The female orgasm is a V important topic that’s finally becoming less taboo, but there’s still a ton of fake news out there. And I’m not just talking about the large population of men who think that jackhammering against a woman’s cervix is the only way to get her off (but that too). I’m talking about female orgasm myths you, a woman, might believe. Recently, I attended Satisfyer’s #DontFakeYourOrgasm panel discussion featuring a bunch of sexperts who shined a light on the truths and stigmas attached to female orgasms. Between sitting in the audience and having the pleasure of chatting with panel chair, comedian, and How Cum podcast host Remy Kassimir after the event, here are six of the biggest myths about the female orgasm that need to be debunked.
MYTH #1: If You’ve Never Had An Orgasm, It’s Because You’re Not Able To
Everyone is different, and that’s something that’s not a myth, but the idea that you can’t orgasm if it’s never happened before is 100% wrong. So if you’re one of the many women thinking, “I haven’t had an orgasm yet, so I must not be able to,” stop it. You just may not have yet figured out what you need to make it happen.
“Female orgasms can all be different because of how our bodies are positioned and how big our clits are and where they are,” Remy said. Yup, that’s right! Not all clitorises (clitori? Clits? WTF is the plural version of clitoris???) are the same size or located in the same place. Some are a little to the left, some are a little to the right, and some are larger than others… like balls!
According to Remy, “it’s not complicated once you know the motion that works on your part.” And that’s coming from someone who literally created a podcast to figure out (and conquer!) how to cum after 28+ years.
MYTH #2: Female Orgasms Are Difficult To Achieve
It’s not that achieving an orgasm is hard—it’s that the ~how~ isn’t being talked about. The TECHNIQUES aren’t being openly discussed.
“A lot of people say it’s harder for women and people with vulvas to orgasm, but I think that’s a complete myth because it absolves everyone of the responsibility of knowing how to do it,” Remy told me.
Don’t give up or chalk off the inability to finish as a matter of it being “too difficult.” So many people believe it’s something that they don’t have the ability to master when they DO have the ability and they CAN master it. Practice makes perfect.
MYTH #3: Female Orgasms Always Stem From Vaginal Sex
Surprise! All female orgasms are clitoral, and only 8-25% of women can cum from just vaginal penetration. You may be one of the lucky ones who have got it figured out, but if you think you can *only* have internal orgasms, there are soOoOo many other roads that lead from Point A to Destination O, including oral sex, manual stimulation, vibrators, and other sex toys.
MYTH #4: There’s A Hierarchy Of Orgasms
Nope. There’s no hierarchy of orgasms. A squirting orgasm isn’t more valid than an orgasm that doesn’t result in ejaculation, just like finishing via vaginal sex isn’t less valid than finishing via oral sex. There is no definitive ranking, sliding scale, or health class wall poster that declares one orgasm as “better” or “more qualified” than another based on how or when it was achieved or how much fluid was ejaculated.
MYTH #5: Sex Isn’t Good Unless You And Your Partner Finish At The Same Time
Thanks to Netflix and Hollywood, people are expected to be cumming vaginally with their male partners all the time in order for sex to be perfect. In the wise words of Remy, “the myth of cumming together needs to go away.”
Yeah, you can cum during the same session, but you don’t need to finish at the same time as your partner in order to have fulfilling sex. Some women need 30 minutes to climax, whereas some men need eight. Whether you finish first, last, together, or not at all, everybody is a winner as long as you had a good time.
MYTH #6: Maybe You’ve Had One And You Just Don’t Know It
Remy insisted that one NON-myth that I needed to add in here is that when you know, you know. “My ex used to be like, ‘hey, maybe you’re just having a million orgasms and you don’t realize.’ Like, no. If you have to ask, ‘how do you know that you’ve [orgasmed]?’ then you haven’t.”
An orgasm is such a distinct feeling. It’s a heightened moment of pleasure—or several heightened moments of pleasure — that can’t be confused with anything else during the sexual experience. When it happens, you’ll know. You’ll internally (or externally) be screaming “oh, sh*t! This is it! YASSS!”
Images: Giphy (6), Pexels