We’re a mere day away from Thanksgiving, and I’m already mentally preparing myself for interacting with my family for five long, uninterrupted days. I mean, don’t get me wrong—I love them, but the thought of spending nine hours in a car to get to our Thanksgiving destination and then spending five more days with people who continually ask me bullshit questions like “so what’s your plan for the future?” or “where do you see yourself next year?” or “your 15-year-old brother has a girlfriend now, what about you?” literally makes me want to jump in the path of an oncoming train. What’s my plan for the future? To blackout as quickly as possible and avoid this conversation, obviously. My 15-year-old brother has a girlfriend, what about me? Well, just last Friday I was choosing between a thrilling evening spent taking Zzzquil and re-watching old episodes of Chicago PD or responding to a “drag me to you room” text from a romantic suitor whose idea of a date is grabbing drinks and then going “splitsies” on the tab. So, yeah, things are going well on that front. Honestly I’m exhausted from this conversation already and I haven’t even gotten there yet. I’m assuming that you, like me, sometimes equate Thanksgiving to being held hostage by the people you have to love unconditionally. But thankfully for you, I spend 90 percent of my time comparing my situation to that of fictional characters, and let me just tell you, there are families out there who are wayyy bigger psychopaths than yours. Blessings. So here are 6 TV families who are worse than yours in honor of Thanksgiving:
1. The Blossoms/Coopers — ‘Riverdale’
If you know anything about me, you know that I shamelessly rep Riverdale because
I want to bang Jughead Jones it’s a damn good show. So, sorry not sorry, here I go again because when I think crazy families I can’t not mention Riverdale. Don’t let the wholesome 1950s vibe fool you—this town is literally batshit crazy and so is every family who calls this psych ward of a town home. And no two families have bigger issues than the Blossoms and the Coopers. I mean, you think your family has problems? Imagine feuding over a condiment you can only use on pancakes. And that’s the least of their problems. In addition to starting a blood feud over maple syrup and who is more of a natural redhead (yes that’s an actual plot point on this show), there’s also the whole thing about their grandpappys being related and no one passing this little family secret down the line to their grandchildren. Was there a more iconic moment than when it was revealed that star-crossed lovers Polly and Jason were in fact COUSINS?? I was legit giddy when I found out the horrifying news, because nothing brings me more joy than watching two young, beautiful people realize they fell in love with someone they share some parts of their genetic code with. It’s really the little things that keep you going. And let’s never forget when Polly said perhaps the most best line to ever be said in TV history: “I’m an unwed mother carrying my cousin’s babies.” Pure fucking gold.
Honestly, she’s not wrong here.
2. The Gallaghers — ‘Shameless’
First of all, if you aren’t watching Shameless, then you need to immediately because it’s one of the best damn shows on television. And I’m not just saying that because I
want to climb Lip like a tree appreciate the talent on this show. That said, I’ve never met a more fucked up family in my life. Let’s start with the fact that Fiona, the oldest Gallagher sibling at age 21, becomes the sole caretaker of her five younger siblings—all of whom rank somewhere on a scale between hot-degenerate-I-would-gladly-let-fuck-me-up-emotionally to sets fire to feel joy Carl. That’s just like, the baseline of the bullshit the people on this show go through, and let me just tell you, their childhood trauma is something I love more than I love the man who delivers me pizza.
3. The Pearsons — ‘This Is Us’
I’m not gonna lie, I may or may not have gotten halfway through season one and given up because I
was sobbing and rocking in a corner value my mental health, but that won’t stop me from judging the shit out of this show. Fucking duh. Tbh I don’t really understand why people are so obsessed with this family. I can’t go one damn episode without wanting to slit my wrists, and that’s usually a sentiment I save for when my mother asks if I want to look through her high school yearbooks with her. As far as I can tell, the Pearsons’ drama revolves around three 30-plus-year-old adults with bigger daddy issues than me. In the three episodes I’ve watched, there have been approximately three mental breakdowns, one long-lost father, one long-lost dying father, issues with body image, adoption drama, two mid-life crises, a dead parent, and a person who completely sabotaged their life in the span of five short minutes by means of a mental breakdown over a plastic doll (Kevin, I so admire your work btw). IN THREE EPISODES. Jesus. I need a xanax just writing all of that. If your family has more baggage than that at your Thanksgiving table, then I would recommend just not going home. Seriously, stay in your padded room apartment and celebrate from a safe distance. Like via your cousin’s drunk Snapchat story.
4. The Coopers — ‘The O.C.’
Ah, The O.C. A staple of my childhood and a show that taught me that if you want to be the most sought-after girl in high school, all you need to do is have your stomach pumped in Mexico. V important life lessons right there. The show also taught me that no matter how many times my mother reported my pictures from freshman year of college to Facebook for “inappropriate content” she could never be worse than the legend that is Julie Cooper. Julie did a lot of fucked up shit on this show, like belittle her daughters from the inside out, sleep her way to the top of Newport society, threaten her daughter’s boyfriend with bodily harm and jail time, attempt to commit her daughter to a psych ward against her will for overdosing in Tijuana (not her worst idea tbh), and bang her daughter’s HIGH SCHOOL AGED ex-boyfriend. And that’s literally just season one. Don’t even get me started on her sex tape in the later seasons. No, hands down, Julie Cooper wins the psycho mother of the year award, followed closely by Kris Jenner of course. And I’ll be chanting this mantra silently in my head every time my mother asks me questions that involve the words “future” and “boyfriend.”
5. The Scotts — ‘One Tree Hill’
One Tree Hill, aka my actual will to live from grades six through senior year of college, had it all: hot brothers,
high fashion jean skirts, and basketball games that served literally no purpose other than to generate cat fights and drama. Not to mention Nathan Scott is the reason I have trust issues a thing for dark haired, blue-eyed men who say shit like “but I wasn’t taught how to love!” *adds second entry for CW in burn book* Aside from the fact that every guy on this show was simultaneously beautiful and full of shit, the family dynamics were also pretty fucking dramatic. I mean, the whole premise of this show is that a high school douchebag knocked up not one, but TWO women before his freshman year of college and decided to only emotionally and financially support one. Then he had the audacity to live and raise his family in the same town as his bastard child. So basically this shit was (and low-key still is) my fucking catnip. And honestly if you have a father that’s worse than Dan Scott, then you should absolutely call the people at The CW because they will turn that shit into pure magic for my entertainment public consumption.
^The reason my high school yearbook quote was “be the change you wish to see in the world” except I substituted “world” with “emotionally unavailable men”
6. The Hastings/DiLaurentis — ‘Pretty Little Liars’
And here we have yet another family with a high amount of almost-incest happening. I’m v sorry about this list. I didn’t mean to make it all about sibling/cousin love but that’s just
what sells on Freeform and The CW how the cookie crumbles these days. My b. If you’ll recall, Spencer Hastings and Alison DiLaurentis were next door neighbors, best friends, and casual sharers of brothers and several strands of DNA on their mothers’ side. I would say there’s a lot that’s fucked up about Rosewood, PA, but Mr. Hastings is by far the most messed up thing to come out of that godforsaken town. Not only did he have a secret mistress on the side in the form of Mrs. DiLaurentis, with whom he shared a son, Jason, and told no one about—which almost resulted in Jason dating half-siblings on multiple occasions—but he also couldn’t keep it in his pants long enough to determine if he was banging said mistress or his mistress’s identical twin sister. And, yes, that plot summary was as painful to watch as it was to write out. Tbh I do not have enough time in my day to outline the intricate web that is the Hastings/DiLaurentis family tree, so just be fucking thankful that you’ve never almost banged your brother because your father neglected to tell you that you’re actually the result of a tryst gone wrong with his mistress’s identical twin sister. Bless up.
^A direct result of someone saying “give me good TV” and the writers at Freeform taking that to mean “will fill unexplainable plot holes with identical twins and bad English accents”
A couple weeks ago, we broke the earth shattering news that Vicki Gunvalson, the OG from the OC, was reportedly getting fired from Real Housewives of Orange County because 1) she’s not friends with anyone on the show anymore, and it’s weird just watching her be alone in her kitchen, and 2) she pitched a fit about not sitting next to Andy at a WWHL taping, and the peeps at Bravo weren’t fucking having it. Lol, it’s the little things, people. Well, there hasn’t been an official announcement yet, and don’t expect one, because the season isn’t over, and Bravo doesn’t make cast change announcements until after the last reunion has aired. The rules of housewife firing are simple and finite; every Bravo girl would know. But we have something better than a boring PC official statement. Meghan King Edmonds, Vicki’s fellow OC wife, has come out saying she hopes Vicki actually gets fired. Oh fuck, shit’s about to get serious.
In a recent interview, Meghan was talking the standard housewife shit about Vicki and said how Vicki never liked her and was always “nasty” to her from the get-go, yada yada yada. But then, in a petty af turn, said, ‘‘’You’re out!’ If only I could say that… ‘Vicki, you are out. Bye! No more lies. See ya!’” Was she joking? I mean, probs. But most of the time when I joke around, I actually fucking mean it. Or else I wouldn’t have thought it in the first place. Obviously.
Normally, this kind of thing would just die down, maybe get a salty response from Vicki on Radar Online, nothing maj. But Vicki and Meghan have been subtweeting the shit out of each other—actually, scratch that. They’re mentioning each other by name, so they’re full-out beefing on Twitter.
Now things might actually get interesting, because they’re filming the reunion today. Something I’m truly thrilled about, just FYI. And you can bet your betchy ass that Andy will bring this shit up to try and stir the pot to create some form of drama on this otherwise boring af season. Get the popcorn and rosé ready.
Later this week—so like, tomorrow—Andy Cohen is heading out to OC to film the reunion for Real Housewives of Orange County. Normally, this makes me sad, because it means the season is almost over, but in this case, I’m stoked, because this year has truly sucked. I have no more fucks to give about whether or not Vicki and Tamra will be friends and whether or not Lydia will mention her husband’s balls again. I just can’t. I’m also happy about the end of this season, because it makes room for the real queens of Cali aka the Bev Hills wives. Fucking duh. Also, total side note, but where tf is the trailer for that, Andy?! It’s almost November, for fuck’s sake. But anyway, in honor of the upcoming finale in OC, we’ve ranked all of this season’s wives by betchiness. Tbh, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because all of these women are hella busted. But I did my due diligence.
7. Vicki Gunvalson
Tbh, Vicki probs falls at the bottom of the list for housewives across all cities of all time. There. I said it. BE BOLD! She cries about not having friends, she doesn’t own her shit when she’s a dick to people, she dated a dude who faked cancer, and, like, complained to a child about how mean the girls are to her at his parents’ anniversary party. You’re fucking 60. Who does that? She owns her own business, which is cool and all, but she never shuts up about it, because she secretly wishes she could shop and lunch and exercise all day and still be rich af like all her friends.
6. Shannon Beador
Poor Shannon… This has really not been her year. Her husband is back to being a little fuckboy, and she’s put on some weight, and while it’s super not betchy, literally every single person can relate. Who can say she’s never had a fuckboy treat her like shit and followed that pain up with a Papa John’s binge session? No one. Unless you’re a fucking liar. And while I feel for Shan, I really do, she’s got to stop complaining and fucking do something about it. Tell your loser husband to suck it and head to SoulCycle. Brb, making that my Twitter bio.
5. Lydia McLaughlin
In full disclosure, I think Lydia is the fucking worst. But as a non-biased professional journalist, even I have to admit she has some betchy qualities. She and her husband own a magazine, which is cool, and she has amazing mermaid hair, but that’s it. She’s a nice girl, which y’all know I can’t fucking stand, and she doesn’t like belly dancers or drag queens. Wtf is dis bish doing on a Bravo show? Like, isn’t there something on the Hallmark Channel you could audition for? Plus, anyone whose tagline is “If you can’t take my sparkle then stay off my rainbow” is not a betch.
4. Peggy Sulahian
I also can’t with Peggy. Her talking about sports cars all the time and shit… Like, no one fucking cares. But she and her fam appear to be really rich, and she’s really pretty and thin, which are all super betchy qualities, so she finds herself somewhere in the middle of the pack. Plus, there was that whole scandal where she apparently wouldn’t let her brother come to their dad’s funeral because he’s gay, which would make her a mega-bigot asshole, but now she’s come out saying that’s not true, and she loves the LBGTQ community and other shit I’m not sure if I believe, but innocent until proven guilty I suppose. I’m sure Andy will give her shit at the reunion about it either way.
3. Kelly Dodd
I feel like a bunch of y’all are gonna lose your shit at me over this, but this is my list, so IDGAF. Hear me out. Sure, she’s a BSCB who, like, calls people cunts in the middle of family-friendly restaurants. But she also calls people out on their shit, which I can appreciate. You act like a snobby bitch at a party? Prepare for your deepest secret to be outed on national television. You try and get her tequila wasted and make an ass of herself in Ireland? Prepare to die on a bus. Maybe y’all should all just stop being assholes. What a concept.
2. Meghan King Edmonds
Meghan is the only housewife on this show who is even remotely normal. Like, we could maybe hang out. Maybe. She’s not a total nice girl, but also doesn’t totally suck either, which is kinda of refreshing given the rest of the cast is like the meanest group of women alive. She’s married to a ex-pro athlete, and her kitchen island is #goals. Sorry, I’m in my mid-20s, and that kind of shit is important to me now. Sue me. She’s also really skinny even though she gave birth like 5 seconds ago, which is something I truly admire.
1. Tamra Judge
Last year, Tamra was getting ready for a fitness competition, meaning she was in the running for my least favorite person on Bravo. People who won’t shut up about diet and exercise are my legit archnemeses. But anyway, this season she’s still working out and shit, but she doesn’t talk about it that much, thank god. She’s friends with most everyone in the group, except Vicki of course, but the OG from the OC is practically begging to be in her good graces again, so Tamra is the new HBIC. Congrats, girl.
As far as an era for TV goes, like, right now is probably one of the best ones. There are just a shit ton of really great, well made shows on and it’s almost impossible to keep up. Now, though, most of the best TV is based around adult themes and situations. Fortunately for us, we came of age in an era when, frankly, the best TV was designed for teens. What can we say, us millennials just love our TV. In case you were wondering if your favorite show of yesteryear was betchy or not, we’ve conveniently ranked them for you.
Here’s a story that will make you nostalgic for the early 2000s, when George W. Bush was the most psycho politician you had heard about and you could still get away with wearing a charm bracelet. It was also the era of The O.C., and Mischa Barton was the ultimate teen queen. But all good things must come to an end, and 2017 has been a rough year in general.
It’s now been a full decade since The O.C. ended, and to be honest we’re not sure what Mischa Barton has been doing that whole time. She’s been pretty off the radar the past few years, but on Tuesday she scored a major personal victory when a judge ruled that her ex-boyfriend couldn’t release their sex tape.
The ex, Jon Zacharias, was apparently trying to distribute explicit photos and videos of Mischa, but the court banned the release of the images, and said that he has to stay at least 100 yards away from her forever. Mischa says that Jon took the videos and photos without her knowledge, and her lawyer said it was a classic case of revenge porn.
The ex-boyfriend seems like a really nice guy, especially considering his lawyer made a statement saying he still wasn’t going to apologize to Mischa. Not to be dramatic, but we really hope he dies a painful death and gets buried in a shallow grave. Or just that he has a super low Uber rating and can’t get rides anywhere, either way would work.
So, ladies, here’s your PSA to never hang out with a guy named Jon Zacharias, because he’s a misogynistic asshole who will videotape you without your consent and then try and plaster it all over the internet. In a world of pathetic bros and revenge porn, we’ve all got to help a betch out.
The bar for a TV reboot has officially been lowered. The finale of American Idol was barely a year ago, but now three out of four major networks are fighting over who’ll get to bring it back. If you just audibly groaned, that’s the correct emotional response. Welcome to Trump’s America.
If you’re wondering how we got here, let’s break it down: earlier this year, word got out that FremantleMedia, the show’s production company, was shopping around a revival and was in talks with Fox and NBC. The info was vague, but it didn’t come from nowhere. Somewhere in LA, we could already sense Ryan Seacrest getting his tips re-frosted and Paula Abdul popping half a bottle of Xanax. That somehow fell through, but then yesterday news broke that ABC now wants to bring American Idol back next year. Apparently the show is “the hottest property out there,” which is either a blatant lie or a very scary truth.
We’re really unsure what we did to deserve this. Sure, we liked American Idol back in like 2004 when we were in middle school and we thought Ruben Studdard was a lovable teddy bear, but who the fuck thinks this is a good idea now, in 2017? The show was literally canceled a year ago because of bad ratings, so what makes all these TV execs think it’ll make them a shitload of money this time around? This is like when you answer a fuckboy’s 2am “U up?” text for the 16th time hoping that this time he’ll ask you for a relationship. At this point, Hollywood producers have less creativity than Simon Cowell’s supply of shirts.
None of us are excited for the potential return of American Idol, but here are a few 2000s reboots that we could get behind:
1. ‘The O.C.’
Pour one out for this classic, gone too soon. All they really need to do is find a way to bring Marissa back from the dead, and this could be lit AF. Honestly we’d watch Mischa Barton just live her life on a hidden camera, so someone should make this happen.
2. ‘The Hills’
Look, we know everything that happened on this show was fake as fuck. So what? It was entertaining as hell, and we’d love to see some of these girls (*cough* Lauren and Heidi) forced to be in the same room again. Now that they’re like, all moms there would be a super interesting new dynamic. LC forever.
3. ‘Sex and the City’
Yes, we know they did two movies and the second one sucked. We don’t care. This epic girl squad deserves a full season reboot, no questions asked. Doesn’t HBO just like, keep Sarah Jessica Parker locked in their offices or something?
4. ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’
Moment of silence for the fact that this ever existed. Yes it’s trashier than the culmination of all my late-night decisions, but we would watch a reboot of this show in a heartbeat. Now the poor contestants would have to help Paris DJ at some club in Ibiza and compete to be the first to release a sex tape, and it would absolutely be an incredible shit show.
We will never not want a legit Friends reunion. We know it probably won’t ever happen, but nevertheless, we persist.
6. ‘Gossip Girl’
Need we say more? If you could get Blake Lively to leave her
palace complex in upstate NY, this could truly be epic. Leighton Meester definitely doesn’t have anything better going on, and we would kill to see Blair Waldorf as a mom.
This could just come back on Youtube or some shit like that, but who doesn’t want a little bit of Ashton Kutcher running around fucking shit up in their day? Horrible people, that’s who. Still waiting for Ashton to pop out of the woodwork and tell us we’ve all been punk’d for the last six months tbh…
8. ‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’
This show was everything. Stupid jokes, cool ~magic~, and Melissa Joan Hart getting herself into literally every embarrassing situation you could imagine. Netflix, start the paperwork, because this would be the perfect thing to bring back. We’ll take 10% on the back end as a small finder’s fee.
Now that Jennifer Garner is officially done with Ben Affleck’s bullshit, she could use a project to really devote her energy to. Aka time to bring back Alias! Jen was always an underrated badass, and she could definitely get back into it.
10. ‘The Amanda Show’
Amanda Bynes has had a rough few years, and we really have no clue where she is now or what she’s been up to. Seriously, where’s Amanda? Can someone please let us know or alert the proper authorities? Wherever she is, Amanda needs to find a way to become a normal person again, and going back to her roots would be the perfect thing. Bring in the dancing lobsters, rake in the cash.
Why are badass women so often attracted to such shitty dudes? This is basically an age old question. Like I’m pretty sure Matthew asks Jesus this in one of those parts the Catholic Church cut out of The Bible. And if you’re a 21st century woman who has attended even one day of college, you’ve probably found yourself asking this question to yourself. Like, what is it about a dude with a shitty tatoo who pretends not to like you in public that can be so alluring? Unfortunately, your love of fuckboys probably stems back to some deep psychological shit that all started when you first started watching non-animated television. Fuckboys were, and still are, all over TV, setting the lowest possible standards for romantic relationships. You fell in love with these dudes, who not only were shitty boyfriends, but also set unrealistic expectations for what a high school boy should look like, given that they were all like 30 in real life. Would any of your TV crushes make good boyfriend IRL? Of course not. Are they always the hottest dude on the show? I mean, maybe, depends on the show. But something about these guys just screams: “Yeah, baby, don’t text me back!”
Whether you’re still lusting for fuckboys or you’ve matured out of that phase in your life, I think we could all benefit from taking a moment to appreciate the top 10 TV fuckboys who got you here today. Also, these are just the scripted show fuckboys. Reality TV fuckboys is a whole different list. I’m looking at you, Jax.
10. Ryan From ‘The Office’
Ryan started the fire…in our pants. Okay, maybe not. But B.J. Novack, even though he wasn’t technically the hottest person on this list, manifested all of the best qualities of a traditional post-college fuckboy. Ryan casually mentions he was in a frat, dabbles with identity issues for about six seasons, and is generally a little shit to all women. Ryan was literally the perfect fuckboy compliment to Kelly’s delusional dater. Hell, even Michael had a crush on Ryan. He’s our little old man boy.
9. Kevin Volchok From ‘The O.C.’
Spoiler alert: This guy killed Marissa Cooper, which is a classic fuckboy move. He’s also responsible for a large amount of my emotional trauma issues, so thanks for that. He was the perfect “Fuck you, Mom” that Marissa needed, and what’s a bigger “fuck you” to your mom than dying in a car crash after you guys become poor? This is a perfect example of why you should never leave a hot guy named Ryan for a guy whose name sounds like Russian villain from a Disney movie. I kind of get it though, Marissa. He was super hot and she was tired of dating nice guys. Just be forewarned, side effects of dating a fuckboy can literally include death.
8. Jess From ‘Gilmore Girls’
Before Milo Ventimigila was making us cry on This is Us, he was making us throw the remote at the TV on Gilmore Girls. Rory could be annoying AF, but I do think she made a decent choice in dumping her boring-ass small town boyfriend for a big city bad boy. I mean, he ended up being the worst boyfriend of all time and her mom hated his guts, but we all need at least one of those in our lives. Jess did prove, though, that fuckboys can be rehabilitated, but by that point, they won’t be dating you.
7. Damon Salvatore From ‘The Vampire Diaries’
Okay, so Vampire Diares def got boring when Damon goes all in on Elena. That’s because one of the best parts was watching Damon slay, literally and metaphorically. He’s hot and he’ll probably kill you, how does that not make him the perfect fuckboy? Also, you could get lost in those eyes, amirite. Likewise, Damon was mostly driven by revenge for the first couple seasons so his bad intentions always qualify him for fuckboy status.
6. Joey Tribbiani From ‘Friends’
What we wouldn’t give to be Joey’s bedtime penguin pal. Joey was the traditional actor/dumb-ass archetype of fuckboy. He wasn’t the brightest bulb, but he could make you laugh, and I guess that was probably enough for the horny 90s/early 2000s betch with a low sense of self worth. Joey had a hard time deciding if it was easier to give up sex or food. Honestly, same bro. Joey’s the only Friend who never really gets a serious relationship throughout the entire series. That makes sense, actually, because a real fuckboy always places bros before hos. And sandwiches before bros before hos.
5. Barney Stinson From ‘How I Met Your Mother’
Would you be pissed if you found out you were just another day in Barney’s “Perfect Month”? Meh, maybe, depends on how good the sex was though, right? Barney is honestly the original fuckboy because he, more than any of these other dudes, pathologically lies to women to get them into bed. I mean, he has a literal “Playbook” on it—we’ll ignore how serial killer-y that is for the purposes of this list. Not even Robin, in all her Cool Girl™-insisting, Wannabe Guys’ Girl-being glory could convert this fuckboy into a non-fuck man. That speaks volumes to Barney’s dedication to the fuckboy life. It truly chose him. Also, major props to Neil Patrick Harris, a gay family man, for portraying this fuckboy with such nuance and accuracy.
4. Lucas Scott From ‘One Tree Hill’
Are you confused that Lucas is on the list because he seems like such a nice guy? Well, in that case, you’re a fucking idiot and probably deserve to get played. Kidding, mostly. What kind of a dude bounces back and forth between two best friends for years? A textbook fuckboy, that’s who. Just because he loves his mom and has a heart condition doesn’t mean he was a good boyfriend. C’mon girl, don’t let all that poetry and shit fool you. He’s a sensitive yet manipulative fuckboy, and those are the most dangerous kind.
3. Kelso From ‘That 70’s Show’
Sure, That 70’s Show had plenty of funny moments, but let’s be honest, you really watched to see Ashton Kutcher in some tight-ass pants. Kelso loved Jackie, but that didn’t stop him from sticking it in every other 70’s-era female with a pulse. But honestly, it’s not Kelso’s fault—no one has that kind of facial bone structure and feathered hair and isn’t a a player. Congrats to him and Mila on naming their daughter “Wyatt.” I guess you’re really counting on those good genes to shield her from any criticism.
2. Tim Riggins From ‘Friday Night Lights’
Tim Riggins would have you moaning “Texas forever” and you wouldn’t even be mad about it when he didn’t text you back the next day. Tim was the guy you hope would sit next to you with you after the game at the Dairy Freeze, but would sit by his football friends because he probably doesn’t remember your name due to his extreme and very serious alcholism. Tim had no morals and you kind of loved him for it. I mean, can you think of more of a fuckboy move than stealing your paraplegic best friend’s girlfriend? That’s cold, dude.
1. Chuck Bass From ‘Gossip Girl’
Is it any surprise that the Mother Chucker himself is number one? His name is his own catchphrase. The guy slept with just about every girl on the show. Did Nate also have some fuckboy qualities? Sure. But they really pale in comparison to Chuck’s skills and charms. He told Blair they couldn’t be together because he hadn’t defeated his father yet. Wait, what? That sounds like some grade-A fuckboy bullshit combined with some weird Marvel supervillain drama. Whatever. He can still get it. After all, he’s Chuck Bass.
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