It took a few years more than expected, but marrying a dude who cheated on her with her friend next to a hospice patient finally came back to bite Brittany Cartwright. Though an “I told you so” from the entirety of the Bravoverse and most of her closest friends would be completely justified, that didn’t make watching Brittany’s vomit-inducing marriage blow up any more palatable. Following The Valley finale, Jax has pulled a Jax special on Twitter: He made a huge accusation (that Brittany has been sleeping with someone for four months) with no evidence in order to deflect from his own bad behavior (prancing around town with a woman once featured in The Daily Mail for spending $30,000 on a boob job). The thing about Jax’s accusations is that though they’re uncalled for, they often turn out to be at least a little bit true. So we had to ask: Who is Brittany Cartwright dating? More importantly, who should Brittany be dating, now that she’s basically done with Jax?
Who is Brittany Cartwright’s new boyfriend?
According to her lovely husband, Brittany has been seeing someone new for the past four months. Four months prior to Jax’s now-deleted tweet on May 31, would mean Brittany would have started seeing someone the moment they announced their separation in February. That feels unlikely, though if was true, I don’t think anyone, Jax included, could blame her. Especially when there’s strong evidence to suggest Jax had an affair with his publicist Lori. For now Brittany’s mystery man, if he exists, remains unknown.
Who should Brittany Cartwright date?
Now that Brittany is technically back on the market since Jax has made it blatantly clear that they’re both allowed to date, we’ve come up with a few creative suggestions of options we think could help Kentucky Muffin get her groove back. And none of them are Jax Taylor.
An NHL Player
If Brittany wants to get back on her feet and get back at her ex at the same time why not have an icy hot fling with a hockey player? Maybe an athlete with his own physical and mental discipline would be the partner Brittany’s been hoping for in her journey to love herself (as opposed to Jax yelling at her for getting sick and calling her fat). May I kindly suggest a player from the New York Rangers, because I desperately want to live in a universe where Mary-Kate Olsen and Brittany Cartwright can end up on a double date. And truly can’t think of anything that would piss Jax off more.
A Dairy Farmer From Kentucky
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I swear I’m being serious! Maybe if Brittany had access to fresh cows Mamaw’s beer cheese could finally take off once and for all. If Brittany’s accent is any indication, she’s still a country girl at heart. A simple man with simple values could be the perfect antidote for a man who goes by a modeling stage name from 20 years ago.
Blake Moynes From The Bachelor
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Is this pick brilliant or twisted? Probably both. Blake is basically Jax’s doppelganger. If Brittany can’t get over Jax Taylor, maybe she can settle for getting under his literal twin who statistically can’t be as problematic.
Anyone Not On Reality TV
Brittany, girl, I say this with love: Your picker is broken. When you’re dipping your toe back into the dating pool, the best place to start looking for nice guys is probably not anyone who has an email from TMZ or a publicist in their inbox.
