The Most Embarrassing 2010s Fads We’re Glad Are Over

By now, you probably know that the decade is about to end. Yeehaw, we made it. And while it’s fun to look back on the crazy sh*t that celebrities or The Bachelor contestants did this decade, it’s even more interesting to think about what we, the normal people, did in the 2010s. We already looked at the worst wellness and fashion trends of the decade, and uh, oof. Today, let’s look back on some of the ridiculous fads and trends that became a thing, and thankfully also stopped being a thing, this decade. 10 years is a long time, and there have been some major rough moments. None of us are making it out unscathed.

Eating For The Insta

Considering how ubiquitous Instagram has become, it’s easy to forget that it didn’t even exist at the beginning of this decade. *Takes 10 hours to ponder my existence* We’ve seen a lot of Instagram trends come and go since its inception, but perhaps the one I’m most glad to see in the past is everyone caring way too much about their food pics. There’s nothing wrong with taking pictures of your food and posting them every once in a while, but we’ve moved past the era of every single girl pretending she’s a food blogger and making a huge scene before anyone at the table is allowed to take a bite. These days, if I’m ever out to eat and someone shouts “the phone eats first!!!”, I slap their iPhone out of their hand.

Overfiltering Photos

Okay, so while many people still spend more time editing their photos than it took me to write this article, thankfully most of us are no longer using 12 Instagram filters and grainy effects on our photos. Facetune is an epidemic, but at least we’ve realized that the toaster filter isn’t flattering on literally anyone. The same goes for fake lense flairs, unnecessary use of black and white/sepia, and those weird effects that make your photo look like a piece of film. What the f*ck even was that?

Planking

I literally had to triple check because I didn’t believe it, but planking became popular THIS DECADE. Who said time flies, because they were mistaken. I never got into this trend, and I still don’t understand why it became a thing. Is there anything more cringe than that one friend’s dad who got super into planking, and would post pictures on Facebook of himself balancing on like, a motorcycle or some sh*t? People are so weird.

Bitcoin

Much like planking, I still have basically no idea what Bitcoin actually is. For a few months in 2017, cryptocurrencies were basically all anyone could talk about, and if you didn’t have at least 10 different dudes mansplain Bitcoin to you, congrats, you’re an outlier. Since 2018, demand for Bitcoin has dropped, in part due to hacks and other security concerns, and, I would guess, also in part because people realized they can just buy legal things with like, normal money. If you’re buying gifts for me, I’m a big fan of good old Benjamins.

Yik Yak

If you weren’t still in college during the brief, problematic fever dream that was Yik Yak, you probably have way less to talk about with your therapist. Basically Yik Yak was like an anonymous, location-based Reddit, where people could say whatever they wanted and get upvoted or downvoted. The app quickly exploded on college campuses, and it was a lot of fun, until threats and hate speech started getting an uncomfortable amount of upvotes. The app also made its way into high schools, which was even more of a disaster. Imagine getting outed on Reddit, but then everyone at your school sees it. Hard pass for me! The app was shut down in 2016, thank god.

Fidget Spinners

As adults with jobs and responsibilities, most of you probably don’t stay super up to date on the latest fads in toys. Somehow, fidget spinners slipped through the cracks, and adults and kids alike became obsessed with flicking these dumb little things around on their fingers. I never owned one myself, but I’ll admit, they’re kinda fun. Still, there’s no reason for everyone to be going about their business in the world attached to a toy 24/7, so I’m glad this was a passing craze. Just download solitaire on your phone like a goddamn adult if you need something to distract you from your responsibilities.

“Getting Turnt”

I could’ve written a whole article on the dumbest slang of the 2010s. Just a few of the ones I don’t miss are on fleek, being shook, and getting litty titty, but none of those could hold a candle to getting turnt. It’s just… so bad. Of course, there’s the issue that turnt was never a real word to begin with, but the bigger issue is with how it’s used. By that, I mean that everyone used it all the time, whether it was supposed to be ironic, or they were actually talking about getting drunk. I don’t even want to know the amount of sh*tty apologies that included the words “too turnt,” but thankfully we’ve moved past this as a society.

Muploads

Wow, this makes me feel old. Throwback to 2011, when nothing was more terrifying than waking up after a night out to a notification that “*insert name* tagged you in 14 photos.” And the photos were NEVER GOOD! After surviving the era of uploading absolutely everything to Facebook, it’s a true miracle that any of us got accepted to college, or got jobs, or literally have rights. These days, Facebook albums are pretty much a thing of the past, except for your one married friend who posts photos of her kid every. single. day. Hey Maggie, you don’t have to do that!

Images: Shutterstock; gimmenuggets, betchesluvthis (2), dannnthaman, rad_milk / Twitter; Giphy (3)

5 Cryptocurrency Fails (In Case You Didn’t Already Hate Bitcoin Bros)

In the grand tradition of conceited dudes inventing unnecessary shit, forcing it on the entire world, and then acting deeply shocked when their plans inevitably go awry (see: Facebook, the British Empire), the Cryptocurrency economy is officially majorly fucked up. On the off chance none of the bros you know spent most of 2017 bragging about investing in Bitcoin early, here’s a quick recap.

Cryptocurrencies, the most prominent of which is Bitcoin, are blockchain-based currencies that allow users to make payments and store their funds using a supposedly uncrackable code. The goal was to eliminate the need for banks by replacing the current financial system with a public, unhackable history of all transactions ever. Shockingly, replacing a financial system regulated by actual laws with a worldwide Venmo feed isn’t working out perfectly.

Bitcoin was created in 2009, and there are now thousands of random cryptocurrencies, many of which are failures or frauds, in circulation. At its peak, a single Bitcoin was worth about $20,000, and now hovers around $8,000, so the value of a cryptocurrency is even more volatile than your feelings about your diet. Because cryptocurrencies’ valuations are influenced by hype, a bunch of dudes thinking their bitcoin is like, so fetch, inspires the Dow to actually make fetch happen. Unsurprisingly, this does not make for an extremely stable form of currency and thus has led to a proliferation of scams, failed companies, and actual violent crimes. Let’s discuss a few of the worst examples of cryptocurrency creating problems that did not need to exist.

1. Straight Up Frauds

In May, the North American Securities Administrators Association announced that it is investigating over 70 initial coin offerings and cryptocurrency companies that might be total scams. These include websites advertising cryptocurrencies that literally don’t exist, which unsuspecting customers purchase only to discover their money has been stolen. According to the research firm Ernst & Young, 10% of all money invested in initial coin offerings is stolen. The DOJ has launched a probe into whether cryptocurrency traders illegally inflate and deflate the value of their coins. In South Africa, a single fake cryptocurrency company stole over $80 million dollars from clients who were promised 50% returns on their investments. Basically, the system in which we let bros decide how much their money is worth inspires them to lie and steal. Why am I not shocked?

2. Failed Crypto Companies

While not all cryptocurrencies are totally fake, many of the real ones are embarrassing failures. In 2017, 418 out of 902 initial coin offerings ended in bankruptcy and investors losing massive amounts of money. Bitcoin News literally called 2017’s ICO history “a digital graveyard of broken promises,” which makes me imagine a bunch of dudes crying over a video game cemetery and that is honestly hilarious. 

3. Trying to Turn Puerto Rico Into a Crypto Bro Playground

Because they are literally the absolute worst, a group of freshly crypto-rich bros is trying to build a new society run on the blockchain in post-hurricane Puerto Rico. Instead of using their billions of dollars to, I don’t know, bring food and electricity to the communities ravaged by Maria, many of which still lack power and access to medical care, these dudes are buying property to build a luxury society where they conveniently don’t have to pay capital gains taxes. For sure.

One of the vanguards of the movement to create this mini-city, which was initially being called “Puertopia” and now is being called “Sol” because “Puertopia” literally translates to “boy paradise” (I actually cannot), is Brock Pierce. Besides the fact that “Brock Pierce” sounds like the name of the date rapist scion of a WASP-y family probably built on financial crimes, this man is shady as fuck. A group of employees at Pierce’s former company Digital Entertainment Network alleged in a lawsuit that he ran a child sexual abuse ring, which is horrifying. After settling that lawsuit, he started a video game based cryptocurrency company I don’t care about enough to fully understand, which eventually hired noted Joseph Goebbels impersonator Steve Bannon as CEO. I actually don’t know if I’ve ever heard a bio rendering someone less qualified to lead a new society.  

When asked about his vision for the crypto society in Puerto Rico, Pierce’s business partner said, “I don’t want to pay taxes…This is the first time in human history anyone other than kings or governments or gods can create their own money.” If you weren’t convinced this was going to end like all acts of colonialism—horribly—I hope this dude comparing himself to a literal god convinced you.

4. As If We Need a New Source of Fossil Fuel Emissions

Because of our society’s inability to stop using fossil fuels and Trump’s obsession with inciting climate disasters in order to give about 500 former coal miners day jobs, climate change is encroaching faster than ever. The last thing we need is a completely new technology that runs on fossil fuels, but that is exactly what cryptocurrency is. Cryptocurrencies are created using huge amounts of computer power, which just means they guzzle electricity. Mining one bitcoin uses the same amount of electricity as the average American household does in two years. If cryptocurrency processing continued to grow at its December 2017 rate, the network would use more electricity in July 2019 than the ENTIRE UNITED STATES DOES TODAY. Sorry for caps, but seriously an electronic currency literally no one asked for could emit as many fossil fuels as this godforsaken country already does.

5. Theft & Literally Murder

Lastly, we have the extremely violent crimes made possible by cryptocurrencies. The anonymous nature of the blockchain makes it hard to track down criminals, which has inspired people to use the currencies to do illegal shit. An Illinois woman having an affair with a married man paid a hit man in Bitcoin to murder her boyfriend’s wife, and a woman in Italy paid someone in Bitcoin to kill her boyfriend.

People are also engaging in violence in an attempt to steal other people’s Bitcoin. There have been multiple instances of people held at gunpoint and forced to transfer their cryptocurrency to thieves, and a South African boy was kidnapped and held for ransom to extort his parents for Bitcoin. Oh, and in what is being called “the biggest heist in the history of Iceland,” robbers stole $2 million worth of computers to mine bitcoin.   

Bitcoin Success(ish): Akon’s Akoin

Earlier this year, Akon announced at a blockchain panel (sounds lit) that he wanted to create a “real life Wakanda” fueled by cryptocurrency called…wait for it….the Akoin. We hesitate to call this a fail because 1) it’s the best idea we’ve ever heard and we fully support Akon in all his endeavors and 2) it has not failed! I mean, it hasn’t succeeded either, but credit where credit is due. Akoin’s website says that an “Akon Crypto city” is currently in the works on land the rapper was gifted by the president of Senegal so….there’s that! Akon’s vision is to revolutionize the African economy through cryptocurrency, and is building off his Lighting Africa project, which is looking to make Africa run on solar panels. A pun-based economy with the aim of helping some of the world’s poorest countries? Alright, Akon. We’ll allow it.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

50 Cent Is Literally The Luckiest Man Alive

Ya boi 50 Cent is back on top in the most miraculous way possible. In what has to be the most inspiring rags-to-riches-to-rags-to-riches story since Cinderella lost everything in the divorce (only to win everything back in Appeals), 50 Cent has been pulled out of bankruptcy after he realized he actually low-key had a stash of 700 Bitcoin just chilling in the Bitbank (or wherever Bitcoins are kept). And for those of you who have not hopped on the cryptocurrency train, 700 Bitcoin is equal to anywhere between $7 and $8.5 million today.

So how tf did this happen? The story is kind of amazing. Basically, in 2014 50 released his album Animal Ambition and became the first artist to accept Bitcoin as payment. He received more than 700 Bitcoins at that time, which were worth about $662 dollars then, but have skyrocketed in prince since the whole Bitcoin craze hit.

Casual reminder that in 2016, 50 Cent literally declared bankruptcy due to “reckless spending” aka “too many bottles full of bub.” Second casual reminder that 50 Cent was shot 9 times and survived. Does 50 Cent have a guardian angel of some kind? He’s some sort of supernatural good luck machine? Did he drink that good luck potion from Harry Potter or some shit? These are questions I have.

50 has been appropriately hilarious about all of this (as only someone who declared bankruptcy and then accidentally made $8 million can). He told reporters on his decision to accept Bitcoin, “I’ma keep it real. I forgot I did that shit.”

Amazing. Now, if you’ll all join me in singing:

Go 50
It’s ya birthday
We gonna party like it’s ya birthday
We gonna sip Bacardi like it’s ya birthday
Because you just accidentally made $8 million in Bitcoin!

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

5 Cryptocurrencies Like Bitcoin To Invest In This Year

2017 was a shit year for almost everything (our democracy, Rob Kardashian, etc.), but it was a great fucking year for Bitcoin. So if you’re hoping that 2018 is the year that Trump gets indicted you get rich without having to try very hard or even be good at your job, then you might want to think about investing in cryptocurrency. Because anything that can come out of 2017 looking better than it did during the pre-Trump era must be pure fucking magic.

Yes, cryptocurrency is still new, and no, we aren’t entirely sure how it works—but 2018 should be about trying new things, like vegetables or not blacking out. So why not spend less of your paycheck on booze and more of it on your (potentially) richer future? And while it may be too late to get in on Bitcoin, it’s just the right time to bet on its earlier stage crypto alternatives. So if you feel like taking a risk in 2018 (and taking financial advice from a freelance pop culture writer), consider getting in on one of these babies.

1. Ethereum

As the third largest cryptocurrency out there rn, Ethereum is catching up to Bitcoin like Dave Franco’s career is catching up to his brother’s. Companies are betting on it because it’s also a computer network with enough power to store all the world’s secrets transactions. It’s so popular that everyone wants to sit with it other currencies are being built on top of its network (IDK what that means, but it sounds fancy), and it’s grown almost 100x in the past year.

2. Ripple

Number two on the crypto market and still cheap af (≈$2.50 each), Ripple has grown 375x this year and buys/sells faster than both Bitcoin and Ethereum (no more of that “your deposit will hit your bank account in three days” bullshit). Banks/governments are Ripple’s #1 fans because it’s somewhat centralized—meaning they can bet on crypto while not giving up control. Downside: the whole point of cryptocurrency was to decentralize the economy, so like, Ripple is kind of the Judas of cryptocurrency.

3. Bitcoin Cash

Bitcoin Cash was created from a fork among the OG Bitcoin nerds developers. I assume the breakup convo went something like this:

Bitcoin Cash nerds: We should make Bitcoin better, like with faster and cheaper transactions.

Bitcoin nerds: Nah dudes, we cool.

Bitcoin Cash nerd: Well fine then, we’ll just make our own.

And then one day (August 1, 2017) everyone who had Bitcoin woke up with an equal amount of Bitcoin cash. It was like a surprise buy-one-get-one-free sale, but the thing you got for free is now worth almost $3,000.

4. SALT

Remember like, 100 words ago when I said you can build currencies on top of Ethereum? Well, this is one of those. In addition to making all foods taste better, SALT is a currency/loan platform where you can take out a loan against the value of the cryptocurrency you own. It’s like a crypto credit card but instead of your personal information being stolen by an Equifax credit check and subsequent info breach, they just make sure you’re good for it. It’s a newbie and currently selling for ≈$12.60 a piece.

5. Monero

Most cryptocurrencies have a public ledger (transaction history) where anyone (like Trump, for example) could find out how deep you’re rollin’ in digital monies. But Monero is completely private. You can buy, sell, or trade this ish and no one will ever know. Okay yes, it sounds a little sketch. And sure, it’s v popular on the drug market. But if you want to keep your wealth on the DL so your dates keep paying for dinner, Monero is the secret currency for you. It’s also grown 30x in a year, so your secrets could get real big.

Not convinced? I don’t totally blame you. But why not buy like $20 worth of one of these coins and see what happens? (I’m riding the Ethereum, Bitcoin Cash, and SALT trains). Worst case scenario: you eat leftovers instead of takeout for one night. Best case scenario: You get fucking rich (well sorta—it’s only $20).

WTF Is Bitcoin And How Can You Get In On It?

If you have been rolling your eyes and tuning out every time your Reddit-user friend has talked about Bitcoin for the past few years, it might be time to start paying attention. The invisible money digital currency  is now worth over $16,000 (yes, really), and is increasing in value faster than the Kardashians can reproduce. This time last year, one Bitcoin was worth $759. Today it is worth $16,000+. That’s like your Sacagawea dollar being worth $1 million…or something. So if that Reddit friend is single, you should probably consider him a viable dating option, and if you wish anything you owned could turn that kind of profit, you should probably stop buying shoes and start investing in cryptocurrency.

So how does a betch get some of that friend’s Bitcoin money? Here is a quick guide to wtf it is and how you can jump on the crypto train.

WTF is Bitcoin?

Unlike a physical coin that is stored in your car’s cupholder and worth absolutely nothing (parking meters don’t even want that shit anymore), Bitcoin is a decentralized currency that is stored on the internet and worth thousands. It’s not tied to a government, which means while Trump decreases the value of the dollar by being a terrible and entirely incompetent president, smart people all over the world are turning to Bitcoin and its cryptocurrency protégés to protect the future of the world’s economy.

Where TF Does Bitcoin Come From?

Bitcoins live on the blockchain, a magical place where information is shared but can’t be falsified (aka a world without identity theft or The Fat Jewish), and they are created by developers who mine for coins online. It’s virtual mining for engineers, so they get rich instead of the black lung, Pop. It’s harder to mine a Bitcoin than it is to print a Benjamin, so again—worth more than the dollar. (TBH, I don’t totally get this part, but I also don’t know where “the internet” or my need to listen to the new Taylor Swift album comes from—I just know that it’s real and has seriously improved my quality of life.)

WTF Can I Use It For?

Wtf do adults use their Google stock for? To rub it in Yahoo! stockholders’ faces and to put money in something that will actually gain value over time (your savings account ain’t doing the trick, honey). You can also book your next vacation on Expedia or buy your next couch on overstock.com and say, “This hotel room only cost me 1/30th of a Bitcoin,” or something equally obnoxious.

Should You Fucking Buy It?

I’m a Betches writer, not a finance expert, but if you weren’t lucky enough to have a techie boyfriend give you Bitcoin as a breakup gift when it was worth $300 like I was, it might be a bit late to invest. Shit’s at an all-time high, and some think the Bitcoin bubble is about to burst—but if your FOMO is stronger than you are fiscally conservative, you can get in on the game here.

I Can’t Fucking Afford That!

Yeah, me neither. Lucky for us, cryptocurrency (not unlike the LBD) isn’t going out of style, and new and improved versions are popping up all the time. So if you caught the crypto bug, or you want to play with your money like This is Us plays with our emotions, may I suggest putting Ethereum on your Christmas list. It’s like Bitcoin but arguably smarter and at $457 a piece, definitely more affordable (P.S. its value has grown over 6,000% in one year).

Think of it this way: Bitcoin is Beyoncé today and Ethereum is Beyoncé of Destiny’s Child. Sure, everyone worships her now, but it’d be a lot cooler if you knew she would be queen back when she was asking if we could pay her bills.

Images: Christine Roy / Unsplash; Giphy (5)