I experienced a rollercoaster ride of emotions while watching Babygirl — from the moment you could hear Nicole Kidman moaning in surround sound to… well, when you hear her moaning again at the end. However, one of the most overwhelming feelings (aside from admittedly a slight discomfort from watching the movie in a theater full of strangers) was confusion. And this confusion had less to do with Romy’s erratic behavior (I, too, have been distraught from horniness) and more with what exactly her sexual preferences were. Babygirl attempts to discuss kink and desire — but it’s not entirely clear just what those specific kinks are.

Now, the movie is called Babygirl, but sexologist and Lovers sexpert Marla Renee Stewart says that the movie got the title wrong. “Babygirl is typically used for Daddy Dom/Little dynamics, but the only element that we saw in the movie was the milk, the pouting (which could be Little or bratty), the submission, and maybe the reference to her pornographic choices,” Stewart explains. “I didn’t personally find it compelling enough to be sorted into that category, though.”

Instead, Stewart explains that the movie kind of scatters themes across the kinky spectrum. Now, in a way, this is sort of true to life because people’s sexual preferences and kinks don’t typically fit into a neat little box. Humans are complicated, and so are our sexual desires — but that doesn’t take away from how puzzled you might feel after watching the movie, especially if you’re someone who just joined the kinky train.

“Honestly, for someone new to kink, it might feel all over the place, and that kink is whatever you make of it,” Stewart explains. “And that may be the case for a lot of people, but from this film, it might come off as dangerous because of the incredible risk that she took with her career and family.”

The movie touches on shame and desire, but never really talks about where either of those things originates in Romy — which ends up making all of the sex scenes so confusing. In the end, we see Romy’s husband covering her eyes as they have sex, and she finally orgasms. It makes you wonder… could she really not tell her husband of 19 years that she maybe wants to be blindfolded during sex?

There’s a lot to unpack when it comes to Babygirl, but even if you ignore the plot and just focus on the sex (E.L. James knows a thing or two about that), it’s still not that clear. But if you just know you were turned on by something in the movie and can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, here’s a breakdown of every sex scene in Babygirl.

A Breakdown Of The Kinks Featured In Babygirl Sex Scenes

Glass of Milk Scene

Stewart points to the glass of milk scene as an example of Littles’ kinks — age play that’s often associated with the sub acting young (which we don’t really see more of later on). Think coloring books, stuffed animals, and, yes, drinking a glass of milk in a way that feels oddly symbolic. It’s worth noting that this kink doesn’t pop up much again in the movie, so it might just be a one-off nod to this dynamic.

Motel Sex Scene

Stewart labels the grungy motel scene as more within the realm of submission and humiliation. The grungy setting amps up the “I shouldn’t be doing this” feel while the power dynamics take center stage. Humiliation here could mean teasing, calling someone degrading (but consensual!) names, or putting them in a scenario where they feel vulnerable — like… oh, I don’t know… hooking up in a dingy motel room when they’re used to five-star hotels. If you’ve ever been turned on by being called a “slut” in bed, you might be into this.

Wrestling Foreplay

Now, when things get physical with wrestling and hitting, Stewart says we’re diving into “bratty kink” and “primal play.” Bratty kink? That’s when the sub likes to be a little rebellious or sassy — just enough to provoke some playful punishment. Primal play, on the other hand, is all about tapping into animalistic instincts. Think chasing, grabbing, and, in this case, grappling. As long as it’s rough, physical, and feels like two animals are going at it, it fits into this category.

Eating Out Of His Hands

And, of course, when she’s on her knees eating candy out of her boy toy’s hands, we see pet play. Pet play is about, well, you guessed it — animal-like behavior. Things like crawling, being fed by hand, or wearing a collar all fit the bill. It’s not always about literally pretending to be an animal, but it can sometimes be about just acting obedient and playful. It has a lot to do with power and care dynamics, with one person taking on the nurturing “owner” role and the other becoming their affectionate, submissive “pet.”

The Pillow Scene

Now, by the end of the movie, we know that Romy likes her eyes to be covered when having sex sometimes. Some of you may be wondering: do we just need to get our girl a blindfold? And in a way, yes. This is less about a specific kink and more just about her trying to focus on the sensations.

“I speculate that Romy puts the pillow over her face because she wants to turn off the negative thoughts in her head and is trying to be present in her body,” Stewart says. “I sense it’s a way of shutting out the outside world so that she can enjoy the pleasure that’s happening for her.”

If any of these sex scenes resonated with you, Stewart suggests talking to kink sexuality educational experts. You can learn more about what it is that you like and how to practice it in your own life. That way you don’t end up in a 19-year relationship where you never orgasm.