I’ve always been a crier, but never so much as those first few months (or, um, literal year?) postpartum. Before having a kid, I’m not sure I ever actually knew what rage felt like. But after popping out a few babes, losing chunks of hair with every shower, becoming drier than a Sahara metaphor, and trying to run a household on what feels like my one remaining brain cell, rage, sadness, and overall shitty mental health have quickly become my day-to-day. And it’s not just a ~me~ problem. It’s a basically-every-mom-everywhere problem.
In fact, a recent national study found that, between 2016 and 2023, the number of U.S. moms rating their mental health as “fair” or “poor” has jumped dramatically. Single moms and those with children on Medicaid or uninsured are worst off, while the share of mothers saying they feel “excellent” has plummeted. Sure, dads saw a dip, too, but they’re still doing better overall. Must be nice, right?
The deep dive went on to explore the why — why we’re all feeling like we’re about to lose it if one more permission slip goes unsigned or one more dietary restriction pops up for the bake sale treats we’re pulling together at 11 p.m. while everyone else sleeps. And honestly? It made me laugh so hard I peed a little (an easy feat after two kids, but still!).
So: Why is everyone collectively losing their shit? And can we do anything about it? Let’s take a break from scheduling appointments for every single person in our house and Googling what to do if your dog drinks two-day-old formula and explore why we’re all barely hanging on during this phase many of us wished so fucking hard for, shall we?
Wait, WTF Is This Study?
Okay, so this isn’t some random blog post complaining about Motherhood™. It’s a JAMA Internal Medicine-published analysis of national survey data from nearly 200,000 U.S. moms between 2016 and 2023. Researchers examined parents’ self-ratings of mental health on a 4-point scale (excellent, very good, good, fair/poor) and crunched the numbers to see how things changed over time.
Here’s what they found:
- In 2016, 38.4% of moms said their mental health was “excellent.” By 2023, that number had plummeted to 25.8%.
- Moms reporting “good” mental health went from 18.8% up to 26.1%, which isn’t great when you realize they’re still not calling it “excellent.” Also! This jump is likely due to the decrease in “excellent” ratings, so, like, is good actually good? You decide.
- And those admitting “fair” or “poor” mental health jumped from 5.5% to 8.5% — nearly a 55% relative increase.
- Dads saw declines, too, but they still reported “excellent” mental health at higher rates than moms. Basically, men, keep your “What like it’s hard” mentality to yourself. Moms are literally dying inside (and IRL, thanks to maternal health crises like preeclampsia, but that’s a whole other issue, friends).
So…What Does This Study Even Tell Us?
Beyond giving every mother who’s ever cried in the pantry the validation she needs, this JAMA Internal Medicine study is the newest large-scale, data-backed confirmation of a trend millions of us already feel. It’s not just “Mommy Brain” or “Postpartum Blues” rumors anymore — this is peer-reviewed, highly cited research saying, “Yes, moms are struggling nationwide.”
Which, like, great! Now, society will take action! We’ll get maternity leave! And free childcare! And literally, anything to help us not burn out before we’ve even escaped the 4th trimester!
Lol jk. You see, in 2024, former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy was already waving red flags about “Parents Under Pressure,” calling out how parenting isn’t just a personal gig and that it’s literally society’s foundation. He said, “The work of parenting is essential not only for the health of children but also for the health of society,” and reminded us that when parents are crumbling, kids follow suit.
The JAMA authors basically say the same thing: their data jives with all those headlines about rising depression and anxiety among pregnant and reproductive-aged women (ahem, most of us). They even warn that if maternal health is collapsing, it might be the “canary in the coal mine” for women’s health in general.
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That “groundbreaking” study attributed the decline in our mental health to the fact that there are no therapists in sight (or we can’t afford them), there’s no village that everyone’s been talking about, more people using substances to cope, plus inflation, racism, gun violence, and climate freak-outs hanging like storm clouds over our heads. That’s not even counting the hormones, financial stress, emotional toll, unrealistic expectations of mothers, or general lack of societal support.
Like…fucking duh? This is where I peed myself laughing because seriously? That’s what you figured out from your study? That we’re one sleep regression away from getting in our cars and pulling a Gone Girl?
They didn’t need to spend however many thousands (? Millions?) of dollars on this. Instead of funding a study, they could’ve just Venmo’d our group chat and called it a day. One peek at our Instagram accounts shows that, yeah, we felt like we were drowning before we had babies, and now? We’re literally just trying to make it to tomorrow. At this point, I feel like a “fair” mental health ranking as a mother is pretty good, and wow, how’s that for depressing?
Okay, So What Do We Do About It?
After reviewing the 36-page “Parents Under Pressure” document and the even more recent JAMA study, the solution both documents proposed was essentially, “Someone should help them!” But the people saying it are the ones who could help us, and they’re just…not?
“Addressing the rising population-level rates of poor maternal mental health both during and beyond the perinatal period should be a central focus of policy efforts to improve maternal and child health in the US,” the “Parents Under Pressure” study concluded. Cool! Great idea!
But then? Crickets.
In short, this JAMA Internal Medicine research and “Parents Under Pressure” study are giant neon billboards flashing “MOMS ARE STRUGGLING.” And just like we do with most billboards, we’ll likely make a comment about it, then move TF on with our lives without looking back. So, since the odds of us getting any actual help as a result of these studies are basically nil, here’s what *we* can do:
Complain Louder
Memo to every mom out there: stop pretending everything’s fine. Post that rant in the group chat. Text your bestie at 2 a.m. and lay it all out. Say, “I can’t fucking do this” out loud. Then say it again. Scream it even. The second you normalize bitching about burnout, you remind yourself — and all the other moms secretly hyperventilating while pretending to look for a toy in the car — that you’re not alone. Validation is power.
Build Your Fringe “Village”
Got zero family nearby? Fine. Your cousins live in Idaho and can’t help. Start a mini mom survival group: swap babysits with neighbors, set up weekly Zoom wine-and-whine sessions, or do a text thread where everyone dumps the raw truth. Follow Instagram accounts that build community (our Betches Moms one is, honestly, elite). Even a tiny crew willing to say, “OMG, same” is better than flying solo.
Ask for Help (Seriously, Ask)
Your partner isn’t a mind reader. Let’s start by writing a note, sending a text, or setting a calendar reminder for them to tackle one household thing. “Take out the trash” and “Give me a 10-minute break” are acceptable help requests. If childcare is crazy expensive (which it is), ask a friend to watch the kids for one hour a week so you can breathe. You’d be surprised how many people want to help if you simply say, “Hey, can you?” instead of “I’m fine.”
Demand Basic Supports (Paid Family Leave, Affordable Childcare)
Ranting is cathartic, but it won’t change policy. So pick one ally — the local school board, your state rep, or PTA — and let them know that “moms can’t do this alone” is not a cute saying. It’s a basic human rights issue. Tag, call, email, or DM your officials (and post screenshots for accountability). More pink ribbons for postpartum? Nah. Let’s try actual paid leave and childcare that doesn’t cost the same as a small car.
And If You Have A Partner, Demand More Of Them
Imagine if every mom stopped waiting to ask and simply expected their partner to step up. It wouldn’t be one random mom being a bitch. It would be all of us saying, “Hey, we deserve equal investment.” When every household starts treating parenting as a 50/50 gig, it suddenly becomes non-negotiable for partners to remember doctor’s appointments or manage bedtime. It’s just part of the deal.
Once they’ve got the hang of actually helping with the whole reminder-text thing, it’s time to turn things up a notch. When your partner asks, “What can I do?” don’t frame it as a favor. Say, “Everything.” And if they look lost, remind them that sharing the mental load is literally how this works: you keep track of the laundry, and they handle the next week’s meal plan. We’re not being difficult; we’re insisting on balance.
Because when all of us demand the same basic support, it stops feeling like a personal complaint and starts feeling like a collective shift. Together, we can make equal parenting the new normal. No guilt. No begging. Just shared work and shared sanity.
Schedule Tiny, Realistic Self-Care
“Self-care” isn’t a spa day you can’t afford. It’s a 5-minute stretch, a single-page journal prompt, or a two-minute window of silence while everyone else is (miraculously) asleep. Block out just enough time to breathe, even if you spend half of it scrolling. No guilt. Just a tiiiiny win of taking care of yourself.
Lean Into “I’m Overwhelmed” Visibility
If your Instagram grid is all perfect nursery shots and squeaky clean interiors, do the internet a favor and post the real shit. I mean, the midnight meltdown selfie, the pancake disaster, or the pile of articles you’re ignoring because you can’t focus. Let others see that imperfect motherhood is the only kind going around.
Celebrate Small Wins
Made dinner without starting someone crying or slamming a door? Win. Remembered to brush your teeth before noon? Win. Didn’t have to do a 40-minute negotiation for bedtime? Win. Acknowledge the tiny stuff that doesn’t break down into a bullet point in a “celebrity mental-health” headline. Those micro-wins are survival gold.
Look, there’s no “fix” for the endless load of motherhood, but there is relief in uniting, speaking up, and knowing that, yes, this suckfest is real, and also, yes, we can get through it together. It’s unfair that we — the overworked caregivers — are the ones who have to demand change for ourselves, but you know what they say: If you want something done right, ask a mom to do it.
