As a proud member of the child-free community, there are a lot of things I can’t relate to, like not getting the recommended eight hours of sleep a night (minimum) or casual familiarity with cleaning up bodily fluids. But even though I’m a SINK (single income, no kids girlie), I’m still aspiring for DINK status (dual income, no kids) one day, so there is something single moms and I can often relate on: the treacherous state of the dating pool.
Finding your person feels harder than ever, which is why giving a ridiculous reality TV show a go honestly doesn’t feel like a terrible idea. Sure, Love Island is 99% chaos and kissing, but plenty of real relationships have come from it, too. But real relationships have to be built on a foundation of trust, even if they started on a tropical island surrounded by high-definition cameras. So, I believe Huda keeping her kid a secret was a huge dating mistake. Here’s why.
Huda’s Kid Reveal Left Jeremiah Shocked
Three episodes in, 24-year-old Islander Huda Mustafa revealed to her new fling, Jeremiah, a “bomb”: she’s a mother to a four-year-old daughter. But the way Huda revealed the information was far from smooth.
Huda and Jeremiah had been together for a few days (TBF, a few weeks in Island time) and had already recoupled once. The two were seriously vibing, “mom and dad” style, despite the fact that Huda was quietly nervous the whole time that her having a child might push him away. In episode 1, she teased Jeremiah that there was a reason she lived in a two-bedroom but chickened out of explaining why. She later told the girls she had to stop herself from talking about things that reminded her of her daughter.
When Huda finally struck up the courage to talk to Jeremiah, her anxiety was all over her face. Huda prefaced: “I like for people to get to know me on a deeper level” before what she was about to say next. Then she pleaded with Jeremiah: “Regardless of whatever I say, I hope you stay true to your feelings.” Whewwwy, can you imagine the build-up of emotions in both of their heads as this speech went on?
Huda continued laying the context that she was “not, like, ashamed of it all,” but still, she wasn’t sure “how he would react” to the incoming news since it takes an “emotionally mature” person to accept who she really is. Huda finally added that she “really liked” Jeremiah, so she “wanted to be honest” as soon as she could trust him. About 15 super-loaded sentences later, Huda finally says it: “I am a mom.”
Jeremiah responded, blown away, “And you’re 24??” He then immediately asked how many kids she had. But within a few minutes, they were hugging it out; he said he still wanted to date her, and they were kissing in bed in no time. He also promised to keep her secret from the rest of the group.
Jeremiah’s Reaction To Huda Being A Mom
Jeremiah was visibly (and vocally) stunned by Huda’s news. He put his head in his hands and expressed to her how much that was not what he expected to hear. But with the way Huda dragged out the reveal, I’m pretty sure Jeremiah would’ve reflected an equally dramatic response regardless of what Huda shared.
Not only is Huda 24, but she’s on Love Island, not a place you typically meet other parents. After days of dreaming of a relationship together, can we really skewer the dude for being a smidge gagged that his girlfriend-to-be had such a large part of her life totally under wraps? He is a 25-year-old self-proclaimed sorta fuck boy, FFS.
Why did Huda hide that she had a child?
In her opening scene, Huda told Shelley and Olandria she’s “been a single mom for four years now” (mind you, only after stealthily probing their opinions on when a woman should have a kid). “I do want to wait to, like, tell people,” Huda explained to the girls, “because I feel like it’s my thing to tell.” Huda later explains she’s been judged before, so she’d rather have a guy like her for her before opening up about being a mother. But the truth is, while people are grossly harsh on single moms, a big part of Huda’s identity is being a mom, which is something she takes pride in.
If someone likes everything about her except the fact that she’s a mom, that fact still exists, and it’s not a negligible one, so they don’t really like Huda. What if Jeremiah had been devoutly determined to be child-free because of meaningful personal experiences? After making up his mind that he wanted to at least try to pursue Huda, this news could’ve put him (or anyone) in an avoidable position of a values crisis, regardless of Huda’s understandable but self-serving intentions about optics.
When should you tell someone you’re dating about your kid?
Your motherhood or fatherhood should never be a secret to someone you’re considering dating, so you should tell them as soon as you can introduce it into conversation on a dating app or long before the end of a first date. Just like the basics of political affiliation, sexual orientation, and religious stance are usually front and center on a dating profile, child status is a crucial piece of information that potential partners deserve to know quickly. Why? Because they’re ticked boxes that aren’t changing, even if they don’t define you, so interested parties have a right to know what they’re signing up for upfront.
Unlike bedroom kinks or health conditions that aren’t so chill to disclose to a virtual stranger, whether or not you have kids is an entry-level piece of data that helps give an indicator of who you are and what your lifestyle is, basically the whole-ass point of dating. Hiding being a mom is like hiding your profession (which tracks since being a mom is a full-time job). While there may be context that makes you hesitant to scream your career from the rooftops, people who are trying to gauge what you bring to the table deserve to know anyway (looking at you, unemployed actors who choose to be vague about job status on Hinge), and the same applies to children.
If little old me matched and met up with a man, only to find out he didn’t willingly offer that he was a father of two or whateva, I’d instantly write him off. Not because I’m not ready to be a step-mommy, but because of how it would make me question the trust so soon. Plus, if you’re hiding your parenthood, it begs the question: why? None of the obvious conclusions (embarrassment, being an absentee parent, being hyper-protective of your child) are super appealing.
If someone’s dealbreaker is dealing with a child, whether it feels unfair since you can sense you’d be a match, it’s their right to decide to stick to it. If you’re right about the connection, this person will choose (on their own) to bend their own rules without the low-key manipulation of making them get invested by liking you first after multiple dates.
If you’re wrong, then they’re just a rando who didn’t get you, anyway.
