nails

In case you missed it, there hasn’t been a snowstorm in New York in at least two weeks which means spring is finally fucking here.

This year one in five betches will be afflicted with Nail Regret.

Festival season is upon us which means that every basic bitch in America is about to start announcing on social media how much of a music connoisseur she is while also Googling “where can I buy flower crowns.” Even though it’s only been, like, four months of 2017 I’ve already seen too much in terms of batshit beauty trends.

The unicorn beauty trend has been getting its 15 minutes of fame recently and I don’t fucking get it.

Unnecessary beauty combinations are literally the bane of my existence.

My nail lady and I are practically besties, usually only communicating in a series of soft smiles, appropriate chuckles here and there, and nods for yes or no.

Because America's deep-seeded daddy issues have forced us to choose the ultimate worst patriarch—Donald SMDH Trump—as our country's president, it's time to think of ways we can distract ourselves during the next four years.