To Botox or Not to Botox: Why Moms Can’t Win Either Way

There are a lot of things we subconsciously think when looking at new moms: How the fuck is she chasing a toddler in heels? Did she actually get a good night’s sleep, or did she get help from a needle? Does she ever scream into a pillow when overstimulated and fantasize about running away forever?

While I can’t answer the last one for her (though, let’s be real, probably yes), the whole “has she had work done” debate has only gotten louder in recent years. Between postpartum exhaustion, cluster feeding, and the joy of watching your body serve as both a buffet and a jungle gym, a wrinkle-free forehead feels less like a 12-step skincare routine and more like… Botox.

Allison Williams (yes, from Girls and Get Out) recently shared on The Kelly Clarkson Show that she was thrilled to get Botox again after having her son. She then admitted it backfired when teaching him about emotions, since her face could only give one look.

And it’s not just celebs lining up for the jab. “Pregnancy and delivery can be really hard on the body and mind,” Gabriella Dauer, MD, a double-board-certified pediatrician and the author of Beyond the Basics: A Pediatrician’s Newborn Guide, tells Betches. “I can absolutely see why moms would want to pamper themselves a bit shortly after delivery to feel a little bit back to themselves.” Maegan Griffin, nurse practitioner and founder of Skin Pharm, adds that the first treatment post-baby is, for many, less about the needle and more about the milestone. “It’s not really about the Botox,” she explains. “It’s more about celebrating the version of yourself you’re becoming.”

Simple enough, right? Lol, no. This is women’s bodies we’re talking about (AKA the internet’s favorite battlefield). When I posted about it on Instagram, the comments section turned into the Hunger Games of hot takes in seconds. Some moms were all in — “Worth it. Do it. No shame.” Others side-eyed the whole thing — “Men can age and women have to stay youthful? Yea F that.” And plenty were stuck in the messy middle, torn between “I want to still look hot because society, but also! Think of the children!!!”

So, is Botox just another line item on the postpartum survival kit? Or is skipping the injection the *real* power move? The truth, according to experts and the internet, is messier than a toddler with a Sharpie.

Botox as a Postpartum Power Move

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For plenty of moms, Botox isn’t about vanity. Or, okay. More accurately, it’s not just about vanity. It’s about taking control of your body after a year+ of having little to no control over it, reconnecting to your former self, and simply doing something solely for you, says licensed therapist Adrienne Michelle, LMFT. “Moms are human, and I’ve seen them feel better about themselves after Botox. Happy moms have happier kids.”

And tbh, after nine months of sharing your body with a parasite (respectfully!) and then months more with a breast pump, sometimes you just want to feel like a GD person again. As one commenter put it: “My five children don’t know I [get Botox]. If I’m confident in my body/skin, then I’m happy and able to be there for my kids.”

Megan Donnelly, a board-certified nurse practitioner with Skin Pharm, says that “first treatment back” often helps moms regain a sense of independence and identity. “As both a provider and a mom, I deeply understand that feeling. It’s not about looking different; it’s about returning to a version of yourself that feels familiar and confident.”

Basically, Botox becomes less about erasing fine lines and more about reclaiming some control. When everything else feels dictated by nap schedules, spit-up, and feeding apps, a 15-minute appointment that leaves you looking a little fresher feels downright revolutionary. Or, as another mom in the comments said: “I’m all for aging gracefully, but I’m also all for liking what you see in the mirror.”

When Botox Becomes a Parenting Debate

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While injectables are becoming more and more normalized — once a thing for celebs and now something your step cousin from the Midwest brags about — that’s not to say everyyyone is lining up for the needle. For some moms, the bigger worry isn’t the injections themselves, but the message they might send. One commenter wrote, “I want my kids to know what normal aging looks like.” Others pointed out how early women now feel pressure to maintain a wrinkle-free face.

And honestly, the concern is valid. As a millennial born to an almond mom, I’m no stranger to internalizing every “this makes me look fat” or “ugh, I ate a crumb of a piece of cake, I’m so bad” my mom muttered around me from the age of 4. Shouldn’t we just learn to love ourselves?!!!

Because, hi, kids notice how their parents talk about their bodies, even if they don’t fully understand what Botox is. “So many people will comment on your child’s image, so modeling self-confidence is key,” says Dr. Dauer. While yes, kids benefit from seeing you treat yourself, etc., Michelle adds that aesthetic procedures like Botox shouldn’t be the only form of self-care your kids see; otherwise, that’s where things can get problematic. That doesn’t make Botox inherently bad, but it does raise the stakes for how moms talk about it and what else their kids see them prioritize.

Ultimately, it’s not the syringe that freaks people out; it’s the possibility that our daughters (and sons, tbh) will inherit our insecurities (along with our huge pores and shitty nailbeds). Or maybe that’s just what we tell ourselves, because aging backwards is expensive and needles are still kinda terrifying.

Wait, Hi, Is Botox Even Safe?

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Before anyone sprints from the delivery room straight into a med spa chair, let’s be clear: Botox is not considered safe during pregnancy or breastfeeding. “While there’s no strong evidence showing harm, the use of Botox or Dysport hasn’t been studied extensively in pregnant or breastfeeding women, so it’s not considered safe during these times,” says Donnelly. “At Skin Pharm, we recommend pausing neuromodulator treatments during pregnancy and waiting until you’ve completed breastfeeding before resuming.”

Griffin puts it even more bluntly: “Botox isn’t recommended while pregnant or breastfeeding. I’ve personally been through three pregnancies, and even though I’m more relaxed than most when it comes to rules, I never compromised on this.”

So what actually is Botox? It’s a neuromodulator that temporarily blocks the nerve signals that cause muscle movement, which keeps those frown lines and crow’s feet from digging in deeper. It’s been FDA-approved for cosmetic use for more than 20 years, and it’s one of the most studied cosmetic treatments out there. So basically, it’s not witchcraft. It’s science that makes you look like you actually slept last night. “When done well and conservatively, Botox looks subtle and natural,” explains Donnelly. “It can even be preventative — a small amount goes a long way.” Which is why you’re seeing people in their 30s (or younger) opting in earlier than ever.

If you’re not cleared for injectables yet (or just hate the idea), Donnelly and Griffin recommend focusing on treatments that promote collagen and improve texture without needles; things like microneedling with PRP, Gold Infusions, or BBL photofacials (with your OB’s sign-off). At home, a solid skincare routine with safe acids (like glycolic or lactic) and a tinted mineral SPF can do more than you think for pregnancy-induced acne, dullness, or melasma.

Basically, the rule of thumb is: no needles until your OB says you’re good. In other words, you’ll probably get cleared for sex and spin class before Botox.

To Botox or Not to Botox

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So where does that leave moms? Stuck in the same spot we always are: damned if we do, damned if we don’t. One mom in the comments summed it up perfectly: “If I don’t get Botox, I’m ‘letting myself go.’ If I do, I’m ‘teaching my kids toxic beauty standards.’” Cool, love that for us.

Experts agree that the “right” answer depends less on the syringe and more on the intention. “Botox after a baby is mom’s choice, and whatever choice is made is empowering,” says Michelle. Dr. Dauer echoes that sentiment, adding, “Botox after baby is a personal choice. It’s not going to fix the underlying changes of motherhood, but if it makes mama feel good about herself, then that’s what matters.”

“I believe kids pick up more from how we carry ourselves than from what we do,” adds Griffin. “If skin care treatments help me feel confident and comfortable in my skin, that’s what they’ll notice, not which treatments I got.”

And truthfully, most younger kids won’t even clock the difference. Dr. Dauer says it’s really only preteens or teens who might notice or ask questions. Her advice? Keep it honest but low-stakes: explain that skin changes with age, and Botox is something you do to feel good in your own skin. Not because you’re trying to look like someone else, but because you may have skipped the sunscreen and opted for the tanning bed in your early years (oops).

Of course, not every mom even wants — or has the budget for — Botox. Some commenters admitted they’d rather age “naturally,” while others said they were curious but still freaked out by the idea of a needle to the face or the hit to the credit card statement. Which, as someone who hates needles and has had Botox both pre- and post-baby, I can say that fear is valid AF (but at least they numb your face — the charge to your card might sting more).

So, really, the debate isn’t about Botox. It’s about control, autonomy, and the impossible standard moms are expected to meet: look hot, stay relatable, radiate confidence, and raise kids who will somehow never notice their mom once Googled “tired but make it sexy.” I mean, what even is aging naturally? Let’s not forget the so-called “acceptable” alternative: women are expected to age gracefully with a 45-step skincare routine instead of needles. Totally doable, right? Because it’s not like moms are busy raising kids, running a household, and working full-time jobs or anything.

Also, would we even be debating this if it were about men’s faces? Dads age into “silver foxes” with zero commentary and get called DILFs just for showing up to the school play with gray hair and a halfway decent button-down. If a father got hair growth treatment or a ball lift (is that even a thing? Who knows, because no one gives AF what guys do). We just… move on. I don’t think we’d clutch our pearls, wondering “What will the children think?” As one commenter put it: “Why does everything a mother does have to be a lesson for our children?” For moms, everything we do is a moral debate. So much so that society often forgets we’re just aged-up girls experiencing life for the first (and only) time, too. We don’t ever get to just…be.

Which leaves us here. Arguing about something as simple as a 15-minute procedure that might make someone feel confident. Sure, the reason why it makes them feel confident is society’s fault, but still. At the end of the day, Botox isn’t what’s aging moms; it’s the pressure to defend every single thing we do. And honestly? If a needle to the forehead makes a human who takes care of other humans feel a little more, well, human, then fuck it. I say give her a double shot.