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Congratulations team, we’ve finally made it to the end of award season. This year’s path to the Academy Awards has been especially arduous, with COVID-related scheduling changes tacking on an extra two months to the entertainment industry’s self-congratulatory tour. So now we just have one more Sunday night slog to get through, but if you’ve watched any of this season’s big shows, you’ll know that COVID has affected way more than where these shows fall on the calendar.
Every pandemic-era award show has tried something a little different, but February’s Golden Globes were definitely whatever the opposite of the gold standard would be. The participation trophy standard? We can workshop that, but the Golden Globes were excruciating. With a bloated runtime, speeches delivered exclusively via Zoom, and half-baked presenter bits IRL, the entire affair was just bleak. A few weeks later, the Grammys took their stab at a COVID-compliant event, and it actually kind of worked! The multi-stage performance setup and outdoor award presentation area felt as normal as one could hope for, and while the Grammys are always too long, at least they didn’t feel like a work meeting you could’ve skipped.
So with all that in mind, what will the Academy do? Last month, shortly after the Oscar nominations were announced, the show’s producers sent an email to nominees laying out some guidelines for the ceremony. Notably, the email discouraged “casual dress”—no Jason Sudeikis hoodies, please—but the most jarring bit of info was that there would be no virtual option for those unable to attend in person. The producers wrote, “For those of you unable to attend because of scheduling or continued uneasiness about traveling, we want you to know there will not be an option to Zoom in for the show.” They added that they’re focused on providing an “ENJOYABLE” experience in person, and that the “virtual thing will diminish those efforts.”
Ah yes, the “virtual thing.” Now that I think about it, I guess Zoom happy hours aren’t quite as fun as the real thing—I’m glad someone finally said it! Unsurprisingly, though, people had questions about this decision. With many nominees currently working in Europe and elsewhere, and many international travel restrictions and quarantine protocols still in place, coming to the Oscars this year isn’t just a matter of hopping on a plane. For anyone not currently in LA, the choice was either to skip the Oscar experience altogether, or face a huge logistical and financial headache to figure out a plan. With the backlash mounting, the Academy committee quickly backtracked, announcing that they would host satellite events for nominees in both London and Paris. Last week, producer Steven Soderbergh also confirmed that they will use “satellite hookups” for nominees who cannot attend any of these official events, though this is clearly not the preferred situation.
Great, so we’ve finally arrived at a solution where no one is being asked to risk their life so they can fly to LA to maybe win an award. Love that. But what does all this organizational chaos mean for us, the viewers? Let’s run down what to expect from this weekend’s big show.
First of all, yes, the Oscars are three hours long. But that’s not all! This year, they’re also doing a 90-minute Oscars: Into The Spotlight pre-show. Pour yourself a drink and have lots of SkinnyPop on hand, because it’s going to be a long night. It’s unclear exactly what the pre-show will be like, but we do know that this year the musical performances will be in the pre-show instead of the actual ceremony. So basically, they cut the most entertaining part from the actual Oscars and still kept the excruciating length. We’re off to a good start!
Like the last two years, the show doesn’t have a host, which is probably for the best. No one is actually that good at hosting award shows, and by the third costume change of the night, we’re always over it anyway. But there will still be lots of stars in attendance (or at least satellite attendance; it’s hard to predict). The roster of presenters is super A-list (Reese Witherspoon, Zendaya, Regina King, etc.), and this year’s nominated films are actually incredibly diverse and exciting, so there’s a lot of potential here. For the first time, the show will include pre-taped interview segments with nominees from all the categories, which basically means they’re going to make us cry. Honestly, I’m here for it.
So will this year’s Oscars actually be good? I’m not exactly getting my hopes up, but it has to be better than the “could’ve been an email” energy of the Golden Globes. Either way, we can be grateful that after this weekend we can finally go back to our favorite Sunday evening activity: focusing on our paralyzing sense of dread about the new week starting.
Images: Alex Millauer / Shutterstock.com
Last night the 78th Annual Golden Globes were brought to us by Zoom, because I guess nobody in Hollywood has gotten the memo about how sick we all are of virtual meetings. This three-hour Hollywood circle-jerk could have been an email, which cohost Tina Fey readily admitted in her opening monologue. Speaking of other things that were unnecessary, this year the Hollywood Foreign Press Association decided to do a bicoastal Golden Globes, filming both in Los Angeles and New York, which I feel like they just did to try to show off their tech skills—tech which backfired immediately, with Daniel Kaluuya’s audio getting cut off for the very first acceptance speech of the night.
Truthfully, I have never really cared about award shows, and in 2021, even less so. If the past 12 months have shown us anything, it’s that we simply can’t just carry on doing things the way we used to. And even though the Golden Globes had nominees video chat into the ceremony rather than making a whole song and dance out of testing everyone beforehand and pretending to have them quarantine before sitting in a room together, not much else aside from the virtual appearances changed. Even before the program aired, controversy erupted when critically acclaimed shows by Black creators were snubbed in favor of their less-than-mediocre white counterparts, something we’ve seen happen time and time again with various award shows, including the Oscars and Grammys. But this year’s issues went beyond Black artists’ contributions being ignored, as a February report by the LA Times brought to light the fact that the committee who decides who is nominated for and wins a Golden Globe is made up of 87 members, zero of whom are Black. On top of that, another LA Times report detailed how easy it is to, ahem, influence which projects are nominated. Notably, it discussed how Emily in Paris flew more than 30 of the organization’s members to Paris and wined and dined them, which could explain how the TV series equivalent of the girl in the Muzzy commercial repeating “je suis la jeune fille” received multiple nominations while shows like Insecure and I May Destroy You got zero.
2021 could have really been a year to change things around. Instead, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey hosted the ceremony again (a decision that, for the record, I enjoyed, but just underscores that the HFPA have no interest in switching it up). There was a confusing semi-in-person red carpet, when there didn’t need to be one at all. The ceremony still started at 8pm EST, and even with Zoom transitions, still ran for three hours. It did not need to be this way!
The tension between needing to change the way things are done, and the powers at be clearly not wanting to, came to an awkward head during the ceremony. In their opening segment, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler criticized the HFPA for not having a single Black member in its voting body. It was better than saying nothing or trying to sweep the lack of diversity under the rug, but it was still kind of uncomfortable since Poehler and Fey still agreed to host the Golden Globes, and presumably collect a paycheck.
Even worse was when the HFPA trotted out its few members of color in an attempt to address the organization’s lack of diversity, with HFPA Vice President Helen Hoehne saying, “Just like in film and television, Black representation is vital. We must have Black journalists in our organization.” They “must”, but they currently don’t, so…? It felt like the organization was attempting to get out ahead of a narrative it is already 20 years behind on. Time’s Up, at least, wasn’t buying it: CEO Tina Tchen wrote in a letter to NBC and the HFPA that the statements made by the organization during and preceding the Golden Globes “indicate a fundamental lack of understanding of the depth of the problems at hand”, saying that its promise to include Black journalists “is not a solution”.
On the one hand, as someone who’s never liked award shows, the Zoom format was better than the usual one, if only because I didn’t have to spend a combined 30 minutes watching people shuffle on and off a physical stage. (Plus, it’s easier to cut someone off by just cutting their audio and video versus having to physically remove them from the podium.) On the other hand, the insistence on maintaining the same level of pomp and circumstance in light of *gestures broadly* everything felt especially ridiculous. Watching all these celebrities pretend to tear up with gratitude in full glam and wardrobe while sitting on their couches felt weirdly emblematic of the past 12 months, and also completely absurd. I mean, I can’t even imagine putting on an underwire bra at this point, let alone a full gown. What is it all for?
From the lack of diversity to the stuffiness and length, Hollywood seems to be holding onto all the least enjoyable parts of award shows with a death grip. That said, there were plenty of memorable moments from last night, including but not limited to: Daniel Kaluuya and John Boyega’s wins; Taylor Simone Ledward accepting an award posthumously on her late husband Chadwick Boseman’s behalf for his performance in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (even if the film itself didn’t get nominated for best motion picture); Jason Sudeikis giving an acceptance speech in a tie-dye hoodie; Borat beating out Hamilton. But, I don’t know, I feel like there’s got to be a better way to honor these films and TV shows without all this bullsh*t. Am I part of the problem? Most definitely, but I feel like I’m held hostage here. HFPA created this awards show and the subsequent pre- and post-show hullabaloo, and I’d be missing out on clicks, shares, and likes by not participating. I’m watching not because the show is particularly entertaining, or because I’m invested, but because I’m trapped in this elite media hype pyramid scheme, which feels even worse given the HFPA’s lack of diversity, pay-for-play shadiness, and the allegations that it is improperly subsidizing its members’ incomes. Honestly, I want out. The memorable moments can be a highlight reel, or as Tina Fey said in her opener, an email. We don’t need to keep doing this.
Images: NBC / Contributor/ Getty Images
Welcome to the 2020 Golden Globes! While us normos are actively avoiding any human interaction after three weeks of non-stop partying and soul-crushing fights with our family members, Hollywood is getting together for yet another rager. Well, technically it’s an award show, but what would you call a night filled with 1,500 bottles of champagne, rambling monologues, awkward run-ins with exes, that all ends with a trip to a fast food joint? That’s what I thought.
This year, the Golden Globes were hosted by Ricky Gervais, marking the fifth time he’s held the honor, and his first time hosting since 2016. Now, I’m a fan of Ricky because at his best he is scathing, and at his worst he makes everyone so uncomfortable you can actually physically feel the hatred emanating off of them, and that’s a reaction I’m very used to. What can I say, you like what you know. But I can understand if he’s not your cup of tea. Well, I can’t, but one of my New Year’s resolutions was to be more understanding and it’s only January 6th, so I’m being magnanimous. You’re welcome. Anyway, this year he was better than I could have even imagined. Ricky immediately came for the people who hired him, called everyone in the room dumb perverts, and made a “Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself” joke. If that wasn’t 90% of you after three cocktails at your office holiday party, then you’re lying.
Ricky Gervais 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 pic.twitter.com/z4LxMWj9ev
— Jack McGuire (@JackMacCFB) January 6, 2020
Ricky started the show off super strong, and it only got more preachy bonkers from there. So instead of a full recap, which none of us have time for unless you were fired after said office holiday party, I’ve broken the show into highs and lows. Let’s get to it!
☆ I know I already talked about the monologue, but bear with me while I just say that Ricky throwing out the line, “It’s the last time, who cares” after every insult he slung at the HFPA is a level of who gives a sh*t that we should all aspire to. (Also, special shout-out to Ricky for calling out Leo DiCaprio’s refusal to date age-appropriate women.)
☆ In toasting the three nominations for Knives Out, Ricky Gervais took an easy shot at Cats, everyone’s least favorite movie of the year: “See what happens when you don’t dress people up as cats?” Boom. Roasted. Honestly, that’s gonna be my philosophy whenever I accomplish anything from now on.
☆ Ramy Youssef admitting during his acceptance speech for “Best Performance by an Actor – Comedy or Musical,” that no one knows who he is. Fine, I’m mostly including this because he’s from Jersey, HOW DO YOU ALL SEE THROUGH ME? Hooray, New Jersey! We will take over the world like we’ve been secretly plotting! Soon everyone will be referring to their hometown by their exit on the parkway mwahahaahahahhahah!
☆ Celebrities raising awareness for the bush fires in Australia. I legit think that’s the only reason they gave Russell Crowe an award, because no one I know even saw The Loudest Voice. If they wanted to watch Roger Ailes prey on women they just waited to see Charlize Theron in Megyn Kelly cosplay in Bombshell. But really, those fires are BAD. Please help if you can!
☆ Bill Hader and Rachel Bilson showing up on the red carpet together for the first time. If you’re not watching Barry, you’re missing out on one of the best dark comedies on TV, plus you’ve yet to realize that Bill Hader is stealthily hot. And Summer Roberts deserves her happy ending. I stan.
☆ Just like at the Emmys, Fleabag won the Best Comedy Series, and Phoebe Waller-Bridge won Best Actress for her performance. These were some of the least surprising wins of the night, but sometimes the best show wins for a reason. Now that Fleabag is over, I can’t wait to see what Phoebe does next, because the world is truly her oyster. When will the world be my oyster?
☆ Succession wins! Succession won best drama and Brian Cox aka Logan Roy aka possibly the most mentally abusive father in America won Best Actor. Damn, that show is good. I actually screamed at the end of the second season when something insane happens that I won’t mention here, because I don’t want to get lit up in the comments over spoiling something that ended months ago. So I won’t spoil it, but WATCH IT ALREADY. And we were BLESSED that Brian Cox won because it allowed us the absolute best moment of the night, a Jason Momoa in a tank top sighting. It’s like someone knew we needed to start 2020 out that way.
My sexual orientation is Jason Momoa in a tank top at the Golden Globes pic.twitter.com/h0wwCl47Oa
— Sam Stryker (@sbstryker) January 6, 2020
☆ Kate McKinnon presenting the Carol Burnett award to Ellen. It was heartfelt, inspiring, and also funny. However, I was confused when Ellen said that people tell her that her show inspires them to go out every day and help people, and that’s what TV should do. The TV I watch inspires me to go out there and mercilessly mock Florida. Am I watching the wrong things?
☆ Brad Pitt’s face. Whoever is keeping Brad looking this refreshed is doing a fantastic job. It looks natural even though I know it’s not, and he could get it over Leo ANY. DAY. Fight me.
☆ While introducing Jojo Rabbit, Sacha Baron Cohen joked that Mark Zuckerberg is a “naive, misguided child who spreads Nazi propaganda.” LMAO. Where is the lie? Why do I feel like Sacha wrote that one himself? This definitely made some people in the room uncomfortable, but none of the other presenters had material that good.
Sacha Baron Cohen just roasted Mark Zuckerberg. #GoldenGlobes pic.twitter.com/lc4m9WiTgc
— Lights, Camera, Pod (@LightsCameraPod) January 6, 2020
☆ Tom Hanks. Man, has that guy been in a lot of great movies. And THE EMOTION. Over his family. And he has a kid who is a white rapper and goes by the name Chet Haze! And he still loves them! For that alone he deserves an award.
☆ The cameraman who was smart enough to cutaway to Jennifer Aniston during Brad Pitt’s acceptance speech. I know some of you might be over this love triangle, but I didn’t invent it, and the media has made me invested in it for over half my life, so thank you, sir, for rewarding all the time and dedication I have put into this relationship. Now, if only her reaction had been more scandalous. We’ll have to work on that for next year, Jen.
☆ Also, Brad Pitt for acknowledging what we all know to be true, Leo COULD HAVE FIT ON THE DOOR and that Kate Winslet is a cold-blooded murderer. I also liked what he said about being kind to someone tomorrow. And I will, tomorrow! Today I have to write this recap.
☆ Awkwafina won Best Actress for her heartbreaking performance in The Farewell, and her acceptance speech was as funny as you’d expect. When she said “I told you I’d get a job, dad,” I really felt that. Way to stick it to dads everywhere that begged us to just be accountants.
☆ So I was about to put Joaquin Phoenix’s win on the “lows” list because I find him exhausting, pompous, and a little crazy behind the eyes, but then he called out everyone in the room for being hypocrites and I shrieked. Stop preaching about climate change and then hopping on your private jets, assholes! I loved it. Good luck at the after parties, Joaquin. Leo is not going to be happy.
Joaquin Phoenix did seem quite drunk BUT telling a room full of famous people to stop taking private jets to Palm Springs….you DO love to see it #GoldenGlobes
— Tyler McCall (@eiffeltyler) January 6, 2020
☆ Michelle Williams won for her performance in Fosse/Verdon, and she used her speech as an opportunity to speak out on the importance of women’s rights, especially when it comes to abortion. She’s known for keeping her personal life very private, so to hear her speak so passionately was truly a special moment.
☆ WHERE WAS LITTLE WOMEN?!! This movie was beautiful. I laughed, I cried, I remembered how much this story meant to someone like me, who fancies herself a writer. And the HFPA couldn’t give a sh*t about this movie. Couldn’t fathom how it would be important. Barely nominated it. It makes me believe everything Ricky Gervais said about them. Oscars, your move. Are you going to make me call you sexist trash bags, too?
☆ WTF was J.Lo wearing? Girl, we already know you’re a gift, you didn’t have to dress like the Christmas wrapping paper my mom bought at Paper Source on January 1st for 60% off.
☆ Laura Dern’s acceptance speech. I mean, she was funny, and charming, and she looked gorgeous, but the whole thing was hijacked by Gwyneth Paltrow’s ass. Come on, cameraman. We know she looked hot, but this is about Laura! Maybe film the winner’s acceptance speech from the front next time, and Google pictures of Gwyneth’s body at home later on your free time. This is your job, cameraman!
☆ Pairing Amy Poehler and Taylor Swift as presenters was BRILLIANT, because as you will remember, one of the years that Tina and Amy hosted the show they made a joke about Taylor Swift dating younger guys, and she responded later saying “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women.” Which is something I still laugh about to this day because it was such an overreaction. But this presentation was a missed opportunity. They didn’t even address it! I couldn’t even tell you what they presented, that was how boring it was. The fact that they didn’t take advantage of this pairing just made it pointless. I know you had something to say Amy, YOU SHOULD HAVE.
☆ Jason Momoa put his jacket back on to present.
☆ I find it unbelievable that Unbelievable didn’t win anything. As a true crime junkie, I can honestly say that that series was a cut above the rest of the genre, and Kaitlyn, Merritt, and Toni each gave heart-wrenching performances. And seriously, WHO IS WATCHING CHERNOBYL?!
☆ Another year where the best actor in a musical/comedy was from a musical biopic. I love Taron Egerton, but if he was going to win for anything it obviously should have been Kingsman. It takes great talent to play a character named Eggsy without laughing.
☆ The presenters. As I mentioned earlier, they were all kind of nothing-burgers. Was Tom Hanks passing around his cold medicine at the pre-show?
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood winning multiple awards, proving once again that Hollywood loves nothing more than to jerk itself off.
That Pierce Brosnan’s sons, this year’s Golden Globe Ambassadors, were nowhere near as hot as Pierce Brosnan.
The length. Over 3 hours?!?! Did I spend 11 hours binging the entire season of Spinning Out just yesterday? Yes, but what’s your point?
At that’s all folks! Have a good day! As Ricky says, get drunk, take your drugs! Happy New Year!
Images: Jackmacdfb ,sbstryker, lightscamerapod, eiffeltyler/Twitter; enews, betches/Instagram; Giphy
Last night, we all begrudgingly watched the 77th Golden Globes, officially kicking off the two-month long headache that is awards season. As always, the show was… whatever, with lots of shows and movies that you probably haven’t seen winning the awards. Don’t worry, we’ll do a full recap on all the highlights and lowlights in a bit, but for now it’s time to focus on what’s important: the red carpet. This year, Hollywood’s biggest stars paraded around in looks that ranged from stunning to stunningly bad. This red carpet really had it all: feathers, rhinestones, and Gwyneth Paltrow in a fully see-through Victorian gown. Yeah, idk either.
Here’s our breakdown of the best and worst looks from the 2020 Golden Globes red carpet, and if you disagree, I’ll see you in the comments. Drag me!
Worst: Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Lopez has spent 20 years breaking the internet in gorgeous gowns, so I guess it was only a matter of time til she, well, f*cked it up, and I may be the only person brave enough to say it. Her dress looks like the Christmas poinsettia that my mom probably still hasn’t thrown away. Honestly, if J.Lo ever doesn’t know what to wear to one of these events, she should just throw on the jungle dress again. No one would complain!!
Best: Billy Porter
As has become tradition at every event he attends, Billy Porter said “f*ck gender norms” and shut down the red carpet. His sparkly white jacket with a full feather train is the exact amount of extra that I’m trying to bring in 2020. If you’re getting married this year, sorry, but I’m going to wear this and look better than you.
Worst: Taylor Swift
Taylor’s hair and makeup look great, and this is a pretty dress, but it looks like something I’d wear to a bridal shower, not the f*cking Golden Globes. However, the biggest joke of all was that Taylor Swift was at the Golden Globes not as Joe Alwyn’s plus-one, but because she was actually nominated… for Best Original Song from CATS.
Best: Ana de Armas
Ana de Armas was nominated for playing a woman who can’t stop puking in Knives Out, so I was hoping her look wouldn’t make me want to vom. She f*cking turned it out in this sparkly navy gown, so good for her. She has like five movies coming out this year, so she’s definitely one to watch.
Worst: Charlize Theron
To put it simply, Charlize Theron’s dress looks like it was inspired by the slime at the Kids Choice Awards. (I’m also getting slutty Jim Carrey in The Mask vibes.) Honestly, this dress would’ve been painful in any color (an exposed corset? Is this an unfinished Project Runway look?), but the choice to go with lime green is puzzling. Also, can we please, PLEASE not do capes on the red carpet anymore?
Best: Saoirse Ronan
Of all the people who showed up in dance recital rhinestones, Saoirse pulled it off the best. She looked classical and effortlessly beautiful, and she looks like she’s wearing a swipe of mascara and that’s it. The bitch.
Worst: Sofia Carson
We love Sofia, which makes this look all the more painful. This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts her: she took the top half of Ariana Grande’s fluffy pink top in the “Thank u, next” video (the one where she’s Elle Woods doing the Bend and Snap) and the bottom of a shower loofah. Really, loofah dresses should have never started, but since I can’t invent a time machine, they should have stopped last year. The hair didn’t help either… this reminds me of New Year’s Eve, when I tried to pin my hair up in a fake bob to look like a flapper, and it started falling out after one tequila shot.
Best: Kerry Washington
Olivia Pope don’t need no shirt! Minus the jewels that probably cost more than my parents’ house, this is the exact outfit I wore to every CEOs and corporate hoes mixer in college. I’m not mad about it.
Worst: Joey King
Joey King showed up in a couture look that’s like an optical illusion, but it didn’t quite trick us into liking it. Honestly, if she had just shown up dressed as Gypsy Rose Blanchard, I would’ve put her on the best-dressed list. Shame!
Best: Nicole Kidman
It feels like Nicole Kidman is nominated every single year, but she always looks great on the red carpet. Nicole is one of those people who can basically pull anything off, and she didn’t disappoint in this simple but stunning red gown.
Worst: Dakota Fanning
Dakota is one of the most beloved child stars, but I think she missed the memo that she’s no longer a child. This dress is pretty, but it looks like what the little girl wears to the fancy family Christmas party. I’m glad Dakota hasn’t become a mess like some other child stars, but she could stand to edge it up a little.
Stay tuned for our full Golden Globes 2020 recap, and like I said earlier, drag me in the comments.
Images: Getty Images (11)
2019 is really almost over, and that means the good people of Hollywood are about to get desperate for some recognition for whatever they did this year. That’s right—it’s awards season! I honestly love this time of year, because all of these movies are the perfect excuse to sit in a dark room while it’s cold outside. Hey, at least my AMC A-List membership is getting a good workout. This morning, The Hollywood Foreign Press Association announced the nominations for the 77th Annual Golden Globe Awards, and of course, there were some snubs.
The Golden Globes bring together the best of movies and television, which just means that there are twice as many opportunities for people to get their feelings hurt. Isn’t this fun? While favorites like Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep got their usual nominations, not everyone woke up to a happy phone call from their agent this morning. Here are the biggest snubs from this year’s Golden Globe nominations.
‘Game of Thrones’
Well, well, well. In the last chance for major awards for Game of Thrones, the much-maligned final season came up short. Save for one acting nomination for Kit Harington (long live Jon Snow), season 8 was completely snubbed, which is harsh but fair. yes, the G0T finale was a huge television event, but the only person I know who liked the last few episodes is my overly-active-on-Facebook uncle, who also probably voted for Trump.
‘This Is Us’
This one has to hit hard for NBC. Up until now, This Is Us has had a perfect record of getting nominated for Best Drama Series at both the Emmys and the Golden Globes, but the streak has officially come to an end. But the show didn’t just miss out on the top category—it got a grand total of zero nominations. None for Mandy Moore, none for Milo Ventimiglia, and most surprisingly, none for last year’s Lead Actor in a Drama winner Sterling K. Brown. (And none for Gretchen Wieners, etiher.) The ratings for the show have dipped this season, so I’m sure they were hoping for a little awards boost, but it wasn’t meant to be.
After winning a Golden Globe last year for Killing Eve, Sandra Oh was replaced this year with her costar, Jodie Comer. This isn’t a total surprise, because Comer came out of the second season with considerable awards buzz, and won an Emmy this fall for her role. I doubt Sandra is too upset about this, but still, it has to sting a little to go from winning to not even being nominated.
The first time I saw the trailer for the new version of Cats, I immediately felt like I needed to take a shower. The whole thing looks a little bit *yikes*, and I guess the HFPA wasn’t impressed with the finished product. The movie only manage a nomination for Best Original Song, which is especially rough considering the Globes group the categories as “Comedy or Musical.” That usually means it’s easier for a musical to get nominations, but all the musical love this year went to Rocketman, not Cats.
Robert De Niro
Out of everything on this list, this snub is by far the biggest surprise. The Irishman was one of the prestige movie events of the year, and Martin Scorsese’s gangster epic got nominated in basically every category it was eligible… except Lead Actor. People can complain about the length of the movie all they want, but there’s little debate about the quality of Robert De Niro’s performance. This one nomination isn’t going to ruin his career or anything, but it’s a shock nonetheless.
Hello, and welcome to the diversity portion of the article. Why is this sh*t still happening year after year? It’s now been five years since a woman was nominated for Directing at the Golden Globes, and like most years, there were some prime contenders in 2019. Greta Gerwig’s Little Women, Lulu Wang’s The Farewell, and Marielle Heller’s A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood all got rave reviews from critics, and were nominated here in other categories. Would it really kill the HFPA to do the bare minimum and nominate one woman? Apparently, the answer is yes.
Jordan Peele’s followup to Get Out has been getting big awards buzz all year long, but clearly the Golden Globes don’t really care about that. Us didn’t manage a single nomination, with the biggest snub probably being Lupita Nyong’o. There’s still hope for the Oscars, but at this point, it’s not looking like Us will replicate Get Out’s awards success. In general, this year’s nominations were lacking in diversity, which brings us to the last snub on our list…
‘When They See Us’
Ugh. UGH. Ava DuVernay’s Netflix miniseries about the Central Park Five was a critical smash hit, and the Emmys certainly took note. The show got EIGHT acting nominations, winning one, in addition to a nomination for Outstanding Limited Series. Basically, the Emmys loved this sh*t. Sadly, the Golden Globes apparently forgot about it entirely, and it received no nominations. Sometimes we read into these things too much, but it’s a pretty bad look that a universally acclaimed project about black men, and how our justice system screws over black men, directed by a black woman, can’t get a single nomination. Do better, HFPA.
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (8)
The Golden Globes is the first big show of the awards season so it’s always interesting to see the outfit choices. With both TV, movies, and a lot of champagne, it’s more of a “party” than any of the others (aka they all get crunk.) Anyway, idk if that whole “dgaf” mentality plays into the fashion choices of the attendees, but after last night’s red carpet, I’ve got to believe so. Like, Melissa McCarthy…c’mon! You’re a funny lady, but please tell me this dress was meant as a joke??? I can’t wrap my mind around the thought of you putting on this dress and looking in the mirror and going “Yes, this is the one. This purple, wizard-inspired number is exactly what I want to wear to the Golden Globes.” Well, of course she wasn’t the only one who made a questionable fashion choice last night. So let’s get into all the rest! Here are the best and worst dressed celebs of last night’s Golden Globes red carpet, in no particular order.
Breath. F*cking. Taking. Everyone with eyeballs can agree that Lady Gaga stole the show last night in this stunning, periwinkle Valentino dress, honoring Judy Garland. It was the perfect combo of drama and class, with its Lady Gaga-level-of-extra insane train and dramatic fabric. Paired with the gorgeous jewels and out-of-this-world shoes, let’s just say a star was definitely born on last night’s red carpet. (Corny, but I had to.) She looked like a modern-day Elsa, and I was completely here for it. My one complaint? The flaccid hotdog bun hair style. Down for the hair color, but hard pass on the sad, rolled-up bun plastered atop her head. Even so, she stole the entire show, so all hail to you Gaga.
Ever since I saw Crazy Rich Asians, I’ve been obsessed with Gemma Chan. Like, epitome of girl crush. Her role in the movie as a boss b*tch, independent woman, and fashion icon already had me hooked. But now, that in combination with her stunning beauty and flawless off-screen style, I’m genuinely starting to think my heterosexual ways could be changed. This dress/romper situation was EVERYTHING. Like, I know we all thought we were over the infamous Angelina Jolie one-leg look, but after last night, Gemma Chan made us all believers once again. (*Cue “I’m A Believer” by Smash Mouth.*) Perfectly paired with the matching Louboutin shoes, red lip, and the rest of her perfectly polished look, Gemma Chan’s Valentino Couture ~lewk~ was my hands down winner of the night.
Okay, was anyone else getting major Jen Aniston vibes from Kaley last night??? She had the signature Jennifer Aniston just-got-f*cked-then-had-a-margartita effortless look, and I loved it. Not to mention, her gown had pockets. Like, what a freaking dream. I mean, just think of all the snacks and mini vodka bottles she was able to sneak in!!! Looks like the brilliance of those nerds on The Big Bang Theory rubbed off on her after all!
Regina King will always have a special place in my heart as the bad*ss babe who pushed diner-girl-Sam (aka Hilary Duff) to pursue her own fairytale-moment in my fav childhood movie, A Cinderella Story. I couldn’t get enough of Princeton Girl’s secret online love affair with high school heartthrob Austin Ames, played by the one and only Chad Michael Murray. Like, this is an inspiring modern day fairytale! Like, this is also probs why I’m such a hopeless romantic for dating apps now!!! Smh, I’ll have to ask my therapist about this later. Anyways, back to Regina. The color was stunning on her and the dress perfectly showed off her incredible bod. Hard ten.
I was super on board with Nicole Kidman’s elevated Britney Spears circa “Oops I did it Again” inspired gown. Not to mention, her dress was as tight and unforgiving as Britney’s own iconic latex onesie. And yet, there wasn’t one ounce of pudge ANYWHERE. I mean, to go ahead and just quote Britney herself, this look was truly “sent from above.”
Betty Cooper was straight fire on the red carpet last night. Credit her recent undertaking as the role of Gargoyle Queen or what, but she looked so freaking good. Her dress made a statement, but not in a trying too hard way. Also, it wasn’t super obvious in all the pictures, but the tulle on the bottom half of the dress was actually sheer, making it perfectly low-key provocative. This look was the pure embodiment of innocent Betty Cooper, who also happens to be a Southside serpent, and is in love with bad boy, Jughead Jones. And truly, there was nothing better.
WTF is happening??? Like, what am I looking at??? This outfit is so f*cking extra and I simply can’t figure out what look she was even going for here. My final conclusion of the look: Iron Man in Chanel attending a post apocalyptic award show. The gold hat looks like it came from a cheap Aladdin costume, while the neck gear looks like it came straight from the set of Game of Thrones. Not to mention, the tacky gold belt, which looks like one of those free ones that comes attached to an INC jumpsuit from the clearance rack of Macy’s. To really take this look to the grave, it appears that Tina Knowles even had the final touch on the look, and whipped out her sewing kit to throw on some unnecessary gold sequins. Yikes, man.
Okay Miss Frizzle! Honestly, I had a hard time deciding which was worse – this look, or Janelle Monae’s. Both awful in their own respects. This dress looks like a cheap wizard costume someone’s mom made for the school play. If anyone has ever seen Fantasia, then you know she looks EXACTLY like Mickey Mouse dressed as a wizard. And tbh, I think Mickey wore it better. Sorry, Melissa, you’re still funnier though, Mickey could never.
This dress gave me a bad taste of nostalgia that my Sunday scaries simply weren’t prepared for. Remember in grade school when it was supes cool to have glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling and a tulle canopy over your bed? Toss in some neon Lisa Frank colors and prints, and there you have it, Lucy Liu’s dress. Maybe my prepubescent self would have liked this, but my judgy 20-something self hated it.
There’s a right way to do menswear, and there’s a wrong way. This was the wrong way. There’s no way big-time magazine editor, Jenna Rink, would have tolerated Lucy’s conniving half-assed friendship if she had shown up to their all-important magazine party in this monstrosity. Maybe if she had lost the collared shirt and bow tie, I would have liked it. But as is, there’s no way Lucy (aka Tom-Tom) would have even been allowed in the “Six Chicks.” Just saying.
This dress really threw me for a loop. In its essence, I actually do like the dress. But the nude color on Wu’s porcelain skin was not ideal. Nor was the unnecessary orange velvet bow, which cheapened the whole look. Like, if the undergarment style top half of the dress didn’t already make the look unfinished enough, the bow really had me questioning whether this dress was actually ready to be worn or not. It reminded me of when you panic and realize you don’t have anything to wrap your gift in, so you start taking apart your room to find a pathetic piece of ribbon in attempt to make it look like you tried. I mean, Vera Wang did make a few of the gowns for last night, so she was def a busy lady. Maybe Constance’s happened to be last, and really just wasn’t finished on time? If that was the case, then maybe she should have at least gone with a more glamorous and polished hairstyle to counteract the unfinished dress, but what do I know?
This look legit just hurt my head. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand where her waist ended and her legs started. It actually reminded me of something from a scene in a movie where they’re giving the main character a makeover, and she tries on a bunch of different looks until she gets to the right one. And this look was obviously one of the examples of a wrong one. In particular, it reminded me of one of the outrageously hideous looks that Lizzie tried on during that fashion show scene in The Lizzie McGuire movie. The confusing proportions of the dress mixed with the Renaissance queen hairstyle was all too much for my poor eyes to bear.
Jamie Lee Curtis
Okay, this look was a toughy because there was good and there was bad. Not going to lie, if “GILF” isn’t already in Urban Dictionary then it needs to be added in with this pic of Jamie Lee Curtis from the Golden Globes last night. With her glowing skin and bronzed spray tan, Jamie Lee Curtis looked liked she’s been living her best f*cking life. Unfortunately, the pure white hair with the pure white gown was not the way to go. She looked like a cross between Jack Frost from Santa Clause 3 and a Q-Tip on her way to prom. In summary, Jamie Lee Curtis you look great, but should probs fire your stylist.
The Golden Globes was the perfect storm of fashion high-highs and low-lows. There were plenty of other honorable mentions but tbh, I didn’t even know who half of them were, and therefore, did not feel I had the authority to respectively applaud or criticize their look. Jk, who am I kidding, I’m more than happy to judge them regardless. It just would have honestly taken me another two days to write about legit EVERYONE in attendance. However, I’m totally confident y’all will flood the comment sections with all the ones I left off, so go ahead, and let the trolling begin.
Images: Getty Images (15)
Welcome to award season, Betches. Last night, everyone who mattered in Hollywood over the past year (and Ryan Seacrest) gathered together for the 76th Annual Golden Globes. For the uninitiated, the Globes are basically prom for the TV and film industry. Think about it: everyone is wasted but pretending they aren’t, the venue is too small, the night is an hour and a half longer than anyone wants it to be, people in attendance do a poor job of concealing their open hatred for each other, and no matter who wins, someone will be mad.
The Globes are the best event of award season for the sole reason that it’s the one night a year that we are reminded that perhaps famous people are more like us than we think. It’s like a winter solstice of sorts, where the divide between our mortal world and their supernatural celebrity lives is thinner than any other night. We start to think things like “Wow, maybe Allison Janney and I have more in common than I thought.” We don’t. She’s a goddess. But it’s a fun charade that we’ll all forget about come Monday morning.
This year the Globes were made all the better by two near perfect hosts: Sandra Oh and Andy Samberg. In short, they killed it. Not because their jokes were outrageous and controversial or because their skits were over the top or worse, so niche that only those in attendance understood them. No, Sandra and Andy won us all over for a simple reason: they’re both good people. After a year like 2018, sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that those still exist.
Part of what made Andy and Sandra such amazing hosts was that you could tell they were having the time of their lives. They were up there making wholesome, funny jokes at the expense of almost no one (except Les Moonves, which, fair) that didn’t put us through the tiring charade of pretending people are innately funny because their humor is “edgy” (@RickyGervais).
It doesn’t hurt that both Sandra and Andy are actual rays of sunshine, untouched by scandal due to the both of them steadfastly minding their own damn business. Every time Andy talks, we’re reminded that he’s possibly the only man in Hollywood who can pull off “woke white guy” without making us puke. And, as it was so eloquently said to me by a friend before the show, while we’re all brimming with pride that Sandra Oh is finally being recognized for the absolute star that she is, it’s endlessly frustrating that it took this long for it to happen.
Their monologue was equal parts witty and campy, matched by real sincerity from both parties about the state of the entertainment industry. It’s not often that Betches applauds sincerity, but on a night usually plagued by caustic and embittered jokes about diversity, equality, representation and other things that are actually very important, it was nice to see two people so genuinely happy about the direction things are moving.
Rather than round up every joke, which Buzzfeed already did 36 seconds after the broadcast ended, we’ve broken out the events of the night into highs and lows. What’s wild is that for the first time in my now four years of reporting on this award ceremony, the lows were hard to come by. Maybe 2019 won’t be the cataclysmic trainwreck that we’re all expecting (famous last words lol)!
In no particular order, here are the absolute best things to happen throughout the entire night:
– It’s not even my job to talk about fashion (because I can’t), but there were so many stunning dresses tonight it’s almost like everyone in that room is obscenely rich or something
– Emma Stone screaming “I’M SORRY” off-camera when Sandra Oh called out the whitewashing of Aloha
Sandra Oh: ["Crazy Rich Asians"] is the first studio film with an Asian American lead since "Ghost in the Shell" and "Aloha."
Emma Stone [in the crowd]: I'M SORRY! pic.twitter.com/YI1S7sLvPH
— David Mack (@davidmackau) January 7, 2019
– Richard Madden gracing my TV once again. We lost Rob Stark in season three. THREE. It’s been too long. Better yet, no workout has ever filled me with the same level of adrenaline as when we got to the end of his speech and he didn’t thank a girlfriend.
– The look on the collective face of the cast of The Big Bang Theory after the Les Moonves joke.
– Replacing the “wow celebrities eat pizza and candy” bit with “CELEBRITIES GET SURPRISE VACCINATED” bit was an inspired choice. If you listen clearly you can hear the clacking keyboards of anti-vaxxer mommy bloggers around the country.
Tired: passing out girl scout cookies to women who have starved themselves for six months to fit into gowns that cost more than a year of my rent
Wired: forcefully vaccinating the most powerful people in Hollywood on live television while Shots by LMFAO plays in the background.
— Mary Kate (@marykatefotch) January 7, 2019
– Andy and Sandra showing an inspiring Golden Globes moments reel which was just the two of them being announced at previous award shows.
– Ben Whishaw’s soothing voice during his acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor – Series, Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television, which cured my anxiety and provided me the first full night of sleep I’ve experienced in years.
– The entire Crazy Rich Asians table.
– A moving speech from the HFPA President about supporting journalists rather than falsely demonizing them and then not acting when they’re murdered by foreign governments. If only there was another President out there that felt the same way.
– Taraji P. Henson’s cleavage.
– Tyler Perry confirming that everyone there is just as drunk as we all suspected them to be.
– Every second of Christian Bale’s alcohol-fueled speech, in which he called out Mitch McConnell, thanked Satan, and revealed that he is, in fact, not American???
I like watching an actor spend their entire career doing American accents and the second they win award it’s like “FANK YOU AND FANK ‘VYONE ‘HO ‘ELPED ME”
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) January 7, 2019
– Sam Rockwell, just existing.
– The Carol Burnett Lifetime Achievement Award. If you had told me I would spend the first Sunday night of 2019 crying, alone, on my couch crying while Carol Burnett recieved the inaugural Carol Burnett Award, I would have absolutely believed you because that sounds like a very me thing to do. And yet, I was still unprepared. After much deliberation, I am left with two lasting thoughts on the entire affair.
First of all, if anyone ever said anything HALF as nice about me as Steve Carrell said about Carol Burnett during his introduction, I would spontaneously burst into flames.
Second, I would kill 100 men for literally anyone to look at me the way any person in that room was looking at Carol Burnett.
– The raw, gay energy emanating from this moment:
Emma Stone, Olivia Colman and Rachel Weisz presenting "The Favourite" at the #GoldenGlobes just adorable ???? pic.twitter.com/OkZbUpty6R
— best of emma stone (@badpostestone) January 7, 2019
– Regina King stopping the play off music through the sheer power of her speech and then vowing to make all her projects moving forward 50% women.
– Sandra Oh FINALLY WINNING A GOLDEN GLOBE for Best Actress in a TV Series Drama for Killing EVE.
Me when Sandra won: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Me when they cut to Sandra’s dad standing up and clapping: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Me when she screamed: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Me when she thanked her mom and dad: *uncontrollable sobbing*
– “Please welcome Chris Pine and his busted face.”
– Glenn Close’s speech, which brought me to tears for the third time tonight.
– Glenn Close winning in general, which allowed this image to resurface
— dilara elbir (@elbirdilara) January 7, 2019
– Jeff Bridges reprising his lifetime role as “the high, rambling grandpa we all deserve” during his acceptance of the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement award.
– Jeff Bridges’ hair. Should we all be so lucky.
– The fact that Bradley Cooper won nothing.
– Hugh Grant’s facial hair. It looks like he’s shooting for a British spin-off of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. I say this with the utmost respect because I love Hugh Grant more than any self-respecting twenty-six-year-old American should.
– Amy Adams’ 1,000,000th snub.
patricia clarkson winning when amy adams lost is SUCH an Adora thing to do.
— Jarett Wieselman (@JarettSays) January 7, 2019
– The director of Green Book screaming to stop the play off music only so we could stand there for another two minutes whitesplaining racism.
– The fact that Green Book and Bohemian Rhapsody won Best Motion Picture Comedy and Drama (respectively) when both Crazy Rich Asians and Black Panther exist.
This is only the beginning, my friends. We’re officially on the road to the Oscars, and the results of tonight mean we have four weeks of wild speculation ahead of us. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will embarrass themselves with a well-meaning but tone-deaf speech? Only time will well.
Images: @JarretSays, @elbirdilara, @badpostestone, @ChaseMit, @davidmackau, @marykatefotch (Twitter)
Are you mentally prepared for week two of 2018? Muster all of the stable genius you can. The Sun, Venus, Mars, Saturn and Pluto are all hanging out in Capricorn this week, so be prepared for a Monday of readjusting to a full week of work with a few minor surprises along the way. Joy.
Your bosses or professors expect you to be functioning at 100% this week. The planets collected in Capricorn will make you more visible to your superiors so pretend to be working and you won’t get called out for not actually working. Likewise, if you actually have been working when everyone else was slacking, it’s a good time to present the shit you’ve done.
The planets collected in Capricorn are really complementary to the Taurus betch’s life. It’s a good week to get out and travel. If you can’t do that because it’s back to business this week, it’s a good week to book tickets for that big trip you’ve been meaning to take. Your friends will thank you for rallying the troops this early for spring break.
Your financial situation is looking better than its looked in months thanks to a boost of holiday cash and some help from the planets. The planets parked in Capricorn happen to also be chilling in one of your money houses. Just because you have cash doesn’t mean you should spend it. Keep hoarding money like the President hoards burgers at dinner time and you’ll have a rainy day fund the next time Mercury in retrograde rolls around.
The fab five planets in Capricorn are directly opposite your sign as a Cancer. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Venus is still pulling you to work on relationships and grow closer to friends and lovers, but Mars will make you impatient. Remember that as you’re resisting the urge to send your boyfriend the fifth block of text in a row for ignoring you while his phone is most definitely in his locker at the gym.
Your big resolution this year was to get your shit together. You’re trying to be more organized, healthier, happier blah blah blah. Your high standards extend into the week ahead and things will continue to be smooth sailing into week two. It’s probs best that you add “being more balanced” into your resolutions because blindly focusing on those goals will make you miss out on a lot of fun shit… and donuts. Mostly the donuts.
Just because it’s back to the real world this week doesn’t mean the party is ending for the Virgo betch. This week will be filled with more fun, romance, adventure and success. You go, Virgo. Of course, all those things improve your mood. So don’t worry if you’re feeling… what is that feeling? Happiness? Ew, gross.
Your focus this week is on the home. Let’s face it, you’ve let things at your apartment get kind of disgusting over the past month. Blame the weather or the holidays or whatever. It’s time to get some clarity through cleaning—change your sheets, do the dishes and sweep the floors. It’ll make your place less of a biohazard, but where your mind wanders while you’re doing the monotonous will reveal some deep truths about your life.
Unlike some signs who are dragging their feet into 2018, you’re back to business. Things will get busy again this week with the bullshit you’re used to: work, errands, social stuff, etc. Thankfully, lucky Jupiter has entered your sign and will be hanging out there for the next year. Could this be your most #blessed year yet?
Five planets are in your House of Earnings starting this week so if you have a chance to make moves in your career, this is the week to go for it. Most of the time, doors just open for you, but you might have to kick some down if you’re really interested in going after what you want. If you’re still lacking on motivation, watch Oprah’s speech from the Golden Globes. Literally no one does inspiration better than Oprah.
A lot of signs have pretty positive horoscopes this week, but you’re the luckiest of them all. With five of the big player planets parked in your sign, you’re getting a lot of attention in every realm of your life. At work, in the romance department and even at the gym—results of the effort you’ve been putting in is starting to be realized and no one can look away.
You have, like, so much wisdom that you can impart on today’s youth. Okay, maybe you just know the best way to cure a hangover or what to say when you run into a guy you ghosted. Someone is looking up to you for some reason. Take pity and impart some of that wisdom this week. It’ll earn you great Karma when you really need it later on.
A lot is on your mind this week, Pisces. You haven’t really nailed down resolutions still because you think resolutions are mostly bullshit. That’s totally fine. It’s best for you to take this week to really figure out what goals you want to accomplish in the next one, five and 10 years. Feel free to bounce your thoughts off a trusted friend. Their feedback will be helpful in giving you some guidance. But, ultimately, the way you proceed with your life is totally up to you.