Why Olivia Wilde Thinks Women Should Be Complimenting Each Other More

If you’ve ever showered a friend with borderline aggressive compliments to make her feel good about herself, then you know what the term “gassing up” is all about. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, Urban Dictionary (the chief authority on all things slang) defines it as, “To boost someone’s ego, or make something seem more hype than it actually is/was.” However, it can also be used in a more general context with a less negative connotation, to just mean complimenting someone. If this is the first you’re hearing about it, don’t feel bad, because neither had Olivia Wilde, as she told Betches in the latest episode of our Betch Slapped podcast—even though her directorial debut, Booksmart, is all about the unparalleled love and support that exists between female friends. The movie has so many hilariously endearing instances of the main characters, Molly (played by Beanie Feldstein) and Amy (played by Kaitlyn Dever), attacking each other with what surprises you to be words of love and encouragement, which has become a big thing in recent years. If your friend tells you your new haircut is the most astonishing piece of art she’s ever seen, she’s gassing you up. If your coworker makes you feel like you just successfully landed on the moon for completing a project, she’s gassing you up. Even if your mom’s Facebook friends leave comments on her photos of you exclaiming your beauty with the widest variety of heart emojis you’ve ever seen, they’re gassing you up.

In representing the way the Booksmart characters gas each other up, Olivia drew inspiration from things her own best friends have said to her to remind her of her power at times of insecurity. She recalled a friend asking her “Excuse me, have you met you?” Teenage girls can be cruel to themselves, and their friends feel responsible for reminding them of their worth and cheering them back up, which the movie proudly showcases. “Who allowed you to be this beautiful?” is one question among many other screamed exclamations in the various barrages of verbalized heart eye emojis the main characters bombard each other with. In one instance, Amy literally slaps Molly in the face for talking sh*t about herself and says “How dare you talk about my best friend that way,” which Olivia says it takes a good friend to do.

You’ve definitely seen celebrities gassing each other up on social media ever since Instagram took comments out of chronological order and started exposing the ones from verified accounts, which was pretty annoying at first because we have a hard time facing the brutal reality of change. But, like always, we got used to it, and can now acknowledge that a showcase of women gushing over each other’s photos in support is exactly what the cruel internet needed. 

Here is Gigi Hadid getting a bunch of love on a photo she posted of herself:

 

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?? @giampaolosgura NEW @voguemexico

A post shared by Gigi Hadid (@gigihadid) on

I’m sure Gigi is no stranger to people gawking over all her unfair gorgeousness in her comments, but it’s still nice to see other women with influence wholeheartedly supporting her in all her gorgeous endeavors.

Another celeb whom people love to gas up is the queen Lizzo, whose music is featured in the movie:

 

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This is a big one for me because for so long I felt like my music wasn’t reaching black people and it was breakin my heart. To be an @essence COVERGIRL means this musical medicine I got is finally being heard by EVERYONE ??? thank you!!!

A post shared by Lizzo (@lizzobeeating) on

I want to gas up Sza for getting sick over Lizzo’s beauty and importance. SAME. I’LL HOLD YOUR HAIR BACK.

Moving on from the gassing up fest of sunshine and rainbows, Olivia also noted how the dynamic of aggressive love that women give to one another in their friendships is the opposite of dynamics in friendships between guys. Guys usually don’t express googly eyed love for their bros and constantly tell them how gorg they look, but they are way more comfortable being honest with each other about (and then moving on from) things they do that bother one another. “We’re not as good at expressing disappointment in each other…we tend to see that as betrayal,” Olivia explained. The idea of hesitancy in girls to call each other out for anything other than being amazing is reflected in an eventual fight between Molly and Amy.

While honest communication is obviously key in friendships, we all thrive off of our friends stanning us and making us feel like Beyoncé for a hot second. In a world where girls have been programed to compete against each other, being obnoxiously supportive instead is so tremendously important. Especially with so many young girls joining social media at increasingly early ages, celebrities who set an example for love and kindness are so valuable. So continue to pay the gassing up forward! As silly and purely fun as it may seem, it’s truly changing attitudes for the better.

Listen to the full Betch Slapped episode below to get more of Olivia’s thoughts.

Images: Giphy (3)

Should We #FreeBritney Or Leave Her Alone?

So I guess I’m officially on the Britney beat now. The #FreeBritney movement hasn’t shown any signs of slowing down over the past few days, and even gained traction over the weekend when Britney was given a day pass out of her mental facility for Easter, which she spent with her boyfriend Sam Asghari. (And please, please don’t ask me to tell you my theory that he is not not a semi-hired babysitter-boyfriend being manipulated by her team via sponsorships and attention.)

Before I go any further on a topic that’s actually taken a more serious turn than I expected, I have to start by saying that I’m both a huge fan of Britney’s and someone who takes mental health very seriously. I have mental illness in my family and have seen the gray areas involved and how deeply sad it is when a loved one is unable to care for themselves. I’m not writing this for “clicks”—I’m not a staff writer and have no assignments or quota to hit. (I bet you’re wondering who I am now, right? RIGHT? It’s Sami, cofounder of Betches, hi.) I’m writing it because this subject has really struck a cord with me as a Britney fan, and after seeing a literal #FreeBritney protest on social media yesterday, it’s clear that it has for others as well. Also, good to see protests are still hot.

If you’re a Betch Slapped listener, you’ll hear in Tuesday’s episode we revisited the Britney conversation, and Jordana brought up the point that it’s impossible for us to know the state of Britney’s mental health, and whether or not she is actually a danger to herself and needs to be on medications controlled by a conservator. Basically, maybe Britney shouldn’t be #free if she’s a danger to herself, and we are doing damage by running our mouths on sh*t we don’t know. And she’s honestly right about that. The article I wrote last week when this scandal came out had many, many comments to the same effect, which I took seriously. But this issue is less about whether Britney needs to be under conservatorship and receiving mental health treatment, and more about whether or not her conservatorship, necessary or not, is functioning in her best interests.

TMZ reported today (in what, in my opinion, seemed generally like a puff piece fed directly from Jamie Spears’ PR team but I’m no primary source), that the conservatorship doesn’t give Jamie the ability to control what medications Britney is taking or the ability to send her to a mental facility against her will. Sure, but regardless, doesn’t the fact that Jamie Spears is her conservator in the first place provide him with enough power to manipulate her to act in his preferred ways, even if those specific terms are not laid out in the conservatorship?

While it’s impossible to see into the Spears family and know whether or not everything is legit, I don’t think it’s illogical to question the simple idea that a conservator shouldn’t have financial incentives that are tied to the control of their conservatee. Britney Spears’ financial success is directly beneficial to her family, meaning they have less of an incentive to objectively judge whether or not she should be performing at all. It’s really hard for people to be aware of a reality when their financial gain is dependent on them not being aware of it, whether you’re a trillionaire earth-ruining corporation or you’re Jamie Spears from Bumblefuck whose daughter got mind-blowingly famous. His own finances hinge on him not accepting that keeping Britney famous, performing, and forced to meet and greet thousands of strangers is potentially contributing to her mental health issues. It happened in 2007, and it’s not crazy to think it’s happening again.

And here we have the crux of the issue. As Britney fans, all of us are a teeny tiny bit a part of where she’s ended up. …Baby One More Time was the first CD I ever owned and loved, and the girl has been famous since she was 11 f*cking years old. She had no time to personally develop before she started being consumed by other people, so she’s forever stuck there. Not quite the makings of a mentally healthy adult. And it’s not just Britney—it’s hard to name many celebrities who got famous very young (aside from Hilary Duff) who you would categorize as “doing well.”

Since writing this article last night, Britney appeared on her own instagram with a message for her fans. She said: “I am trying to take a moment for myself, but everything that’s happening is just making it harder for me…Your love and dedication is amazing, but what I need right now is a little bit of privacy to deal with all the hard things that life is throwing my way. If you could do that, I would be forever grateful.” Then she made some weird allusion to some Sam Lutfi emails that I have no idea the relevance of, but as with any Britney moment, gave us just a big enough whiff of ascandal to take us deeper down the rabbit hole and drag her further down with us. So I’m just not even going to google what those emails are and try to take a new approach to Britney fandom.

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I wanted to say hi, because things that are being said have just gotten out of control!!! Wow!!! There’s rumors, death threats to my family and my team, and just so many things crazy things being said. I am trying to take a moment for myself, but everything that’s happening is just making it harder for me. Don’t believe everything you read and hear. These fake emails everywhere were crafted by Sam Lutfi years ago… I did not write them. He was pretending to be me and communicating with my team with a fake email address. My situation is unique, but I promise I’m doing what’s best at this moment ??? You may not know this about me, but I am strong, and stand up for what I want! Your love and dedication is amazing, but what I need right now is a little bit of privacy to deal with all the hard things that life is throwing my way. If you could do that, I would be forever grateful. Love you ❤️❤️❤️

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

On some level, it feels like Britney fans (and fans in general, sorry we’re not special) have a codependent relationship with the figures we love. We love them so much that we can’t let them be, even if it hurts them. We demand more music, more performances, more smiles and selfies at the meet and greet we spent our hard-earned money to attend. And it’s not even our fault! Celebrities are marketed towards us for their own profit, what else is there? Which is why Britney is different. She doesn’t control her finances or personal decisions, and it’s clear that the fame drives her deeper into a very painful hole that she may never really be able to fully get out of. The sad part is that there’s no real solution, and as someone DM’ed me (this is obviously a well-sourced article): “please don’t fan the flames on this…because if she truly is an unstable person, this is not helping.” Maybe it’s finally time for all of us to really leave Britney alone.

Images: Shutterstock; @britneyspears / Instagram

Quarter Life Crises Are Real, And We’re All Going To Have One

In 2018’s second episode, Sami and Aleen start the show dishing on Vanderpump Rules. After sufficiently calling everyone on Vanderpump delusional, they talk about quarter life crisis, the moment we’ve all had (or will have) where we’re 25-ish and realize we don’t identify with our own identity. Don’t miss this week’s “Dear Betches” which can be summed up as someone asking, “What the f*ck is with all these fitness Instagrams?” Hint: it involves crises. The rest of the episode deals with very serious questions including what the quarter life crisis looked like before social media, how fat Khloé Kardashian is, and if Aleen would freeze her eggs.

Listen to The Betchelor podcast!

Your Vacation Instagrams Are Ruining Our Culture

This week on Betch Slapped, Sami and Jordana discuss the Golden Globes and how everyone on Vanderpump Rules is a cheating lunatic. They discuss vacation Instagrams and why they’re ruining our culture. They answer a question from a listener whose best friend and boyfriend are creating a ‘throuple’ that is getting out of hand. They play games involving Oprah, Reese Witherspoon, and Frances McDormand and discuss the various scenarios they’d prefer based on this year’s Golden Globes.

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Image: Ishan @seefromthesky / Unsplash

These Are The Best Places To Meet Guys

This week Samantha and Jordana discuss the best and worst things that happened in 2017. They talk about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premiere and Justin and Selena’s issues as a couple. They answer questions from a listener who wants to know the best places to meet guys and another one who wants to know if she can negotiate her bonus. They play Shoot Fuck Marry with Real Housewives and reality TV.

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Scheana Spilled The Tea About Stassi And Katie

Aleen and Sara (Betches Editor-in-Chief) and guest Scheana Marie discuss all of the Vanderpump Rules drama, including the Jax and Brittany cheating scandal, and tells us her unfiltered opinions of Stassi and Katie (!). We also answer a Dear Betch question about a girl who wants to know how to tell if she’s a fuckgirl and play the usual games but even better because they’re Vanderpump edition.

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Every Fight We Can Expect To See This Season Of ‘Vanderpump Rules’

Jordana and Samantha discuss the season premiere of Vanderpump Rules and reflect on this season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Samantha explains what Bitcoin is. They answer questions from a reader who doesn’t know what to do about her boyfriend’s partying and another who can’t deal with a needy coworker. They play games involving celebrity Christmas parties, working at SUR, and sitting in middle seats on airplanes.

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Read: Vanderpump Rules Season 6 Episode 1 Recap
 
Why Taylor Swift Is Amazing, But We Hate Her

On this week’s Betch Slapped, Sami and Jordana discuss Taylor Swift’s new album and Ed Westwick’s alleged rape scandal. They answer questions from a listener looking to get promoted and another who’s having trouble making friends. They play games involving The Parent Trap and public transportation.

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