Can you imagine someone seriously asking which private jet they should take today? It sounds like something one of the Roy siblings would say. (Probably Kendall.) And yet, Kylie Jenner posed this very question on her Insta. No, the people are not happy. Maybe to avoid controversy, the Kardashians should start “keeping up” with the general public. (I volunteer as tribute to have my life broadcast on TV.)
On July 15, Jenner posted a pic on Instagram of her and Travis Scott, hugging. Cute, right? Forgot to mention that the couple is standing in between two private jets, with Jenner captioning the pic, “You wanna take mine or yours?” Unclear if they own both of these private jets, but they at least appear to have had access to them. Regardless of which private plane they ended up taking, the flight in question was apparently from Camarillo, CA to Van Nuys, CA, which would take approximately 3 minutes, or a drive that Google Maps puts at about 43 minutes. I know time is money, but… really?
This all comes after Jenner bought her private jet, which she called Kylie Air, in 2020 for about $70 million. Jenner had posted pics and videos of her private plane on Insta, showing off the interior details. Don’t worry, the plane had nothing extravagant. Just the necessities: neon lights, a full bar, and Hermès blankets on each seat (I wish I was kidding). It’s one thing to flaunt all their wealth and bougie lifestyles, that’s kind of the Kardashian M.O. Showing off two private jets though, during a very dire global climate crisis? When private jets tend to produce more CO2 emissions per passenger than commercial flights? It’s problematic, and the people have some thoughts.
“Kylie Jenner flying private has zero impact on the world but me using a plastic straw is where people draw the line…” writes one Twitter user. Anotheragrees, tweeting, “kylie jenner out here picking which colour private jet she wanna take today meanwhile I gotta chug my iced coffee before my straw becomes paper mache???? explain.”
On Jenner’s Insta post in question, one user commented, “maybe take neither’s and reduce your carbon footprint,” while another questioned, “Why do I have to limit my meat consumption and use paper straws while the 1% gets to pump tons of carbon into the atmosphere for a day trip to Palm Springs?” Re-f*cking-Tweet.
Not everyone jumped on the dogpile, though. One user took to Twitter to defend Jenner, writing, “The real reason why y’all mad at Kylie Jenner is cause y’all are broke,” adding, “leave the environment out of it.” Another wrote, “100,000 planes take off EVERY SINGLE DAY, and you’re worried about Kylie Jenner & her boyfriend having 2 private jets?”
At least sister Kim Kardashian is being a good role model and isn’t emitting tons of harmful emissions via a private plane…psych! On the latest season of The Kardashians, Kim showed off her new plane, Air Kim. (Inventive.) She walked through the details, saying “usually planes are, like, dark with lighter leather. Mine, I had custom all-light wood. I had a bathroom put in the front and a bathroom put in the back. Every seat has its own phone charger. The best, most exciting part of the plane—cashmere ceilings, cashmere pillows, headrests.”
Sorry, what was that? I can’t hear you all the way back here in economy basic.
Images: Mindy Small/FilmMagic
The Kardashians are known for their various business ventures (among other things), but apparently all Kardashian Kompanies are not created equal. Some Kylie Swim customers are learning that the hard way.
Kylie Jenner’s swimwear line, creatively named Kylie Swim, launched on September 17. Weirdness of launching a swimwear collection after Labor Day aside, the collection looks cute. Kylie’s Instagrams show brightly colored one-pieces and bikinis with high leg and cutout silhouettes. The silhouettes are cute, but they are risky in that you’d have to be very carefully tied into some of these numbers and not make any sudden movements so as not to risk any slips.
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Well, I guess the orders finally finished shipping, because TikTokers are reviewing their purchases… and they are not happy. User @briannaaxrenee did a video showing sloppy stitching, loose threads, and just overall shoddy construction—on just one of the swimsuits she bought. Which, by the way, retails for $80. The suits in general don’t seem to have any padding or support (save one style, the Kylie), and the fabric appears to be thin. If I paid close to $100 for some scraps of nylon with skipped stitches, yeah, I’d be annoyed too.
User @tinytello pointed out that the August swimsuit is so see-through that you can see the Kylie label through the suit. “I’m confused how I wear this in public confidently when everyone can see every square inch of my body.” She also pointed out that you can see the tags through the fabric, and the safety pin used to attach the tags would leave a hole in the fabric. And that’s not all! Perhaps most concerningly, the crotch fabric is only 1.5″ in width. The website calls the style “our micro fit August one piece swimsuit”, but this just feels extreme. I have noticed celebrities have been doing this weird thing lately where they Photoshop out their labia…but this?? I guess the toxic beauty standards truly know no bounds. Not even the genitalia are safe.
Not all of the comments, even on TikTok, are negative, but Kylie has continued to post about Kylie Baby and has yet to address the criticisms and customer complaints of her swim line. “email me BACK”, wrote one commenter underneath @kylieswim’s most recent Instagram.
“lol not them ignoring everyone’s complaints…” summed up another commenter.
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This isn’t the first time Kylie’s products have been a let-down for customers. In 2017, Kylie launched her highly anticipated Kylighter (it was a highlighter) and some customers received empty boxes with no product inside. (Kylie cosmetics did send out new product to at least one customer who was shipped an empty box.) Earlier that same year, Kylie Cosmetics came out with a peach themed palette, and recipients complained that it smelled like chemicals.
The maybe-billionaire has had a busy few weeks. Less than two weeks after Kylie Swim dropped, the youngest Jenner launched Kylie Baby, a line of baby care products that are vegan; hypoallergenic; paraben-, sulfate-, and silicone-free; and a whole lot of other buzzwords I don’t feel like listing out. Even though they say all press is good press, I can’t imagine this publicity is reflecting well on her brand as a whole.
This is not the only time Kylie Jenner’s products have failed to live up to the hype; it’s simply the most recent one. Let us not forget that this is the woman who cut her teeth in the cosmetics industry by taking $5 lipstick from Colourpop and selling it for $30.
Images: Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for REVOLVE; kyliejenner, kylieswim / Instagram
If there’s one thing the pandemic has illuminated, it’s that celebrities really aren’t just like us, and people are growing sick and tired of the rich and famous trying to pretend otherwise. Just take your tubloads of money and chill in your mansions and sit this one out. Well, perhaps the only thing worse than, say, a celebrity lamenting how they got bamboozled into buying a $13,000 bottle of wine (when they are worth about $75 million) is a celebrity trying on life as a regular person for sport—which Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott did as a fun little family bonding activity, when they got Stormi a yellow school bus for her birthday.
On Tuesday, Kylie Jenner shared some pictures of Stormi to her IG Story (as she does). In the first slide, Stormi seems to be hugging a yellow school bus—yes, a regular ol’ yellow school bus, like the ones we took to school. Not a euphemism or anything. Not even a school bus that’s been modified by Xzibit. Anyway, Kylie wrote over the picture, “All Stormi has been talking about is riding a big yellow bus. Daddy surprised her.”
The next few images show Stormi walking, alone, down the aisle of the bus. I would like to reiterate again that this bus has those big maroon leather seats we were all tortured with on hot days, where you and 1-2 friends would cram yourselves in (because the seats were not separated), legs sticking to the fake leather. Why am I explaining this, we all remember what school buses were like! Kylie isn’t reading this.
We don’t know if Travis bought or rented the bus (although I’m hoping he rented it, because what the hell would they do with a school bus after this photo opp—donate it to a school maybe?), but the appropriately named website bus.com cites that renting a school bus can cost from $389-850 per day. Buying a bus can range from $90,000-290,000. I already broke my brain trying to figure out what a $13,000 bottle of wine is worth in layman’s money to a person worth $75 million, so there is absolutely no way I am going to sit here and figure out how many fractions of a penny it would be like for Travis Scott (who is worth $50 million) to buy or rent a school bus—but just know that it was probably worth less to them than the gum stuck underneath the seats of the bus.
Now, you can’t put a price tag on a child’s happiness, but what’s truly priceless is this entire situation, which I can’t decide between being deeply hilarious or profoundly sad. Probably a little bit of both.
First, as many Twitter users have pointed out, it’s absurd that Kylie and Travis would spend any amount of money to get their child an experience most of us peasants got for free (minus the cost of property taxes, I guess). And the experience they bought for fun was a largely unpleasant one, no less!
Also, seeing Stormi wander down that big, yellow bus alone is kind of just sad. They couldn’t rent invite along any friends for her to sit with? Did she go anywhere in the bus or just take pictures, the way wannabe influencers can pay a small sum to pose in front of private jets?
Also, was it ever about the physical vehicle of the bus, or was it more about what the bus represents? I clearly don’t live in that house (a fact I am reminded of via court order… just kidding) but, seeing as Stormi has evidently never been on a school bus before, she probably learned about it from TV and movies. I kind of have a feeling it’s not about the bus, but about the regular-person experience of going to school. You know, waiting at the stop with your friends. Sitting next to your friends. Chatting about the day ahead with your friends. Having friends to whom you are not related by blood. The fact that her parents heard this desire and interpreted it in the most rich-person way possible is like a discarded plotline on Arrested Development, or Marie Antoinette building a fake village at Versailles so she could “escape from the drudgery of royalty.”
I guess it’s true that the grass is always greener, something I will whisper to myself when I’m crammed into a stranger’s armpit on the M60. Now have Stormi cosplay that she woke up late and needs to ask her mom, who is still in pajamas and hasn’t had her coffee yet, to drive her to school.
Images: kyliejenner / Instagram (2)
What do you spend your money on when you’re the youngest billionaire in the world? Evidently not charity cases. Kylie Jenner, self-proclaimed billionaire (and Forbes’ highest-paid celebrity of 2020), has sent fans into a moral dilemma over whether to keep worshiping at the altar of King Kylie or #eattherich this week when she posted a goFundMe for her makeup artist and “friend” Samuel Rauda’s medical bills after he was involved in a horrific car accident.
While Kylie did share a screenshot of her $5,000 donation, with a net worth of $900 million, it’s certainly raising some eyebrows—especially when that works out to 0.000006% of her net worth. While Miss Jenner more or less offloaded the financial responsibility of her friend’s surgery onto her lip kit army, here are five things she’s posted on Instagram that would have paid for Samuel’s $60,000 surgery (and even the full $120,000 goFundMe request).
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If you were watching Kylie’s instagram story on December 27th, did you realize this photo cost over $50,000? Yeah, that’s what we thought, broke bitch. That tiny bag Kylie is holding is the Hermès Matte Alligator Kelly Pochette Poussiere, which retails for approximately $49,999 if you’re in the market. Paired with a Charlotte Knowles London Exclusive Green Check Skinny Dress and Trouser ($900), Dior Sunglasses ($340) and Yeezy pumps ($240), this quick glimpse into Kylie’s wardrobe is only worth about 0.0056% of her net worth, but would have covered 85% of Sam’s original medical expenses.
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While Kylie’s daughter Stormi normally steals the attention of whatever picture she’s in, even she can’t outshine the $50,500 Harry Kotlar 5962 Classico Earrings Kylie’s wearing here. Didn’t catch those, you uncultured swine? Don’t worry—the more obvious matching red Bottega Veneta Cutout Sequined Jersey Turtleneck Gowns cost nearly triple Kylie’s donation goFundMe donation, at around $14,000.
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Posted less than two weeks ago, this picture not only called you poor, but also crossed the street to avoid you. For those who don’t keep up with coveted designer bags, this Instagram features not one, but three Hermès bags. In the name of science, we did some research: they appear to be alligator skin, which puts them at a hefty approximate $48,000 each.
The bottom line: With just the three handbags in the upper left corner, Kylie Jenner could have paid for her “friend” Samuel’s surgery, but didn’t.
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While at first glance this may just be a cute snap of Stormi holding an $800 Prada Re-Edition bag that costs over half my rent, look again at the orange vehicle behind here and squint at the logo. If you recognized that as the $400,000 Lamborghini Jenner acquired in 2018, congrats on Keeping Up With the Kardashians. For everyone else: That car could have paid for all of Samuel’s medical bills three times over.
Still Not Getting It? Let’s Put It In Perspective…
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You may recognize this picture from Kylie’s Instagram story on March 10th, but I bet you didn’t know she’s wearing a S/S 2006 Runway Brown Tie Around Ultra Tiny Bikini by Dolce and Gabbana that retails for $6,200. For those bad at math, let me spell it out for you: Kylie Jenner spent more on a bikini than she donated to a “friend” to save his life.
So, is this the end of King Kylie’s reign? Unfortunately, probably not. But, in a year that has had nearly 11% of Americans unemployed and millions more scraping to get by, maybe it’s something to start thinking about when a celebrity chooses to post a goFundMe and offload financial responsibility onto their fans.
Images: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com; kyliejennersoutfit, kyliejenner / Instagram
Guys, serious question. Why the f*ck do the Kardashians keep having parties? Hot on the heels of Kim’s ill-advised 40th birthday trip, Kendall decided to host her own 25th birthday/Halloween party on Harriet’s Rooftop at Hotel 1 in West Hollywood. That’s right, friends, while you were dropping candy down a chute to a kindergartener wearing a hazmat suit, the Kardashians & Co. were getting their aerosols all up in each other’s tightly costumed business.
The guest list was reported to be around 100 people, with attendees including Jaden Smith, Justin Bieber, The Weeknd, Winnie Harlow, Doja Cat, and 95 other people that I assume I hate. Kendall dressed up as Pamela Anderson and posted her costume on Instagram:
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Look, I’m not going to deny she looks great. But can all these idiots who run around obviously flouting the rules and keeping us in this state of lockdown stop telling me to vote? I already did, and I don’t need your hypocritical ass telling me to do so. Thanks!!
Not only did Kendall throw a huge party, but she clearly knew it was wrong, telling her guests not to post on social media. Of all the rules people should be following right now, THAT’S the one she wanted to enforce at this party??! Also, Kendall, that’s a sweet idea, but you invited people who literally make their living posting on social media. You really think they’re not going to post? That’s like throwing a raw steak at a lion and asking it not to eat it. Even Kendall’s own sister posted the party all over her stories. Intentional sabotage or honest (drunken) mistake?
not Kendall Jenner hosting a Halloween party in the middle of the pandemic and making a "no social media" rule so people wouldn't know pic.twitter.com/ZfmvooNMkk
— ema | TAYLOR IS FREE (@repaotd) November 1, 2020
Lest you all think I am being dramatic (me? never!) and critical of Kendall for no reason, let’s give her the benefit of the doubt! I’m going to take a look at some of the CDC recommendations for gatherings and see how well they were followed at this party.
Currently, the CDC recommends that people wear masks when they are less than six feet away from other people.
Hmmm okay, so I guess that one’s a fail. Unless full body makeup counts?! I have a call out to Dr. Fauci, so if he calls me back and says this one is fine, I’ll update you!!
The CDC also suggests guests bring their own food, and limit the amount of people where food is being handled. Let’s see how they did on that one:
SHE BLEW OUT CANDLES!! That wasn’t even sanitary BEFORE people were dying from other people’s spit! I hope that coronavirus was at least buttercream.
And finally, they recommend that guests minimize gestures that promote close contact. For example, don’t shake hands, do elbow bumps, or give hugs. Instead wave and verbally greet them.
Does groping count? I really wish they had been more specific about butt contact. I can’t be the only one with this question.
ET reports that they rapid tested everyone at the door, and only people who tested negative were allowed to go up. That’s at least something, I guess, but who was doing this testing? A doctor? Or were they just hazing some low-tier Tik Tok star who was willing to demean themselves by sticking Q-tips up popstars’ noses for a precious invite? My money’s on that one.
Also, this testing is imperfect! A negative rapid test is not an all-access pass to straddle a dude dressed as the Nutty Professor. It’s just not.
And I’m not the only one who’s pissed. Naturally, the internet went crazy over this party.
Ok Kendall Jenner blowing out candles as a masked waiter holds her cake and tries to move out of the way was actually the scariest thing I saw on Halloween pic.twitter.com/o46ri7TJ9W
— Nicholindz Cage (@lolzlindz) November 1, 2020
CAN ALL THESE CELEBRITIES AKA KYLIE JENNER, KENDALL JENNER, JUSTIN BIEBER, NIKITA DRAGUN, JADEN SMITH TO NAME A FEW STOP BEING IGNORANT TOWARDS THIS VIRUS THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT ARE DYING U DONT NEED A HALLOWEEN PARTY
— ❀bec⁷ (@sixthirtyagbs) November 1, 2020
kendall jenner throwing a party in the middle of a GLOBAL PANDEMIC is irresponsible beyond imagination. people are going homeless and losing their jobs. there are people dying in hospitals everyday because of this. instead of you staying home your putting more people at risk pic.twitter.com/GXhJRonHW1
— victoria ᴴ (@harrysgrovvy) November 2, 2020
I think the fact that anyone would call this a “super safe” party just shows what a truly skewed view of reality celebrities have right now (and always).
So now I have another question for you. Where are the consequences for the Kardashians? Morgan Wallen got dumped from SNL for partying without a mask, and the NFL has fined teams and coaches for not wearing masks. But it seems that things that stick to others never seem to stick to this family. I think there needs to be a larger conversation about why it’s time for us as a country to be done with the Kardashian/Jenners and their problematic behavior, but in the meantime I would like to see some sort of consequence for how they’ve acted throughout this whole global crisis. Kendall has yet to respond to backlash, but I’m not holding my breath for anything remotely apologetic.
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Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; kendalljenner, kendalljenner_official__ (3)/Instagram; repaotd, lolzlindz, sixthirtyagbs,harrysgrovvy/Twitter
On Tuesday, the Kardashian-Jenner family announced that, after 14 years and 20 seasons, Keeping Up With The Kardashians is coming to an end. Obviously, this is great news for some and heartbreaking news for others, but no matter how you feel about this family, it’s a big deal. The Kardashians are some of the most famous people on the planet—in total, the family has more than 850 million followers on Instagram—and through their show, they’ve brought us some of the most iconic pop culture moments of the last decade. Will you ever forget about the time Kim lost her diamond earring in the ocean? I, for one, will not.
So, how do we go about wrapping our minds around the Kardashian legacy? Of course, they’ve amassed tons of money and fame, and we’ve gotten some high-quality reality television, but Keeping Up With The Kardashians has had a massive impact in so many areas. As a way of looking back, here are all the ways our world might be different if Kim hadn’t made that sex tape, and E! had never taken a chance on this messy AF family.
I Would Only Be Able To Name Like, One NBA Player
I’m well aware that millions of people follow basketball religiously, but I am not one of those people, and I’m guessing most of you reading this aren’t, either. Through their dating patterns, the Kardashian-Jenner sisters have done a ton of work for NBA player awareness. I may not know anything about Lamar or Tristan’s stats on the court, but I know exactly how they betrayed Khloé, and I think that’s what really counts. Likewise, Kris Humphries will always just be that guy who Kim K was married to for 72 days. I love sports!
We Wouldn’t Have To Deal With Foodgod
The Kardashians already have a huge family, but over the years, they’ve introduced us to a whole cast of supporting characters on KUWTK and its spin-offs. While some of them are great additions (Scott, Malika), and others are just an average level of thirsty (Larsa, Stassie), there’s one who transcends his friend-of status and has become a true menace to society: Jonathan Cheban. From his desert-level thirst on camera to his beyond-obnoxious Foodgod persona on social media, Jonathan truly is all of our sleep paralysis demon. I’ve been blocked by Foodgod on Instagram and Twitter for years, which was actually a blissful period, but recently I’ve discovered his TikToks, and reader, I have not slept in weeks.
Jordyn Woods Would Be A Total Rando
Speaking of supporting players that KUWTK brought into our lives, remember Jordyn Woods?? When the whole Tristan and Jordyn mess went down last year (yes, that was only last year), the only reason it became such a huge deal was because Jordyn was Kylie’s BEST friend, and we watched them together on the show for years. And in 2017, when Kylie got her short-lived spin-off Life of Kylie, Jordyn was basically the second lead character. At the time, people joked about Jordyn being broke without Kylie’s friendship, but with plenty of fame and 11 million Instagram followers, she’s doing just fine—she just starred in a viral music video! She paid her dues at the Kardashian Institute of Best Friendship, and now she can basically do whatever she wants for the rest of her life. Happy for her!
Fit Tea & Facetune Might Not Exist
Okay, so that’s probably a little extreme—I’m sure if it wasn’t the Kardashians, someone else would have come along to promote unrealistic beauty standards and sow the seeds of body dysmorphia. BUT there’s no denying that the Kardashians have done an excellent (and by excellent, I mean terrible) job of this in recent years. The Kardashians have consistently caused controversy for their endorsement of products like appetite suppressant lollipops and waist trainers, as well as photo editing that toes the line between Photoshop and straight-up CGI. While their show is ending, it’s not like their Instagram accounts are being taken away, and I’m sure Khloé will continue to have a different face in every post. It almost feels normal at this point, which is pretty scary when you think about it. This must be a great day for Jameela Jamil.
We Wouldn’t Have Some Iconic Phrases
Even if you’ve never watched an episode of KUWTK (as some of my friends have recently confessed to me), chances are you’re still familiar with some of their oft-quoted lines. My personal favorite to throw into everyday conversation is probably “don’t be f*cking rude,” but there are many to choose from. If your best friend’s man is being shady? “This is a case for the FBI.” If you cook more than one meal for yourself in a week? “You’re doing amazing, sweetie.” And if your annoying aunt is complaining on Facebook about wearing a mask in JoAnn Fabrics? “Kim, there’s people that are dying.” All in all, the quotes are probably KUWTK’s most positive legacy.
Contouring Might Not Be As Popular
Look, the Kardashians obviously did not invent contouring. Drag queens have been doing this sh*t forever, and it’s far from the only thing that Kim and her fam have appropriated and put their own branding on—but that’s a different topic for a different day. But still, it seems unlikely that contouring would have become such a mainstream beauty technique if it wasn’t for Kim Kardashian. Hate the girl all you want, but her makeup always looks flawless!
Okay, so looking back on it, maybe it’s time for Keeping Up With The Kardashians to go. All good things must come to an end, and it’s clearly debatable whether this show was actually good. I’ll always cherish the memories of Kim hitting Khloé with a purse, and digging her fingernails into Kourtney’s back, and getting divorced after 72 days, but it’s time for them to hang it up. Who knows what’s next for this big f*cked up family, but they can put KUWTK to rest knowing that it literally changed the world.
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Images: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com
Remember back in 2018, when we all laughed at Forbes calling Kylie Jenner a self-made billionaire? Well, nearly two years later, they’re finally changing their tune on Kylie, but oddly enough, the “self-made” part isn’t the issue. On Friday, Forbes published a scathing article, titled “Inside Kylie Jenner’s Web Of Lies—And Why She’s No Longer A Billionaire”. Grab the popcorn and make yourself some tea, because things are about to get savage.
When Forbes made their billionaire claim about Kylie Jenner in 2018, it was based off an estimated $900 million valuation of Kylie Cosmetics, which at the time was reportedly 100% owned by Kylie. Kylie’s billionaire status became official last fall, when she sold 51% of Kylie Cosmetics to Coty in a deal that valued the brand at $1.2 billion. But the new Forbes report is a damning look into false reporting, forged documents, and a level of thirst that’s almost beyond comprehension, until you remember which family we’re dealing with here.
Kylie launched her initial line of lip kits in 2015, and there’s no question that the business was an instant success. Products sold out instantly, new lines were added, and Kylie Cosmetics quickly became a cultural force. And that’s when the thirst started. Soon after Kim Kardashian West got her own Forbes cover in 2016, “Jenner publicists began a campaign to ‘get a Forbes cover for Kylie.'” This campaign included meetings at Kris Jenner’s house and accountants’ offices, and the family handed over tax returns that were, literally, hard to believe. According to the documents, Kylie Cosmetics brought in over $300 million in revenue in its first full year of business, and Kylie had a personal income of $110 million, which would have put Kylie at number two on Forbes’ Celebrity 100 list of Hollywood’s top earners. But Forbes, along with “a handful of analysts and industry experts,” “found the numbers implausible.”
Forbes ultimately decided on a lower, more reasonable estimate for Kylie’s personal income. They pegged her income at a lowly $41 million, which saw her bumped from number two on the Celebrity 100 list, all the way to 59th place. According to the new report, Kris Jenner’s PR team told Forbes that they were “so frustrated” with Kylie’s placement on the list, because “we’ve done so much.” I can only imagine how hard that must have been for them, wow.
While the people at Forbes never really believed those numbers from 2016, and even go so far as to suggest that the tax returns were forged, they later became public, and were widely reported as fact. Projections for Kylie Cosmetics’ future skyrocketed, and the hype continued to grow. The next year, the Jenners reported to Forbes that revenue in 2017 had increased t0 $330 million, and these numbers apparently seemed legit enough to Forbes, or maybe they just got sick of Kris calling and showing up unannounced at their offices, because they finally gave Kylie her coveted cover. The magazine estimated her personal net worth at $900 million, which meant she would soon become, as we’ve all heard, the youngest self-made billionaire ever.
After a year and a half of sucking up to Forbes, the Kardashian-Jenners were obviously thrilled with the cover, and staff at Kylie’s 21st birthday party even wore shirts with the cover printed on them. Aside from the obvious eye-roll at calling Kylie “self-made,” many people were also still skeptical about her designation as a billionaire. But those concerns were seemingly put to rest by the Coty deal, which seemed to cement her billionaire status.
But many people suspected Coty had overpaid for their stake in the company, and when taking a closer look at the deal, holes start to appear. Too bad these ones can’t be filled with Restylane! Filings from Coty report that sales of Kylie Cosmetics products totaled $177 million in the 12 months before the deal, and were just $125 million in 2018. This is a far cry from the $300+ million that Kylie and fam had previously bragged about, and that wasn’t the only discrepancy. Kylie’s team told Forbes that Kylie Skin did $100 million in sales in the first month and a half, but the Coty filings show that the company’s sales were only $25 million for all of 2019. These numbers are so much smaller than the ones previously reported, that Forbes sees only two possible options. Either the numbers from Kylie’s team were never real to begin with, or Kylie Cosmetics went from $300 million in 2016, to just $125 million two years later. There’s no real evidence that business has dropped that sharply, so the only logical conclusion is that Kylie was lying to Forbes all along. Honestly, fitting for a company that was built on the lie that Kylie was just over-lining her lips .
The Forbes report also raises some questions about Kylie Jenner’s ownership stake in Kylie Cosmetics. It’s long been reported that Kylie was previously the sole owner of her brand, so it would be assumed that she now, after selling the majority stake, she owns 49%. But Coty’s purchase agreement “lists a ‘KMJ 2018 Irrevocable Trust,’ controlled by Kristen M. Jenner, as owning a profit interest in Kylie Cosmetics. Upon the sale, the document says the trust would get a capital, or ownership, interest in the company.” In Kardashian speak: if you know anything about Kris Jenner, it’s that she never forgets to take her 10 percent. So basically, when Kylie cashed out of her company, 10 percent of the money went into this trust which is almost definitely controlled by Kris, which means Kylie actually only owns 44.1% of her company.
I’m not into math, but all of this means that Kylie Jenner doesn’t have as much money as we previously thought. In fact, these new findings are drastic enough that, when combined with the economic situation created by the pandemic, Forbes has decided that Kylie Jenner is no longer a billionaire. Considering all the factors, Forbes says that there’s “no way to realistically peg Kylie’s net worth above a billion.” For someone who basically turned her Forbes cover into a personality, this has got to sting.
After the Forbes article went up on Friday morning, Kylie Jenner wasted no time before making her thoughts known. She posted a tweet bashing Forbes for their “inaccurate statements and unproven assumptions,” saying that she’s “never asked for any title or tried to lie my way there.” She also called out the suggestion that Forbes was shown fake tax returns, pointing out that the only “proof” offered in the article is that Forbes didn’t believe the numbers. I’ll admit, I’m wondering about that as well, but I don’t automatically believe Kylie, either.
what am i even waking up to. i thought this was a reputable site.. all i see are a number of inaccurate statements and unproven assumptions lol. i’ve never asked for any title or tried to lie my way there EVER. period
— Kylie Jenner (@KylieJenner) May 29, 2020
In a subsequent tweet, Kylie seemed to insinuate that we and Forbes shouldn’t be talking about how much money she has when there are so many more important things going on. Which is funny coming from her, because back when the issue came out in July 2018, she was all too happy to post about the cover on multiple platforms just so people could fixate on how much money she had. Convenient that she wants to have it both ways. To her credit, Kylie did post on Instagram about George Floyd’s murder, but she also posted about getting an influencer package for the new Despicable Me movie on the same day.
i can name a list of 100 things more important right now than fixating on how much money i have
— Kylie Jenner (@KylieJenner) May 29, 2020
So Kylie may not be a billionaire anymore, but before you start setting up a GoFundMe for Kylie’s living expenses, don’t worry, Forbes still estimates that she’s worth $900 million. If that number is right, then it’s only a matter of time before she gets reinstated in the billionaires club, but I have a feeling Forbes won’t be celebrating her achievements the second time around. Personally, I’d like to hear more about the allegedly forged tax returns, and I have a feeling the IRS might be interested in those as well. We all know Kris Jenner loves a good publicity stunt, and I’m sure a tax fraud trial would send those KUWTK ratings through the roof!
Images: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com; kyliejenner / Twitter
Everything about the world right now is weird, but celebrities are still finding new and exciting ways to shock us. This week, Grimes and Elon Musk had their baby, and while we weren’t expecting a traditional name from these two notorious weirdos, their alleged choice is even stranger than we could’ve imagined: X Æ A-12.
Just let that sink in for a second: X Æ A-12.
Remember when everyone freaked out over Gwyneth Paltrow naming her baby Apple? That was cute. Before you even ask, no, I have no f*cking clue how X Æ A-12 is pronounced. Or what it means. Or if it’s an actual legal name that you’re allowed to give a child. All I know is that it looks like fraternity letters mixed with the name of a spaceship, and I hate it. But while we wait for more details on what might be the worst baby name of all time, let’s take a look at some of the other weirdest celebrity baby names.
Stormi
In the two years since Kylie announced her surprise baby, I feel like we’ve heard the name Stormi approximately one million times. At this point, I actually think it’s kind of cute, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s just not a name. Like, Kylie took a weather condition that’s not even a good one, then messed up the spelling. I’m honestly mad at how well it works, but I really hope that normal people don’t start doing this for their names. We don’t need kids named Hurrikayn and Flurri running around.
Bronx Mowgli
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Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s baby was in the first major wave of weird celeb name choices, but unlike some of the more tame ones, this still bothers me. I wouldn’t love Bronx on its own, but MOWGLI? As in, the feral child from The Jungle Book, who kind of sucks as a character?? I just need to know the thought process here. Ashlee’s second child, with Evan Ross, is named Jagger Snow, which is still interesting, but a little less puzzling. She just announced she’s pregnant again, so I can’t wait to see what she cooks up this time.
Cricket Pearl & Birdie Leigh
Busy Philipps, what is you doin? I guess coming from a woman named Elizabeth, but who chooses to go by Busy, this really isn’t a surprise. Birdie Leigh really just sounds like a name that came out of a Tumblr generator in 2011, so I’m not that mad, but Cricket Pearl? If my mom named me Cricket, I would be so f*cking mad. Like, that is a literal insect, can you not?
Charlie Wolf
Out of context, Charlie Wolf is a pretty normal name. Wolf is an interesting middle name choice, but I kind of like it! The weird thing here is that three (3) different celebs have chosen this exact name in the last five years. THREE! Zooey Deschanel was the first to claim it, back in 2017. Then, last fall, Lauren Conrad announced the same name for her second baby. Coincidence? Maybe, who knows. But then, just a month later, Bachelor alums Carly and Evan chose the same name!! Names are hard, and there’s nothing wrong with taking some inspiration, but they had to know the tabloids would be all over these matching names. Wait… maybe that’s exactly what they wanted?
Pilot Inspektor
As an avid skateboarder and a former Scientologist, it’s no surprise that actor Jason Lee wanted a unique name. But this? He named his son Pilot Inspektor, which sounds like the name they’d give an incompetent spy played by Steve Carrell in a comedy movie. Lee said that he chose “Pilot” after one of his favorite songs, but that doesn’t explain the tragedy of a middle name that is Inspektor. If you’re going to name your child after a random English word, at least spell it correctly?
Poppy Honey Rosie, Daisy Boo Pamela, Buddy Bear, Petal Blossom Rainbow, & River Rocket
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You’d be forgiven for thinking these were the names of the Care Bears, and not actual human children. Celeb chef Jamie Oliver has five children with Juliette Norton, and each of their kids’ names sounds like it was specifically selected to make me uncomfortable. I think my personal (least) favorite is Daisy Boo Pamela, just for the sheer randomness of Pamela being tacked on the end. But I also love Buddy Bear, which should be a nickname for a stuffed animal, not a child.
Apollo Bowie Flynn & Zuma Nesta Rock
Remember back when Gwen Stefani was cool? Before she was wifed up by Blake Shelton, she and Gavin Rossdale had three kids together, and two of the names are bizarre. Kingston, you get a pass on this list. But Apollo Bowie Flynn and Zuma Nesta Rock are both just doing way too much. Triple names are already a mouthful, and these ones are total sensory overload.
Lockett & Lazer
Did you know Diplo has two kids? Well, now you do! He has two sons, Lockett and Lazer, which sound like names of super villains in a futuristic Disney Channel Original Movie (Jessie and James from Team Rocket are shaking). They’re definitely not the strangest names on this list, but they’re not normal, either. Early in the quarantimes, Diplo posted a super sweet video of him seeing his sons through a window, explaining that he had to isolate away from them for everyone’s safety. Aaaaand now I’m crying.
Moon Unit, Dweezil, & Diva Muffin
Rounding out this list, we have what I feel is the worst collective set of names, maybe ever. Frank Zappa was a musician known for his avant-garde work, and he chose pretty avant-garde names for his own kids, too. While most of the ones on this list are from the last ~15 years. Frank Zappa named his daughter Moon Unit way back in 1967! He followed that up with Dweezil and Diva Muffin, both of which are really astonishingly strange. Honestly, if I had to choose between being named X Æ A-12 and Diva Muffin, I might choose X Æ A-12. At least X Æ A-12 isn’t going to earn me a lifetime of vagina puns. There, I said it!
People can name their babies whatever they want, and maybe these unique choices are better than all those women from your hometown who just slap an “-eigh” on any old name and call it a day. There are lots of Kayleighs in the world, but I’m pretty sure there’s only one Daisy Boo Pamela. But please, don’t name your kid Daisy Boo Pamela. Literally anything else.
Images: Sky Cinema / Shutterstock.com; ashleesimpsonross, laurenconrad, jamieoliver, diplo / Instagram
