Screw Christmas Cookies! Make Cookies Of People You Hate For The Holidays

One of the most sick and twisted parts of getting older is losing your sweet tooth. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it happened to me, and as someone who had a “chocolate” themed birthday party in the fifth grade, this was a truly devastating life change. However, once a year, my genetic code magically transforms into a candy cane masterpiece, and I’m back on the added sugar wagon. This is because I simply cannot say no to Christmas cookies, let alone any holiday treat. Marshmallow cobweb brownies for Halloween? Too cute to ignore! Dreidel pretzel treats? I’m having like, five, minimum. And please, for the love of God, don’t get me STARTED on the Pillsbury ready-to-bake Christmas cookies.

But as someone who has taken 30-plus trips around the sun, it’s easy to get a little bored with the standard recipes. And, after the year we’ve had, it’s hard AF to feel merry rn. That’s why I think the 2024 holiday season is the perfect time to combine festive cookiemania with the very natural desire to burn every single one of my enemies into the ground. TikTok introduced me to the concept of “hate cookies,” and they are absolutely making a list for my Christmas party menu. How do you make “hate” cookies, and what’s the perfect Christmas recipe? Have a holly, jolly scroll below to learn more.

What are hate cookies and how do you make them?

People on TikTok have been going nuts over the concept of baking cookies designed after people they hate on the app for months. By baking your opp into cookie form, you’ll cathartically release your ill will towards them without actually trying to lay them out like cookie dough. Plus, I can’t say it isn’t funny to watch a cookie-shaped enemy roasting in the oven, metaphorically taking all of the heat. I’m too impatient for karma to drop on their doorstep instead.

By baking away the pain and eating up your foe, you’re supposed to be able to let go of your hatred (not incite some freaky black magic on them IRL). Some amateur pastry chefs have been fashioning the cookies to be fully body replicas of their least favorite people, which is exactly where a Christmas recipe comes in.

Revenge Cookie Christmas Recipe

Do any baked goods scream “Happy holidays” louder than gingerbread people? I don’t think so! So, this season of giving, merriment, and joy, why not spice up the festivities with friends by hosting a revenge cookie baking party where you bake Frosty-fied hate cookies that transform your haters into adorable Claymation characters? Hey, don’t look at me like that… I know the holidays are all about warming the soul but these desserts are just in good fun. Plus, you’re low-key doing your crew a service by helping them start the new year with a totally fresh slate.

In order to bake up these delicious batches of shade, all you need to do is follow the classic gingerbread recipe below and decorate the human form to match the individual meanies you have beef with. No enemy is too big (your Scrooge-like landlord) or too small (the co-worker who always steals your desk at work).

Classic Gingerbread Person Cookie Recipe

Ingredients:

⭐︎Premade gingerbread dough (let’s be real, you’re not Julia MF Childs, babe). I recommend Pillsbury, which rolls out of the packaging. If you want to be extra and DIY, here’s my favorite by Skylar Bouchard.

⭐︎M&Ms

⭐︎Sprinkles

⭐︎A colorful icing set

⭐︎String candy

⭐︎Chocolate chips

Instructions:

Roll out the dough, use a gingerbread man cutter to make a little person, and bake. After the cookies cool, go to town with the icing and decorations to bring your revenge cookies to life!