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We’re mere weeks away from the holiday most beloved by betches: Halloween. And what’s not to love about a holiday that encourages you to drunk eat chocolate while you drunk dial your ex?

I feel like the only reason anyone says they looove summer is because temperatures are finally decent enough to emerge from our six month hibernation and day drink excessively.

With summer coming to an end, we don’t need any more reminders about how depressing it is.

Every summer, we put on the longest disguise to force ourselves into wearing bright colors and having pastel manicures so no one knows our hearts are as cold as a frozen marg all year round.

It's basically summer, which means that you'll be wearing sandals and taking pictures holding fruity drinks in the air like, all of the time for the next few months.

There are many forms of slow torture out there in the world that I willingly inflict on myself.

For all my New York betches, I know you’re just as excited as me to know that Thursday is supposed to have perfect day drinking temperature (high 80’s) so Mother Nature, please don’t be psycho.