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Funny Pregnancy Captions to Make the Most Out of Your ~Condition~

Whether you’re still gazing in disbelief at your positive pregnancy test or your fridge is now wallpapered with ultrasound photos, rumor has it you’re expecting. Congrats! After the shock (and hopefully most of your morning sickness) wears off, chances are you’re trying to figure out when (and how!) to share the news. While the thrill (and fear?) of impending parenthood is undeniable, there’s a more pressing matter at hand — nailing your pregnancy announcement on Instagram.

Now, most folks wait until after their first-trimester ultrasound (around 12-14 weeks), but it’s entirely up to you when — or if — you want to spread the word. It’s a personal choice, and once everyone knows, get ready for a bunch of annoying questions from estranged friends and family members. On the plus side, you get lots of attention, a baby shower, and (hopefully) lots of new mom gifts, so, like, it could be worse.

And unless you want to pull a Mindy and wait until the baby is born, it’s time to get serious about your social media strategy. You’re better than a generic ‘We’re expecting!’ caption. But, hi, that’s kinda hard to accomplish when fatigue and pregnancy brain make it impossible to string a sentence together. To help keep your social media game strong during this exciting time, we’ve come up with the funniest pregnancy Instagram captions to remind everyone that you’re still the life of the party — even if your party now goes to bed by 9 PM.

Sarcastic Instagram Captions

  • Feet? Haven’t seen ‘em in weeks.
  • This bump is my latest DIY project.
  • Spoiler alert: It’s a baby.
  • Yes, I’m pregnant. No, you can’t touch the belly.
  • Current mood: Hungry. Again.

Kinda Sexy Instagram Captions

  • Let’s just say our date nights have been extra productive lately.
  • A bit more tired, a lot more excited.
  • Turns out our chemistry is more explosive than we thought.
  • I guess the condom broke…
  • Proof that what happens in [whatever city you conceived in] doesn’t always stay in [same city].

Cheesy AF Instagram Captions

  • Running out of womb here!
  • Adding a little kick to our family dynamics — literally.
  • Pregnancy is the happiest reason for feeling like crap. 
  • Currently trading wine nights for whine nights.
  • We’re not just late to the party, we’re bringing a plus one!

Instagram Captions If This Isn’t Your First Baby

  • Attn: We’re expanding our tiny human collection.
  • Been there, birthed that, doing it again because why TF not?
  • Round two: because we’re gluttons for punishment and love.
  • Revisiting the baby phase, because who needs sleep anyway?
  • Here we grow again — apparently, we’re really good at this…
Rachel Varina
Rachel Varina
Formerly one of the HBICs at Total Sorority Move (RIP), Rachel Varina has a long history of writing about things that make her parents ashamed. She's an avid lover of holding grudges, sitting down, and buffalo chicken dip. Currently, she lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. And even though she's married (with a *gasp* baby), she doesn't suck. Promise. PROMISE! Follow her on Instagram and Twitter (@rachelvarina) so she gets more followers than that influencer her husband dated in high school.