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A Ranking Of My Favorite TV Bisexuals Based On If They Can Hang At Pride

As someone once told me, bisexuals are the middle child of the LGBTQ+ community. Meaning, we love attention but rarely get it. That’s why this Pride, I’m taking the time to be really obnoxious about my bisexuality — for the sake of the larger community, of course. That means, I’m shining my septum piercing, cuffing my pants, and wearing graphic tees that say shit like, “I’m here, I’m queer, my anxiety is moderate to severe.” And in an effort to thank our bisexual elders, I’ve turned to the characters who practically raised me. Without them, I’d probably be a depressed straight person rather than a depressed bisexual person. (It really is better, trust me.)

Here is an absolutely fair and not biased ranking of the TV bisexuals based on how fun they would be to hang out with at Pride.

A Ranking Of My Favorite TV Bisexuals

Adam Groff from Sex Education

Image Credit: Netflix

Ugh, this guy. I know I’m supposed to applaud him for his character growth when he comes out. But I didn’t love that he played out the trope of the closeted queer who bullied out-and-proud gay kids because he couldn’t process his own sexuality. Also, he’d probably wanna spend all his time at Blazing Saddles and I’m all out of dollar bills. Last place.

Brittany from Glee 

Image Credit: Hulu

Brittany gets a lot of points for relatability. I, too, thought making out with your best friend after school with a boyfriend on the side was totally normal and appropriate and not at all cheating. HAHA! Oops. But unlike Brittany, I never threw up at an assembly. 11th place because she’d probably break into song. We have drag queens for that, sweetie!

Nick Nelson from Heartstopper

Image Credit: Netflix

Nick seems sweet and all, but I prefer messy bisexual characters. Our sexual identity is meant to wreak havoc!! Boring. 10th place.

Callie Torres from Grey’s Anatomy

Image Credit: ABC

Yes, Callie is annoying. But boy was she a lifeboat when there wasn’t a ton of bisexual representation on TV. However, we’ve since evolved and I can judge her as a stand alone character. Plus, the idea of being stuck at Stonewall talking to someone about gross medical procedures? Pass! 9th place.

Leila from The Bisexual 

Image Credit: Hulu

I had a very unhealthy obsession with filmmaker Desiree Akhavan for creating the show The Bisexual and movie Appropriate Behavior. But my love for the creator aside, Leila is this selfish, spiraling woman who needs a Zanax and a nap. I’ll catch you at Pride next year, girlie. 8th place.

Annalise Keating from How to Get Away With Murder

Image Credit: ABC Studios

I had to put my bias aside that she’s played by VIOLA DAVIS, one of the greatest actors to grace our screens, and focus this ranking solely on the character. With that in mind, she’s a bisexual firecracker. I wouldn’t mind taking a shot or two at the bar with her, but she’d probably be checking her phone constantly for case updates. Snorefest. 7th place.

Petra Solano from Jane the Virgin

Image Credit: Netflix

Petra Solano was a perfectly evil character until she goes through this major character arc, “grows” as a person, and eventually falls in love with Jane “J.R.” Ramos (played by Rosario Dawson). To be fair, I would also change my entire personality if I could kiss Rosario Dawson. However, I preferred her when she was a bitch. 6th place.

Rosa from Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Image Credit: Hulu

Rosa is exactly the type of woman that I would let ruin my life. While some shows are casually referencing the ambiguous sexual identity of a character, Brooklyn Nine-Nine was pretty explicit about Rosa being bisexual. Respect. Also, she’d probably beat up anyone who cut me in the very long line to the gay bar’s bathroom. 5th place because she’s a cop.

Ava from Hacks

Image Credit: Max

Ava is the epitome of the annoying generational cusper. Millennial enough for a side part, Gen Z enough to “well, actually” us to death. Also, she’s a comedian so I’d probably be hearing “new material” all night. She gets 4th place for the fuckass bob though. And the industry connections. I would LOVE to be a nepo baby!

Bob from Bob’s Burgers 

Image Credit: Hulu

Bob is a bisexual icon!!! I will fight anyone on this. While it’s not canonically confirmed, he mentions his sexuality in the episode “Turkey in a Can,” when he the deli cashier thinks he’s hitting on him. He’s married not dead. Also, Bob would fucking rage at Pride — and bring burgers. He already has plenty of friends in the trans community from his nights as a cab driver. 3rd place.

Villanelle from Killing Eve 

Image Credit: Netflix

I would literally let Villanelle eat me alive. I dressed up as her for Halloween and would worship her at an alter if there was a shrine available. Unfortunately, she’s a psychopathic murderer so she probably wouldn’t be that fun at Pride. But she’s rich so she could afford Reneé Rapp tickets to make up for her “overreaction.” My love language is gifts so 2nd place.

Ilana Wexler from Broad City

Image Credit: Hulu

Illana is the chaotic bisexual representation I’m looking for. How can we not love her for the iconic line, “I’m 27! What am I? A child bride!” Also, I know she’d probably be the best person to party with at Pride. She’d certainly “supply” the fun, if you know what I mean. Too bad we’ll probably get robbed or something horrible for the sake of “memories.” Welp, you only live once. 1st place!

Melanie Whyte
Melanie Whyte
Melanie Whyte (she/her) leads the lifestyle and relationship content at Betches. As an amateur New Yorker and professional bisexual, she enjoys writing about the bane of sex and relationships in the city. She is also perpetually in her messy house era despite spending all of her money on Instagram ads.