9 Quarantine Trends You’ve Already Forgotten About

If you didn’t already think time was a social construct, the last six months have probably changed your mind. The movie you said you watched last weekend? That was two months ago. And the tweet you thought you saw last week? It was posted today. Since we’re all online literally all day and have nothing better to do than run a new meme into the ground hours after it’s created, new trends come and go faster than ever before. While the banana bread and sourdough baking phase is probably seared so permanently into your memory that you’ll be telling your grandkids about it when they ask about 2020, there are probably a few trends and moments that have already been erased. 

The Carrot Challenge

Approximately two days into quarantine, everyone was apparently already so bored that they resorted to an Instagram challenge where they tagged their friends to draw a carrot on their story. It is truly remarkable to look back at this moment in time and realize how naïve we were that we could have possibly thought that was the worst it was going to get.

Whipped Coffee

This feels like something from an entirely different time, back when there was still hope (aka mid March). Thanks to one of the first TikTok trends to pop up in quarantine, people everywhere were using the 20 minutes that they’d usually spend commuting to the office to whisk coffee into a froth. Given that I haven’t heard anything about this in a few months, it seems like people have now realized that time is better spent sleeping in.

“Until Tomorrow”

Another long-forgotten trend is the “Until Tomorrow” era, a time when you couldn’t open Instagram without seeing a feed full of embarrassing photos, bad selfies, and baby pictures (that would be taken down the next day to avoid total humiliation). Personally I think taking your photo down is a weak move, since true Instagram baddies have had embarrassing photos up since 2010 and never took them down no matter how bad (and over-filtered) they were.

“First Photo” Challenge

As I’m sure all the other single people quarantining alone would agree, this challenge felt like a personal attack. Seriously, couples posting their first pics together? Like, did I ask for every other Insta story to remind me that I’ll be riding out a pandemic alone and getting dressed up for FaceTime dates for the foreseeable future? 

Instagram Live

Remember that week (or was it a month? Who knows) where you got a notification every five minutes that someone was going live on Instagram? Including the girls from high school “running their own businesses” showing you how to use their essential oils? My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who accidentally joined someone’s live where there were only two other people watching. Leaving one of those is almost as uncomfortable as the split second of eye-contact you make with your boss every time you exit a Zoom meeting.

Push-Up Challenge

“See 10, do 10?” Yeah, I’m good thanks. I haven’t done a push-up since I was forced to for the fitness test in elementary school, and I won’t be picking those back up because someone tagged me in an Instagram story.

Tiger King

View this post on Instagram

🍿🍿🍿 [twitter: ericonederful]

A post shared by By Sarah Merrill (@bigkidproblems) on

The memory of Tiger King feels like a fever dream. Like, we were really so desperate for entertainment at that point that we just ate that sh*t up and said “NEXT, PLEASE.” It’s kind of incredible that we got desensitized to the absurdity of every single event that happened in that series so quickly. But given how f*cked up everything has become since then, it was good preparation for coping with the rest of the year.

Zoom Happy Hours

Realizing that having a Zoom happy hour every night of the week does not make up for real-life interaction was a breakthrough that took longer than it should have. Playing drinking games at home is fun when you have somewhere to go afterward, not when you’ll just be sitting in your childhood bedroom, totally wasted, after you shut your laptop.

The “One New Thing A Day” Phase

I’ve been thinking a lot about the people who started quarantine by saying “I’ll be making one new cocktail a day!” or “Every day I’m going to make one new piece of art!” Where’d they go? Last I heard from them it was day 14 I think. Are they okay?

Instagram challenges and TikTok trends will come and go, but you know what will never go out of style? Wearing a f*cking mask.

Images: Mollie Sivaram / Unsplash; bigkidproblems / Instagram; betchesluvthis / Twitter 

‘He Didn’t Pay Him To Go Kill Carole’: ‘Tiger King’s John Reinke On Joe Exotic’s Pardon & More

Even months into quarantine, there’s no way you could forget about the sensation that is Tiger King and all of its fascinating characters like John Reinke, the former manager of Joe Exotic’s G.W. Zoo. Reinke has found a new girlfriend after his departure from the G.W. Zoo, as he reported on “The Tiger King and I” reunion hosted by Joel McHale. Unfortunately for him, Texas courts are out of session due to the pandemic, so his divorce still hasn’t been finalized. And we thought Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler had the messiest pandemic split. Sara Levine, Betches EIC and host of Not Another True Crime Podcast, sat down with John for a video interview.

Tiger King Experience

Though Tiger King has literally become synonymous with quarantine, Reinke never thought much about the documentary while it was being filmed. “There were so many film crews in and off the park, it was just kind of like everyday stuff, you know, I didn’t think anything of it. We had several producers come on and say ‘hey, we’re going to make a documentary out of this.’ Yeah, whatever.”

Like the rest of America, Reinke watched the show right when it came out. “I wanted to make sure I wasn’t portrayed wrong, I just know how some of the media takes it out of context and makes you look worse than what you are.” Despite some of his castmates’ complaints, Reinke thinks “everybody was portrayed right.” 

Free Joe Exotic

In Reinke’s view, the story of Joe Exotic’s crimes got twisted around. “He didn’t deserve 22 years. Did he do some stuff wrong? Yeah. Was he provoked into paying somebody? He didn’t pay him to go kill Carole, he paid him to get off his park so he’d leave us alone.” Even from behind bars, Joe is campaigning to have his name cleared. “I’m really, really shocked about how much he’s actually accomplishing from jail,” comments Reinke. And Joe’s efforts are pretty aggressive. He’s even commissioned a huge bus to travel to D.C. to beg President Trump to #HelpFreeJoe, a presidential pardon (omg, can you imagine Donald and Joe together? That would be some major quarantine hair inspo.)

Though they’re not exactly BFFs, Reinke says that they had a strong working relationship. “I was close to Joe. He knew I could run the zoo and I could run the staff, and he took care of everything else.” Unfortunately, he’s now in prison for allegedly trying to “take care” of a certain flower crown-wearing enemy.

Carole Did It

Obviously, the biggest meme controversy the show created was whether Carole Baskin, Joe’s archnemesis, really did kill her husband. Though Reinke’s never met her personally, he has met her second husband Howard when he visited the zoo during the copyright lawsuit between Carole and Joe. According to Reinke, “he was really nice to me” (and I guess you’ve gotta be pretty nice if you’ll let your wife parade you around on a leash on your wedding day dressed in a tiger print toga), but Reinke still says that “It’s been crammed down my throat all these years, not just from Joe, it’s been crammed down my throat from all the animal people in the world that Carole killed her husband. So it was just in your mind that Carole did it.”

Newfound Notoriety

barbie & Kendra

And it looks like Tiger King won’t be Reinke’s only claim to fame. He appears in a new comedy from Full Moon Features, Barbie and Kendra Save the Tiger King, out via Full Moon Features. Essentially, the movie follows two total ditzes on their journey to save a young Joe Exotic from a plane crash. Yes, you heard me right. “It’s just something to break up the monotony from this Covid thing that’s got everybody tense,” Reinke says. And he’s right—I watched the trailer, and tbh it’s basically a crossover episode between Apocalypse Now and The Simple Life

If you still can’t get enough of watching people who are inexplicably obsessed with big cats, you’re in luck. To hear more about Joe Exotic, real life catfights, a Tiger King movie (possibly featuring Matthew McConaughey as Reinke, which honestly isn’t the worst idea ever), watch the full interview below.

Images: Tread365.com; TMZ; NightmarishConjurings.com

Our Recap Of The ‘Tiger King’ Reunion So You Don’t Have To Watch

This Easter, Netflix has brought us a new episode of Tiger King. This is what everyone must mean when they say He is Risen. My mom told me to find a church service to watch online on Sunday morning, and so I sent her a picture of Joel McHale on my TV screen and she didn’t question it. I’m tempted to turn it off after the joke he makes about the global pandemic (tiger fever), but nevertheless, I persisted. Besides that terrible joke, there’s a lot to be sad about right off the top. Mainly, that Joe Exotic, Carole Baskin, and Doc “Bhagavan” Antle are not featured in it. Joe obviously can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Because he’s dead in prison, and I’m sure Carole and Doc don’t want to get dragged publicly anymore, which I relate to because it’s exactly why I refrain from going to family dinners. The interviews are also all done over what appears to be a Skype call, which is giving me PTSD to when I was still employed. As someone who knows people from Oklahoma, I’m impressed by the fact that this group of winners had the technological knowledge to each set up their video chats. I’m also impressed that they don’t appear to be distracted by their own reflections, which is more than I can say every time I try to have a Zoom call with my friends. For this reunion episode, our host Joel interviews each of them one at a time, and we start with Erik.

Erik

Joel asks Erik if he washed his hair today, which seems like a stupid question. We’re in the middle of a pandemic! I’m pretty sure no one has washed their hair in a month. Most people’s reasoning is that they haven’t left their bed, but Erik’s is because he gets peed on every day. Comforting to know his job is considered essential, but mine wasn’t. 

OKAY. He hasn’t even WATCHED the documentary?! When I post an Instagram story, you have to count me out of any activities for the rest of the day because all I’m doing is rewatching it. This guy is so wholesome. He talks about how the cats are like his children and he doesn’t even know how to pronounce “memes.” He reminds me of my 82-year-old great aunt. Erik lets us know that getting bit by a tiger is nothing to be afraid of! It just hurts until it stops, and then you’re good! Sounds like he’s giving a sex education lesson rather than talking about a 600-pound cat clamping its jaw down on you. He wants everyone watching to know that he’s never done meth, but he used to have a drinking problem, once again reminding me of my great aunt.

Jeff & Lauren Lowe

I would argue that Jeff Lowe owning 60-70 Affliction T-shirts is one of the more terrifying parts of this show. Obviously, Jeff is mad about his portrayal on the show, which appears to be a common sentiment from all of the terrible people featured in it. He’s saying that the producers had to have a villain and he was the one that got portrayed as such, but like, did he not watch it? We had a sex cult leader, alleged murderer, and someone who livestreamed himself blowing up a mannequin labeled Carole. Usually a TV show has to have a hero, but that’s what was missing here. There were plenty of villains to go around, so he’s not special in this regard! I’m glad to know that their nanny is settling well into their weird-ass open marriage. I was worried about her! I’m also happy to know that Allen is the “sweetest hitman you could ever hire.” I’ll be sure to keep that in mind next time a manager kicks me out of the bar for trying to organize a crowd surf. 

Jeff is an expert at deflecting any blame from himself by just reminding everyone watching just how crazy Joe was. It’s an expert strategy. He tells the host that Joe was his own worst enemy by posting all of the videos he did threatening Carole, and I relate to Joe because when I have access to my cell phone after a few drinks, I too, am my own worst enemy. Jeff Lowe is definitely still a snake who is absolutely hiding something, but he’s not incriminating himself further today. Sigh.

John Reinke

John talks about how he was loyal to the animals over Joe because they “don’t give you any crap.” I’m getting mixed signals because Erik just said he gets peed on every day. Oh well. It’s nice to know that the reason that coronavirus is continuing to spread is because people are insisting on taking a photo with these guys in every Walmart in Oklahoma in the middle of a pandemic. Stay one tiger’s length away from him please, so I can go out for karaoke before the summer’s over!

He thinks Matthew McConaughey should play him and honestly after the side-by-side, I can kind of see it. Wait, is John hot? He tells the host he doesn’t consider himself a celebrity, just a guy in a documentary. I’m impressed with his humility, because I was an extra in Spy Kids in 2001 for less than two seconds and it’s still on my resume.

Saff

Saff is truly the nicest and most genuine guy on this show. He even talks about all of the good things Joe did, which is more than I would ever do for an ex-employer. Joel asks Saff if it was awkward with the tiger after the attack like it was a one-night stand and not a beast ripping his f*cking arm off. Saff tells us that he’s watched the footage from the tiger attack over and over again, which is honestly so brave considering I won’t even look at my messages after a night out. Overall, I stan Saff. How someone this level-headed got mixed up with all of these psychos is beyond me.

Josh Dial

What a treat! Former Walmart gun salesman turned Joe Exotic’s gubernatorial campaign manager. Josh reminds us that he knew Joe was batsh*t crazy before taking the job, but it was his dream job so how could he say no? Um, have you ever considered how difficult it might be to get a legitimate political job after running a campaign that handed out condoms with the candidate’s face on them? Josh tells us that he loved his workspace because where else can you watch someone get their finger bit off by a bear right outside of your window? Ah, the beauty of nature! He tells us that he wasn’t Joe’s type because he wasn’t an impressionable minor young and dumb. For the record, those two characteristics are not mutually exclusive, because every man under the age of 23 is an idiot. Josh also wants the viewers at home to know that he does not do drugs and never has, and as someone who went to public high school, they probably weren’t offering you drugs anyway. Sorry, Josh!

John Finlay

Oh my god it’s John Finlay?! Okay his teeth look so good! Maybe I’ll get new teeth. John tells us that everyone was hooking up with everyone at the zoo, which gives it more of a summer camp vibe than a professional place of business. Probably why so many laws were broken. I hate to be that person, but listening to him talk, I’m starting to see Josh’s point about Joe liking them dumb. He says he and his wife binge watched the show in seven hours. Okay John! You and everyone else with a Netflix subscription! He also says that he doesn’t like how he was portrayed as a drugged-up hillbilly. I thought that was just his brand, but apparently, he was five years sober at the time of filming. Yet he still thought being shirtless for every interview to show off his tattoos was a good idea.

Rick Kirkham

So, our boy Rick’s in Norway because fleeing the country is exactly how you appear innocent after a true crime docuseries airs. I love how he describes his initial interaction with Joe when he decided he wanted to make a reality show based on his life:

Joe: What the f*ck do you want Rick?
Rick: I want to f*cking come work for you!

Let’s hope all job interviews are that easy when the economy recovers. Rick proceeds to tell us another story about Joe involving a horse that makes us hate him even more. I’m not so sure Joe should want to be released from prison. After Jeff’s glowing recommendation, PETA will probably hire Allen to murder him the instant he steps out of the gates. Rick still has nightmares from living at the zoo and I still have nightmares from watching this show, so I think we should all form a Tiger King victim support group. I’ll send the link for the Zoom meeting.

After watching this reunion episode, we have learned that everyone on the cast thinks Joe should be locked up. Shocker! Also, that less of them have done meth than we originally thought. Basically, nothing that we care about, considering Joe is incarcerated and Doc and Carole declined to participate. But, if you live in Oklahoma, hit up your local Walmart for a chance to spot a celebrity!

The Best ‘Tiger King’ Glow-Ups, Ranked

Just as Jesus rose from the dead on Easter Sunday, so too did the spirit of Joe Exotic return from the meth-fueled fever dream from whence it came to grace our screens once again. That’s because Netflix finally dropped the long-awaited Tiger King bonus episode, called The Tiger King And I. If the title isn’t any indication, it’s not actually new footage, and it’s basically just like, a 40-minute version of the last 2 minutes of every Catfish episode where the hosts video chat with everyone for updates. So in the new bonus-that’s-not-really-a-bonus, host Joel McHale catches up with some of our favorite secondary players from Tiger King. We get pretty much everyone at the G.W. Zoo except for obviously Joe Exotic. Unsurprisingly, Doc Antle and Carole Baskin did not participate, probably because Doc is too busy still running his sex cult zoo despite the pandemic, and Carole has a personal vendetta against Netflix (the filmmakers better sleep with one eye open from now on).

I’m not here to recap the entire after show, because I’m an ~artiste~ and not a transcriber. I’m here to talk about the glow-ups. Specifically, to rank the glow-ups. Unsurprisingly, once everyone got out from underneath Joe’s watchful eye(brow ring), their skin cleared up, they got better teeth, their hair grew in thick and shiny, and overall, they all just look and sound way better off. So I want to pay tribute to our Tiger King glow-ups, in order of worst to best.

7. Jeff & Lauren Lowe

Jeff and Lauren Lowe

Unsurprisingly, Jeff and Lauren Lowe are exactly the same. Is it because Jeff has 65 of the same Affliction T-shirt and even more nearly identical styles of leather biker jacket? That’s certainly part of it. Is it also partly because they are maintaining the same smug attitude? You bet. And I’ve got to give Lauren major props for not at all looking like she recently gave birth—I guess Jeff’s thinly-veiled threats that he would leave her for their hot nanny if she failed to snap back to her pre-pregnancy weight instantly after giving birth worked.

I guess I’ll give them props for consistency, though I hope Jeff is at least using his bandanas as makeshift face masks if he leaves the house, instead of just wearing them under his hat. Either way, I have a feeling this won’t be the last we hear of Jeff, especially considering he’s the one who broke the news on this disappointing reunion special. I predict he’s going to be riding this Tiger King wave for as long as he can, all while simultaneously protesting any connection he has to Joe Exotic. Dude, he like, made you… 

6. Saff

Saff Tiger King

This placement is by no means a personal attack on Saff. The truth simply is that when you start towards the top, there’s not much room for ascension. Saff looks exactly the same (please drop your skincare routine) and continues to maintain a levelheaded attitude, otherwise known as “be the realest one out of this whole cast of clowns.” The craziest part is probably that Saff is still sympathetic to Joe, and I don’t know if that’s extreme loyalty or a form of Stockholm Syndrome. He also didn’t really take issue with Netflix misgendering him throughout the 7-part series (and kind of again in the reunion with the name tag! Just call him Saff!), proving that he is nicer than me on my best day. Saff, never change.

5. Rick Kirkham

Rick Kirkham Tiger King

Rick kept his hat, changed his vest, and put the cigarette away during filming, all of which amount to a very solid glow-up. His wrinkles may have deepened from the time that being at G.W. Zoo undoubtedly took off his life, but damn it, he kept his statement piece. I respect it.

I’ve also got to give Rick big ups for getting as far away from Oklahoma as physically possible and just peacing out to Norway. I wish I’d thought of it myself.

4. Erik Cowie

Eric Cowie Tiger King

Erik’s locks are still as luscious as ever, but he cut himself some ill-advised quarantine bangs, and for that reason, he’s not ranking higher on this list. However, Erik’s glowed-up attitude and outspokenness to how sh*tty Joe Exotic was to all the animals is worth commending, as is his opening line that he’s “livin’ life and lovin’ Jesus”, which I may steal to use ironically. He has not watched Tiger King because he’s supposedly been too busy working, and just may be the only person who actually does work at G.W. Zoo. I honestly love that for him, but hope that one day he can find a job working at a zoo that’s not run by complete lunatics.

3. John Reinke

John Reinke

Can’t really point to anything specific, but I just got the impression that Reinke was living better now, Gucci sweater now. Actually, I know—it’s the teeth. They are very white and very straight. (Yes, I know they were both straight and existent before, but now it’s just striking.) And my man’s got AirPods, and a new girlfriend! (While still married to his wife because of the pandemic. I love the messiness.) Overall, Reinke seems to be doing pretty well for himself (I can’t even find one person to trap enter into in a monogamous relationship, let alone two), and if you think Matthew McConaughey should play Joe Exotic in the movie and not Reinke, you’re out of your f*cking mind.

2. Josh Dial

Josh Dial Tiger King

Josh, the haircut and scruff are working for ya, honey. Armed with a new hairstyle and a renewed hatred for the feds, Josh looks like he’s surviving and beginning to start thriving. But he still hasn’t given up his no-bullsh*t attitude, which earned him the nickname (at least among me and my podcast cohosts) as “the only voice of reason in this entire documentary”. He may be the only person in the history of documentaries to be satisfied with his portrayal and who found the documentary fair, but then again, Josh was one of the few people who didn’t have any shady sh*t to hide (lookin’ at you, Jeff and Carole). Hoping that Josh can get some help to deal with the fact that he witnessed Travis accidentally fatally shoot himself (can we get a GoFundMe for some therapy costs?), and let’s get this kid on the next campaign trail. But seriously, f*ck the feds.

1. John Finlay

John Finlay Tiger King

Surprising no one, John Finlay has had the best glow-up of all time. Of all time! With new teeth that look amazing and a beard that looks like a prop you’d buy to be Amish for Halloween…or Mose from The Office…he is living a much, much better life than we saw during Tiger King. Probably my favorite thread throughout the after show, which emerged here with John as well as with Erik, was how everyone insisted that they were not on meth, despite their appearance. John in particular revealed he was four years sober during filming, and just went shirtless in all his interviews so he could show off his tattoos. Which is… a choice. And speaking of tattoos, John assures us that he actually did get his entire “Property Of Joe Exotic” tattoo fully covered up, and not just the bull head over the top part of it that was shown on the documentary. Praise be. The man is living.

Images: Netflix

Not Watching ‘Tiger King’? Here’s Your Cheat Sheet To Stay Culturally Relevant

During these times of self-quarantine, are you choosing not to watch the cinematic masterpiece that is Netflix’s Tiger King in order to be “productive,” or “work” because you’re an “essential employee,” or maybe you’re just boycotting it because you’ve heard about the blatant animal abuse in the show? If you identify with any of these reasons to not watch, you are a better person than I am have a lot of willpower! My mom is also choosing not to watch because she said the title makes it “sound scary.” I wanted to tell her it wasn’t a horror show, but after binging it in a single day, I’m not so sure. Either way, your more fun less responsible friends ARE watching it, and if you’re planning on Skyping/Zooming/seeing them once this is all over, it’s all they’re going to want to talk about. So here are some talking points to give you a general overview of the chaos and help you seem like you know what you’re talking about (I wish I had an article like this when I went to a Super Bowl party sophomore year of college): 

Joe Exotic

While we are living in crazy times, it’s nice to have a reminder that there are people in Oklahoma who are infinitely crazier. Joe Exotic is the star of this show. He’s a fashion icon, presidential candidate, and owner of 200+ tigers. He is our Tiger King. And he’s f*cking nuts. 

My friend told me about this show because they said the chaotic energy of Joe Exotic reminded them of me. And while, yes, it was chaotic of me to slam seven different types of alcohol and attempt a backflip at Kappa formal, I like to tell myself that I’ll grow out of it. 

I want to believe that a rogue Bachelor producer is behind the character that is Joe Exotic, manipulating him with endless wine to act like a lunatic, but this is just how he is! I’ve never felt more confident that I’m doing okay with my life, and I’ve seen Lizzo twice! Joe talks about how he loves the spotlight and being the object of other people’s envy, and I mean same, but I don’t think everyone necessarily envies you when they are watching you on stage with the 400-pound killer beasts, more than they are just hoping something goes wrong while their phone is out so they can go viral on TikTok. Joe is always doing dangerous stunts and telling his staff to make sure they get good promo shots, and it reminds me of myself yelling at my mom on the beach during our last Royal Caribbean Cruise. Sorry mom, but I did get a hot Instagram out of it!

Joe does a lot of questionable things throughout the series that you’ll want to be sure to mention, so your friends won’t realize you’re lying. He married two straight guys at the same time and then used one of their funerals to promote his music career (I know), he gave out condoms with his face on them when he was running for Governor (I KNOW), and he hires someone to take a hit out on his arch-nemesis Carole Baskin (I f*cking KNOW!!!). Overall, what you need to know is Joe Exotic is a bad guy and he ends up in prison!

Carole Baskin

Carole Baskin Tiger King

Carole: The tigers go from being so sweet to just wanting to tear your face off and they could do it like that, it’s amazing they have that kind of range!

That’s not what I find interesting, Carole. Every single sorority girl I met in college has that same level of range. They can go from dancing on the table at Sigma Chi to sobbing into their trashcan punch on the bathroom floor in the time it takes Chad to open a Snapchat and not reply. In this instance, the tigers do not impress me!

What can I say about Carole Baskin? I’m not entirely convinced that she’s not a “where are they now?” of Dorinda from The Cheetah Girls. I wanted to love her at first, and the show initially portrays her as a hero for big cats, but if you watch (which you haven’t), you quickly learn that she’s a shady bitch in her own right.

Carole tells us that her mission is to end the captivity of big cats, as we are shown all of her big cats in captivity. We stan a hypocritical queen. It’s much like when I tell my friends I’m done drinking for a while, and then proceed to sh*tpost on my Instagram story that very same night after five vodka sodas. I’m still not sure I understand the difference between Carole and Joe’s places other than the fact that one is branded as a sanctuary and one requires a tetanus shot before entering. When talking about Carole you’ll want to talk about her questionable fashion taste the fact that she absolutely murdered her husband. While there isn’t necessarily proof and she hasn’t been convicted or even arrested for his murder, 99% of viewers are convinced. And if she and OJ Simpson join the same spouse bereavement support group, we’ll know for sure. Essentially, what you need to know is Carole is also a bad guy, she’s just still on the loose!

Doc “Bhagavan” Antle

Doc Antle

Doc isn’t exposed addressed nearly as much as I believe he should be. He gives me “Founder of Scientology” vibes and I feel like after we pet the cheetah at his zoo, he’s going to pour me a glass of punch and toast to passing on to the next life. He hires impressionable teenagers, makes them work insane hours for $100 a week, and then before they know it, they are trapped in a full-on sex cult. If you’re looking for employment after social distancing, I would steer clear of this place. Just mention to your friends that you think Doc’s sex cult deserves a docuseries of its own and you will be met with a resounding “SAME!” Also, a bad guy. Are you starting to see a pattern here?

Jeff Lowe

Jeff Lowe

Jeff Lowe is a character I myself haven’t figured out. Essentially, he steals the zoo from Joe and he and his wife are both sleeping with their child’s new nanny. He and his wife have a very specific kink, and that kink is wheeling tiger cubs through unsuspecting Vegas hotel lobbies in order to sleep with hot young women. And that’s not even interesting enough for me to get into when compared to the overall show. Insanity!

The “Good” Guys

Saff Tiger King

If you want some positivity to sprinkle into your rehearsed conversation with your friends, you can talk about the genuinely okay people on this show. There are a few! Saff, who has one arm (tiger attack); John, who has no legs (unclear); and Howard Baskin, what a weirdo. He clearly is very devoted and loves his wife Carole, but I’m wondering if it’s because she has some serious dirt on him. Who knows? (Hopefully we will when an investigation is opened on the whole Don Lewis-being-fed-to-the-tigers situation.)

If, after all of this tea that I have just spilled, you are still not compelled to watch, then I’m impressed. And honestly, a little jealous. But if I have given you enough information to lie confidently to your friends, then I’ve done my job! Happy quarantining!

Images: Netflix (6)

You Won’t Believe How Many Celebrities Know Doc Antle

If there’s only one thing this country can agree on right now, it’s that we’re all obsessed with Tiger King. Oh, that and stained sweatpants are officially business casual, so I guess we can agree on two things. Look at 2020 bringing us together! Now, there’s a lot to talk about with Tiger King. Obviously Carole Baskin fed her second husband to the tigers, even OJ agrees, and he’s hesitant to call anyone a murderer even when he did it in the face of overwhelming evidence. And obviously, we could talk about the music videos, and the haircuts, and the throuple, and the murder-for-hire plot, but we’ve already done that. What I’d like to talk about today is Bhagavan “Doc” Antle. Yes, that sex-cult leading, Steve Martin in Baby Mama-looking motherf*cker that was actually born Kevin. The whole time I was watching Tiger King, I couldn’t believe that places like his existed and that there were so many psychos in America hoarding and breeding big cats. But it turns out, Doc Antle is super popular, and not just with regular people that are stupid enough to put their head inside a liger’s mouth. He’s popular with celebrities that are that stupid, too! So, without further ado, let’s take a look at all the celebrities that Doc Antle knows. 

Britney Spears 

Call the police. pic.twitter.com/RYjUl8layu

— Ξvan Ross Katz (@evanrosskatz) March 30, 2020

By now you’ve surely seen this image floating around the internet. Doc Antle did indeed provide the animals for Britney’s epic 2001 VMAs “I’m a Slave 4 U” performance. Do we think that performance is what inspired Doc to get some sex slaves of his own? If that performance wasn’t convincing enough, I don’t know what would be.

Beyoncé

View this post on Instagram

Throwback to when @beyonce visited us! Feeding tiger cubs with the help of, @docantle & Vali the Chimp❗️🐯🙈♥️ Tap the link in our bio to visit the animal ambassadors at the Myrtle Beach Safari!

A post shared by Myrtle Beach Safari (@myrtlebeachsafari) on

You guys, BEYONCÉ has been to Doc Antle’s “safari” in Myrtle Beach. This woman, who does not let herself get photographed or filmed ANYWHERE without her consent, let someone take a picture of her with animals that have been kept in captivity their entire life for the sole purpose of making their owner a rich and famous man. Lol. Doc probably led that cub right to the gas chamber after it met Beyoncé, knowing it could die happy having met her. 

Logan Paul

View this post on Instagram

@loganpaul helping us spread the message….Save The Tiger, Save The World❗️🐯 The tiger stands as the last great sentinel of the forest, if we lose the tiger we will lose a piece of ourselves forever. But if we save the Tiger we could save the world, in order for the tiger to survive it needs clean clear skies, pristine lakes and rivers, wide open spaces, plentiful prey animals, and most importantly it needs you, people who care! Therefore if we save the Tiger, we save the world.

A post shared by Myrtle Beach Safari (@myrtlebeachsafari) on

Well OF COURSE a problematic YouTuber would hit up a problematic zoo. I mean, when you film a dead body in a suicide forest and make jokes about it, everything else must seem harmless. He really is the best celebrity ambassador for the Myrtle Beach Safari. It’s like Jennifer Lawrence and Dior, Serena Williams and Nike, George Clooney and Nespresso, Logan Paul and the site of an alleged sex cult and tiger cub euthanizing. What a perfect match! 

Floyd Mayweather

View this post on Instagram

Thank you for your support❗️♥️🥊🐯 #Repost @floydmayweather ・・・ @myrtlebeachsafari photo credit: @nickb_photos #CHEETAH

A post shared by Myrtle Beach Safari (@myrtlebeachsafari) on

Look, I don’t pretend to know much about boxing. The only thing I’ll pay to view is the latest Jane Austen adaptation (what up, Emma!). But, apparently this dude is really famous, and must have seen that Mike Tyson had a tiger in The Hangover and thought it was a requirement. 

Naomie Olindo

View this post on Instagram

Tiger King was an eye-opener for all. #CommentsByCelebs

A post shared by Comments By Bravo (@commentsbybravo) on

Naomie is from Southern Charm on Bravo and if you’re not watching, you should be. Naomie is being dragged on the internet for hitting up the Myrtle Beach Safari (which is fair), but to give her some credit she did apologize and said she didn’t realize how much harm she was doing. That’s more than most of these celebs have said about it. Oh, and turns out the picture she’s getting shamed for is in Thailand (still not cool). If you want to see the one from the Myrtle Beach Safari, it’s here.

Marquise Goodwin

View this post on Instagram

💰1,000,000🏆 💥WINNER💥@marquisegoodwin with @kodyantle and I and tiger Man Durg. Congratulations on the win ✌🏻❤️ Marquise Goodwin pursued his Olympic dream three years ago. On Saturday, the 49ers wide receiver was celebrating winning a different kind of gold. Goodwin defeated Panthers defensive back Donte Jackson — and earned the $1 million prize — in the final of the inaugural 40 Yards of Gold pay-per-view event in Sunrise, Fla. Goodwin edged Jackson at the tape by five one-hundredths of a second❗️🎥 @nickb_photos

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

Marquise Goodwin plays for the San Francisco 49ers and even competed in the long jump in the 2012 Olympics. That’s cool Marquise, but I don’t think even you could jump far enough if that tiger decided he had an insatiable taste for human flesh. On Marquise’s own Instagram account he posted a picture with his wife and the tiger, but since he posted it after the show came out, which means he clearly doesn’t care that he participated in animal abuse, I’m showing you guys the one of him in the water with two freaks. Enjoy!

Drew Barrymore & Annie Leibowitz

View this post on Instagram

Beauty and the Beast. Photo series we did with @drewbarrymore with photographer extraordinaire @AnnieLeibowitz and our lovely lion Aslan for @voguemagazine Challenges Humans are pushing African lions out of their habitats. This cat’s populations are steadily decreasing in the wild. In just two decades, Africa’s population has decreased 43 percent and it is estimated that as few as 23,000 remain. One of the main causes is the alarming rate at which they are losing their habitats due to expanding human populations and the resulting growth of agriculture, settlements, and roads. Human-wildlife conflict is also a major threat to lions. Due to habitat loss, lions are being forced into closer quarters with humans. This, coupled with decrease in their natural prey, causes them to attack livestock. In turn, farmers oftentimes retaliate and kill these majestic big cats. They are hunted by humans. Lions are being killed in rituals of bravery, as hunting trophies, and for their perceived medicinal and magical powers. #savethelionsaveafrica

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

I feel a little bad for the celebrities that worked with Doc Antle and his animals, because they most likely didn’t have a choice in the matter. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to feature them here. Hi Drew! This was bad! But Annie, you probably hired him. FOR SHAME. At least you got that money shot though, right?

Bobby Flay

View this post on Instagram

#valithechimp meets #bobbyflay at #MyrtleBeachSafari for the support of the #RareSpeciesFund #WildLivesMatter #TouchTheWildSaveTheWild #chimp #chimpanzee #monkey

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

Even celebrity chefs are not immune to the charms of a baby chimp, it seems. They may be cute, Bobby, but they can still rip your face off. And you need that face for tasting the menu at Bobby’s Burger Palace! I’ll only get one if it has your stamp of approval. Be more careful. 

Rory from ‘Single Parents’

View this post on Instagram

THE message with @devintrey08 child star Devin Trey Campbell is ET's newest kid correspondent! The 10-year-old star of TV show “Single Parents” is working with ET on the red carpet at the upcoming 2019 Kids' Choice Awards.

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

Poppy would never take Rory here! But Angie totally would, without approval. If you know, you know. 

Hayden Panettiere

View this post on Instagram

That one day #haydenpanettiere came and chewed on #valithechimps ear at #MyrtleBeachSafari for the support of the #RareSpeciesFund #WildLivesMatter #jungleislandmiami @haydenpanettier @official_haydenpanettiere @haydenpanettierefans

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

None of this was a good idea, Hayden, but especially not the part where you put the chimp’s ear in your mouth. I’m gonna need you to take a time out and think about what you did. 

Jay Leno

View this post on Instagram

#tbt to one of my many appearances on the @tonightshow_net with Jay Leno @_the_real_jay_leno_ and @kate.winslet.official on the show with some tigers and a giant liger 2002ish. . . . . . . . . . #AtMyrtleBeachSafari for the support of the #RareSpeciesFund #WildLivesMatter #TouchTheWildSaveTheWild #tiger #tigercub #savethetigersavetheworld

A post shared by Dr. Bhagavan Antle (@docantle) on

We all know about this one because we did see Doc rewatching this footage on Tiger King. And look, I’m not going to drag Kate Winslet into this because it’s not like she gets to choose who is on Leno the same night as she is, but also she did marry a man who legally changed his name to Ned Rocknroll, so her judgment is skewed at best. So maybe she is cool with animal captivity. As long as those tigers have a cool name! 

This list of celebrities is actually only a small snapshot of all the ones that have known and worked with Doc Antle through the years, I just thought a list of 30 people might get tedious. I beg of you to go through his Instagram, which is a treasure trove of information and atrocities. Enjoy! 

Images: Netflix; evanrosskatz/Twitter; myrtlebeachsafari (3), docantle (6), commentsbybravo/Instagram 

Wait, Was Joe Exotic Hospitalized For Coronavirus?

GUESS WHAT, MOTHERF*CKERS!!! Our Tiger King, Joseph Maldonado-Passage—or, as he is known to the world, Joe Exotic—may have contracted coronavirus in prison. At least, if you believe what the Daily Mirror reports, then he has. (And if you believe that, I’ve got a tiger cub to sell you.) This, the Mirror claims, is based on a site called Texomashomepage.com, which reported that Joe was transferred to a prison medical center after “multiple fellow inmates at the jail where he was being held tested positive for the coronavirus.” Cosmo UK also reported that Joe was hospitalized for coronavirus.

However, other, more legit outlets are also reporting on the news, and the story they have to tell is slightly different. On Wednesday, Dillon told Andy Cohen on his Sirius XM radio show that “they are putting him on a COVID-19 isolation because of the previous jail he was at, there were cases.” Dillon did not tell Andy whether or not Joe had tested positive. The Washington Post reported on Thursday that Mr. Exotic was transferred to FMC Fort Worth in Texas, which is a medical center in the Federal Bureau of Prisons system. Vulture echoed this report, clarifying, “Joe Exotic was transferred to a prison medical center from coronavirus isolation.” So while it doesn’t sound like business as usual, it doesn’t really mean that Joe was hospitalized for COVID-19.

However, a staffer at the Oklahoma jail in which Joe is serving a 22-year sentence claimed that the jail had no confirmed cases of the novel coronavirus. And the Oklahoman was informed by Grady County District Attorney Jason Hicks, “There are no COVID-19 cases in the Grady County Jail, at this time,” adding, “The jail’s taking all the precautions that they’re supposed to.”

Furthermore, the Okhahoman reports, “the Federal Bureau of Prisons reported in March that all new asymptomatic inmates were being placed in quarantine for a minimum of 14 days or until cleared by medical staff.”

The Mirror’s initial headline read, “Tiger King star Joe Exotic hospitalised after contracting coronavirus in prison.” However, they have since seemed to walk it back to: “Tiger King‘s Joe Exotic hospitalised and could have caught coronavirus in prison.” Hmm.

Mirror Headline

So, does Joe Exotic have coronavirus? Or was he just placed under a mandatory quarantine as a precaution? It’s honestly unclear at this point, but the latter seems more likely. What does seem clear is this looks like a classic case of the Mirror being the Mirror, making up clickbait and then walking it back. And I fell for it. Damn it.

But I’ll tell ya who gave it to him if he does have it: CAROLE F*CKIN’ BASKIN.

Images: Netflix; The Daily Mirror

All The Celebs Who Want To Be In A ‘Tiger King’ Adaptation

If you’re the kind of person who likes true crime, chances are you’ve finished Tiger King by now. Actually, chances are you watched it in one night, then read 14 articles about it, listened to a podcast, and watched it a second time. How much Tiger King content is too much? It’s a trick question, because it could never be too much. And speaking of Tiger King content, lots of people are already starting to think about a scripted version of this wild, wild story.

As with any story like this, it’s only a matter of time before we get a movie or miniseries about Joe Exotic and his f*cked up friends and enemies, and it turns out that one is already in the works. Last fall, before most of us even knew what was coming, it was announced that a scripted project based on the Joe Exotic season of the Over My Dead Body podcast is being developed as a TV miniseries. While there’s no date or network attached yet, obviously the best use of our time is to imagine which famous faces might play our new favorite characters. But aside from wild guesses, there are actually a bunch of celebs who have already thrown their names into the ring for a Tiger King adaptation.

First of all, let’s talk Carole Baskin. While the rest of the casting is up in the air, Kate McKinnon is already set to step into Carole’s leopard print shoes, and she’ll also executive produce the miniseries. While I’m sure there are dozens of actresses that would love to don some animal print and dive into the world of Carole, it’s hard to imagine anyone doing a better job than Kate McKinnon. Really, I would watch a miniseries just about Carole, but obviously there are some other important characters to be cast here.

Arguably the most iconic character in Tiger King is Mr. Joe Exotic, and it’s fun to imagine who might transform into this gay polygamist zoo owner with a failed political career and a detailed criminal history. Last week, Dax Shepard threw it out there own Twitter that he like, really wants to play Joe Exotic. This feels like it would make sense, and things got even more real after someone on Twitter Photoshopped Dax’s face onto a picture of Joe. I mean… this is absolutely something I’d be interested in seeing.

Starting @daxshepard pic.twitter.com/yleL1LYgc4

— Photoshopped AF (@photoshopped_af) March 26, 2020

But not everyone wants to see Dax Shepard in the role. His friend Edward Norton wants a shot at Joe Exotic, and replied to Dax, telling him that he’s “way too young and buff”, suggesting that he’s still young enough to play Joe’s second husband, Travis. I don’t know if I see that, but I’m definitely intrigued by the idea of Edward Norton doing some method work to play Joe Exotic. Honestly, I would watch this movie no matter who’s in it, but these are some compelling options right off the bat.

Um, step aside, pal. You’re way too young and buff and you know it. You could probably pull off Maldonado still, actually. Wouldn’t that be fun?

— Edward Norton (@EdwardNorton) March 26, 2020

But wait! There’s more competition, and this time it’s coming from an Oscar winner. The next day, Jared Leto entered the conversation, posting selfies in a makeshift Joe Exotic costume, complete with a stuffed animal lion. Tbh, I feel like Jared would be the best Travis, but whatever, I don’t even know if any of these guys are actually in consideration. But for now, I will gladly accept these A-list men competing with each other. Honestly, they should put this quarantine time to good use and post some at-home audition tapes. It’s what we need most in these dark times!

#JaredLetoTigerKing pic.twitter.com/K70mgU7qUG

— JARED LETO (@JaredLeto) March 27, 2020

Another popular casting idea for Joe Exotic is Danny McBride, who, let’s be honest, wouldn’t even need that much of a crazy transformation to fit the role. That’s not an insult, just an observation. At this point, I’ve been bored inside for so long that even I’m considering a mullet.

Danny McBride was born to play the role of Joe Exotic in a potential movie. pic.twitter.com/QKPJ3K54Nr

— Joe Jenkins (@josephjenkins) March 28, 2020

So far, it seems like the famous actors aren’t lining up to play Doc Antle, probably because he’s less outrageous and more just… creepy. Personally, I feel the best fit would be a hologram of Philip Seymour Hoffman (the resemblance is startling), but I would also support Christian Bale in his Dick Cheney prosthetics from Vice. There are really so many possibilities. And for the role of Jeff Lowe, I nominate Woody Harrelson, who knows exactly how to channel the right kind of sh*tty white dude energy. Whatever the final casting looks like for these two, I’m sure it’ll be something to behold.

Even further down the list, it looks like Jessica Chastain and Bryce Dallas Howard are ready to duke it out for a part that I didn’t even remember from the documentary. Jessica Chastain posted a clip of a redhead singing in an ad for Big Cat Rescue, telling her famous doppelgänger, Bryce Dallas Howard, to back off. Howard responded, saying “it’s on.” Personally, I would love a cameo from both of these women, and I’m sure they could recreate the commercial with two singing redheads. The more, the merrier.

It’s on 😉🤣 #TigerKing https://t.co/UIw6oifaMY

— Bryce Dallas Howard (@BryceDHoward) March 29, 2020

Knowing that Kate McKinnon is locked in for this project, I really can’t wait to see how the rest of the cast fills out, because this story needs to be told in as many ways as possible. Honestly? Make two movies! Put one on Netflix and one on Hulu! Make a series and a movie! Who cares, I love tiger sh*t! All I know is that this project better be fast-tracked, because I don’t know how much longer I can wait for it. It’s Tiger King’s world, and we’re all just living in it.

Images: Image: Courtesy of Netflix; photoshopped_af, edwardnorton, josephjenkins; brycedhoward/Twitter