The Top 10 TV Fuckboys Who Definitely Ruined You For Life

Why are badass women so often attracted to such shitty dudes? This is basically an age old question. Like I’m pretty sure Matthew asks Jesus this in one of those parts the Catholic Church cut out of The Bible. And if you’re a 21st century woman who has attended even one day of college, you’ve probably found yourself asking this question to yourself. Like, what is it about a dude with a shitty tatoo who pretends not to like you in public that can be so alluring? Unfortunately, your love of fuckboys probably stems back to some deep psychological shit that all started when you first started watching non-animated television. Fuckboys were, and still are, all over TV, setting the lowest possible standards for romantic relationships. You fell in love with these dudes, who not only were shitty boyfriends, but also set unrealistic expectations for what a high school boy should look like, given that they were all like 30 in real life. Would any of your TV crushes make good boyfriend IRL? Of course not. Are they always the hottest dude on the show? I mean, maybe, depends on the show. But something about these guys just screams: “Yeah, baby, don’t text me back!” 

Whether you’re still lusting for fuckboys or you’ve matured out of that phase in your life, I think we could all benefit from taking a moment to appreciate the top 10 TV fuckboys who got you here today. Also, these are just the scripted show fuckboys. Reality TV fuckboys is a whole different list. I’m looking at you, Jax.

10. Ryan From ‘The Office’

Ryan started the fire…in our pants. Okay, maybe not. But B.J. Novack, even though he wasn’t technically the hottest person on this list, manifested all of the best qualities of a traditional post-college fuckboy. Ryan casually mentions he was in a frat, dabbles with identity issues for about six seasons, and is generally a little shit to all women. Ryan was literally the perfect fuckboy compliment to Kelly’s delusional dater. Hell, even Michael had a crush on Ryan. He’s our little old man boy.

 

9. Kevin Volchok From ‘The O.C.’

Spoiler alert: This guy killed Marissa Cooper, which is a classic fuckboy move. He’s also responsible for a large amount of my emotional trauma issues, so thanks for that. He was the perfect “Fuck you, Mom” that Marissa needed, and what’s a bigger “fuck you” to your mom than dying in a car crash after you guys become poor? This is a perfect example of why you should never leave a hot guy named Ryan for a guy whose name sounds like Russian villain from a Disney movie. I kind of get it though, Marissa. He was super hot and she was tired of dating nice guys. Just be forewarned, side effects of dating a fuckboy can literally include death.

8. Jess From ‘Gilmore Girls’

Before Milo Ventimigila was making us cry on This is Us, he was making us throw the remote at the TV on Gilmore Girls. Rory could be annoying AF, but I do think she made a decent choice in dumping her boring-ass small town boyfriend for a big city bad boy. I mean, he ended up being the worst boyfriend of all time and her mom hated his guts, but we all need at least one of those in our lives. Jess did prove, though, that fuckboys can be rehabilitated, but by that point, they won’t be dating you.

7. Damon Salvatore From ‘The Vampire Diaries’

Okay, so Vampire Diares def got boring when Damon goes all in on Elena. That’s because one of the best parts was watching Damon slay, literally and metaphorically. He’s hot and he’ll probably kill you, how does that not make him the perfect fuckboy? Also, you could get lost in those eyes, amirite. Likewise, Damon was mostly driven by revenge for the first couple seasons so his bad intentions always qualify him for fuckboy status.

6. Joey Tribbiani From ‘Friends’

What we wouldn’t give to be Joey’s bedtime penguin pal. Joey was the traditional actor/dumb-ass archetype of fuckboy. He wasn’t the brightest bulb, but he could make you laugh, and I guess that was probably enough for the horny 90s/early 2000s betch with a low sense of self worth. Joey had a hard time deciding if it was easier to give up sex or food. Honestly, same bro. Joey’s the only Friend who never really gets a serious relationship throughout the entire series. That makes sense, actually, because a real fuckboy always places bros before hos. And sandwiches before bros before hos.

5. Barney Stinson From ‘How I Met Your Mother’

Would you be pissed if you found out you were just another day in Barney’s “Perfect Month”? Meh, maybe, depends on how good the sex was though, right? Barney is honestly the original fuckboy because he, more than any of these other dudes, pathologically lies to women to get them into bed. I mean, he has a literal “Playbook” on it—we’ll ignore how serial killer-y that is for the purposes of this list. Not even Robin, in all her Cool Girl™-insisting, Wannabe Guys’ Girl-being glory could convert this fuckboy into a non-fuck man. That speaks volumes to Barney’s dedication to the fuckboy life. It truly chose him. Also, major props to Neil Patrick Harris, a gay family man, for portraying this fuckboy with such nuance and accuracy. 

4. Lucas Scott From ‘One Tree Hill’

Are you confused that Lucas is on the list because he seems like such a nice guy? Well, in that case, you’re a fucking idiot and probably deserve to get played. Kidding, mostly. What kind of a dude bounces back and forth between two best friends for years? A textbook fuckboy, that’s who. Just because he loves his mom and has a heart condition doesn’t mean he was a good boyfriend. C’mon girl, don’t let all that poetry and shit fool you. He’s a sensitive yet manipulative fuckboy, and those are the most dangerous kind.

3. Kelso From ‘That 70’s Show’

Sure, That 70’s Show had plenty of funny moments, but let’s be honest, you really watched to see Ashton Kutcher in some tight-ass pants. Kelso loved Jackie, but that didn’t stop him from sticking it in every other 70’s-era female with a pulse. But honestly, it’s not Kelso’s fault—no one has that kind of facial bone structure and feathered hair and isn’t a a player. Congrats to him and Mila on naming their daughter “Wyatt.” I guess you’re really counting on those good genes to shield her from any criticism. 

2. Tim Riggins From ‘Friday Night Lights’

Tim Riggins would have you moaning “Texas forever” and you wouldn’t even be mad about it when he didn’t text you back the next day. Tim was the guy you hope would sit next to you with you after the game at the Dairy Freeze, but would sit by his football friends because he probably doesn’t remember your name due to his extreme and very serious alcholism. Tim had no morals and you kind of loved him for it. I mean, can you think of more of a fuckboy move than stealing your paraplegic best friend’s girlfriend? That’s cold, dude. 

1. Chuck Bass From ‘Gossip Girl’

Is it any surprise that the Mother Chucker himself is number one? His name is his own catchphrase. The guy slept with just about every girl on the show. Did Nate also have some fuckboy qualities? Sure. But they really pale in comparison to Chuck’s skills and charms. He told Blair they couldn’t be together because he hadn’t defeated his father yet. Wait, what? That sounds like some grade-A fuckboy bullshit combined with some weird Marvel supervillain drama. Whatever. He can still get it. After all, he’s Chuck Bass.

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