Dating these days is like trekking down into the seventh level of hell. And if you’ve seen some women talk about dating men on TikTok or Twitter lately, you’ll notice that most of their complaints have to do with their interactions with men. So when you find someone you actually vibe with, it can be pretty exciting. Things are good for a while, you talk pretty often and hang out as much as you can, and it seems like things are headed in a good direction. But when you finally feel your guard coming down and real feelings start to develop for that man… he ghosts you.
Now I’m going to tell you that a man’s decision to ghost you has way more to do with his own communication issues than it does with you. You are a beautiful angel baby and your self worth has nothing to do with how men choose to navigate themselves in their interactions with you. But you know all this already. I know that what you really want to know is why men ghost people anyway. And because we’re very serious journalists here, we decided to ask Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a NYC neuropsychologist, about what goes in men’s brains when they decide to ghost someone.
Why Do Men Ghost Anyway?
Every man is different — which means they can all be shitty in different ways. So when a man ghosts you, it can be for a myriad of different reasons. They might really like spending time with you but decide that you two aren’t compatible enough for anything longterm. They might even know from the jump that they don’t want anything serious and just find it easier to disappear on you than to be honest about their feelings. I know… sucky.
“Men typically ghost someone due to a desire to avoid confrontation or uncomfortable conversations,” Dr. Hafeez tells Betches.
Why Does It Seem Like All Men Ghost After 3 Months?
It almost seems like all the men in the world had a team meeting and decided that three months was going to be around the time when they decide to ghost people. But Dr. Hafeez says the reality is that the 3-month-mark is typically when deeper feelings and expectations for the other person start to form.
“At this stage, the relationship may require more commitment and communication, which can feel daunting for those uncertain about their feelings or intentions,” she says.
What Are The Signs That A Guy Might Ghost You?
If you’ve been ghosted one too many times, you probably want to prepare yourself in case it happens again. And while the whole idea of “ghosting” is that it happens out of nowhere, Dr. Hafeez explains that there are a few tell-tale signs of a possible ghoster:
- Inconsistent Communication: “They frequently go long periods without responding or exhibit erratic patterns in their communication,” she says.
- Avoiding Deep Conversations: “They steer clear of discussing future plans, emotional topics, or defining the relationship,” she says.
- Lack of Effort: “They show minimal effort in making plans, keeping promises, or investing in the relationship,” Dr. Hafeez says.
- Previous Behavior: “They have a history of short-lived relationships or have admitted to ghosting others in the past,” she says.
And if you notice someone you’re interested in starts moving like this, you can either a) be mature and confront them head on, asking if they see the relationship moving forward or b) be the ghoster before you become the ghostee.
