Ava Max is cool. Almost too cool and chill to be the same 26-year-old who has a global smash hit already under her belt and a highly anticipated debut album, Heaven & Hell, out now on Atlantic Records. In a pop music climate that is currently filled with whispers over beats, Max brings a flare of the classic pop music you know and love from B.T. (before TikTok) with a modern twist. Her premiere album, Heaven & Hell, feels like the perfect introduction to who Ava is both as a person and an artist: fun and feisty, with zero plans of slowing down any time soon.
There have been multiple times where a debut single skyrockets its singer to an unexpected level of instant success—like Instant Ramen, but Instant Record Deals. These overnight sensations seem to just happen by sheer luck, but what you don’t usually hear about is the hard work that predates it: “It’s weird because I’ve been trying to make it for a very long time, and at the end of the day, I’m just grateful people actually care about my music and relate to my music and I just want to inspire people.” Another thing that oftentimes is missing from these stories? A follow-up release to continue their momentum. Here, Max can sleep easily with “Kings & Queens” making its way up the charts and raking in over 244 million streams on Spotify.
“Once ‘Sweet But Psycho’ came out I didn’t really have time to work on an album because I went straight to tour,” Max says. While many artists recently, like Ellie Goulding and Katy Perry, talk openly about the inevitable fatigue that comes from the ride of celebrity, it seems that Ava is already taking the steps to make sure she doesn’t burn out: “It’s all about taking it easy and not forcing yourself to do something at that moment. I really believe in manifesting and if you’re not feeling it at the moment, let it go.”
Letting go may be easy when it comes to putting the proverbial pen and paper away for the day and taking a break from work, but a tad bit harder when it comes to getting over that person you can’t just seem to get over, a topic that we all definitely face, and one that Max faces head-on in her art. She revealed that one of her new songs, “Rumors”, “was a last-minute addition—it’s a fun song on the hell side, about how I hear so many rumors about this person but I’m still ending up in his room .” Who can’t relate? She also gave some slight hints that if, after this album, you’re already begging for more Ava, not to worry—a deluxe version will definitely be on its way soon.
Avatars (the name her fans lovingly gave themselves, although I’d love to pitch them Maxxinistas), may find themselves falling head over heels for Ava Max’s music because of how instantly they relate the lyrics in her songs—something that Ava says is one of the most important parts of music to her.
“Lyrics are all that matters. You have to relate to people. Literally, I don’t know how to explain it but lyrics have made a difference in my life.” Her love of lyrics predates her musical career and goes all the way back to when she was growing up listening to the divas of the early 2000s. I mean, who hasn’t belted “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” in a shower, or car ride, or karaoke bar? While I didn’t ask Ava if that tune was in her karaoke rotation, she said it was definitely one of the songs in the past that she wished she wrote because “it’s just too good.” Touching on her own lyrics, Max said that the track “Naked” on the album will give fans a glimpse of a different side of her—one they haven’t seen before.
As with any conversation in 2020, the topic of quarantine had to inevitably come up. “The best thing I learned about myself in quarantine is patience.” She also said that she realized she “likes to eat more than most people I know,” and at that moment, I’ve never related to a pop star more. While she is practicing patience during this time of lockdown, she’s skipped the sourdough starter kits and went on to not only record a new song for the album (“Heaven”, the opener, was done in lockdown) but also record some new music videos that will accompany the album, a process she said was really fun but of course, extra stressful in these times when your glam preparation also involves a COVID test.
When asked to pair this album with a cocktail—because this year we could all use a drink—the singer quickly answered with a jalapeño mojito, because “it’s kinda spicy, psycho, crazy.” But of course, it has a little sweetness. I’ll drink to that. And I’m sure Ava may want a cocktail in hand after the release of her album, both to celebrate “the project being out in the world and no longer mine, but the fans’” but also because with her debut album, she admits, “I’m nervous and I wonder how it’s gonna come across so I have all these thoughts in my head. It’s a rollercoaster of emotion.” After listening to the album, I feel she has nothing to worry about.
Without jinxing anything, I did slightly mention what she would do if she was nominated for a Grammy this year: “I would vomit. I would feel nauseous, sick to my stomach, and not know what to say. I would feel so grateful—I’d still feel grateful even if I don’t get anything like that.” My advice to Ava is to get the Pepto Bismol ready because if the Recording Academy has any sense, we’ll be seeing her on that stage soon, most likely thanking her childhood chihuahua that she says she loved and her family.
Heaven & Hell by Ava Max is out now on all platforms.
Images: Charlotte Rutherford
Raise your hand if you’re ready to kill your quarantine partner! As my mother reads this over my shoulder and slowly raises her hand next to me, I assume many of you are experiencing the same thing. It’s hard being locked in the house for months with no end in sight. But you know who it is especially hard for? Essential workers. Kidding! Celebrities. It’s hard for celebrities. Because they’re not used to spending endless amounts of time with their spouse in a 15,000 square foot house close quarters without assistants, nannies, and other peasants as a buffer. And the cracks are showing. In the last few weeks, we’ve already had divorce and breakup announcements from Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler, Mary-Kate Olsen and That Old French Dude, Ashley Benson and Cara Delevigne, and Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green. And I don’t think we’ve seen the end of it yet *cue evil laugh*. So which couples do I predict will also fall victim to the quarantine curse? Read on for the questionable evidence!
Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom
I know, I know, they’re having a baby, I’m so mean. And while, yes, quarantine has definitely made me meaner (turns out it was possible!) hear me out. Even before these two announced that a little baby was Blooming (turns out I’m hackier in quarantine, too!) they had their issues. Katy and Orlando broke up in 2017, saying they were taking “respectful, loving space”. Ick. They’re totally the kind of people that say “make love”, aren’t they? Then they got back together, got engaged, and then there were rumblings that they postponed their wedding. And even after they revealed Katy was pregnant, Katy herself told Ryan Seacrest that they tend to fight a lot!
Now, they’re having problems in lockdown. The article claims that Orlando is having trouble controlling his partying, doesn’t like being tied down, and keeps reminiscing about the old days. Orlando. You are 43. Your knees crack everytime you walk down some stairs. If ever there was a time to get tied down, it’s now! And also, where are you partying in this pandemic?
I’ve always felt like these two were on rocky ground, and the fact that Orlando reportedly doesn’t want to settle down pretty much convinces me they’re going to break up. But to be honest, the fact that he’s friends with Leonardo DiCaprio really should have been a red flag that smacked Katy across the face from the start. I’m sorry to say that these two are probably going to announce they’re over soon, but if it’s any consolation, Katy, I thought “Daisies” was a great song.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
It’s no secret I’ve never believed these two were a real couple. Much like Kim’s face, entire body, and personality, I’ve always maintained this relationship was engineered in a lab for maximum attention. And boy, has it worked. But for the purposes of this article, fine, I’ll bite. Kim and Kanye have been together since 2012 and have four kids together, even though I’m pretty sure everybody forgets about Psalm, right? Kimye have had their ups and downs, but now that they’re quarantined together they are arguing a lot. According to US Weekly, Kanye doesn’t help with the kids and is busy “creating”. I’m sure we’ll be blessed with a new $250 pair of spandex bike shorts with holes on the butt cheeks any day now! Now sources are saying Kim wants her space, and is trying to keep her family together for her kids’ sake. This is definitely all true information not fed through a fake source, and I feel really bad for her!
So will they break up? Lol, no. They just don’t want us to forget they exist while we’re all binge watching season two of Dead to Me. Fine, Kim. Here I am, paying attention. Are you happy now?
Julianne Hough and Brooks Laich
I really don’t care about these two, but for some reason the limit does not exist on stories about their rocky relationship. I’m serious. Over the past six months, there have probably been 50 articles about their sex life, their fights, if they’re together, if they’re not together, and MY GOD just give me your diary already Julianne, so I can read it aloud and be done with it. And now, they are reportedly “fighting for their relationship.” Because apparently COVID-19 wasn’t torment enough on its own, we also must be punished with even more say-nothing stories about two D-listers’ relationship. And that’s how I know the world is ending.
Anyway, Julianne and Brooks are not even in quarantine together even though they have “so much love” for one another. Girl, if you can’t even stand to be in the same STATE as him during a global pandemic, and haven’t posted a pic of him on IG in nearly a year, then I think it’s time to call it. No need to shove more stories down my throat fight for the relationship. Once lockdown is over and these two can muster up the strength to briefly put aside the obvious disgust they feel for one another so they can break up in person, it’s over.
Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard
This one hurts. I love Kristen Bell. I watched Veronica Mars back when it was on UPN, so you know I’m loyal. And Dax is one of the Bravermans! I all-around love this couple, and I don’t even say that about my own parents. So when I read that Kristen told Katie Couric that she and Dax are “at each other’s throats” and “find each other revolting,” I was devastated. Devastated, but also impressed by how clearly Kristen understands my feelings about every man after they express any interest in me. It really is revolting. But that’s why I’m not married!
While I appreciate the fact that Kristen and Dax are being honest with us, I don’t like that it gives me tummy problems. Don’t we have enough to worry about right now? I’m praying that they keep it together long enough for us to get sprung from the bad place so they can each take a nice, individual spa weekend and regroup.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle
Okay, so I have no evidence that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are going to break up. But I had to pick one wild card. I mean, I don’t think anyone had any idea Mary-Kate and That Old French Dude were going to break up, and then BOOM! Papers filed! And if anyone is able to keep their sh*t on lock as well as the Olsen twins, it’s the (former) royals. They would totally do a surprise divorce announcement, so I’m shooting my shot on this one. Plus, I’m giddy just thinking about all the gossip that would come out of it. And even though I don’t actually have any hard evidence, as I said to the judge when I was disputing my speeding ticket, this isn’t a real court so that doesn’t matter.
And that’s not to say it’s not possible. Think about it. Harry and Meghan moved to LA at the very beginning of quarantine. Moving to a new city is hard enough even when you’re not in the middle of a pandemic. And now he can’t even get the goat cheese balls at SUR! How depressing. Plus, there’s the added pressure of a toddler, and the fact that his family is sh*t talking him to all the tabloids in London, and I bet he has to drink a lot of kale smoothies now. Will this all result in a blowout fight that will break up our ginger prince and his American princess? I hope so, if only for the bragging rights.
Those are the celebrity couples that I think are going to bite the dust! I hope that you all are handling quarantine better than they are, and if you don’t hear from me again, my mother most definitely fed me to her dog.
Images: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com; katyperry, kristenanniebell, kimkardashian, juleshough, meghanmarkle_official/Instagram
On Thursday night, Katy Perry released her new song and video, “Never Worn White”, and with the release, she made a big announcement: she and her fiancé Orlando Bloom are expecting their first child together. After being on and off for a few years, Katy and Orlando got engaged on Valentine’s Day of last year, and Katy’s new song is basically a love letter to Orlando. She sings that she’s never worn white, but she’s ready to try with him, and that she’s ready to make “a full family tree” together.
But while the focus of the new song is squarely on her future husband, I couldn’t help but notice that it’s pretty dismissive of her first husband. Does no one else remember her mess of a marriage to Russell Brand?? But she’s “never worn white”? Something’s not adding up here. I definitely watched her concert documentary, in which she repeatedly breaks down because her marriage is falling apart. What does she mean, never worn white?
Well, it turns out she got us on a technicality. When she married Brand in 2010, she was wearing a dove gray dress, which feels like basically the same thing, but I guess “Only Worn Dove Grey Once Before” doesn’t have the same ring to it. But aside from the title, the song also contains some lyrics that makes it sound like Katy barely remembers that she’s been married before. In the first verse, she sings “I’ve stood on the edge of love, but never took the leap.” Okay, I’ve never even been in a serious relationship, but am I missing something? Is the leap not marriage? Is there another leap I’m unaware of? Like, having a kid, I guess? Idk, I feel like marriage is the main leap here.
In the chorus, she says that she’s scared, but “I really wanna say ‘I do.'” I can’t tell whether she’s acting like her first marriage didn’t happen, or saying that she’s scared because it went so badly the last time. Either way, she has no f*cking time for Russell Brand, and it’s kind of amazing. She’s channeling big Gigi Hadid “unbothered by your irrelevant ugly ass” energy, and I love it. Let’s not pretend that Orlando Bloom isn’t a huge upgrade from Russell Brand.
But while Russell Brand can go shave his back now, Katy Perry is pregnant with Orlando Bloom’s baby, and she looks f*cking amazing. In the video, she first wears a flowing white gown (so she HAS worn white!), and then transitions to a look that’s basically just a mountain of flowers.
Is it just me, or did everyone in fashion/music/entertainment see Midsommar last year and immediately call their stylist? Just saying, I feel like there have been a lot of flower mound outfits in the past year, but I’m not mad about it.
On Twitter, Katy joked about her newly announced pregnancy, saying that she’s glad her days of sucking it in and carrying big purses are over. I haven’t been paying a lot of attention to Katy Perry’s public appearances lately, but I guess her tactics worked, because I definitely hadn’t heard anyone talking about her being pregnant before today.
omg so glad I don’t have to suck it in anymore 🙄
— KATY PERRY (@katyperry) March 5, 2020
Katy also said on social media that “it’s gonna be a jam packed summer,” so we can probably assume that she’s due sometime over the summer. As for her and Orlando’s wedding, it’s unclear at this point when she’ll be wearing white ~for the first time~. They were originally planning to get married in December 2019, but ultimately changed their plans. They haven’t announced a replacement date, and now it’s unclear whether they’ll tie the knot before the baby comes. Either way, I’m sure she’ll look fabulous in white, a color that she definitely hasn’t ever worn before in her life. Mazel tov, Katy and Orlando!
Images: Silvia Elizabeth Pangaro/Shutterstock; Katy Perry / YouTube; katyperry / Twitter
In the past few years, our society has become much more aware of the problematic behavior of men in power. With the #MeToo movement, we’ve seen powerful men in pretty much every field exposed for predatory actions, and it’s important work. But it’s equally important to recognize that these behaviors aren’t limited to men in power. Sexual assault and harassment can happen to anyone and can be committed by anyone. Case in point, this week, there are new allegations that Katy Perry was inappropriate to one of her video costars, and it’s a messy situation.
The alleged incident went down in 2011, after model Josh Kloss appeared in Katy Perry’s video for “Teenage Dream.” In an Instagram post for the anniversary of the song, he detailed his experiences working with her. He says that they kept hanging out after making the video together, and at one point he went to a party for her stylist, Johnny Wujek. Josh Kloss says that he hugged Katy when he got there, and as he turned to introduce his friend to her, she “pulled Adidas sweats and underwear out as far as she could to show a couple of her guy friends and the crowd around us, penis.”
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You know. After I met Katy, we sang a worship song, “open the eyes of my heart” She was cool and kind. When other people were around she was cold as ice even called the act of kissing me “gross” to the entire set while filming. Now I was pretty embarrassed but kept giving my all, as my ex was busy cheating on me and my daughter was just a toddler, I knew I had to endure for her sake. After the first day of shooting, Katy invited me to a strip club in Santa Barbara. I declined and told her “I have to go back to hotel and rest, because this job is all I have right now” So I saw Katy a couple times after her break up with Russel. This one time I brought a friend who was dying to meet her. It was Johny Wujek’s birthday party at moonlight roller way. And when I saw her, we hugged and she was still my crush. But as I turned to introduce my friend, she pulled my Adidas sweats and underwear out as far as she could to show a couple of her guy friends and the crowd around us, my penis. Can you imagine how pathetic and embarrassed i felt? I just say this now because our culture is set on proving men of power are perverse. But females with power are just as disgusting. So for all her good she is an amazing leader, hers songs are mainly great empowering anthems. And that is it. I continued to watch her use clips of her music videos for her world tour and then her dvd, only highlighting one of her male co-stars, and it was me. I made around 650 in total off of teenage dream. I was lorded over by her reps, about not discussing a single thing about anything regarding Katy publicly. And a couple interviews they edited and answered for me. So, happy anniversary to one of the most confusing, assaulting, and belittling jobs I’ve ever done. Yay #teenagedream I was actually gonna play the song and sing it on ukele for the anniversary, but then as I was tuning I thought, fuck this, I’m not helping her bs image another second.
First, can we all just agree that that’s a f*cking weird thing to do? Like, I consider myself a pretty confident person, but if I got to a party and my friend was like “hey, I’m gonna show everyone your dick,” I would probably um, not be cool with that. On top of the weird factor, it’s also very uncool, and I’m pretty sure it’s breaking some kind of law. Right? That can’t be legal. Katy Perry likes to toe the line between quirky and cringey, but this definitely falls in the latter category, and beyond.
Josh Kloss said that another time, on the set of a music video, Katy Perry referred to kissing him as “gross.” Nice. He also said that for a long time, he didn’t speak out about her behavior because he “was lorded over by her reps, about not discussing a single thing about anything regarding Katy publicly.” Hmm, where have I heard that before? Oh right, every allegation of a public figure abusing their power ever.
It’s been a couple days since Josh Kloss made his post about Katy Perry, and she’s yet to make any comment about the accusations. This isn’t particularly surprising, given that this could still be viewed as a legal matter if Josh Kloss decides to take it there. But Johnny Wujek, the stylist who the party was for, commented on Kloss’ post, and he made his feelings very clear:
“Oh hell no. I’m not about to let you make accusations against my friend like this. This is such bullsh*t. Katy would never do something like that. We all know about your ongoing obsession with her since the day of filming that video. You were writing her music. And planning an imaginary future with her. It’s not ok to do this to people who have done nothing but uplift and inspire others. Focus on your life and your daughter and move on josh. I’ll be praying for you. We all will.”
I mean…damn. I’m obviously in no position to know whether or not the alleged incident went down as Josh Kloss described, but this is a pretty savage response from Johnny. According to him, all of Katy’s friends think Josh Kloss was obsessed with Katy Perry, so they probably see this as him making a play to get back into her life. If that’s true, it’s pretty f*cked up, but if it’s not true, it’s equally f*cked up of Johnny to say. Again, where have I heard the “accuser is actually the one who is obsessed with the accused, and the accused would never commit the crimes this person is alleging” narrative before? You already know. I have a feeling this isn’t the last we will be hearing of this story.
In general, all of these people should probably take this conversation somewhere else that’s not a public Instagram post. And, it goes without saying: don’t expose people’s genitals publicly. It’s 2019.
Images: Shutterstock; iamjoshkloss / Instagram
Taylor Swift released her latest single, “You Need To Calm Down,” on Friday, and of course I had thoughts right off the bat. I still like the song, and it’s definitely been stuck in my head all weekend. This morning, Taylor dropped the video for the song, and she’s really not playing around here. There are about a million celebrities in the video, many of them famous members of the LGBTQ community.
Many of the inclusions in the video make perfect sense, like executive producer Todrick Hall, and known lesbian and friend of Taylor Swift Hayley Kiyoko (who also happens to be my girl crush). But Taylor really pulled out all the stops here, and there are some cameos in the video that were very unexpected, for a number of reasons. Here are all the most random celebs in the video for “You Need To Calm Down.”
Okay, so random is really the wrong word to describe this, but I obviously had to include it. After Katy Perry officially announced the end of her feud with Taylor Swift, we all knew there was something coming, and here we go. I believe that they’ve gotten over their beef, but this is also very calculated. I have a feeling there’s still a collaboration or something coming this summer, so prepare to have Katy and Taylor shoved down your throat for the foreseeable future.
I never thought I’d see Adam Lambert giving Ellen Degeneres a tattoo, but it’s 2019, and weird sh*t is happening all over the place. Ellen’s spot in the video makes sense, because she and Taylor Swift have always been weirdly obsessed with each other, but I haven’t seen Adam Lambert in a minute. These days, he tours with Queen as their lead singer, but I guess Taylor is a fan too?
There are a lot of drag queens in Taylor’s video, but the one who stands out the most is the queen who looks exactly like Taylor. This is Jade Jolie, who was on the fifth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and she’s known for being one of the best Taylor Swift impersonators. Idk if Taylor Swift actually knows who all of these queens are, but at least she got good ones for the video.
Jesse Tyler Ferguson
I haven’t watched an episode of Modern Family in approximately seven years, but apparently Jesse Tyler Ferguson has friends in high places. Jesse and his husband Justin Mikita got…remarried, I guess?…on the set of the video, and their wedding officiant was none other than…
F*ck, Ciara looks so good. I’m not sure about her connection to Taylor Swift, but luckily she graced us with her presence in this video, as the hot pastor officiating the wedding. Should I be wearing more orange latex?? Probably not, but I’m still tempted after seeing this lewk.
Adam Rippon is great, but I’m starting to think Taylor Swift just Googled “famous gay guys” and called the first 10 people that came up. Of course, Adam made history last year when he won a medal as an openly gay man at the Olympics, but the jury’s out on how he knows Taylor.
Out of all the cameos in the video, Ryan Reynolds was definitely the least expected one. If I had to guess, this one can probably be traced back to the fact that Taylor is good friends with Blake Lively, who is obviously married to Ryan. I’m still not sure exactly how he ended up on set, but that at least explains how they’re friends with each other.
Images: katyperry (2), adamlambert, missjadejolie, jessettyler, ciara, adaripp / Instagram
Hell might officially be frozen over, because Taylor Swift and Katy Perry’s feud has officially been squashed. I really wasn’t sure this day would ever come, and the shock is still wearing off. These two have hated each other for years, but I guess all good drama comes to an end. It’s the end of a pop culture era, so let’s go over the new developments, and take a little walk down memory lane.
Katy announced the peace treaty on her Instagram on Tuesday night, with a photo of a plate of cookies with the words “peace at last” written in icing. The cookies look f*cking delicious, but I have a few questions about how this photo came about.
First of all, who supplied the cookies? Did Taylor Swift bring a plate of cookies to Katy Perry’s house? Did she have them delivered by someone else? Did they hang out and bake the cookies together? And I’m even more fascinated by the icing. Those letters were obviously not professionally piped on the platter (I hope), so who did it? Taylor? Or did Taylor send instructions and Katy piped the letters herself? Did one of their assistants do it? Will I get ANY work done today? Sadly, I have answers to exactly zero of these questions.
Taylor did quickly comment on Katy’s photo, so there’s no question that the peace offering was real.
That’s a lot of heart emojis, but it’s pretty on brand for Taylor Swift’s recent rebrand as a human rainbow. If anything, the timing of this makes perfect sense, because both Taylor and Katy are gearing up to release new albums. The feud made sense in the past, but both of them are going for more of a positive, happy vibe lately, so the ~bad blood~ doesn’t really fit with their images anymore. I’m sure there were other important developments in them not hating each other anymore (like maybe them both being in happy relationships and John Mayer being less in the public eye/dating pool), but the publicity can’t hurt for either of them.
Now that these two have publicly buried the hatchet (for now), let’s take a look back at the seven-year saga that is Taylor Swift and Katy Perry’s feud.
Going back to the early years of their careers, Katy and Taylor were friends. Things first took a sour turn in 2012, when Katy Perry started dating John Mayer, who Taylor had previously had a relationship with. I don’t know all the specifics of how this went down, but we all know it’s never a good idea to get involved with your friend’s ex. In the immortal words of Gretchen Weiners, that’s just like, the rules of feminism.
The John Mayer thing was an issue, but things really went south over drama surrounding backup dancers on their tour. First, Taylor Swift purportedly stole some of Katy Perry’s backup dancers for her tour, and then some dancers later jumped ship from Taylor back to Katy. The whole thing was a mess, and it was was pretty much what killed any friendship they had.
They each released a song that was obviously about the other—Taylor Swift had “Bad Blood,” and Katy Perry released a full-on diss track with “Swish Swish.” At the time she released “Bad Blood,” Taylor said it was about a “straight-up enemy” pop star who “basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour.” Yeah, subtle, no idea who she could be referring to.
Perhaps the height of pettiness in this feud came in 2017, when after years of criticizing Spotify for their practices of compensating artists, Taylor Swift suddenly had a change of heart. She released her entire music catalogue to Spotify on the exact same day that Katy’s new album Witness was released. Honestly, I’m not a fan of Taylor Swift, but this is so savage that I have to applaud.
Things in the feud started to thaw last year, when Katy Perry sent Taylor Swift a letter before her tour, along with a literal olive branch. Just famous people sh*t.
The letter and the olive branch were a nice gesture, but things took another step forward a couple weeks ago, when Taylor added Katy’s new song “Never Really Over” to her official Apple Music playlist. At that point, it was only a matter of time until Taylor Swift and Katy Perry’s feud officially ended, and so the plate of cookies didn’t come as a total surprise.
So, where do we go from here? Now that Katy and Taylor are on good terms, there’s big speculation that the two could have a collaboration on one of their upcoming albums. That would definitely be a big moment, and it’s probably the only thing that would get me to stop listening to “Old Town Road” on repeat.
Images: Shutterstock; katyperry (2), taylorswift / Instagram; Giphy
Over the last two years, Cardi B has truly transformed from a random person on Love & Hip-Hop to one of the biggest stars in the world. This week, it was announced that she’ll be making her film debut, but that’s not the only business move she has in the works. I have a feeling some new merch is coming in the near future, because Cardi B has officially trademarked “Okurr.” She’s making money moves.
The official trademark designation is for “Clothing, namely, T-shirts, sweatshirts, hooded sweatshirts, pants, shorts, jackets, footwear, headgear, namely, hats and caps, blouses, bodysuits, dresses, jumpsuits, leggings, skirts, sweaters, undergarments,” so we can definitely expect Cardi B to drop an OKURR clothing line any day now. This is very on brand for Cardi, and I’m sure she’ll sell millions of whatever she decides to make. I’m only a little salty about this, because she definitely wasn’t the first one to start saying this (I’m looking at you, drag queens).
Okurr is far from the craziest thing that a celebrity has trademarked, and at least Cardi B isn’t claiming ownership of a real, everyday word. Here are some of the most hilarious celebrity trademarks:
I won’t dive into my personal feelings about Taylor Swift today, but she has a long history of trademarking her lyrics. Some of these are pretty specific, like “Look What You Made Me Do” or “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.” But Taylor has also gone after some trademarks that are honestly so questionable. In the past, she’s tried to trademark her album titles “Fearless” and “1989,” and I don’t get it. Fearless is a word. Like, it was fearless of me to push through my crippling hangover and make it to brunch last weekend. And 1989 IS A F*CKING YEAR. Taylor can have “this sick beat,” I don’t really care, but 1989 is too far.
person: what’s your fav color?
me: oh, red (Taylor Swift™ no copyright infringement intended. Property of TAS LLC Management 2015©) hby?
— memeindex (@memeindex) September 23, 2015
Out of all the dumb celebrity trademark drama, Kylie Jenner’s might be my favorite. Back in 2015, Kylie filed a trademark request to use “KYLIE” for “advertising and endorsement services.” Does Kylie really think she’s the only person in the world named Kylie? This turned into a major issue in early 2016, when legendary pop star Kylie Minogue filed her opposition. Behold, the most passive-aggressive tweet of all time:
Hello….. My name is KYLIE #lightyears
— Kylie Minogue (@kylieminogue) February 28, 2016
This case went back and forth for almost a full year, until Kylie Minogue withdrew her opposition. About a month later, the trademark office rejected Kylie Jenner’s claim. So sad! More recently, Kylie tried to trademark “Kylie Skin,” leading to speculation that she’s planning to launch a skin care branch of her cosmetics line. No news about this yet, but this is probably how Kylie will make her second billion dollars.
Unsurprisingly, Beyoncé has lots of trademarks, and most of them are pretty n0rmal. There’s “Beyoncé,” “Beyhive,” and a few different fragrance names. The most intriguing thing is that Beyoncé has trademarked the names of all three of her children. The trademarks apply to basically ever kind of product imaginable, but it doesn’t actually seem like Bey has any plans to use them. More likely, she just wants to prevent other people from profiting off of her kids. Lol, this is such a famous person problem to have.
After performing at the Super Bowl in 2015, Katy Perry moved to capitalize on a viral moment, and tried to trademark “left shark,” “right shark,” “drunk shark,” and “basking shark.” Wow, imagine a time when we cared this much about a dancing shark at the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Katy’s trademark filings were initially denied, but eventually she appealed and got approved for them. Katy also has various spellings of “Katycat” trademarked, because apparently people are really dying to pretend to be Katy Perry fans these days.
“Yes i have 4 years of Juilliard and i was shark number 2 in a little production called the Super bowl” pic.twitter.com/hiVCZtDI8B
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) February 2, 2015
actually blown away that the name of Kim Kardashian’s company is Kimsaprincess inc – she's out here conning us all with her fast fashion partners in crime with a 2003 Myspace namehttps://t.co/CK7rjVO0XW pic.twitter.com/kdAUazUweF
— Anna Cafolla (@AnnaCafolla) February 21, 2019
Kim Kardashian’s trademarks are really nothing out of the ordinary–mostly just variations of her name and initials. What’s more important is the company behind her trademark applications. All of these celebrities have like, fake companies that they use to apply for trademarks, and Kim’s is called KIMSAPRINCESS, INC. You guys, I am dying right now. For reference, Khloe’s is KHLOMONEY, INC., and Kourtney’s is called 2DIE4KOURT. I love this so much, you don’t even know. I feel like this is actual confirmation of what all the Kardashians’ AIM screen names were back in the day. I’ve never related to the Kardashians more.
If you just can’t wait to get your hands on an “okurr” shirt, you’re in luck, because Shop Betches has “I Said Okurrrr” and “She Said Okurrrr” tanks available… for now.
From left: Shop Betches She Said Okurrrr Tank; Shop Betches I Said Okurrrr Tank
Images: Giphy; @Kylieminogue, @annacafolla / Twitter
If you’re in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is really the one day of the year when you have a free pass to be obnoxious on social media. As a single person, it’s fun to complain about everyone posting their flowers and chocolate, but I get it. But while you were posting a throwback photo of you and your SO with a cheesy caption, some of our favorite celebrities were out here getting truly wild yesterday. Here’s a rundown of some of the most extra celebrity posts this Valentine’s Day, and most of them are exactly who you’d expect.
Less than one week after Stormi World broke the internet, Kylie Jenner is back with another over-the-top holiday display. Travis Scott is currently away on tour, but that didn’t stop him from arranging a series of heart-shaped rose arches that probably cost more than I make in a year. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kylie coordinated these herself, because she seems like the kind of woman who would want to be in control of her Valentine’s Day. It’s unclear if there was a gift or something waiting at the end of the display, but it was probably something else I can’t afford.
If the name “Randall Emmett” still doesn’t ring a bell for you, he’s Lala Kent’s fiancé, thus he’s better known as “Rand” or just “My Man.” As we know, Lala is currently filming a new movie, and she got surprised on the set with a very large vase of flowers. Like, she’s sitting in the courtroom set in costume in full WWII Germany-era clothing, and they bring the flowers in. I guess this is romantic, but I’m pretty sure you’d get fired for pulling this sh*t if your man wasn’t the one financing the movie.
We can always count on BachelorNation’s most annoying couple to bless us with dumb content. Earlier this week, we learned that Jared and Ashley are writing a children’s book (yikes), and if Ashley’s V-day caption is any indication, we’re in for a real treat. While posting the sappiest photo of her and her fiancé, she writes a nice caption about how if you’re a lonely loser, you should still have hope! Thanks so much Ashley, your support really means the world. Can’t wait to preorder the book!
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To the single people who are feeling lonely, left out, or longing for a special someone while scrolling on Instagram today. I promise you will be with your right person when it’s meant to happen and then you’ll realize you shouldn’t have stressed so much about it because the wait so worth it! I know this is cliche, but it’s also true and it take from someone who was single for almost 30 years. It just takes one person to change everything! I love you more than I could ever express, @jaredhaibon.
Considering that Kanye West rented out an entire baseball stadium to propose to Kim Kardashian, it makes sense that he goes way too far for Valentine’s Day. First of all, if I went anywhere near that room, there is a 100% chance that I would accidentally shatter all those vases. Cute gesture, but I’m f*cking clumsy. Also, where is all of their furniture? Did Kanye have a moving company take away all the furniture just for the afternoon? Also, Kim K loooooves Kenny G, and I can’t think of anything that turns me on less.
NO BIG DEAL KENNY G IN MY LIVING ROOM!!! Happy Valentines Day ??? pic.twitter.com/A1GD0UlEwu
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) February 14, 2019
There’s nothing more eye roll-inducing than a Valentine’s Day engagement, and it’s no big surprise that it came from Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom. They’ve been together for a long time (not counting the period when they were broken up), so it makes sense for them to finally be engaged. I’m not so sure how I feel about that ring (actually, I’m sure, it looks like a Ring Pop), but I’m definitely not feeling this weird closeup angle or Orlando’s greasy-looking hair. Whatever, I’m happy for them I guess.
Images: @kyliejenner / Instagram; @randallemmettfilms / Instagram; @ashley_iaconetti / Instagram; @kimkardashian / Twitter; @katyperry / Instagram