Shop Gwyneth Paltrow’s Slightly Unhinged Gift Guide For Lovers
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When you think of gifts for someone you love, what’s something that comes to mind? Is it a sweet perfume to enhance the smell you already love on them so much? A necklace as a symbol of your affection? Maybe even a vibrator for when it’s time for a sexy night in? All of these things are included on Goop’s Lover’s Gift Guide. But you know what else is featured on the list? A jersey dress for $895, a chair for $1,800, and — wait for it — a four-month dating coach program for $25,000. No, I’m being dead serious.
I know you’ve heard that “love don’t cost a thing” … but according to Gwyneth Paltrow, that’s not exactly true. In fact, in Goop world, love might even cost you up to $30K.
Goop, Gwyneth’s super successful wellness and lifestyle brand, tries to help its audience through health explainers and gift guides. And while some products are actually pretty good (their face oil is legit), sometimes they like to go a little outside of the box — and very outside a normal person’s budget. While there’s no need to go through every single one of the products on the list (there are 61 products included), we do need to discuss a few of them.
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Now, don’t get me wrong. If I am on the receiving end, $1,000 hoop earrings would 100% make me drop my panties. But let’s get real for a second — who is this guide for? Because unfortunately, no one I know could (or even would) gift their lover a diamond band for $18,000. Oh, and even the caption for the product says “not the diamond ring.” Like, thanks for the clarification I was totally going to spend $18,000 on a ring that isn’t even a fucking wedding ring!
Aside from the sheer absurdity of the prices, some of the products just really don’t belong on a lover’s gift guide. Like, why would I gift my lover a $200 print of a Ferrari. And sorry Goop, no, it will not “rev their engines.”
Spoiling a loved one is definitely something I am on board for — but why can’t we keep it to fancy vibrators and sexy scents? What about a $565 keyhole-neckline sweater screams “lover” to you anyway? Why do we need to also throw in a $3,200 bangle and an overpriced hair kit? But there’s hope for the gift guide yet. Gwyneth, for your sake and others, I’ve narrowed down the sexy products that are actually worth splurging on (and no, I don’t mean splurging thousands of dollars).
Dame Play Balm
Dame Play Balm
$25.00
Who said your playtime products couldn’t be multifunctional? This play balm isn’t just for sexy time — it’s also just a really good moisturizer. So it’s basically a 2-in-1, and it’s just $25. Now that is what we like to see, Gwyneth.
Goop Wellness Sex Oil
Goop Sex Oil
$55.00
Sex oil is the perfect way to incorporate a new type of foreplay into your sex routine. Using an oil infused with “aphrodisiac botanicals” to give your lover a sensual massage is a surefire way to start your night off the right way. See, Gwyneth this is a great gift idea.
Lelo Siri 3
Lelo Siri 3
$159.00
Now gifting a sex toy is my kind of love language — especially when it’s one that’s super unique. The Lelo Siri 3 is a sound-activated vibrator. So if you’re like me and have an extensive sex playlist, just throw that sucker on, get your vibe ready, and get ready for a concert experience on your vag.
The Prim
The Prim
$195.00
We already know that sex pillows are worth the splurge — and the Prim is no exception. Not only is this sex pillow perfect to aid in some really great sex positions, but it also looks super unsuspecting and cute. It can go on top of your bed when you’re not using it and it’ll look like just another decoration.
Massage Candle
Massage Candle
$71.00
This massage candle is another home goods meets sexy-time crossover. Again, we love a 2-in-1 option. If you’re new to incorporating candle wax into the bedroom, I highly recommend you check out our beginners guide to wax play.
We-Vibe Date Night
We-Vibe Date Night
$199.00
$159.99
Don’t tell Goop, but you can get this special edition app-controlled couples kit for 20% off at Lovehoney. Sex on a budget? Now, that’s my love language.
Topics: Gift Guides, Gwyneth Paltrow, Relationships, Sex & Co., Shopping
Syeda Khaula Saad