I can’t say I’m totally shocked, as self-involvement seems to be a prerequisite for getting cast on this show, but why aren’t the editors exploring this storyline a bit further? It’s incredibly relevant and relatable, as more and more women are delaying starting a family. And let’s not pretend we don’t have room for it in this trash heap of a season. If there’s airtime for LVP to hide her bra in Schwartz’s luggage, a funeral for a lizard who died by negligent homicide, and 12 episodes dedicated to Jax and Brittany’s Kentucky Fried Wedding, we could’ve delved into Scheana’s fertility journey a bit more. Then again, letting viewers see her as a complex woman balancing her dating life with her desire to one day have a family wouldn’t fit the narrative of Scheana as desperate psycho.
I love a good troll as much as the next Bravo fan, but Scheana’s treatment of late goes far beyond the fun shade we enjoy as viewers of Vanderpump Rules. It’s also tired at this point. She’s been the punching bag on this show for far too long, and it’s time we give her the respect she deserves. A couple of seasons ago I could have never imagined coming to Scheana’s defense, but hashtag it’s all happening.
Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; Tenor (3)
Scheana Shay gets kind of a bad rap on Vanderpump Rules, even though people like to conveniently forget that she is the reason this show exists in the first place. (They need to put some respect on her name.) I recently rewatched all of VPR in preparation for the new season, and let me say, I really miss when Scheana had a personality and self-confidence that wasn’t based on everyone else’s approval of her. We’re kinda sorta getting some of that Scheana back, like with this week how she came ready with Max’s receipts of him being shady. But one area Scheana could stand to be a bit more unapologetically herself? Her Instagrams. Take a look at what I mean.
Scheana posted a sponcon ad for Netflix’s show The Circle (great show, BTW) where she posted a carousel of her first photo on Instagram ever and then a recent photo.
The first thing I noticed was how 2012 this first photo is. But that’s not really the issue—the issue is that the second photo is so Facetuned that she does not even have a nose. And here’s the best part: HER CAPTION. She says she has changed her makeup and counter but she’s still “ME” (without plastic surgery). Like, yes, while she might not have gotten any plastic surgery, can you really claim that you’re being real when your face is so blurred that it lacks any sort of definition? Or even a nose? I know that everyone these days uses Facetune, but it’s misleading to use it and then claim you are being authentic, which is basically what’s happening here.
(Also, having plastic surgery or not has nothing to do with anyone’s chances of winning The Circle, but that’s neither here nor there.)
And even more concerning is the fact that this is not a one-off instance… a lot of her photos are like this.
Does it still count as “makeup/contour” if you just erase out your entire face in every single photo?
Anyway, back to the first photo in question.
Facetune that pops out immediately to me: she definitely enlarged her eyes, she airbrushed her skin so it’s completely blurry, she has NO NOSE, her head is blurred into her neck, her makeup was color enhanced (poorly) so she has orange splotches (or she began using Donald Trump’s makeup artist?), she made her lips bigger and blurry, and although she always has eyelash extensions, it looks like she painted fake eyelashes on with the app as well.
Sooooo what percentage of this is her actual face?
In case you didn’t know, here is what Scheana’s actual face looks like compared to her Facetune.
Look guys, she has a nose in real life! I’m not sure when looking like Voldemort became the desirable beauty standard, but alas, here we are. 2020 sure is a trip.
Scheana is gorgeous, and it legit makes me sad to see people edit out their own natural features like a f*cking nose because… they don’t like the way it looks? Society has told them it’s not okay to have one? I’m not sure what the reason is, but Scheana, do yourself a favor. Pull yourself up, tell everyone to f*ck off, and just be the you that helped land a show that is the best show on Bravo. And easy on the Facetune. You do not need it. Despite what you apparently think, Voldemort is not the epitome of female beauty.
Do you guys like Scheana? What do you think of celebrities claiming it’s just makeup and then warping all their features with Facetune? Why is everyone against having noses? What other celebs do you follow that are guilty of making their faces Voldemort chic? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
Images: Instagram (@scheana); Tibrina Hobson / Stringer, Rodin Eckenroth (Getty Images); Giphy
