I’ve always lived by the belief that the best way to ensure great sex is to talk about it. But I recently realized that there’s not a lot of info out there on how to talk about it, especially when it feels embarrassing or too vulnerable. This is probably why, according to a study done by sexploration dating app Flure, one in three people hide a sexual fantasy from a partner — which eventually leads to them feeling distant and dissatisfied in both their romantic and sexual lives.
But apparently, this is something that happens with just partners — since 41% of people reported feeling comfortable confiding in a best friend about their kinks.
Listen, I know talking about what you like or don’t like sexually can be really awkward — especially if you think you’re a bit on the “freakier” side. But I am a firm believer that if you can’t talk to a partner about what you want in bed, you probably shouldn’t be getting into bed with them.
So if you’re looking for a little guidance, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s how to talk to your partner about your kinks.
Remind Yourself Kinks Are Normal And Healthy
Before you even dive into a conversation with your partner, you need to sit with yourself. Giving yourself a little pep talk can make you feel more comfortable talking about your kinks with a partner. Remind yourself that it’s healthy to have sexual fantasies and that nothing is “weird” about what you’re into. This doesn’t define you or change who you are — it’s just what you like in bed.
Try Sexting It Out
If having a face-to-face conversation feels like too much pressure, you could always turn the convo into a sext. Send a message saying, “Do you know what would really turn me on?” or “Do you know what I’ve been imagining you doing to me?” Keeping it playful and sexy instead of a couple’s therapy session can ease you both into being receptive to trying something new.
Make It Into A Game
There are so many card games out there aimed at helping you build intimacy and talk about sex with your partner — so use one! Turning the conversation into a game can definitely take the pressure off and also just be a really fun and flirty way to get to know each other better, especially when it comes to the bedroom.
Be Open To Fielding Questions
Remember that it has to be a conversation, so don’t expect your partner to just hear you out and not have any dialogue. They may want to ask clarifying questions or see what boundaries you two can set in place. The whole point is to have an open and honest conversation.
Keep Your End Goal In Mind
The point of this conversation isn’t to convince your partner to do something specific in bed. It’s about starting a dialogue about what turns you on and if that’s something you can explore with your partner.
