When it comes to workplace sexual harassment, no one should seek to be a harasshole. But there is something harassholes often do that betches should make a practice—that is, documenting all workplace sexual harassment and how your employer handles it.
Harassholes keep score on who gets passes for inappropriate behavior because the information may give them leverage when an employer tries to hold them accountable for sexual harassment while allowing other harassholes to run amuck.
Case in point: the audacious lawsuit hockey analyst Jeremy Roenick filed in New York on Friday against his former employer, NBC.
Here’s the gist: Way back in December 2019, before COVID terrorized us all, Roenick went on a “cheeky” Barstool Sports podcast as a guest. While on the podcast, the 50-year-old offered off-color commentary on his NBC co-host’s “ass and boobs” before explaining how he led strangers to believe he was having a threesome with his wife and co-host. Real professional, right?
After suspending Roenick for a few months, NBC fired him in February 2020. Now the hockey star is suing the network, claiming NBC discriminated against him as a heterosexual man.
Seriously.
According to Roenick, NBC didn’t punish a gay figure-skating analyst who made sexualized—albeit scripted—comments about his co-host while the two were acting together in a parody promotional video. Roenick says, when he brought the matter to an NBC exec, he was told that the analyst “is gay and can say whatever.”
Yes, there’s a lot to unpack there, but don’t get distracted. Roenick’s basically saying NBC should have given him a pass on his filthy remarks about his co-host because the network gave another man a pass.
When you’re done rolling your eyes at Roenick’s audacity, let’s discuss the ever-so important takeaway from his case: when it comes to workplace sexual harassment, betches need to document, document, document.
Documenting sexual harassment you and your colleagues experience, and your employer’s response to the harassment, is among the most effective ways you can maintain the upper hand should things go south and you need to fight your employer for failing to enforce the rules.
Let me explain.
Employers say they’re anti-discrimination, claiming they consistently enforce the rules by punishing harassholes, their popularity or your unpopularity notwithstanding. In reality, employers also give passes to people they like, creating a host of problems for everyone. The unfairness of it all gives rise to discrimination lawsuits—that is, if there’s documentation showing the employer is not enforcing its rules.
By “documentation” I mean “What is written down, printed, recorded, photocopied, saved? What do you have to support your account about your experiences?”
Sure, you may remember details well and never lose your car keys. But when it comes to workplace sexual harassment, it’s still best to have documentation because memories fade and documents are harder to manipulate. Also, while your word may be good enough for your mom, the patriarchy makes a woman’s word a hard sell more than half the time.
That’s why you document your version of the events with notes about encounters, dated-diary entries about conversations, text message chains and photos saved to the clou,; PDF copies of emails, papers, and websites, and so on. You hold onto anything that provides enough detail to refresh your recollection of the events should things go off the rails down the line and you need to back up your word should it be put to the test.
Harassholes and shady employers unapologetically lie and suddenly lose documents. You must be prepared.
…much like Roenick, whose ten-year tenure at NBC is over, to his complete and utter surprise. That’s right—the former hockey gawd never saw it coming, as he insists his firing is one of the “biggest raw deals of all time.” (Who knew you could lose your job for gratuitously sexualizing your co-worker’s anatomy on a popular podcast and bragging about misleading others into thinking you’re intimately throupled with her and your spouse?)
Despite the supposed blindsiding, Roenick had the wherewithal to document how his employer treated him and others who acted up, giving him fodder for a lawsuit that may or may not end with Roenick taking home a settlement check.
You, too, should be boldly protecting your professional interests should your employer act up or let harassholes run amok, as documentation can make or break your future.
Adrienne Lawrence is an on-air legal analyst and the author of Staying in the Game: The Playbook for Beating Workplace Sexual Harassment (TarcherPerigee, 2020). Lawrence has contributed her insight on workplace sexual harassment for outlets such as the Harvard Business Review and NPR. Follow her on Twitter @AdrienneLaw and IG @AdrienneLawrence.
Images: Fred Kfoury III/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images
Anybody who knows me (and many people who don’t know me but read my Vanderpump Rules recaps) knows that my favorite show of all time is Parks and Recreation. It is the best show to ever exist. Yes, even better than The Office. While The Office is hilarious, Parks and Rec is both hilarious and a very good political satire, which pushes it above The Office. But anyway, I’m not a TV critic, and nobody cares about my ranking of NBC comedies.
The point is, all this extra time at home has got me thinking, and also watching a lot of Parks and Rec. So I thought, how would our beloved Parks employees be spending this pandemic? Let me, a person with a self-administered Master’s degree in Parks and Recreation-ology, answer that for you.
Leslie Knope
After her two terms as President, during which she reduced unemployment, increased jobs, enacted universal healthcare, and made National Waffle Day a federal holiday, Leslie returned to a quiet life as a private citizen. Psych! Do you know Leslie? She immediately moved back to Pawnee, where she resumed her former dream role on City Council, which was not against the law because frankly, nobody in Pawnee ever thought something like that could happen. She is now spearheading multiple coronavirus relief efforts in Pawnee, which is the worldwide epicenter of COVID-19. She’s started a national campaign, All Hands On Deck, encouraging people to wash their hands for at least 20 seconds. She’s 3D printing masks at home and hand-delivering them to hospitals. In her remaining free time, she’s going around to all the parks and yelling through a megaphone at all the people who are not maintaining proper distance.
Ben Wyatt
Ben cannot stop obsessing over how flippant every single person in Pawnee is acting about this virus. It’s maddening. For the record, Ben has been working from home for a month now, and has never eaten more calzones in his life. When he’s not working, he is yelling out his window at everyone outside not practicing social distancing. He started back up his claymation hobby. At the current rate, he will have a movie out by next year. He is very depressed.
Andy Dwyer
Andy didn’t take the virus seriously at first and was still playing packed-out venues with Mouserat. But as the pandemic grew even more serious, he decided to put his skills to use. He has now written the single most popular jingle about the importance of hand washing, and he films Johnny Karate from his living room. You can watch all 17 hit seasons on Gryzzl’s new streaming platform. He has only taken Dwyer showers in the past two weeks, which is how, when he does go outside, he’s able to get people to stay away from him.
April Ludgate
April, too, thought COVID-19 was a joke at first, and she went around to Costco to cough on free samples just to scare people. But then she got a slight cough and immediately freaked out. She and Andy retreated to Ron’s cabin with Champion in tow. Once settled there, she adopted every remaining foster animal in Pawnee.
Donna Meagle
Regal Meagle has been livin’ large ever since November, which is when she first caught wind of the novel coronavirus in an obscure corner of Reddit. She took no chances and fled to her private island, where nobody else is allowed to join her. (Not even Tom, much to his dismay.) Much like the Benz, her island is pristine. Years from now, scientists will study it as the one remaining place on Earth to not have a single case of coronavirus.
Ron Swanson
Ron secretly thinks coronavirus is for the weak, like vegans and people who drink skim milk. But he’ll take any opportunity to avoid people at all costs, so outwardly, he takes it extremely seriously. He disappeared to one of his many properties in with Diane and the girls and has been earning a living selling his handmade wood furniture. He is singlehandedly responsible for the nationwide shortage of eggs and bacon.
Tom Haverford
Tom managed to get special permission from the FDA to bring back Snake Juice—which was previously banned—and market it as a cognac-hand-sanitizer combo, given that it contains 80% alcohol. Tommy’s Bistro is still open for contactless delivery by drone. He is not letting anyone into his apartment without having their temperature checked by his staff of personal bouncers at the door.
Jean-Ralphio Saperstein
Jean-Ralphio un-faked his own death just so he could fake coronavirus for the clout. His dad administered the test, which he streamed on Instagram live. He started a line of counterfeit Louis Vuitton face masks, which are big in the Youtube influencer community, and he is flush with cash.
Mona Lisa Saperstein
Thinks she’s immune to coronavirus, and went viral for an interview soundbite in which she threatened to beat up the virus (she thought “Corona” was the name of her ex-boyfriend’s now-girlfriend). She is actually an asymptomatic carrier. She’s been jet setting all over the globe because she can’t resist cheap flights, and infecting everyone she meets along the way.
Ann Perkins
Beautiful tropical fish Ann Perkins has been working overtime at the hospital and fielding calls from Leslie about updates on the virus. Her Venmo has been blowing up with donations from horny Illinois men who saw her give an interview on the local news and started sending her money.
Chris Traeger
Chris has never been more stressed out in his life, living in constant fear of COVID-19 compromising the microchip. Forget a grain of sand, he says, the coronavirus would be a whole freaking beach. Doctors have tried their hardest to assure him that, even if he were to get infected, he would have a 100% chance of survival since he is the healthiest man alive, but it’s no use. Chris runs seven consecutive marathons a day indoors.
Jeremy Jamm
Jamm has been singlehandedly leading the movement espousing the belief that COVID-19 isn’t real and is just a conspiracy made up by the Chinese government to destabilize the markets and come out on top… in spite of the fact that Jamm himself has been experiencing a dry cough and tested positive for the virus a week ago.
Craig Middlebrooks
CRAIG DOESN’T GET HOW YOU IDIOTS ARE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY!! IT’S A PANDEMIC, NOT A SUMMER VACATION!!! IF YOU KEEP GALLIVANTING AROUND NOW, YOU’LL NEVER GET TO GO OUTSIDE UNTIL IT’S WINTER!!!! HE FEELS LIKE HE’S YELLING AT A WALL!!!!!!!!
He has upped his therapy sessions with Dr. Richard Nygard to five times a week.
Greg Pikitis
Greg Pikitis is huge on TikTok and started the #CoronavirusChallenge where he would go around licking toilet seats in public restrooms. He is already infected and will start showing symptoms in three days.
Jerry Gergich
Jerry is COVID-19 patient zero.
Images: Chris Haston/NBC; Giphy
As I sit in my flannel, jeans, and black ankle boots, I can happily confirm that the fall season is upon us. True, it’s still mid-70s and I’m only dressed this way because there was a tick advisory for my workplace today (working in TV is all glamour, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise). But I’m sure we can all agree that it feels like fall. In other words, it’s time to curl up in front of your TV and forget the words “crop top” for another nine months. While you probably spent all summer bingeing Office reruns (same), fall is the time for new, highly anticipated TV. In order of when they come out, here are the new and returning TV shows that will dominate your life for the next few months. Please set your DVR accordingly.
‘You’ – September 9, Lifetime
I should qualify at the start of this list that not every show will be what’s traditionally considered “good.” For example, most of the dialogue in this particular show makes me want to throw myself through a window. But like, in the BEST way. This show is about Penn Badgley playing a stalker freak who becomes obsessed with a slightly vapid blond and immediately starts doing psycho sh*t like writing about her on an anonymous website breaking into her apartment and messing with her life. So basically, a dark yet accurate glimpse into Dan’s future. (Extremely self-aware of Penn Badgley to take this role.) This is my new favorite guilty pleasure show, and if you’re a fan of Lifetime at all, I can’t recommend it enough.
The first of many red flags he displays in this show:
‘Maniac’ – September 21, Netflix
Okay so polar opposite of the last show, but also about mental health. Can’t imagine why that’s trendy right now when we have such a stable genius in the White House! Anyway. This whole season dropped on 9/21, and it stars Jonah Hill and Emma Stone. Even in this ~Golden Age~ of television, that’s a pretty high-end cast. I won’t tell you much about the plot beyond the fact that they both have a sh*t-ton of baggage and sign up for a pharmaceutical trial. The plot is less important than the vibe, which so far is like every episode of Black Mirror smushed into one world. This show is good for an all-day binge when you’re up for actually thinking about what you’re watching. Invite over your artiest friend so they force you to pay attention through the first 3 episodes, it’s kind of slow to start up.
‘Dancing With The Stars’ – September 24, ABC
Have I ever watched this show before? No, and I probably won’t again. But who could resist seeing Grocery Store Joe flit across the stage! I give you permission to stop watching as soon as he’s cut.
‘This Is Us’ – September 25, NBC
You all know what this one is for. This is the show you come to when you need a really good cry, or when you want to ignore all your problems and pretend Mandy Moore is your mom for a while. Also, to get your weekly Sterling K. Brown fix, which is right up there in terms of importance with drinking water and getting enough sleep. It’s just a fact of life. This season, we’re going back to Jack and Rebecca’s first date—and Randall’s daughter, Tess, all grown up. Few things are as pure as my love for this show.
Anyone else need to watch this on repeat to cleanse from this week’s news cycle?
‘Modern Family’ – September 26, ABC
Did we all kind of get over Modern Family five years ago when it won every award? Yeah, maybe. But this is likely the final season, and they’ve been teasing a “significant death,” so I’m planning on riding out the show until the end. It’s the least you can do for something that gave you a few good years, like when you loyally wear your favorite black leggings until they’re completely sheer in the crotch. Watch out of loyalty, watch because Phil is still funny AF, or watch because you’re hungover and it comes on next on Hulu. Up to you.
‘The Good Place’ – September 27, NBC
Very few shows like The Good Place have come around in the past few years, and I’m deeply grateful when they do. It’s from the creator of Parks & Rec, and has the same soothing effect of all your fave 25-minute comedies. Kristen Bell has spent the first two seasons figuring out that she’s in (SPOILERS) Hell, aka the Bad Place. Season 3 opens up with her and her 3 companions having been redeposited on Earth to give things another try. Will they f*ck it up in a largely similar way to the first time? Probably, their memories were erased so IDK why they wouldn’t. But it’ll be fun to watch them try to fight their baser instincts for a while.
‘How To Get Away With Murder’ – September 27, ABC
This is another show that’s sadly nowhere near as good as it used to be. But at its best it was so iconic that I still can’t look away. No matter how ridiculous the rest of it gets, Annalise is still the epitome of boss b*tch goals, and Laurel still has an annoyingly good lingerie collection for someone with such a terrible personality.
‘Riverdale’ – October 10, CW
Of course the show I’m most excited for doesn’t come back until October 10th. OF COURSE. Season 3 of Riverdale is about to be f*cking lit. We’re dealing with the aftermath of Archie’s arrest, an all-out war with Hiram, more screen time for Cheryl and Toni, and some weird cult stuff with Betty’s sister. The promo shows Archie shirtless, more milkshakes at Pop’s, and what appears to be a ritual sacrifice of two babies. Exactly what you’d expect and get more than you dared hope, in classic Riverdale fashion. And obviously we’ll be recapping it.
Me all season:
The best part of these fall shows? Since they’re all newly released, you’re basically engaging in a cultural activity with every binge. Some people go to museums; you binge artful new storytelling techniques. Or at least that’s what you’ll tell yourself as you order Seamless the sixth time that week. Happy watching!
Images: The CW; Giphy (4)
Hello all! Last night was “the biggest night in television” (no, not the Super Bowl), the 70th Annual Emmy Awards. It’s the night that Hollywood pats itself on the back for adapting books creating innovative and thought-provoking TV. So basically like the Dundies, but not at Chili’s and Steve Carell is only there sometimes. Lots of your favorite shows and people were nominated, even though I looked it up and unfortunately they couldn’t legally give all the awards to Law & Order: SVU. So here we are. Since I’m sure you all watched very attentively, I’ve broken this recap into sections instead of transcribing the entire blessed event. If you’d like a full transcript, I’m sure you can find it in Colin Jost’s sad, handwritten book entry from last night. Let’s do it.
The Hosts/The Opening
The show opens with Kate McKinnon and Kenan Thompson, and I’m immediately wondering if the hosting duties were passed off to them. Might be a better show! Instead of hosting, they naturally burst into a song called “We Solved It,” where they mock the fact that Hollywood is so proud of the limited strides they’ve made in diversity. They’re joined by people including Kristen Bell, Tituss Burgess, Sterling K. Brown, RuPaul, and Andy Samberg in the role of “sad straight white boy”.
I appreciate the song because it’s probably the most self-aware that Hollywood is going to get all night. Although, is the joke with Aidy Bryant pretending to harass Milo Ventimiglia a little awkward? Not saying I wouldn’t do it, but maybe not on TV? And considering the amount of actual sexual misconduct that goes on in Hollywood, perhaps it’s a little distasteful. Let’s ask Terry Crews!
The hosts finally come on stage and look visibly relieved that other people have killed 10 minutes for them. Only 2 hours and 50 minutes to go, guys! You’re doing amazing, sweeties! Hosts Michael Che and Colin Jost look very handsome in their tuxedos (those are tuxes, right? I know nothing about men’s suits so DON’T @ ME). I don’t know much about them in general since I’m usually already asleep out partying when SNL comes on. What I do know is that Scarlett Johansson has finally let Colin out of the friend zone, and that one time I saw my friend Jocelyn comment fire emojis on Michael Che’s Instagram, and she knows comedy.
The whole monologue is basically 70% Roseanne jokes and 30% calling out the diverse nominees. I have a feeling this diversity conversation is going to be the main theme of the show, at least until they start giving the awards to all the white people.
The best part of the monologue is clearly when the camera pans to Chrissy Teigen (Tie-gen), who visibly recoils. That will be good for about a week of memes.
The world is Chrissy, Chrissy is all of us.
I do appreciate that Michael and Colin finish up the monologue and jump right into announcing the awards. At this rate I can be asleep by 11pm, thank god.
The Winners
So now let’s move on to who won the award show, literally and metaphorically.
The presenters/the audience. At first I was confused by the fact that the nominees were announced before the presenters even came out. I felt like I was taking crazy pills! But, as the show was wrapping up on time, I came to appreciate the fact that I didn’t have to listen to a C-list TV star stumble through Nikolaj Coster-Waldau’s name for 15 seconds. But yes, it did feel a little like I was having a stroke every time they did it.
Alex Borstein. BRAS ARE THE ENEMY! And she knows it. When Alex went up to accept her award for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, she proudly marched on stage without that straitjacket for the chest we all call an undergarment. Now, I’m not saying I wanted to see her nipples, but if her nipples wanted to see us, we should have let them. Another round of applause for Mrs. Ungermeyer from The Lizzie McGuire Movie having a f*cking Emmy.
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Y’all, Amy Sherman-Palladino CLEANED UP last night. She won for Writing, Directing, and Outstanding Comedy Series, and she did it all while dressed as Britney Murphey’s character in Drop Dead Gorgeous. Hooray! I always want my Gilmore Girls crew to go on to great things! Plus, she said she’s going to put her Emmys in her panic room and now I know we need to be friends because I’m in the market for one of those. (Talk to me about conspiracy theories, fellas, I’m very stable.) She also called her husband the “Sid to my Nancy,” and her “consigliere” which makes me wonder if she was trying to send a subliminal message that her husband might kill her? Again, come to me for all your conspiracy theory needs.
Angela Bassett. Did you guys see Angela Bassett last night? She looked like a flawless angel who lives in an Instagram filter. She is SIXTY!! And damn it, she looks better than us all. She must have learned some tricks when she played a VooDoo priestess on American Horror Story, because there is clearly witchcraft at work here. Angela, if you’re reading this, drop your skin care regimen. But maybe take one look at Rachel Brosnahan’s name before announcing the winners? Just sayin’.
Leslie Jones. Leslie got to be a part of the best presenting duo with RuPaul, she was visibly shocked and delighted by the surprise proposal, and was SO vocal and supportive when Regina King won. I would watch an entire TV show that’s just Leslie Jones reacting to things. Tbh, that would probably be more entertaining than the Emmys. Isn’t that basically what SNL is nowadays?
Cute Couples. Um can we all take a minute to appreciate that Matthew Rhys’ accent ups his hotness factor by like, a lot? I’m obsessed. Plus, I love that he and Keri Russell are a couple and that she told him if he proposed she’ll “punch me clean in the mouth.”
Sandra Oh-My-God. Sandra may not have won her category (boo), but she brought her adorable parents to the ceremony with her. Her mom is a STAR, and when we saw her whispering to Sandra during Claire Foy’s speech I imagine she was saying “you’re still my person,” or maybe telling her she’s a big disappointment. Either way, her presence was appreciated.
The Losers
Ted Danson. It is CRIMINAL that Ted is the only one who got nominated from The Good Place. I’m basically just using this space as my plea to all of you to watch that amazing, hilarious, and creative show and that we all collectively find a way to give D’Arcy Carden an award soon. Anyway, Ted’s still a winner in my book. Take me to the Bad Place, Ted! I’ll go there willingly with you.
The Maya Rudolph/ Fred Armisen bit. What WAS that? I feel like there were a lot of useless time wasters in this show, and this was definitely one of them. If you’re going to use Maya Rudolph, please do better, and DON’T dress her up as an American Girl Doll from the 1600s. Homegirl looked like Annabelle. Maya is a treasure and she should be treated as such.
Betty White. I mean, we all love Betty White, but once again I ask: what WAS that? I don’t think they gave her an award, unless I missed something? This was another time waster. When they were storyboarding the Emmys, did some drunk producer just say “This is where we’ll bring out Betty White and let her riff off script,” and everyone was too tired to argue? It’s the only thing that makes sense.
Will Ferrell. Another time waster! “Will, we have 10 more minutes on this telecast, and only two awards to give out. STALL!”
The announcers. Why didn’t they announce when winners were coming up on stage how many times the person had been nominated and how many times they had won? I like to know who is a first-timer and who is a greedy motherf*cker. Is that too much to ask?
The OMG
The proposal! Leave it to the guy that directed The Oscars to know what will make a good show. Glenn Weiss got up there and shot his shot. Men, take notes. And whoever directed last night’s Emmys needs to be sending Glenn an edible arrangement or something today. And the kind with chocolate covered strawberries, not the cheap stuff.
Hannah Gadsby. In the 30 seconds or so that Hannah had to present, she hilariously summed up how women are feeling right now. Her take was pitch perfect. Michael & Colin WISH they were this funny. Netflix is about to see an absurd increase in Nanette viewings starting today.
Final Thoughts
Guys, is The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel really that good? I never watched it based on my mother’s poor review, but I’ve been noticing lately she only likes “good, clean fun,” so maybe I should be looking elsewhere for recommendations? Let me know what you all think if you watched!
All in all, the show was mercifully short and light on Justin Timberlake, which is really all I can ask for in an awards show. Thanks for reading!
Images: Giphy (5)
The year 2017 will go down in history as the year we’ve all officially given up. It’s happening across the board, from our politicians to my will to keep up a semi-decent physique to TV executives who are sexually harassing women left and right can’t be bothered to think of a fucking new concept for a TV show. 2017 was the year of revivals, not counting the Celebrity Apprentice revival that’s currently taking place in the White House. We got Fuller House, Gilmore Girls, Will and Grace, and now, reports have surfaced that NBC is in talks to bring back The Office. If that news fills you with any sentiment other than dread and white-hot rage, you are wrong. Happy? Wrong. Excited? Wrong. Cautious optimism? WRONG. The Office was perfect, and there is literally zero good reason to bring back a perfect thing, only to inevitably ruin it. I won’t have it.
My anger aside, thinking about The Office again reminded me of one of TV’s betchiest characters, Kelly Kapoor. Kelly took pettiness and attention-grabbing to a whole new level. She’s like, the patron saint of delusional daters and a BSCB who taught us that no matter how insane and borderline abusive you are, there’s still always a chance you’ll end up with your man (who is equally insane and borderline abusive). So to honor Kelly and help distract me from the possibility of the one pure thing in this world being sullied forever, here are some of my favorite moments, lessons, and quotes from the immortal Kelly Kapoor.
1. That Time She Wore White To Phyllis’ Wedding
Kelly is an expert in making everything about herself, and it’s truly an inspiration to betches everywhere. Would I wear white at a wedding? No, probably not. Would I wear off-white to a frenemy’s wedding just to be petty? Still probably no, but it’s fun to imagine.
2. The Time She Taught Us How To React In Every Situation
Me every time I see a dog.
Honestly I think about how kids these days are too young to have been taught by Gwen Stefani how to spell bananas on an almost daily basis.
This is me so much of the time that I’m actually starting to wonder if it’s a bit concerning…
3. When She Showed Us How To Make An Entrance That Is Both Confident And Professional
^That’s on my business card.
4. When She Taught Us The Important Distinction Between Talking Trash, And Talking Smack
I guess they couldn’t say “talking shit” on TV back then? Regardless, the lesson (and the burn) have stood the test of time.
5. When She Showed Us The Only Acceptable Response To Running Into Your Ex.
Tbh my ex recently asked me to dinner to “catch up” and I may just send him back this picture… good idea/bad idea? Leave your vote in the comments. Or not. IDC.
6. When She Made Us All Feel Better About Our Obsessive Knowledge Of Texting Etiquette.
The one good thing to come out of a The Office revival would be to hear Kelly’s thoughts on “lol” vs. “ha” vs. “haha” vs. “hahaha” and anything further than that.
7. And Shared This Universal Truth:
Thank you, Kelly. She was so ahead of her time. Now tell me how you feel about people who leave voicemails.
8. She Taught Us How To Recognize Our Strengths…
…And Our Weaknesses.
9. There Was Also The Time She Perfectly Embodied What It’s Like To Be On A Juice Cleanse.
P.S. This is called the Master Cleanse, and we tried it once. It did not go well.
10. And Finally, When She Taught Us The Ultimate Comeback To Any Attempted Breakup.
In Kelly’s defense, Ryan was a total fuckboy. Would truly love to see what this couple is up to now. Honestly, if they haven’t gotten married and divorced at least three times with an adopted baby named Usher, then any potential reunion would not be worth it. In fact, is it too late to call for a Kelly Kapoor spin-off series? Maybe one where she moves to New York and narrates her life through her fictional sex and lifestyle column in The New York Star? I get that that’s the plot of Sex And The City, but I think it could work.
Whether we ever see Kelly again or not, we all owe her a debt of gratitude. You may not have taught us how to be a good person, but you did teach us how to get lots and lots of attention, and for that we are all forever grateful.
NBC’s This Is Us is one of the best shows on television. Don’t trust us strictly based on our past experience of being right about everything. Trust us on our tears.
This show will give you all of the damn feels—from sobbing uncontrollably to laughing, and then back to sobbing uncontrollably (but happy tears this time). In the same vein as shows like Parenthood and Friday Night Lights, This Is Us interweaves the mostly happy, moderately fucked up lives of family members and friends. And, without giving away any spoilers, the show has also managed to make me knock over several glasses of wine in surprise. But it’s so good, I’m not even mad.
This Is Us is great in the fact that not all of its characters conform to the conventional standards of beauty. The characters deal with real shit, like racism and weight loss and self-doubt, and the show producers don’t try and tie it up in a pretty package. It addresses the uncomfortable stuff (like, am I a super shitty parent? Am I a psychopath girlfriend?) but manages to do it without making the viewers feel uncomfortable. Fucking genius.
Added bonus is that Milo Ventimiglia (aka Jess Mariano) appears shirtless pretty regularly. And Mandy Moore singing is a flashback to the Princess Diaries—back before we hated Anne Hathaway, of course. And Toby is a really damn good boyfriend and every girl deserves a Toby in her life. And William spews wisdom so magical he’s basically Harry Potter. And everything is just so good that if I had any emotions (which betches obviously don’t) I would tear up just thinking about it.
With the second season premiering TOMORROW, you need to get your friend’s boyfriend’s dog’s roommate’s Hulu password and binge This Is Us. It has literally managed to get better each episode, so lawd only knows what the second season will bring. Besides tears.
Back when it was still 2016, Leslie Jordan (don’t feel bad if you don’t know him by name because I don’t know who TF that is either) confirmed to radio station KPBS that NBC was poised to revive one of our old time favorites, Will & Grace, for a 10 episode arc airing in July. Exciting right? Well, turns out whoever Leslie Jordan is, he can also add liar to his resume.
According to Vanity Fair, “Looks like hopeful ‘Will & Grace’ fans will have to keep waiting for that rumored revival…On Monday, Debra Messing let one fan down gently on Twitter, saying, ‘sadly,’ that Jordan was mistaken, and that the revival is currently ‘nothing beyond talks.’” Her costar Eric McCormack, otherwise known as Will, echoed her statement with his tweet Sunday, “Nothing official yet.”
Sadly Leslie was wrong. Nothing beyond talks. https://t.co/NDmKoH2Iql
— Debra Messing (@DebraMessing) January 2, 2017
Well Leslie Jordan, you got everyone’s hopes up for nothing. Thanks a lot.
Let’s just keep our recently created emoji fingers crossed that NBC actually comes through with this one. 2017 doesn’t have room for false promises.
