When it comes to sex, pleasure is always my top priority. But sometimes — just sometimes — I’ll set a sex goal in mind just because I’m stubborn and competitive. It’s the Capricorn in me. One of these life-long sex goals has been to squirt. I know, I know — predictable. “How to squirt” is one of the most common sex conundrums there is out there — probably only surpassed by “How to orgasm.” And the reasons are tenfold. First, porn, porn, and more porn.

Porn has made it seem like squirting — actually, gushing — during sex every single time is the norm (newsflash, it’s not). “Because people are trying to learn from porn, sometimes, they learn things that they normally wouldn’t have come across, so they may be curious about how the body works and what enables a body to squirt,” Sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for Lovers, tells Betches.

And second, squirting just seems like a super hot thing to do. When it comes to sex, the wetter and messier things are, the sexier everything seems to get. And female ejaculation — partially because of its elusiveness and partially because of the technique involved — has become the holy grail goal for a lot of people during sex. And I was no exception.

I’ve always wanted to squirt in bed. Not just because I thought it would be super sexy (which I did) but because I simply want to be a ~Total Sex Goddess~ and this seemed like a logical next step. I mean, I’ve had an actual nipple orgasm — so squirting just needed to happen. And after 27 years of life, a lot of masturbation and experimentation, and honestly a happy accident, it finally happened. And because I’m a giver, a woman of the people, and, first and foremost, a journalist, I’ve decided to share my methods with you here today.

I Was On A Mission To Squirt — Here’s How It Finally Happened

Image Credit: Photo by Sebastian Palomino

You’ll probably see a lot of step-by-step instructions online on how to squirt. But Stewart explains that everyone’s body is different. We all respond to different cues and touches. What works for one person might not work for the next. But that doesn’t mean you just have to hope for the best when it comes to squirting — there are a few basic movements and spots to keep in mind. “The most important piece to squirting is that you’re concentrating on being present in your body and engaging in deep breath work,” she says.

The Technicalities Of Squirting

Now, let’s get one thing straight off the bat: “It is possible for anyone with a vagina to squirt if they have their Skene’s glands, which are sometimes called the female prostate, in place,” Stewart says. But that doesn’t mean if it hasn’t happened for you that something’s wrong — it just means that there are probably a few things you want to adjust.

For me, it first happened randomly during sex. I was hooking up with my very sexy situationship (who I’m going to cut loose soon, I promise!), and while in cowgirl, I felt something come out of me. We were both caught pretty off guard because I had tried to squirt so many times before, but nothing would happen. We were feeling pretty good about ourselves, but because I am the way I am, the amount of squirt just wasn‘t satisfying enough. I knew that porn wasn’t realistic, but even if I couldn’t get a total waterfall going I at least wanted to mess the sheets up a little. So, the next day, I was determined.

First, I did research. Now, I’ve done a deep dive into squirting before, but this time, I really tried to understand the key components of achieving squirting. The G-Spot is known to be one of the most straightforward paths to a squirting orgasm — but it’s important to be aroused first before stimulating it.

“When it is fully engorged, it will feel soft, textured, and spongy to the touch,” Stewart says. Use a finger, sex toy, or your partner’s hand to create a hook and then provide steady, consistent strokes.

Let me repeat that again: consistent, okay? We know that some of you *cough, men, cough* tend to fuck up the rhythm just when something good is about to happen. Basically, you want to overstimmy the fuck out of your partner (but in the best way).

Stewart explains that blended orgasms (orgasms that come about from multiple types of stimulation) are integral for most people looking to squirt. That’s why using a sex toy with G-Spot reaching shafts and some sort of external clitoral stimulation is the key.

Toys like the Strike A Pose Tapping & Suction G-Spot Vibrator, Romp Reverb Dual Stimulator Vibrator, and the Monarch Swan Twisting Vibrator & Stimulator (the one I used) are all angled and stimulate your G-spot and your clit at the same time.

How It *Actually* Feels To Squirt

Aside from the technique and the tools, squirting has a lot to do with you feeling as relaxed as possible. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been close to squirting, but because I was nervous about potentially peeing all over my partner, I stopped myself.

“Right before you squirt, it may feel like you have to pee, which is why some people are hesitant to have this happen to their body,” Stewart says. “They may be so stimulated and may not have had the feeling before, so it can catch you off guard, and you may suppress your orgasm because of the feeling of ‘not wanting to pee’ even though it’s not actually urine.”

But when it happens, she explains that squirting is actually a really great relief, pretty much orgasmic — and that’s because it usually is. Stewart says that squirting is usually paired with an orgasm, and the squirting happens because your muscles squeeze the bladder, and prostate fluid and water (and honestly, yes, a little bit of urine) come out of the urethra. You just have to remember that all of that can’t happen unless you’re totally relaxed.

“Concentrate on relaxing your pelvic floor muscles while you allow this sensation to build,” Stewart says. “Bearing down on your pelvic floor muscles can help you to cover larger squirting distances.”

Once I took all of these mental notes and, honestly, watched a few instructional porn videos, I was ready to get going. I washed my hands, took my clothes off, laid in my bed, played my “SexaAy” playlist (it’s actually called this; I’m just an unserious person), and got my Bellesa Water-Based Lubricant. I first started massaging my whole vagina, pushing my lips together. Then, I focused on my clitoris, getting into a rhythm that was enjoyable but not too intense. Then, I turned on my vibrator and inserted that in me, touching my G-spot.

I kept reminding myself that I wasn’t in a rush, and even though I wanted to squirt, the point here was to have fun and try to see if I could experience a new kind of sensation. Then, that feeling started to build — the one I was always so afraid of: I felt like I had to pee. But instead of stopping suddenly, I continued my motion, letting the feeling build and build. While people are tempted to speed up their movements at this point, I just stayed with the tempo because of how good it felt. And then, after following that rhythm, it finally happened.

It wasn’t like a water gun like you normally see in porn, but rather more of a leak. Either way, it felt really, really good. I stared at the wet spot in my bed, honestly proud AF of myself. Then, I took a picture of that wet spot and texted it to that man, saying, “Want to make this happen on you?”