Half the fun of reading is talking about how much you read. The other half is buying accessories to support your new lifestyle. Because that’s what it is, my girlies, a LIFESTYLE. A way of living!! I have an overflowing TBR pile, but you can bet I immediately went and bought all of these 2024 summer releases. Where will I find the time to read them all? WHO KNOWS!! You’re not a reader unless you’re stressed about reading all the books on your list and meeting your impossible reading goals to the extent that you break out in hives, cancel all social obligations, and/or pull out your hair. But I’ve rounded up the best products for girls who read to help you reach those ambitious goals and get through that TBR pile that’s starting to resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Here’s all the bookish shit you should add to cart IMMEDIATELY.
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Reading light
Let’s be honest, my babes, we’re not teenagers anymore. I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I promise your retinol is doing wonders for your skin, but we’re not as young as we were!! So we need to start thinking about things like our eyesight. I’ve been wearing contact lenses for a decade and a half, and I still feel like I can’t see shit. So, a reading light is a must for all my bookish babes, as we can’t be squinting at the page. This reading light is so unattractive that it’s kind of hot? Why is it giving midlife crisis biking hobby? Couple this with a queer book, and the gays will come RUNNING.
“Is That Smut” Bookmark
It’s 2024 (I think), and we are no longer ashamed of our reading habits!! Did you read the “5AM Club?” Cool story, bro! Excuse me while I finish “Morning Glory Milking Farm.” I am not only unashamed of reading the filthiest smutty fantasy books out there, I am PROUD of it. I want the world to know that my books are filled with 500-year-old winged Fae males railing the human girl who is not-pretty-but-totally-gorgeous. These bookmarks tell the world I AM HORNY AND PROUD OF IT. They also give you a good chuckle after heartwrenching death scenes.
Noise-canceling earplugs
There is nothing worse than someone yapping in your ear when you are trying to read. Do not disturb me. I’m waiting for the fake dating couple to realize they’re in love with each other!! Important things are happening here. To avoid screaming in frustration and throwing the book at someone (once again, I must apologize to my sister), I recommend getting these noise-canceling earplugs. Loops get the job done so well that a fire could be happening around you, and you’ll be too focused on the fire in her pants to care.
E-reader button
Okay, before you say you don’t need this, picture this: you’re cozy in bed, snuggled up like a burrito, reading the latest Sally Rooney, and you need to stretch your hand into the cold to turn the page on your e-reader. The horror!! It will remove you from whatever Irish couple is experiencing the miscommunication trope this time and force you to enter the real world again. Have no fear! A pink e-reader button is here! You can stay snuggled up and turn the page with a press of a button. It also works for TikTok!
E-reader sleeve
Well, now that you’ve got all these cunty accessories for your e-reader, you need somewhere to keep them all! What about a pink leopard sleeve with pockets? What an excellent idea! Never be caught without your charger, as imagine your Kindle runs out right before the two people are forced to share a bed in the overcrowded inn and get naked so their clothes can dry by the fire… what a shame that would be…
Blanket hoodie
Speaking of being cold while reading, one of the struggles of reading under a blanket is that your arms get exposed to the cold. While the e-reader button can help, it’s not a solution for classic paperbacks or people who hate buttons (they exist). For these poor, unfortunate souls, I present the blanket hoodie, also known affectionately as a snoodie. My blanket hoodie is the only thing I took out of my last relationship (along with an inability to trust people), and I love her dearly despite how she entered my life. She is the coziest thing ever. It feels like a massive hug from a blanket monster. I am wearing her while I type this up right now. I vow she will change your life like she did mine.
E-reader cushion
One of the struggles of being a reader (smirk) is finding creative ways to place your book or e-reader while also making it as cunty as possible. I discovered this e-reader cushion on TikTok, where all the best things enter my life, and she is just SO CUTE. A cushion for your e-reader!! A cushion for your e-reader!!! What a time we live in! Do you think Cleopatra had this shit for her hieroglyphics tablets? I don’t think so.
E-reader armchair
Okay, the cushion isn’t your vibe. I get that! I get you! We’re all different vibes of readers. Some of us are “Who did this to you?” while others are “Teach me how to kiss hee hee,” and everything in between. In that case, I present this armchair for your e-reader. I haven’t been this excited since I saw armchairs for toddlers. It’s giving Central Perk, and I love that for you.
Ladder bookshelf
So I was once gifted a ladder bookshelf (by my sister, I’m not famous enough to get free shit), and I love it so much. One day, I hope to have a proper library-style wall of books with a ladder that rolls along it, like in Bojack Horseman or Beauty and the Beast. Until the cost of living crisis magically disappears or I become a bestselling author, I’ll settle for this adorable ladder bookshelf. It fits so much, takes up like no space, and is just so pretty.
E-reader case for the astrology girlies
How could I forget? You need a case for your e-reader, obviously!! So this is my own Kindle cover, and I am obsessed with her. Like it comes as no surprise that I’m queer and a Scorpio, does it? This e-reader case even has a little stand so I can place it on the sunbed in front of me while I lie on my tummy. And it has a little strap for my hand to hold it. I. AM. OBSESSED.
Self-heating mug
As a bisexual girlie, I always have three drinks next to me at any point in the day. At least one of them will be hot, as I have no concept of weather-appropriate drinks or attire. But I always forget about my cup of tea or cappuccino, and it goes cold!! And then everything is ruined! But then I discovered that scientists were smart enough to create a self-heating mug. The things they can do!! I’m here talking about wing kinks, and they’re changing lives. Thank you to all the women in STEM who ensured my tea could stay hot while I read to avoid my problems. Thank you for your service.
E-reader stand
Once again, we’re faced with the struggle of using your e-reader in a comfortable position. Nowadays, just sleeping on a slightly different pillow or leaning forward for a chapter results in a kink in your neck for a week — and not the kind of kink we want, am I right? So here is a simple yet sturdy e-reader stand. Read away, my aging goddesses!
Book stickers
Reading is now a full identity. Before, we defined ourselves by our jobs, but now we realize it’s the hobbies that make a person, not the 9-5 they plow away at. To ensure everyone is aware of your identity, put these bookish stickers absolutely everywhere. Your e-reader, your laptop, your phone, your forehead, your dog, your shoes—the sky is the limit, my bookworms!!
Bath tray
About once a week, I like to pour myself a ridiculously hot bath and fill it with various oils promising to destress me (I SWEAR I AM SO CHILL). I light half a dozen candles so I can claim this is self-care, and then soak for a couple hours like a Jane Austen character. This is also my dedicated reading time, which is sorely needed since moving home. I get most of my reading done in the bathtub, so a bath tray is necessary. You can put your book or Kindle on it, add a glass of wine, and wait for your skin to peel off.
Reading journal
I was a total journal girlie as a teen, but somewhere along the way, I lost that habit. But keeping track of my reading habits is so much more fun than a traditional ‘Dear Diary’ moment! And reading journals are just SO cute. I love reflecting on what I’m reading, listing all the books on my TBR, and just general bookish thoughts.
Book tree
Okay, as mentioned, there is a cost-of-living crisis. So many of us are living in shoeboxes and cannot afford gorgeous big bookcases for our babies (let alone having actual babies!). Have no fear—the book tree is here!! It is a great way to store books in minimal space and can easily fit into small rooms. Plus it’s a stylish touch to your room, so books=decoration=buy more anytime you want as it’s a household necessity.
Stress balls
Yeah, I’m an old lady. I think I’ve clarified that by now. This means that I also get hand cramps easily. Reading the entire “Throne of Glass” series during a depressed episode gave me cramping I haven’t experienced since I discovered masturbation as a teen. These little eggs are cuter than your run-of-the-mill stress balls but will do the trick nicely. They also come in handy for stressy moments, such as when the enemies to lovers might actually just be enemies.
Reading tracker
What is the point of reading if you can’t show off how much you are reading? Yes, I’ve moved home to my mom’s. Yes, I’m not sure what I’m doing with my life. Yes, I don’t have any money saved for emergencies or the future. But I’ve read thirty-seven books so far this year!! I’m on track for seventy-five in total! So I guess that cancels out the rest, right? To follow in the footsteps of my blind (absurd) optimism, buy a reading tracker so you can keep track of the many, many books you’re devouring this year.
Fantasy bookends
Okay, you’ve got your cute bookcase, and you’ve filled it with all your tattered paperbacks and unopened hardcovers (crack that spine, baby), and now you need bookends! Yes, these are lowkey something you’d expect your grandma to have, but they’re so much cuter. It’s like a little support for your books. I love these fantasy-inspired dragon bookends as they’re giving “Fourth Wing!”
Crystal girlies bookends
If dragons don’t do it for ya, how about these crystal bookends? I know, I know, can a gay girl get an amen? These are the perfect way to combine your love of crystals with reading. Even a bland Billy bookcase from IKEA will look so glam with these babies on it. Add to cart right fucking now.
